Young Americans: a Slightly Different Look
by White-Lily-Blossom
Summary: A slightly AU rewrite of the eight aired episodes, focusing on JakeHamilton
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Young Americans does not belong to me, and I am not making any money out of this. It's for my own fun (and hopefully yours, too). Jake and Ham aren't mine either: I just borrow them to play with.

Summary: The first Young Americans episode "Pilot: the Beginning", written from Jake and Hamilton's point of view with a little personal tweaks. Enjoy!

A/N: This is my first time writing YA fanfiction, and as such, I'm rather nervous. So please read and review! It would mean a lot to me.

------

Jacqueline stood in front of the mirror, looking at her reflection critically. She squeezed some gel into her hand and passed it through her newly cut hair, making it up in short spikes. With her binder and the long shirt she wore, she was as flat-chested as any boy she ever saw. _Not that I have that much of a chest normally_, she thought.

She turned, looking at herself from different angles. She passed, if just barely. "You look like a wimp, Jacqueline" she said to herself, than quickly corrected "Jake. Your name is Jake, and you're the manliest man that ever walked the halls of Rawley, at least until Miss Monica Pratt decides to correct that situation."

She gave the mirror one last look, and walked out, muttering "the things I do for you, mom".

She put on her jacket and helmet, and returned to the road. She still had 40 miles to go from Carson to Rawley.

-----

Hamilton stood in one of the room in the second floor, camera in hand. The room's occupants hadn't arrived yet, and this window provided him with perfect view of the next door heaven for adolescent boys, also known as "the Rawley Academy for Girls".

He looked over at a group of giggling, half-naked girls, making good use of his camera zoom-in. He smirked. "Hello Rawley Academy for Girls…"

His gaze wandered around, not catching anything interesting, until something in the distance made him frown. He focused, and soon enough a large motorcycle came into view, driving off the road and into the trees. Hamilton watched as the rider dismounted, than took off his helmet, revealing a young, dark-haired boy. He turned to look at the vehicle again. "Nice bike…" he wouldn't mind having a ride on that one.

A voice from one of the other rooms drew his attention away from the bike and its owner, and he followed it to a room down the hall.

"- Greenwich. It's a couple hours from here." The voice belonged to a guy with brown styled hair, who was talking to the other occupant of the room, a tall boy with dark blond hair.

Hamilton entered the room, looking around. "You guys scored. This room is perfectly Feng Shui."

They both looked at him funny. _All right, I guess I shouldn't have said that_.

"Funk what?" said the blonde, and Hamilton cringed inwardly. They must think he's such a dork.

"Feng Shui" he answered, none the less. "It's the Chinese art of placement. The doors face east, windows face north. I mean if you're into that kind of stuff. Hamilton. Flemming" he finished a little awkwardly and hoped they hadn't noticed.

"Scout Calhoun" said the one with brown hair, and the other one added "Uh, Will. Krudski". He seemed just as awkward as Hamilton felt, which cheered him up. They shook hands.

"Where's your room?" Scout asked, and Hamilton rolled his eyes in response.

"Next to the Dean and his wife aka Mom and Dad" he said, and added hurriedly "don't worry, I'm not a narc or anything".

Suddenly they heard a loud voice from outside and looked out the window to see a lot of guys running across the lawn in various states of undress.

Scout raised his eyebrows, and Will said skeptically "now this wasn't in the brochure…"

Hamilton smiled, enjoying being able to add something useful to the conversation. "This is good ol' Rawley right of passage" he motioned to the boys. "Boys' school" he then indicated the girls at the other side of the lawn, who were also in the middle of undressing "the girls' school: **wet T-shirts**."

Scout smirked "Gotta love tradition".

Hamilton smiled "I suppose we go join 'em" he started to pull of his shirt "come on. Let's go!" _I've waited ages to be able to do this_...

Scout smiled back "come on. Coming?" he turned to Will.

Will seemed to hesitate "are you serious?"

Scout already got rid of his own shirt "yeah!" he answered impatiently, and followed Hamilton out of the room, with Will tagging behind. They quickly joined the stream of students running across the lawn to the lake.

Scout grinned at Hamilton "Oh man. I think I'm gonna love this place".

-----

Jake was in the middle of unpacking her things when she heard the commotion from outside. She moved over to the window and looked out, surprised at the horde of half naked teenagers fooling around on the well-mowed grass. _Like I'll go join that_, she though to herself, as she saw the girls from the other side of the lake come over.

She heard excited voices from down the hall and peeked out; a shirtless boy was standing outside one of the other rooms, looking impatiently inside. He was extremely good-looking, with dark hair and a striking profile, _and very nice muscles_, she added in appreciation.

He then turned and ran down the hall with two other boys behind him, oblivious to her eyes on him.

She pulled back inside her room and locked the door. "Get real, **Jake**," she scolded herself "you're a guy now. Rule number one – Guys **don't** check out other guys, unless you want to get a beating".

She squared her shoulders and returned to her unpacking. She wanted to finish before her first crew practice, which was due in an hour.

-----

The seniors pulled the old "whisking-away-in-underwear" trick on Scout and Will, but Hamilton knew it all too well to get caught. Instead he spent the next half hour splashing around in the lake with the lovely girls of Rawley, undoubtedly a lot more enjoyable pastime.

After a while, though, he reluctantly got out to get ready for his first crew practice. He wasn't all that fond of crew; he much preferred football or basketball, but crew was Rawley's most important (and admittedly only) team sport, and his dad wanted him to join.

As he neared the docks he saw, among the waiting students, the dark-haired bike owner. He was even smaller up close, wrapped up in a big sweater despite the heat, and a baseball cap pulled down low over his sharp features. Hamilton went over to him, leaning back against the rail next to him.

"That's a cool bike" he said. "Ya know, students aren't allowed to have motorcycles."

"Yeah, students aren't allowed to do a lot of things. Hasn't stopped me yet". The boy gave him a disdainful look that seemed to say "shove off, wussy."

Hamilton felt a little humiliated, but pushed on "you keep riding around on that hog, and I guarantee you someone here will, unless you've got an ally. Someone with connections high up, someone who might like to take a ride on that bike sometime. I'm like a Swiss vault. I can keep a secret."

The boy raised his eyebrows, and Hamilton got the feeling he was mocking him. But he only said "can you?" as though he didn't believe Hamilton one bit.

Hamilton was saved from further humiliation by Finn, the literature teacher and crew trainer, walking up to the docks. They followed him into the boat, and Finn pointed the bike boy into the coxswain seat, saying "you seat here, Mr. Pratt". Pratt frowned, but didn't protest.

After a few minutes of rowing, Finn started with the literature part. Will seemed to be the only one listening, although Finn's little speech about passion made them all laugh.

"Hey, Two Man, you're going into the water too early!" Pratt called, already assuming his role, but no one listened to him as they just passed a few of the Rawley girls sunbathing on the lake's shore.

A little time later they were all resting in the boat, leaning back, swaying gently in the water.

"Listen very closely Gentlemen" Finn said. "Tell me what you hear".

Hamilton looked around. "Birds," he answered. Scout offered a confused "waves?" and when Finn asked "what else" Pratt offered an indifferent "wind?" and Hamilton continued with "pond scum".

Finn didn't like any of their answers, and only seemed satisfied when Will started waxing about a bunch of townies getting food poisoning from a pie-eating contest and puking blue in the lake. Finn was such a weird guy sometimes.

Finn then ordered them to jump in the lake and swim. No one was particularly enthusiastic (Hamilton said "thanks a lot Finn" loudly), but Pratt seemed even more reluctant, muttering "man, what a wanker" before jumping in the lake fully clothed, sweater and all. Strange kid.

Later, when they all trudged out of the boat, dripping water all over the docks, Hamilton undressed quickly, followed by the rest of the guys, staying only in his boxers. Pratt, however, tried to squeeze water from his sweater without taking it off, and when they all looked at him strangely, shrugged and plodded back to the school, his water-filled shoes squeaking with every step.

"What an odd guy," scout said, shaking his head, and Hamilton shrugged. Pratt sure was strange, but there was something intriguing about him. And Hamilton really wanted to get a ride on that bike.

"What's his name, anyway?" he asked, and Finn, walking past them (completely dry, of course) answered "Jake Pratt".

-----

Jake was down by the docks with a few minutes to spare. As she waited for the arrival of the trainer, she saw the guy from the hall before approach her. He was even more handsome up close, with the bluest pair of eyes she ever saw.

"That's a cool bike. Ya know, students aren't allowed to have motorcycles" he said, and Jake gave him a scornful look. Gorgeous, yes, but apparently a huge nerd.

"Yeah, students aren't allowed to do a lot of things. Hasn't stopped me yet" she replied casually, but the guy plowed on. "You keep riding around on that hog, and I guarantee you someone here will, unless you've got an ally. Someone with connections high up, someone who might like to take a ride on that bike sometime. I'm like a Swiss vault. I can keep a secret".

_Like a Swiss vault? Who say's that? And figures he only approached me because he wants something from me. Not a nerd then, just an opportunist_. She only said "can you?" though, and not something more disdainful. She didn't need to make enemies on her first day here, even if she wasn't planning on staying for long.

She was saved from further discussing her bike by the trainer – Finn no Mr. is necessary – arriving and ordering them into the boat. He stopped her on her way, pointing to the coxswain seat. She didn't mind – it was the wimp's job, but she doubted her arms could handle rowing for that long. She wanted to be able to use them after practice, too.

Not long after they started they were treated to an embarrassing speech from Finn, who decided that grabbing his own crotch was necessary to emphasize the point. To distract herself she called out "hey, Two Man, you're going into the water too early!" but no one listened to her since they were all too busy staring at the Rawley girls sunbathing on the shore. _Typical_, she though, _show a guy some skin and it's as effective as super-gluing his eyeballs to your breast_.

After Finn's self-fondling she thought she'd passed the worst of it, but the blonde guy Finn referred to as Mr. Krudski definitely posed some tough competition with his vile, blueberry-pie puking in the lake tale. _Really, like we needed to hear that_.

The real highlight (or rather low-point) of the practice, though, was when Finn-no-Mr-necessary ordered them into the water.

Jake glared at him. "Man, what a wanker," she muttered. And right after Krudski's blue barf story, too. Still, she guessed she had no choice. Taking off her sweater was out of the question – the shirt she wore underneath was too thin and would clearly show off the binder when wet – so she'll just have to jump in with it and hope the weight of it didn't pull her down. At least she was a good swimmer.

Swearing, she jumped in.

Afterwards she shivered all the way back to shore – the others at least got to warm up during rowing. When they reached the docks she quickly got out and started wringing her sweater, until she noticed the others, who all stripped down to their boxers (and really, with the way those wet boxers were clinging, there were things she definitely didn't want to see), were giving her strange looks. She shrugged and turned around, heading back to the school and trying to ignore the fact that she felt like a complete and utter idiot. _Way to alienate yourself, Jake_, she reprimanded herself, _they must all think you're an absolute freak_.

And what exactly was she thinking, joining the crew team anyway?

After she got back to her room and changed into dry clothes (lucky she thought about bringing an extra binder) she decided a little cheer-up ride was in order. She headed out to her bike and when she ignited it, she saw that the fuel tank was almost empty. Well, she'll just have to go through New Rawley; she saw a gas station there on her way over.

------

Hamilton got home and took a quick shower to get rid of all the lake-muck in his hair. He dressed and after hanging around idly in his room for a while, bored out of his mind, he decided to go look for Jake. To bug him more about his motorcycle, of course.

He didn't see him anywhere on the lawn, nor was he in the common room. He tried the different rooms, but as he didn't know which was Jake's and didn't see him in any of the open ones, he decided to come back later. In the meanwhile, he'll just have to find something else to occupy himself with. Maybe some of the guys would be up for a game of football.

-----

Jake stopped at the gas station. A pretty blonde girl about her age was sitting in the shade nearby, thumbing through a magazine. She looked up when Jake came in and started to get up. "Hi" she said.

Jake nodded "hi" and then "s'cool. I got it." The girl nodded "Bella" she introduced herself. The name sounded familiar – Will and Scout mentioned it sometime during crew practice.

"Jake," she answered, trying to figure out how to work the pipe. She pressed the trigger, but nothing came out.

"Jake?" Bella frowned. "Oh, of course…" she looked at Jake strangely, and then got up to help. She pressed the trigger, this time getting the gas to flow.

Jake looked at her uncomfortably. She didn't like the way Bella was studying her. "Thanks…"

"No problem".

Jake waited for the tank to fill, all the while feeling Bella's eyes on her. "Cool bike," Bella offered.

Jake smiled nervously "thanks. Not really supposed to have it at school so... don't say anything to anyone. About the bike. Okay?"

Bella nodded "my lips are sealed". As Jake put the nozzle back she added "five bucks…"

Jake nodded, fishing around for the money. Bella was still looking at her.

"Must be cool being the only guy on campus with a motorcycle".

"Um… yeah". Jake unconsciously moved away, brushing against the pump. "Damn!" she muttered, looking at the grease stain on her jeans.

"You know what?" Bella said, seeing her distress "just soak them in salt and soda water and it should come right out. That's what I do".

Jake smiled, forgetting her unease for a minute. Bella seemed like a really nice girl. "Thanks. These are like my favorite jeans".

Bella nodded "Yeah. They're really cute on you".

Jake looked at her "really? I thought they made me look..." she caught herself too late. _Shit! And I was using my girl voice, too! _She saw the understanding dawning in Bella's eyes.

"Fat?" Bella said, watching for her reaction. "No way. You look great. In fact..." she hesitated "for the last ten minutes, I thought..."

Jake looked at her. "You thought what?"

"I thought..." Bella chewed on her lower lip "never mind, if I'm wrong about this, I'll light myself on fire –"

Jake knew she was caught, though. "What? Say it".

"I thought" Bella took a breath "why is this beautiful girl dressing like a guy?"

Jake froze, and Bella smiled triumphantly "I knew it".

Jake grimaced "damn. Busted on the first day, no less. That's so lame."

Bella's smile turned gentle. "Come sit with me. I want to hear what on earth possessed you to do such a thing".

Jake sat down, looking cautiously around and seeing no one. She sighed and started telling Bella about her estranged, workaholic mother and her attention seeking plots, which just grew wilder every time the last one didn't have the desired effect.

"So you're doing this just to get your mother to notice you?" Bella asked, confused.

"Yeah," Jake half-smiled. "It sounds totally stupid, I know. But I've tried everything else – the exemplary student, the almost getting expelled thing, the older boyfriend, I even intentionally broke my leg once. That hurt like hell and barely got her attention for five minutes tops. I guess I just want her to realize she doesn't know me, at all." She paused. "You think I'm a freak, right?"

Bella shook her head quickly "no, of course not. I get where you're coming from. My mother left ten years ago, and I haven't seen or heard from her since, but I've wondered sometimes, especially in the first year she was gone, if I could get her to come back somehow – if I almost died, or won something big – if she would come back. I didn't do anything, though."

Jake looked at her "I'm sorry".

Bella shrugged "It's okay. I'm way over it. I have a wonderful dad who loves me, and…"

"And what?" Jake asked, and then called in delight "you're blushing! Let me guess, there's a boyfriend in the picture."

"Not exactly," Bella admitted, still a little red. "I've just met him today. But he's so cute. And there's something about him – I barely know him but he makes me feel so… so…"

"Butterflies? The world stopping? All that jazz?" Jake supplied.

"Yes, absolutely," Bella's smile was radiant.

"What's his name? Is he from town?"

"He's from Rawley, actually," Bella blushed again. "Scout Calhoun."

"Scout?" Jake asked, raking her brain to put a face to the name. "Good looking, about my height, styled brown hair, an all-American smile?"

Bella nodded "you know him?"

Jake shrugged "he's on my crew team. Didn't really talk to him. Heard him and that Will Krudski guy talk about you, though" she added, smirking.

"Really?" Bella blushed. "Will's a childhood friend. He's from here – he won a scholarship to Rawley. He's way smart".

"I see. Well, good luck with scout," Jake smiled and got up, followed by Bella. "I need to get back".

Bella hugged her "it was nice meeting you, Jake – What's your real name anyway?"

Jake rolled her eyes "Jacqueline. But call me Jake."

"Okay, Jake. Every time you need a little break from your testosterone-filled environment, feel free to drop by."

"Thanks, I'll be sure to take you up on that invitation." Jake got on her bike. "Bye!"

Bella waved "Bye."

She watched her drive away, shaking her head and smiling to herself.

-----

Hamilton walked along the hall, peeking into rooms as he went. Some of the occupants gave him strange looks or, if he knew them, waved him in, but he only waved back and continued.

Finally he found Jake's room. Jake was sitting in front of a laptop, typing furiously. He stepped in "hey".

Jake looked up, raising an eyebrow "feel free to barge right in".

"Sorry" Hamilton said. Jake seemed like a really private person so far. "So," he continued, trying not to sound too eager "you find a place to stash your bike?"

"Well, after six schools you get a handle on these things" the other boy answered casually.

Hamilton was surprised. He was home-schooled by the Rawley staff ever since his father became the Dean many years ago. He couldn't imagine going to six different schools at all. And since Jake was referring to the bike, it had to be six in the last year. Jake couldn't be older than Hamilton.

"Wow. Parents move a lot?" he asked. Sometimes being a rich kid sucked, forever dragging around after your parents in their business travels and affairs.

Jake shook his head "nope".

Hamilton was confused. Maybe Jake just got kicked a lot out of schools. But he didn't seem the troublemaker type, not did he seem stupid. In fact, he seemed a bit too bright for his own good. "Oh," he said "so why would you keep switching?"

Jake shrugged, not meeting Hamilton's eyes. "Waiting for someone to notice".

Hamilton winced in sympathy. One of those, then. Parents all over the world, always busy with their work and personal life, forgetting they had children. His dad was one of those, too, but at least he had his mom. He was willing to bet his camera that Jake was an only child. Then it hit him "They don't know?"

"Nope" Jake said again. "Get inside my mom's email account, send a letter as her, and her attorney wires the money wherever I say. The wonders of the digital age".

He was right, then. Jake definitely wasn't stupid. Hamilton could never pull off something like that. "So, that's how you scammed the single room?" he asked. Freshmen never got single rooms.

Jake gave him the same disdainful look he got yesterday by the docks. It made Hamilton want to go and hide somewhere. "Scammed the single room?" Jake repeated, than shook his head. "You should see what happens when I hack into your dad's database".

------

Jake was merrily hacking away when someone walked into the room and said "hey".

She turned. It was the same gorgeous guy from yesterday, the one who tried to blackmail her about her bike. What was his name? _Something resembling a kind of meat…_ He shuffled awkwardly as she looked at him. "Feel free to barge right in" she said, a little annoyed. Then again, if she wanted privacy, she probably should've locked the door.

"Sorry," he said nervously, and then "So, you find a place to stash your bike?"

_And we get back to the bike_, Jake thought in irritation. _Can't he talk about anything else?_ "Well, after six schools you get a handle on these things" she answered.

"Wow. Parents move a lot?" Hamilton – that was the name – asked.

"Nope". She wished that was the case. Traveling around, she could handle.

"Oh, so why would you keep switching?" Hamilton asked.

_Bravo, _Jake thought_, two questions in a row without bringing up my motorcycle. We're getting somewhere_. "Waiting for someone to notice" she answered, and immediately regretted it. She barely knew this guy for five minutes and already she was spilling her guts to him. She didn't need sympathy.

Hamilton seemed confused "they don't know?"

"Nope. Get inside my mom's email account, send a letter as her, and her attorney wires the money wherever I say. The wonders of the digital age". She was actually quite proud of that little maneuver.

"So, that's how you scammed the single room?" Hamilton continued.

"Scammed the single room?" Jake gave him a **look**. He was pretty, yes, but obviously not all that bright. Like she'd really admit to that to the son of the Dean. Acting on impulse, she smirked. "You should see what happens when I hack into your dad's database".

------

Hamilton stayed in Jake's room for the next hour, talking, mainly about computer related stuff. Jake was apparently a wiz in everything computer related, including games and such. He was also, for a lack of a better word, the coolest person Hamilton has ever met. He was so different for all the other guys that went to Rawley.

After a while, though, his stomach grumbled, reminding him about lunch.

He got up "it's time for lunch. The food here is pretty good, actually".

Jake got up, too, and followed him out of the room, locking the door behind him. He really was zealous about his privacy. An only child for sure.

"Define 'pretty good'," Jake said. "With the money we pay, it better be something along the lines of the Waldorf".

Hamilton smiled "you pay mostly for the education, you know".

Jake gave him another one of those "you are dumb" looks. "I know," he said slowly. "I was joking".

Hamilton was beginning to feel like he was developing a chronic "foot in mouth" disease around the other boy.

To ease the awkward situation, he said "so what was the hardest place you've ever hacked into?"

Jake pondered for a minute "NASA".

"Wait a minute. You actually hacked into NASA? That is so WarGames". Hamilton was impressed.

Jake shrugged, rearranging his baseball cap "yeah, but you can only stay on for 30 seconds".

Hamilton reached out and snagged the cap, putting it on his own head. It was too small. "Cool cap. Smells good". He froze. _Open mouth, insert foot, Hamilton. What are you thinking, exactly!?_ "I didn't mean –" he started hurriedly.

Jake didn't look at him "it's okay".

Hamilton was mortified "no, I meant –"

Jake then turned to face him. "Whatever".

Now Hamilton was sure Jake thought he was a weirdo, if not worse. "**No**, I just –" he tried again.

Jake gave him a calming look "it's cool".

_Right_. Hamilton stole a glance at Jake. He really was a cool guy.

------

Hamilton stayed for some time in Jake's room, talking. He was actually not a bad guy when he wasn't mentioning the bike. Jake got the impression that his social skills weren't all that developed. He was just awkward when it came to making new friends.

Although she was sure he had no problem making new **lady** friends.

Suddenly his stomach growled loudly. He blushed "it's time for lunch. The food here is pretty good, actually".

_He's even cuter when he's blushing_, Jake thought. She got up and followed him, locking behind her. She didn't want anyone snooping around and finding her "Seventeen" issues and underwear, or even, god forbid, her female hygiene products. "Define 'pretty good'," she said teasingly. "With the money we pay, it better be something along the lines of the Waldorf".

Hamilton smiled. _Gorgeous smile_, she though. She was using that word a lot lately, for **some** reason. "You pay mostly for the education, you know" he said. He obviously didn't get it.

Jake looked at him "I know, I was joking".

Hamilton seemed embarrassed. None the less, he plowed on. He was obviously one of those people who continued to talk even when they were just making the hole they were in deeper. It was cute, **sort of**. On him.

"So what was the hardest place you've ever hacked into?" he asked.

She thought for a minute "NASA". That had been one of her better moments.

"Wait a minute. You actually hacked into NASA? That is so WarGames". He was such an adorable dork.

"Yeah," she shrugged "but you can only stay on for 30 seconds". _Or they'll catch you and you'll get into the kind of trouble even mommy will have to notice_. She rearranged her cap self-consciously. She hoped this was the kind of trouble mommy would have to notice eventually, too.

Hamilton reached out and snagged her cap, putting it on. She looked around quickly, but no one was paying attention. She relied on the cap to hide her more feminine features.

"Cool cap. Smells good". He then froze, turning a dark red. "I didn't mean –"

She'll have to do something about her shampoo. "It's okay".

"No, I meant –"

"Whatever". _Stop digging your own hole, dude._

He kept digging. "**No**, I just –"

She gave him what she hoped was an indifferent look "it's **cool**".

They proceeded to lunch, neither saying a word.

They spent the rest of the day together, too, just hanging out. Jake beat him at every game she owned until he acknowledged defeat and got up.

"You need to teach me how to do that," he said, smiling.

"I don't divulge trade secrets," she smiled back.

"We'll see. Anyway, I have to get back home for dinner. But I'm so going to kick your ass tomorrow."

"Keep dreaming, Flemming," she taunted, and he left. She closed the door after him.

She didn't feel like going down to dinner; she was rather tired actually. She undressed and laid back on her bed, smiling. Blue eyes and great smile aside, Hamilton Flemming was shaping up to be an awesome guy. Maybe she'll even make some friends here, after all.

------

Hamilton sat at dinner, chewing silently. His mother wasn't the best cook, but it wasn't all that awful, either. He would have preferred to eat at the cafeteria like the rest of the students, but his parents were insistent that dinner, at least, would be eaten at home.

"So, munchie," His mom said, smiling "how was your day?"

"Mom," he whined "I told you over and over not to call me that!"

"Sorry," she said, not looking apologetic at all.

"I hung out with Jake today," Hamilton answered, spearing pasta on his fork and examining it before putting it in his mouth.

"Jake?" his dad frowned, surfacing from his work for once to actually contribute to the conversation.

"Jake Pratt."

"Ah, yes. He has unordinary high grades in all his subjects, if I recall correctly. Bright boy. Perhaps he'll be a good influence on you," he added pointedly.

"Dad," Hamiltn protested, while his mom rebuked his father "Steven! Munchie has very good grades, too."

"Mom! Stop with the munchie!" Hamilton said again. He had a feeling she was doing this on purpose.

"Sorry".

------

"The problem is, like there's total miscommunication between guys and girls. When a girl says, "I really, really like you," what she means is, "I'm ready for a commitment, are you?" but when a guy says, "I really, really like you," what he means is, "I wanna have sex with you." They were on the roof of one of the academy building, about to hack into the Rawley satellite feed, and Hamilton was feeling generous enough to reveal the facts of life. Or rather, he was just trying to impress 'Jake'.

Either way, he was such a cute dork, the way he was saying this like it was some well-kept secret instead of something every ten-year-old knew.

She tried not to smirk "well, it sounds like you have a lot of experience in this area".

Hamilton smiled, obviously not picking up on the sarcasm. "Hacking into this satellite feed is gonna be great. I mean it'll be like 20 times faster than 56K".

Jake focused on the satellite, trying to find somewhere to attach the wires. She then heard the sound of a zipper being opened, and turned around, shocked to find Hamilton casually peeing against the wall.

"What are you doing!?" her not-so-inner-girl took over.

"I gotta pee" he said, as though it was a reasonable explanation to urinating in the middle of the roof. Maybe for guys it was. Curious despite herself, she sneaked a peek. _Very impressive, Hamilton.._.

"See, when a girl says, 'What are you doing this weekend?' what she means is, 'I want you to hang out with me instead of your friends,' but when a guy says, 'what are you doing this weekend?' what he means is, 'I wanna have sex with you'. And also when a girl says, 'I need to know where this relationship is going,' what she means is, ' I'm hopelessly in love and I pray that you are too,' but when a guy says, "I need to know where this relationship is going," what he means is…"

She could see where he was going with this, and chimed in to say with him "I wanna have sex with you!"

Hamilton grinned "right."

Jake couldn't help but grin back "yeah, right". Then, before she even realized what she was doing, she leaned forward and pressed her lips to his. It lasted all of two seconds, but it felt like a lot more. For a moment there she could swear he was leaning in as well, and then the reality of her actions caught up with her and she leaned back in horror. _Oh, shit._

Hamilton opened his eyes, looking completely shocked, and stared at her. She backed away even more, stumbling, just in case he decided to punch her.

"Oh God, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Oh God, I'm sorry". She turned around and escaped, leaving him behind her, not daring to look back.

She knew this latest plot to get her mother's attention would get her into trouble; she just didn't know **how much**.

-----

Both Hamilton and Jake were annoyed by how slow their games were running. "There's got to be a satellite here somewhere," Jake muttered.

Hamilton frowned "There's one on the roof, actually."

Jake brightened, smiling "Really? That's great!" Hamilton found himself smiling back.

"I can show you where it is. What are you going to do?"

They both got up, Jake taking his laptop and a bunch of wires and electronic stuff. "I'm going to hack into it and ride directly on the main connection," Jake said.

"Cool," Hamilton answered, though he had no idea how one went about doing that. He guessed Jake was about to show him.

As they crossed the lawn a group of girls, lounging under one of the trees, giggled and waved to them. Hamilton waved back, but Jake didn't seem to notice. Maybe he was a bit shy with girls. Hamilton decided to share some of his knowledge with him.

Jake nodded along, but didn't seem very impressed, so Hamilton decided to bring out the big guns.

"The problem is, like there's total miscommunication between guys and girls. When a girl says, "I really, really like you," what she means is, "I'm ready for a commitment, are you?" but when a guy says, "I really, really like you," what he means is, "I wanna have sex with you." He though Jake seemed a bit more interested, especially when he said "well, it sounds like you have a lot of experience in this area".

Hamilton smiled. They were on the roof now, and Jake was fussing around the satellite, checking his wires and stuff. "Hacking into this satellite feed is gonna be great. I mean it'll be like 20 times faster than 56K". He tried to understand what the other boy was doing, but he couldn't understand a thing.

And he really needed to pee, too. He didn't feel like walking back to the dorms or his house, so he looked around and found a likely spot. He heard Jake come up behind him. "What are you doing!?" he sounded alarmed.

Hamilton shrugged. Maybe you didn't do this sort of thing in New-York. "I gotta pee" he answered. Jake came over and stood next to him, leaning on the wall, while Hamilton finished and zipped up.

He continued with the lesson "See, when a girl says, 'What are you doing this weekend?' what she means is, 'I want you to hang out with me instead of your friends,' but when a guy says, 'what are you doing this weekend?' what he means is, 'I wanna have sex with you'. And also when a girl says, 'I need to know where this relationship is going,' what she means is, ' I'm hopelessly in love and I pray that you are too,' but when a guy says, "I need to know where this relationship is going," what he means is…"

Jake grinned and said together with him "I wanna have sex with you!"

Hamilton grinned, too, but he felt a little uneasy. It was weird, hearing Jake say that, like he was saying it to Hamilton. But of course that was a completely stupid thing to think. "Right".

"Yeah, right" Jake said, and then he kissed Hamilton.

Hamilton's eyes closed out of their own accord. Jake's lips felt soft and warm and a tiny bit moist, and he smelled insanely good. Without really thinking, he leaned in, and then Jake was gone. He opened his eyes and stared at Jake's horrified face.

"Oh God, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Oh God, I'm sorry" Jake chanted quietly, stumbling back, and then he turned and ran away, disappearing from view. The door to the roof slammed shut after him.

Hamilton stared at the space Jake was occupying just a moment ago, his brain in complete overload. Jake kissed him. Jake, a guy, a guy he knew only for a few days, had kissed him. Jake who was his male friend had kissed him, and it was nice and he smelled really good and he was a guy and Hamilton was officially freaking out.

Officially. Freaking. Out.

------

Jake ran all the way to her bike and rode off to New Rawley in neck breaking speed. She needed to talk to someone, urgently. And the only person who knew about her was Bella. And the blonde did invite her to drop for a visit anytime, right?

She braked with a wail of the tires, hopping off her bike. She didn't see Bella around, but she did see a younger, brown-haired girl, who was looking at her in interest.

"Can I help you?" the girl asked, coming closer and running a hand over the motorcycle. "Nice bike. I'd love to have a ride sometime," she smiled invitingly.

If she wasn't already going out of her mind, she would've been weirded out even more by having a girl hit on her. Now, she only wanted to talk to Bella, and fast.

"Maybe later," she said curtly "where's Bella?"

The girl's expression soured. "Everyone wants Bella," she muttered, and then jerked her head towards the office "she's inside".

"Thanks," Jake said and headed in.

Bella was indeed sitting inside the office, reading a book. She looked up and smiled as she saw her, and said "hey, Jake!" then she frowned "is everything alright?"

Jake shook her head and closed the door behind her. "No, everything's gone totally pear-shaped. I kissed Hamilton!"

Bella seemed puzzled "Hamilton?"

"This completely gorgeous guy I'm friends with, and I don't know what came over me, but I kissed him, and –"

"Wait wait wait," Bella said, blinking "you kissed a guy you're friends with…"

"Who thinks I'm a guy!" Jake reminded her.

She saw that Bella got it. "Oh, I see," she said. "Yikes."

"You can say that again," Jake said, pacing around the small room and pulling at her hair "he probably thinks I'm totally gay and hot for him now. He'll probably hit me the next time he sees me, or tell the whole school and everyone will laugh at me, or –"

"He didn't hit you now?"

"No," Jake shook her head "he was so stunned – I was so stunned – he just stood there and stared at me and I turned and high-tailed it out of there."

"First of all, breathe," Bella said gently "calm down. You said he was your friend, right?" when Jake nodded, she continued "so he won't run and tell the whole school. He probably wouldn't want to be suspected as being gay as well, which is another reason for not telling."

"Right," Jake said, starting to calm down. Bella was making sense.

"Now, you just need to find him and explain –"

"How do I explain this!? Hey, just so you know, I'm really a girl so I'm not gay? I'm not going to spill the beans until my mom gets it!"

"You don't have to. Just explain it was a lapse of judgment, hormones taking over, confusion over being in an all boys school… something along those lines".

"Right, right" Jake said slowly "that could work. Thanks a lot, Bella."

The other girl smiled "anytime. I need some excitement in my life".

Jake grinned "scout not giving you enough excitement?"

Bella blushed "he is. He's wonderful."

"Are you in love?" Jake wanted to know.

Bella smiled, not meeting her eyes, and nodded. Then she looked up "are you in love with Hamilton?"

Jake was taken aback "what? Of course not. I've only known him for a few days. He's just… Really good-looking," she admitted.

"How does he look?" Bella was curious.

"Tall, tousled brown hair, the bluest pair of eyes you've ever seen, great body, gorgeous smile…"

Bella giggled "you've got it hard, girl".

"No I don't!" Jake protested "I'm just attracted to him. It's purely physical." She sobered "and it'll get even more physical if he'll punch me before I have a chance to explain."

Bella winced in sympathy "I'll keep the ice ready, just in case, but I don't think it'll come to that."

"I hope," Jake muttered, then got up and hugged Bella "again, thanks for everything. I'm much calmer now. I'd better head back, though".

"Good luck with Hamilton," Bella said, hugging her back.

"Good luck with scout," Jake answered, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively, and Bella punched her shoulder lightly, laughing.

Jake paused in the door. "By the way," she said "who's the girl outside?"

Bella rolled her eyes "that's Grace, my sister."

Jake seemed a little freaked out "she was totally hitting on me".

Bella buried her face in her hands "she's so embarrassing!"

Jake laughed at her reaction "don't take it to heart. I'll see you later. Bye!"

"Bye," Bella watched her drive away. Really, were they all that blind? How could everyone mistake this completely stunning girl for a guy?

-------

Hamilton left the roof soon after Jake, still in a daze. He passed the lawn without acknowledging anyone, and trudged heavily up to his room, throwing himself face down on the bed.

"Jake kissed me," he said. It sounded even worse out loud. He didn't even dare to say _and I liked it_.

So Jake was gay. Okay, he could handle that. He was raised to be open-minded and not to discriminate against anyone. And Jake was a cool guy, not considering the recent episode. He probably thought Hamilton was coming on to him when he said his hat smelled good. _I knew I shouldn't have said that!_

So, he'll just have to make it clear to Jake that he wasn't gay. Right.

And he didn't even like that kiss. He was just shocked enough not to feel disgusted. He was feeling disgusted now. Very much disgusted. Definitely.

He got up and went to find Jake.

-----

Jake was sitting in her room, trying to scrounge up the courage to go find Hamilton and explain when the boy in question barged right in.

"Listen, I wanna say –" he started loudly.

Jake jumped up. "That wasn't what you thought!"

He didn't seem to hear her "I don't know where you're coming from but –"

"I can explain!" she tried desperately.

"No, don't explain" he snapped. "Let's just not even –"

"Talk about it!"

He frowned "yeah, let's just –"

"Forget about it!" she said urgently.

Hamilton stared at her "yeah, let's do that."

Jake let out a breath and held out her hand "friends?"

Hamilton nodded and shook her hand "yeah, friends. No question, no question."

They both realized at the same time they were still holding hands and jumped back. Hamilton stared at her for another moment, looking like a deer caught in headlight, and the he smiled and announced a little too loudly "you da man!"

Jake's smile felt like it was going to rip her face in two "yup! Okay! I'm da man!" _whatever you say…_

Hamilton stood there a little more, and then hurried out of the room without even saying goodbye, closing the door after him.

Jake fell back on her bed, looking at the ceiling "oh my God. I'm da man."

_I'm the man. Just what have you gotten yourself into, Jacqueline?_

-----

Hamilton barged into Jake's room without knocking, prepared to give his speech. "Listen, I wanna say –" he started, but then Jake jumped up, looking as tense as Hamilton felt.

"That wasn't what you thought!" he said.

_Like hell it wasn't!_ "I don't know where you're coming from but –" he tried to continue, but Jake interrupted him again with an urgent "I can explain!"

Hamilton didn't want to hear his excuses "No, don't explain" he snapped. "Let's just not even –"

"Talk about it!" Jake supplied.

Hamilton lost his train of thought for a minute, but shook himself "yeah, let's just –"

"Forget about it!" Jake said.

Hamilton stared at him. His expression was pleading, his green eyes wide and worried, and his mouth was pinched tightly - "yeah, let's do that."

Jake seemed to relax a little, the tension going out of his shoulders. He held out a hand "friends?"

Hamilton took his hand "yeah, friends. No question, no question." Jake's hand was very small and delicate, with soft skin and fingers he felt he could break if he wasn't caref – he looked up and realized they were holding hands way too long. Jake must have reached the same conclusion, as they both jumped back at the same time.

Jake looked confused. No wonder, Hamilton was probably sending him all the wrong signals. He snapped under the tension "you da man!"

Jake's smile looked more like a grimace "yup! Okay! I'm da man!"

Hamilton stood there staring at Jake's lips a little more. They were full and currently dark from Jake biting his lower lip and Hamilton turned and ran out of the room without even saying goodbye.

"Oh my God" he whispered to himself as he half-ran towards his house, "I think I'm a gay".

_Oh. My. God._


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Young Americans does not belong to me, and I am not making any money out of this. It's for my own fun (and hopefully yours, too). Jake and Ham aren't mine either: I just borrow them to play with (and maybe torture a bit, in Ham's case).

Summary: The second Young Americans episode "Our Town", written from Jake and Hamilton's point of view with a little personal tweaks. Enjoy!

A/N: This is my first time writing YA fanfiction, and as such, I'm rather nervous. So please read and review! It would mean a lot to me.

------

Jake woke up, squinting at the over bright sunlight that poured from the open window. She got up, passing her fingers distractedly through her hair, and looked around her room.

Rawley Academy, **boys'** school. She still couldn't believe she managed to pull this off. So far, Bella was the only one who saw through her, although the others probably thought she was a very odd guy. Well, as long as they thought she was a guy…

She sat at her desk, taking out stationary paper and a pen, and began writing a letter to her mother: 'Hey mom, just a note to say I'm here.' _She probably doesn't even know where "here" is_. 'I'm okay, I miss you and guess what, I just might be fitting in. So, I guess that's all. I'll see you when I see ya. Love, Jacqueline.

She looked around for an envelope, and finding one, put the letter inside and sealed it. On the envelope was written 'Rawley Academy for Boys'. She gave a sarcastic smile "huh, this should tell me if she even reads my letters".

She dressed quickly, pulling two shirts over her corset, and just as she opened the door, she caught sight of herself in the mirror. She half turned, looking at herself in profile. She was so completely flat-chested that it was (while fortunate for the current situation) almost embarrassing. She pressed her palms to her chest experimentally. _Nope, don't feel anything underneath, too_.

A loud cough from the doorway startled her, and she spun around, blushing. Hamilton was standing at the door way, looking at her strangely. _No wonder_, she thought, _he had just caught me fondling my non-existent chest. Stupid, stupid to leave the door_ _open!_

"How long have you been standing there?" she snapped.

He raised an eyebrow "long enough to know…" her heart jumped to her throat until he continued "that I have to make something very clear, cause the other day, when you kissed me," he looked around in alarm, before coming in and closing the door after him "I could have decked you, but I didn't. But if you ever try that again, I will. Because that's not who I think I am, I mean know I am, I mean I know I'm not who you think I am. I'm not. Get it?"

He finished, obviously flustered. She would have found that cute, if she wasn't so busy feeling mortified herself. This was so not a conversation she wanted to have. Not with anyone, and certainly not with Hamilton.

"Excuse me?" she said.

Hamilton seemed uncomfortable "look, if you're gay, that's whatever, that's fine but it's not my bag."

_Oh, shit_. She thought they were over that, but she was obviously wrong. Men were such homophobes sometimes, especially when it concerned their own sexual orientation. "Okay," she answered, calmly "you said that the other day".

Hamilton wouldn't look at her "yeah well, I just wanted to make it crystal clear."

_By threatening to deck me? Why is it that men always resort to proving their masculinity by violence? _ "Okay..." she said slowly "so...I'm going to go and get my bike. So..." she felt like she needed a little fresh air after this conversation, and she hadn't been over to see Bella yet and tell her how things worked out. Beside, Scout seemed kind of pining lately. She wondered what that was about.

"See ya…" Hamilton said, and left the room.

"See ya…" she answered, letting out a sigh, and grabbed her keys, following him and locking the door on her way out.

------

Hamilton slept poorly. He straightened out things with Jake – they established that Hamilton wasn't gay, he wasn't interested, and they weren't going to talk about this subject anymore. So why was he dwelling on it so much?

The problem, even if he didn't want to admit it to himself, was that Hamilton was starting to doubt the truth of his statement. Ever since that kiss, all he could think about was kissing Jake again. When he was in his room yesterday, all he could think about was how soft Jake's skin looked, and how inviting his lips seemed –

Hamilton screamed into his pillow in frustration. This was so not helping!

He quickly thought of Angelina Jolie. Yep, still as attractive as ever. Hillary Swank? Check. Natalie Portman? Check. Okay, so he was still attracted to girls. He quickly thought about Jake. Double, triple check. Suddenly, all his favourite movie stars seemed pale in comparison.

He fought the urge to bang his head on the wall. He swallowed, and, almost against his will, thought about kissing Scout. He almost threw up on the spot. Will? Even more gross.

Right, that was a bit of relief. So it was just Jake.

It was probably because Jake kissed him that he was experiencing all this confusion in the first place. And the other boy was a bit girly. It was probably just his adolescent raging hormones confounded. As soon as he'll start dating a girl, this confusion would certainly go away. _So_, he thought to himself, _time to get a girlfriend_.

And maybe, he should go talk to Jake tomorrow and clarify things, just in case.

When it was morning he got up, groggy, and dressed quickly. He grabbed a quick, light breakfast – eggs and bacon, a few pieces of buttered toast, and two bowls of cereal – and headed out. Hopefully Jake was awake already.

Jake's door was slightly open when he reached it, so he peeked inside. Jake was standing in front of his mirror, patting his chest. It was very strange. What exactly was he doing? Checking if he grew breasts overnight? He coughed loudly, as the other boy didn't seem to notice him.

Jake spun around so quick Hamilton was surprised he didn't fall over. "How long have you been standing there?" he demanded, blushing.

It was not attractive **at all**.

"Long enough to know…" he started "that I have to make something very clear, cause the other day, when you kissed me," he stopped, looking around him at the corridor in panic. Fortunately it was empty, but he was an idiot, saying it out in the open where anyone could hear. He entered the room quickly, closing the door after him. Of course, now he was alone in a closed space with Jake, which posed another problem altogether.

"I could have decked you," he continued, more quietly "but I didn't. But if you ever try that again, I will. Because that's not who I think I am," _shit, that's not what I meant!_ "I mean know I am, I mean I know I'm not who you think I am. I'm not. Get it?" hopefully, he made sense.

Jake, though, looked confused and a little annoyed "excuse me?" he said.

"Look," Hamilton said "if you're gay, that's whatever, that's fine but it's not my bag." _Hopefully. No! Clearly_.

Jake looked at him calmly, but Hamilton was too afraid to meet his eyes. Random thoughts about kissing popped into his head every time he so much as looked at him. "Okay," Jake said "You said that the other day".

"Yeah well, I just wanted to make it crystal clear." He wasn't sure who needed the clarification more, though, Jake or himself.

"Okay..." Jake repeated "so...I'm going to go and get my bike. So..."

"Se ya," Hamilton said quickly, glad of the excuse to be out of there. He heard Jake reply something behind him.

Okay, so that didn't go so well. Next step – get a girlfriend.

------

Jake arrived at her hiding spot – it was a secluded spot Hamilton showed her the day before, claiming no one knew about it except him. It **was** a rather perfect hiding spot. She felt the need to talk to Bella – her thoughts were a mess and the other girl proved she could sort out things well.

When she got to the spot, though, she discovered her bike was gone. She cursed. Who took her bike!? She needed to find it, and fast. It had cost her (well, her mother) a fortune, but more important than that, it was her only means of escape when things got too much to handle.

Hamilton said no one knew about this spot. Hamilton! She started running back towards the school. Maybe he would know who took it.

She found him sitting under a tree on the grounds, surrounded by a few large golden retrievers. He looked up when she approached him.

"Hey," she said, a little out of breath "my bike is gone".

Hamilton didn't seem too interested "well, where'd you leave it?"

"In that perfect hiding spot that you showed me" she answered, a little accusing.

Hamilton shrugged "I didn't take it".

"Well then who did?" she asked in frustration.

She saw the realization dawn "oh no," he said "the groundskeeper probably confiscated it".

She felt her heart sink "oh god, you know I'm not even supposed to have that thing here. Now what do I do?" she needed that bike back!

Hamilton narrowed his eyes "what are you asking me for?"

She stared at him, taken aback. Why was he so hostile all of the sudden? "God, sorry" she snapped, turning around to leave. Who needed him anyway? She had always managed by herself, and this time would be no different.

Hamilton caught her wrist, seemingly as surprised about this as she was. "Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait," he said, thinking this over. "We can probably figure this out. Meet me at the main staircase tomorrow night after dinner".

Jake smiled "thanks".

-----

Hamilton sat under his favourite tree, looking around at the lumbering teenagers that filled the lawn. His dogs sat around him – he found out early in life that pets were a sure chick-magnet. A few girls already came over to talk to him or waved at him as they passed, by not one had caught his eye yet.

As if summoned by his thoughts, Jake came running over, looking worried. He half-kneeled next to Hamilton, and Hamilton was attacked by his now familiar scent, immediately putting him on edge. "Hey," the other boy said urgently, panting a little from his run "my bike is gone".

The run had thrown colour in his cheeks and mouth, making him look like he was wearing makeup. Hamilton squirmed uneasily. "Well, where'd you leave it?"

"In that perfect hiding spot that you showed me" Jake answered briskly, like it was Hamilton's fault someone found it.

"I didn't take it," he said defensively.

"Well then who did?" Jake demanded.

The obvious answer made Hamilton wince. "Oh no," he said "the groundskeeper probably confiscated it".

Jake leaned closer, and Hamilton tried not to breath. His scent was driving him **crazy**. "Oh god," Jake said, biting at his lower lip, and Hamilton looked away quickly. "You know I'm not even supposed to have that thing here. Now what do I do?"

The tension made Hamilton snap at him "what are you asking me for?"

Jake leaned back as though Hamilton has slapped him, looking hurt. Then his eyes hardened, his mouth setting in a thin line, and he got up, turning away "god, sorry".

Hamilton could've kicked himself. He didn't mean to hurt Jake; he was just really edgy. Without thinking, he reached out and caught Jake's wrist, halting him. It was surprisingly thin, even considering Jake was such a scrawny guy, and cold under his fingers. "Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait," he said, and the other boy looked at him questioningly, anger apparently forgotten "we can probably figure this out. Meet me at the main staircase tomorrow night after dinner".

Jake's smile was like a burst of sunlight, making Hamilton uncomfortably warm. "Thanks," he said softly, and got up, walking away.

Hamilton watched him go, feeling dread settling in. He needed to get a girlfriend, and fast.

He tried not to talk to Jake too much during crew practice – which was a hard thing to do, considering he was facing him. Jake didn't seem to notice; he was obviously nervous about something, glancing at Finn every so often and shouting the pace a little too loudly. He seemed to relax when practice finished and they all arrived back at the docks.

Hamilton wondered what that was about. He didn't think the other boy was afraid of water; he wouldn't have joined the crew team if that was the case. Maybe he was just worried that Finn would make them jump in again; he seemed to hate it the other day, although he appeared to be a good swimmer.

He reminded himself not to dwell so much on what Jake did or didn't do.

He was actually rather anxious about tonight. Not that he thought Jake would try something; rather, he was afraid that in a moment of weakness he himself would do something stupid. But Jake seemed very attached to his bike – he seemed extremely upset over the loss of it – and after the way Hamilton had acted towards him yesterday, he couldn't back out of helping him now. Anyway, awkwardness aside, Jake was his friend, and friends helped each other.

It was with mixed feelings that he waited for Jake by the staircase the next night. Jake arrived a minute or two after him, not giving Hamilton too much time to prepare. He came down the stairs dressed all in black, even wearing black gloves. It was ridicules, and served to calm Hamilton a bit. Obviously, Jake had seen too many action movies.

Hamilton snorted as Jake joined him "we're recovering your motorcycle, not lifting the Mona Lisa" he said, for the first time feeling like he could mock something about Jake, too. Jake just shrugged, clearly not affected. "Come on," Hamilton said, starting in the direction of the groundskeeper office.

"I know the groundskeeper has it. I used to come down here and steal the lawnmowers, ride them around the lake". It had been one of his favourite pastimes as a kid. And every time he would get into such trouble, until he learned to return them clean and to fill the fuel tank from the barrels stored in the basement.

Jake smirked "high times at Rawley. Didn't know I was a partner with a juvenile delinquent".

Hamilton gave him a disbelieving look "you should talk". He fiddled with the lock to the basement (which was overlooked by the office), and opened it easily. Jake seemed a little impressed. "Stay quiet," Hamilton told him, and they entered.

"There it is!" Jake pointed to his bike before rushing over, passing a loving hand over its surface and checking it for any damage. Hamilton joined him, and not a moment too soon – the lights went on in the office and he ducked, pulling Jake down with him. They both watched as the groundskeeper walked in and sat in front of the TV, facing them.

Jake let out an annoyed sigh "great. Now what, we're stuck here?"

Hamilton shook his head "no, its 9 o'clock". Thank god for that. He didn't know how well he could handle being stuck here in the dark with the other boy for hours.

Jake looked at him in confusion. His eyes looked almost black in the semi-dark. "What, he gets off work?" he asked.

"No, Felicity comes on. He never misses an episode. He even cries sometimes, I swear" Hamilton said, smiling, and Jake smiled back, a flash of white in the gloom. "Sshhh," they both watched as the groundskeeper stared at the TV, dead to the world. "like clockwork, just be real quiet, he won't notice".

They got up, intending to roll the bike out of there, when the groundskeeper's howl of "what are you doing? God, Ben's in love with you, not her!" sent them down to the ground again. They exchanged looks, and burst out laughing. Hamilton covered his mouth with his hand, while Jake muffled his laugh in his sleeve. The throaty sound sent shivers down Hamilton's spine, and he got up cautiously, glancing at the office.

Jake got up after him and they rolled the bike out of the basement together.

------

Crew practice was uncomfortable; Jake kept glancing at Finn, wondering if he would decide to dunk them in today, too. _I swear, if it becomes a regular occurrence, I'm quitting the team._

She made it safe and dry back to shore, though. She thought about heading into town on foot, but decided against it. She didn't know the woods all that well to take shortcuts, and walking along the road seemed like too much of a bother. She could stand to wait another day or two before she visited Bella.

The next day and a half passed quickly, and soon enough she found herself standing in front of her closet, debating. What did one wear to secret operations like this? Black, of course. She even took a pair of gloves with her, as to refrain from leaving fingerprints.

Hamilton was waiting down by the bottom of the staircase, fidgeting. He seemed amused when he saw her. "We're recovering your motorcycle, not lifting the Mona Lisa" he told her, raising an eyebrow. She shrugged. So she saw Mission Impossible too many times, so what? A person had to have some drama in his life. Though she probably had unhealthy amounts of it currently.

"Come on," he said, starting to walk in the direction of what she assumed was the groundskeeper's office "I know the groundskeeper has it. I used to come down here and steal the lawnmowers, ride them around the lake".

Jake fought the urge to giggle. She could just see mini-Hamilton, with matching jacket and helmet, doing crazy loops around the lake on a lawnmower. "High times at Rawley" she smirked "didn't know I was a partner with a juvenile delinquent"

Hamilton gave her a dirty look as they arrived at the office. "Like you should talk".

He picked the lock quickly, obviously having done it many times before. She was impressed against her will; so he wasn't such a mommy's boy after all. "Stay quiet," he warned her, and they entered.

She saw her bike immediately, beautiful and gleaming among all the garbage stored there. She hurried over to it, checking for any signs of rough handling, and to her relief found none. As Hamilton joined her the lights in office lit up, and he pulled her down with him. They saw the groundskeeper enter and sit in front of his TV. He seemed like he was planning on staying there a long time.

"Great. Now what, we're stuck here?" she huffed.

"No, its 9 o'clock" Hamilton said soothingly.

"What, he gets off work?" she didn't understand.

"No, Felicity comes on. He never misses an episode. He even cries sometimes, I swear" he smiled his gorgeous smile, making her unable not to smile back.

"Sshhh," he said as the man stared at the screen, unblinking. "Like clockwork, just be real quiet, he won't notice". They got up.

"What are you doing!?" the shout startled them both and they ducked before realizing it was directed towards the TV, not them. "God, Ben's in love with you, not her!"

They looked at each other and, seeing the other's expression, burst out laughing. She buried her face in her sleeve, not trusting herself to keep quiet, and Hamilton did the same with his hand, though she could still hear his low, half-choked snickers.

Hamilton got up carefully, with a glance to the groundskeeper, and motioned her after him. They rolled the motorcycle outside together.

It was a strange feeling, to walk the halls at night with her bike. She glanced at Hamilton; he looked uneasy, again. "I really appreciate this," she told him. "If you got caught, you'd really get into trouble. I mean, your dad's the dean".

He frowned "yeah, perpetually. From the time he wakes up to the time he goes to sleep".

She could certainly relate to that. "Yeah," she said quietly "I heard that. My mom's got her cell-phone surgically implanted".

They entered the common room. She glanced at him again, and he moved away a little, but enough for her to notice. "Oh, you know you said before" she started, feeling the need to end this once and for all "me being, you know, gay? I'm not, that I promise you. I just had a sketchy moment, but it's over. I'm just saying you don't have to feel weird around me".

He looked at her "well, I do". She must have looked put-down, because he quickly added "I'm trying not to".

She smiled at him, then the absurdity of it all hit her and she laughed "I can't believe we pulled this off. Thank God for the freight elevator".

"It's so Hardy Boys" Hamilton agreed.

"Yeah, beats Nancy Drew," she added without thinking, still laughing. He looked at her funny, but laughed too. _Oops_.

-----

The adrenaline rush of almost getting caught made Hamilton forget his unease for a few minutes. Now, though, when it was just the two of them standing together in the tiny freight elevator, the feeling returned at full force. Jake was slouched against a wall, chewing on his lip thoughtfully, looking up. The line of his throat seemed long and pale and impossibly smooth; just looking at it made Hamilton want to bite it. He swallowed and looked the other way, holding his breath until the elevator stopped and they got out.

"I really appreciate this," Jake said, looking at him earnestly, as they rolled the bike along the empty halls. "If you got caught, you'd really get into trouble. I mean, your dad's the dean".

He didn't need a reminder. It was a touchy subject with him. "Yeah," he muttered "perpetually. From the time he wakes up to the time he goes to sleep".

Jake nodded sympathetically. "Yeah, I heard that. My mom's got her cell-phone surgically implanted". He pouted, his lips dark and inviting, his dark hair, for once free from gel, obscuring his eyes. Hamilton wanted to push it away; instead, he moved away himself.

Jake must have caught that, because he said "oh, you know you said before, me being, you know, gay? I'm not, that I promise you. I just had a sketchy moment, but it's over. I'm just saying you don't have to feel weird around me".

_A sketchy moment?_ Hamilton found that hard to believe. Still, he was experiencing an awful lot of sketchy moments like that himself lately, so maybe he needed to let Jake have the benefit of doubt.

"Well, I do" he said, because it was true, though probably not even Jake's fault anymore. Jake's expression turned miserable, so he added quickly "I'm trying not to". _Trust me, I'm trying my best not to_.

Jake smiled at him shyly, and then suddenly laughed "I can't believe we pulled this off. Thank God for the freight elevator".

_Curse the freight elevator_, Hamilton thought, but he agreed it was kind of cool, this operation they played out. "It's so Hardy Boys" he laughed, too.

"Yeah, beats Nancy Drew," Jake said. Hamilton frowned at him for a moment. _Nancy Drew?_ With comments like that, Jake would have a hard time convincing anyone he's not gay.

Still, it was a surprisingly nice way to spend an evening, considering. Even though Jake made him extremely uncomfortable, he was also really fun to be around.

They reached the doors and rolled the bike outside, intent on finding a new hiding spot.

------

The next day, Jake spent the morning on her computer. Around lunch time, though, she was starting to feel a little hungry. She saw that diner across from Bella's garage the last time she's been there, and she intended to go visit Bella anyway, so she decided she might as well combine the two. On her way out she passed the open doors of the common room, and, seeing Hamilton among the boys watching TV inside, decided to invite him along. He had helped her yesterday, and he had said he wanted a ride on the bike, after all. She headed over, kneeling next to the sofa, as he was sitting on the edge. "Hey," she said.

He looked away from the show he was watching. _Ugh, wrestling_. "Heya," he said.

"So, who's fighting?" she asked. Not that she was interested one bit in the answer; it was just that wrestling was a very manly thing.

"The Mangler and Rock Hard Richard Baxter" he answered, like it was supposed to mean something to her.

"Oh cool," she said indifferently. "So thanks again for last night". She noticed him look around uncomfortably, so she added "I'm really glad to have my bike back".

Hamilton nodded briefly "no, no problem".

She smiled "god, it was hilarious bringing that bike through here". Hamilton didn't even look at her, not to mention dignify her with an answer. "Well, um, I was going to take it out for a ride and thought the least I could do is see if you wanted to come, cruise by the Rawley babes, sound like fun?" she couldn't believe she was saying that. Cruising by the Rawley babes? The last thing she needed was for another girl to hit on her. Grace Banks was more than enough.

Hamilton ignored her, staring fixedly at the screen. _Right,_ she thought. _Apparently our truce is over_. She got up without saying anything, and headed out, throwing one last look at him over her shoulder. He didn't notice.

Jake fumed all the way to her bike. She didn't understand him at all! One minute he was Mr. charming, and then, before she knew what hit her, he was pretending she didn't exist. This wasn't how friendship was supposed to look like. And it wasn't even over the gay thing! She explained, he accepted, he said he was trying not to feel weird around her. He seemed fine with it yesterday!

Boys were such a waste of time!

She got her bike out and headed out to town. When she arrived at the garage, though, only Grace Banks was there. The girl gave her a flirty look, and Jake sighed inwardly.

"Hi, Grace," she said, and Grace sauntered over "is Bella inside?"

Grace stopped, her smile replaced by a scowl. "Why does everyone want Bella?" she asked angrily, her hands on her hips. She turned around and headed back inside, throwing a "she's at the dinner" over her shoulder.

"Right," Jake muttered, heading over to the diner. The sign above it announced is was called "Friendly's". She pushed the door open and entered.

Bella was sitting at the counter, talking to Will and Scout who were both in uniform. _Strange_. Will she understood, but she knew Scout was loaded. She smiled – he probably did it to be close to Bella.

The three of them looked over as she entered, the boys offering her polite smiles; Bella, however, grinned widely and hopped down from her stool, throwing her arms around Jake in a hug. "Where have you been?" she asked, arms still around Jake "I haven't seen you for a few days now!"

Jake patted her awkwardly on the back, conscious of the bewildered (and in Scout's case, angry) looks the others were giving her. "Bella," she whispered urgently "to everyone else I'm a guy, remember?"

Bella froze, then stepped back, looking sheepish. "Right," she said, glancing back at scout and Will and wincing "I forget".

Scout was still looking between them, eyes narrowed. "You two know each other?" he asked.

Bella shrugged "we met a few days ago."

Scout's expression turned stormy "you're being awfully friendly for people who just met a few days ago".

Bella frowned "Scout," she said, her tone a warning.

Scout looked down, flushing darkly, and muttered something Jake didn't hear, but she could bet it wasn't pleasant.

"Someone's jealous," she sing-songed to Bella, expecting her to smile. However, Bella's frown deepened, and she wouldn't meet her eyes. "Can we go back to the garage and talk?" she asked quietly.

"Sure," Jake answered, puzzled. Something was obviously wrong. She'll just get her lunch later.

Bella grabbed her hand, pulling her out of the diner.

Scout looked at the two of them, his face dark. "I don't like that Jake guy one bit," he said to Will. Will was looking at them, too. "He's a good guy," Will answered, turning to look at his friend. "You can't dislike every guy Bella's friendly with. You don't have that right anymore, remember?"

"Thanks for rubbing it in," Scout muttered, than added more loudly "and that wasn't just friendly. They were hugging and holding hands!"

Will seemed thoughtful "that sure was odd, I'll give you that".

Meanwhile, Jake followed Bella to the Garage. Bella opened the door, leading her inside and up a staircase. She pushed open the door to a room and after Jake entered, closed the door. She motioned to the bed "sit down".

Jake sat down, looking around her. The room was pleasant and tidy, the walls coloured soft lavender, the windows and bed covered in white curtains and bedspread. A few posters and photos hung on the walls; more photos were taped on the mirror that hung on the back of the door.

"Nice room," she said.

"Thanks," Bella fidgeted.

"So?" Jake asked.

"So what?" Bella asked, shifty.

"So what's with you and Scout? You didn't break up already did you?"

The other girl didn't answer, and Jake stared at her "oh my god, you did! Why?"

"We… how's it going with Hamilton?"

"You're not changing the subject," Jake told her.

Bella let out a frustrated sigh "I'll tell you, I promise, I just have to work up to it. So answer my question".

It was Jake's turn to sigh "not so good," she admitted. "I talked to him, and explained I was not gay, that it was just a sketchy moment, and he seemed to accept that… He even helped me steal my bike back from the groundskeeper. But today, he totally blew me off. Acted like he couldn't even hear me talking to him," she finished, tugging on her hair in frustration.

Bella winced in sympathy "you're completely into him, aren't you?" she asked.

"Maybe," Jake wasn't willing to admit anything just yet. "Anyway, enough about my problems. What's up with you and Scout? If it's something stupid –"

"It's not," Bella interrupted her, looking miserable. "I wish it was, it's so completely horrible I can't even grasp it fully".

"Okay, now you're freaking me out," Jake said.

Bella took a deep breath. "My dad – Charlie – he's not my biological father. My mother had an affair, but he married her anyway. He's my real father, he's the one that raised me, but… he's not the one I'm genetically related to".

"Oh god," Jake gaped at her, paling "please tell me you're not saying what I think you're saying…"

Bella's face contorted, her eyes shining "my mother had an affair with John Calhoun, Scout's father. Scout's my half-brother."

She started crying. Jake gathered her into her arms, at a loss. She wasn't that big on emotional displays; they always made her uncomfortable. She wanted to comfort Bella, but she didn't have the slightest idea where to begin. In the end she just held her and smoothed her hair until she calmed down.

Bella sat up, wiping her eyes angrily "I'm sorry," she sniffed "I got your shirt all wet".

"Don't be stupid," Jake answered, waving it aside. "I'm here for you if you need me. Even if you just need someone to wipe your nose on," she added, smiling.

"Gross," Bella said, but she gave her a watery smile back. "Thanks, I mean it."

"Anytime," Jake said, then glanced at her watch. She blanched "I have crew practice in twenty minutes. If I'm late, I'll have to swim to the boat, in this" she indicated her outfit "I'd rather just quit".

"Go," Bella said immediately.

"Are you sure?" Jake asked, hesitating. "It's okay, I'm not all that big on crew anyway, and Finn's creepy. I just joined because it seemed manly".

"No, I'm okay, go," Bella said, laughing. "I'll see you later. Can't have you missing your manly occupations".

"Okay," Jake said, getting up. They hugged "be good," Jake told her, before heading downstairs. She got out and on her bike, ignoring Grace's suggestive leer (she did come out of Bella's room, after all) and high-tailed it back to Rawley.

-----

Hamilton was sitting in the common room, watching a wrestling match, when Jake came in and crouched beside him "hey".

He glanced at him "heya".

Jake turned to the screen, looking bored out of his mind "so, who's fighting?"

"The Mangler and Rock Hard Richard Baxter" Hamilton answered, pretending to be deeply engrossed in the match. It **was** rather boring, but it was manly and tough, and he needed manly and tough right now.

"Oh cool," Jake said, before adding "so thanks again for last night". Hamilton looked around quickly; a few boys were giving them strange looks, having heard Jake's statement. "I'm really glad to have my bike back", Jake clarified, and the boys looked away.

"No, no problem," Hamilton answered, wanting to end this conversation quickly before something embarrassing happened. He could smell Jake too well this close, could practically count his eyelashes. He kept his eyes glued to the screen.

"God, it was hilarious bringing that bike through here" Jake snickered quietly. Hamilton didn't dare to look at him. "Well, um, I was going to take it out for a ride and thought the least I could do is see if you wanted to come," Jake continued, a little awkwardly. "Cruise by the Rawley babes, sound like fun?"

Sitting with Jake on the same bike, pressed against him? Yes, it sounded like fun. The kind of fun Hamilton wasn't supposed to find fun. He ignored Jake. The other boy waited a few more moments before getting up without a word, striding away quickly. Hamilton glanced at his retreating back, its tense lines conveying the hurt clearly.

He bit the inside of his cheek. He hated hurting Jake, but he had no choice. He couldn't accept his offer, and he couldn't explain why, either. Maybe it was a good thing, that Jake was angry at him. Maybe Hamilton needed a little time away from him.

He turned back to the match, trying to concentrate, but it was no use. All he could think about was Jake.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Young Americans does not belong to me, and I am not making any money out of this. It's for my own fun (and hopefully yours, too). Jake and Ham aren't mine either: I just borrow them to play with (and torture, in Ham's case, because it's just so amusing).

Summary: The third Young Americans episode "Kiss and Tell", written from Jake and Hamilton's point of view with a little personal tweaks. Enjoy!

A/N: This is my first time writing YA fanfiction, and as such, I'm rather nervous. So please read and review! It would mean a lot to me.

Keirah: thank you for your sweet reviews! It's good to know **someone** reads this…

-----

Jake ignored Hamilton for the whole of crew practice, except when he called out rebuking comments in a tone rather sharper than Hamilton felt was necessary. Still, he couldn't exactly blame him. He wanted to apologize, but he wasn't sure what to say – Sorry I'm mean to you, Jake, but you've got to understand, I want to kiss you all the time and it drives me crazy?

_No, I thought not_.

He should probably stay away until he got rid of this urge, anyway.

Trying to find something to distract himself from the dark-haired boy's stormy face, he looked around him, and blinked in surprise. Scout was practically burning a hole into Jake with his glare. And Jake, instead of glaring back, only seemed to be offering sympathetic looks, something which only made Scout appear angrier.

He frowned, looking between them. What was **that** about?

Jake caught his eyes and his expression immediately hardened again. Hamilton winced. Maybe he should apologize and be done with it, awkwardness be damned.

He didn't get the opportunity. When they reached the docks Jake hopped out and headed at a brisk walk back towards the school, as though he knew exactly what Hamilton had in mind and was doing his best to avoid it. Hamilton wanted to follow him, but it was his turn to help with returning the equipment today. He sighed. He'll just have to find him later.

Jake's room was locked when Hamilton arrived. He knocked on the door, calling "Jake, let me in, I'm sorry," just in case, but there was no answer. Maybe Jake left for a ride on his bike, to "cruise by the Rawley babes". He was probably picking up a girl right now. Maybe Hamilton should stop moping in front of his door and go do the same.

When he did see Jake again it was in Finn's literature class, that afternoon. Jake was sitting a few feet away, listening with what seemed like genuine interest.

"-To the woods because I wished to live deliberately. To front only the essential facts of life. To see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die discover I had not lived." Ok, what do we know about Thoreau?" Finn finished and looked at the class expectedly.

Hamilton tuned him out and looked over at Jake, who was now busying himself with plucking out strands of grass. He looked bored, and unimpressed with everyone's answers. Well, he should just say something himself if he was so smart then.

He still wasn't looking at Hamilton. Hamilton concentrated harder. Jake **must** have felt his eyes on him, but he was doing a good job of pretending not to.

"It's not possible. Emerson was Thoreau's mentor, his friend," Will said slowly, and as usual, Finn seemed impressed by what he said. Hamilton didn't think it was all that impressive, and apparently neither did Jake, because he rolled his eyes and began scratching his neck. _Ha_, Hamilton though in triumph, so he **was** feeling the gaze. Now if he would just stop being so stubborn and look over.

As if hearing his thoughts, Jake looked over, giving Hamilton a 'what the fuck do you want?' look. Hamilton put on his best puppy face, mouthing "sorry". He'd had years to perfect that look on his mother, and until now it had never failed him; he could get **anything** with that look.

Apparently Jake wasn't immune either, because while he rolled his eyes and looked away again, Hamilton could see a tiny smile hovering at the corners of his mouth. He grinned. Step one completed.

-----

Jake spent the ride back to school thinking about Bella and Scout. It really put her life back in perspective. So the guy she was – **somewhat** – into was ignoring her. She could handle that. It wasn't worth it, anyway. It wasn't like she was in love with him. Besides, it wasn't like she was even planning on staying here long enough to start an everlasting friendship.

With Bella it was different. Bella knew the truth; Bella was quickly becoming a good friend, and she needed her now. It would be petty to dwell in self-pity when Bella needed a shoulder.

Hamilton, though… he just wasn't worth it. What did she think, exactly? That she'll leave and they'd still be best friends? That she could actually have a relationship with him? No, she would finish what she came here to do and then go, and she didn't need to complicate things more. So what if he got her, if he made her feel special like no one else ever did? One new friend was enough. He didn't need her confusing him and then disappearing on him forever.

She would stay away from Hamilton. It was for the best, for both of them.

She stuck to her resolution all through crew practice. She could see the looks Hamilton was throwing her; he seemed remorseful, but she ignored it, fixing her face in a hard expression. Instead, she watched Scout. He was obviously just as miserable as Bella was, and just as bad at handling it.

God, sometimes life **sucked**. What were the odds of something like that happening? It was so… Greek tragedy. If she fell in love with someone and was fortunate enough to have him feel the same way, and then found out she could never, ever be with him… How do you even handle something like that? How do you even pick yourself up after that kind of curveball?

She caught Scout's death-glare and winced. Apparently, you transform your frustration into hate. She couldn't hold it against him, though; if it was her, she'd probably be doing much worse. And she guessed it did kind of look like she was putting the moves on Bella.

She sighed. She'd have to catch Scout and explain. Not everything, of course, but enough to stop him from trying to kill her with his mind.

Her eyes slipped over to Hamilton without thinking; he looked between her and Scout, obviously puzzled by the weird vibe they had. She glared at him. _Stay out of it_. It was none of his business.

She ignored him for the rest of practice.

When they got back to the docks she saw Hamilton lean forward and look at her, as though he meant to grab her to make sure she'll stay and talk to him.

She had no intention of granting him that wish. She hopped out quickly and started as fast as she could towards the school. She knew it was Hamilton's turn to put the equipment away today. Lucky for her. Unfortunately, Scout also had put-away duty. She'll just have to catch him later.

She got back to her room and sat in front of her computer, logging into her email account. No new messages from mom, of course. Where was she now? Berlin? Or was it Barcelona? She really couldn't keep up anymore.

No new messages from Meagan, her personal assistant, either. That was strange. Usually she got one every couple of days, detailing Monica's whereabouts and wishing her a good day. It was even signed "Love, Mom" but Jake realized the truth long ago. When her mother wrote, she usually wrote no more than two or three sentences, never inquired after her week or wished her a good day, and always, **always** signed "Monica".

Pity they hadn't figured out the differences themselves. Still, it was nice to know **someone** made the effort.

Just than, she heard someone knock on her door. She froze, concentrating on staying very quiet, and sure enough, Hamilton's voice came floating "Jake, let me in, I'm sorry".

She winced. He was really a good guy, even if he was a little bipolar. He didn't deserve her treating him like this, though he **had** acted like a jerk. But she still didn't answer, and after knocking once again she heard him walk away.

She sighed, biting her lip. _It's for the best_, she told herself. _Nothing good can come out of this. It's for the best_.

She was furiously rethinking her resolution when lit. class came around. She sat a few feet away from Hamilton, and she could feel his eyes burning holes into the back of her neck. He probably had that sad puppy face on. She was so not going to look.

She tried to concentrate on Finn's words, but she wasn't getting a single thing. Plus, her neck was starting to itch.

Damn Hamilton.

Will said something. Finn nodded as though it was really impressive; she hadn't heard a word he said. She looked down. The ground beside her was almost grass-free. She scratched her neck.

She couldn't do this.

Jake glanced over at Hamilton. Sure enough, there was the puppy-face – and damn, how was anyone supposed to resist that? He was completely adorable. She'd bet her bike even his own mother had trouble resisting that face, and she's had years to develop her resistance. What was a girl supposed to do?

He caught her eyes and mouthed "sorry". His eyes were so blue, she felt she could drown in them, and he seemed so sincere. It was more than she could take.

She rolled her eyes but allowed a small smile to appear. Hamilton's expression immediately brightened, and he gave her that gorgeous smile of his. She looked away quickly.

It was **so** not helping her with her "no relationship possible" mantra. She was once again reminded why she decided to break this friendship off while it was still young, but she couldn't.

There was no point denying it; Hamilton Flemming was something else, and she wanted to be with him, in any way she could. And if it was just friendship she could have – well, she was okay with that.

-----

As soon as class was over Hamilton hurried over to Jake. He put on his best regretful expression. "I'm really sorry" he said again. Jake shrugged, but his expression wasn't hostile. "It's cool," he said. Hamilton still felt the need to explain, though "I'm sort of going through something right now, and I took it out on you. I shouldn't have done that".

Jake looked him in the eye "no, you shouldn't have. But it's okay. I know what you mean; we all do it at some point in our lives".

"Really?" Hamilton perked up. It was easier than he thought, getting Jake to forgive him, at least when he managed to get him to acknowledge his presence.

"Yeah," Jake said. "Forget it."

"So we're cool," Hamilton clarified.

Jake smiled "yeah, we're cool". There was that smile again, doing strange things to his insides.

"Great," Hamilton refused to get uncomfortable "so how about that ride now? We could go into town, maybe grab a couple of burgers…"

Jake laughed "yeah, sure-" he then paused as though he suddenly remembered something, and looked around in alarm "oh shit, where's Scout?"

Hamilton frowned, looking around, and pointed to a distant figure "there. What's up with the two of you, anyway?"

"Never mind," Jake waved it aside "could we postpone that ride? Say, around dinner time?"

"Yeah, okay…" Hamilton answered. "Then maybe – "

"I'll catch you later, all right?" without waiting for an answer, Jake ran after Scout's swiftly disappearing back.

"Catch you later…" Hamilton echoed, trying not to pout. He was looking forward to hanging out with Jake today. He sort of missed having him around, even if it was only a day since they last hung out together.

He wanted to know what was the deal with Jake and Scout, too. It bugged him that Jake wouldn't tell him, like it was some big secret or something. He didn't like the idea of Jake having secrets he didn't know.

_God, Hamilton_, he thought to himself. _Possessive, much? Get over it._

He looked around, seeing a group of boys throwing a Frisbee between them. He recognized a few from his classes and crew.

"Hey," he said, coming over "need another player?"

------

After class ended, Hamilton hurried over to Jake, as though he was afraid she'd bolt again. "I'm really sorry," he repeated.

"It's cool," Jake shrugged. She could handle his mood swings, as long as he acknowledged his mistakes.

"I'm sort of going through something right now, and I took it out on you. I shouldn't have done that" Hamilton continued, looking at her earnestly.

"No, you shouldn't have" she agreed. "But it's okay. I know what you mean; we all do it at some point in our lives". God knows she did that, too; she tended to take out her disappointment at her mother out on her friends, until she realized it didn't help at all. Her mother was never around to even notice her frustration, anyway, and her friends **were**. She didn't want to alienate **them**, too.

"So we're cool," Hamilton asked. He still seemed anxious, and she smiled. He was so cute.

"Yeah, we're cool," she answered, and Hamilton beamed at her. She fought not to blush. Damn, he could blind someone with that grin if he wasn't careful.

"Great," he said enthusiastically "so how about that ride now? We could go into town, maybe grab a couple of burgers…" he waggled his eyebrows suggestively and she laughed. Was there even a minute in his life that when he wasn't thinking about food? He was such a typical teenage boy sometimes.

"Yeah, sure," she said, and then jumped in alarm, looking around wildly, remembering. "Oh shit, where's Scout?" she needed to find him and explain before things got out of hand.

"There" Hamilton pointed. Scout was almost out of sight. "What's up with the two of you, anyway?"

"Never mind," she avoided his eyes. It wasn't her secret to tell. "Could we postpone that ride? Say, around dinner time?"

She could tell he was disappointed, and the thought warmed her "yeah, okay…" he answered."Then maybe –"

She could barely see Scout anymore "I'll catch you later, all right?" she threw over her shoulder and took after Scout running, not pausing to even hear Hamilton's reply. She'll just have to make it up to him later.

She caught up to Scout just before he entered the woods with Will, probably heading into town. "Hey, guys, wait up!" she called, out of breath.

They turned to look at her, Scout instantly scowling. "What?" he snapped.

"Scout, can I talk to you for a minute?" she asked, trying to sound as unthreatening as possible.

"I'm in a hurry right now" he said shortly, turning his back on her. She saw Will give him a look, and he turned back, sighing.

"Fine," he bit out. "Make it quick".

She glanced at Will and he took the hint, wandering a little ahead to give them privacy.

"Look," she said "I know you think there's something going on between me and Bella, but we're just good friends, nothing more. And we'll never **be** anything more, I promise you that".

He looked at her suspiciously, but seemed slightly mollified "whatever. It's not my business anyway".

She sighed "Scout… I know, about you and Bella. And I can't even begin to say how sorry I am – "

"She told you?" he seemed surprised, and angry.

"Yeah," she said, and added quickly "she's really devastated, she just needed a shoulder to cry on –"

Scout gave her a nasty look "and you just happened to be that shoulder, ha?"

"Stop it," she said, starting to lose her patience "I already told you, nothing is going on between me and Bella. If she and I would be the last two people on earth, we still wouldn't get together. So what I'm saying is – I know you're angry and hurt and frustrated, but stop taking it out on me, because I'm not your enemy, and go comfort your sister, because there's only so much I can do".

She turned to go, shaking her head to herself. He caught her sleeve, and she turned around, looking at him questioningly.

"I'm sorry," he said "you're right. I have no right to be angry at you, even if there was something going on between you and Bella". At her protesting look he smiled and added "but I'm glad you told me there isn't. I'm sorry I was a jerk, I'm just so…"

"Overwhelmed?" she offered. At his nod, she continued "I know, I get that. I can't even begin to grasp what it's like, and I hope I'll never have to. It's only natural to feel angry at the world. But it won't get you anywhere, trust me. Sooner or later, you're just going to have to accept the truth and move on, and your life will be a lot easier if you'll do it sooner rather than later".

_Maybe I should take my own advice_, she thought to herself. _Maybe I should just accept the fact that my mother is practically a stranger to me and just stop with all those crazy schemes and plotting. I'm only hurting myself, in the end_.

Scout looked at her, puzzled "wow," he said. "That was… deep. Almost like…"

Almost like a girl, she knew that's what he wanted to say. She could've kicked herself for being so stupid. Guys weren't supposed to say stuff like that. She quickly improvised "I took psychology at my former school".

"Oh," he seemed to accept that explanation. He smiled "thanks, though. What you said really hit home. You're a cool guy, Jake," he added, punching her on the shoulder.

She tried not to wince. "Thanks. You're a cool guy yourself. And if you need an ear, well," she shrugged "I'm here".

"Yeah, I'll keep that in mind," he nodded "again, thanks. I'd better get going," he looked over at Will, who was motioning at his watch impatiently "but I'll catch you around. Feel free to drop by the diner," he grinned "maybe I could throw in a free burger".

She laughed "I'll take you up on that offer. See you later!" she waved at the two boys and started back towards the school.

Will and Scout hurried through the woods. Scout looked over at Will "you were right. Jake's a cool guy".

Will smirked "and just what did he say to you that changed your mind?"

"He's not interested in Bella," Scout said, and Will laughed uneasily. He didn't really feel comfortable with Scout's jealousy. "But more than that," Scout continued "he's a smart kid. Strange maybe, but smart. He said some really insightful things to me".

"I hate to say I told you-" Will grinned, and Scout rolled his eyes "but I told you".

"Yeah, yeah," Scout cuffed him about the head "shut up".

-----

Hamilton was just in the middle of a particularly spectacular throw when his mother came up to him, accompanied by a cute girl with dyed red hair.

"Oh, hold on one second" he heard his mother say. "Here's munchie."

Hamilton glared at her. And before other people, no less! "Mom," he gritted out "drop the munchie".

"Okay" she said, as though she hadn't said that a thousand times before. "Uh, Lena, Hamilton, Hamilton, Lena" she introduced the two of them. "Hamilton's my son. Lena's here is from LA and she's touring our school," she turned to look at Hamilton "so could you do me a favor and take her back to the girls' campus so she doesn't get lost, okay?

"Sure," Hamilton smiled. Lena was cute. Maybe something would come out of this. He did say he needed to hook up.

Lena smiled back.

"Alright, have fun," his mother said not so subtly before leaving.

"So," Hamilton said, sticking his hands in his pockets.

"So," Lena echoed, looking at him.

They started walking in the direction of the girls' school. "So, what's it like in LA?" Hamilton asked, genuinely curious. He lived in New Rawley for most of his life, and he figured life in a big city had to be pretty exciting. Although Jake probably wouldn't have been very impressed with LA, living in New-York all his life. Then again, Jake wasn't very much impressed with **anything**.

He **really** shouldn't be thinking about Jake now.

"Nothing's indigenous" Lena shrugged. "Even the palm trees are brought in. I always wanted to say that. It's from the 'The Way we Were' ".

"You like movies," Hamilton said. He liked movies, too. This could work.

"Some" she answered. "Mostly old ones".

Old ones? Well, old westerns and such were cool. He could totally dig that.

"They just restored an old drive in near here" he said, suddenly remembering. "It opens tomorrow night". Maybe he should ask her out on a date. She seemed to like him. And it would certainly get his mind off Jake.

As if summoned by his thoughts (and he had a frankly unnatural way of doing that) Jake appeared before them, waving. He jumped down from the bench he was standing on. "Hey," he said.

"Hey," Hamilton answered. Jake looked between him and Lena, raising an eyebrow.

"Hi," Lena said instantly. Hamilton glanced at her, but she was completely focused on Jake.

"Hi," Jake smiled.

Hamilton decided to intervene "Jake, this is –" he started, but Lena beat him to it.

"Lena," she said immediately, offering Jake a warm smile. Hamilton frowned. She didn't smile like that at **him** when **they** were introduced.

"Hi Lena," Jake said.

"From La" Hamilton said quickly. He was beginning to feel left out. "She's checking out Rawley for fall semester. I was gonna show her to the girl's campus" he added, hoping both of them would get the hint.

Neither of them did. Lena didn't even bother looking at him, while Jake smirked and said "mm, well, how chivalrous". Lena giggled.

"We're going to the drive in tomorrow night to see a movie, do you want to come with us?" she said, before Hamilton had the time to protest. It wasn't like he even invited her yet! But he didn't want to point that out – she'd probably just ditch him and go alone with Jake. The thought made him scowl – he didn't like that idea one bit.

Stupid Jake, honing in on **his** action.

Jake caught his scowl and glanced at him, but at Lena's insistent look he said "yeah, sure".

Lena beamed.

Hamilton rolled his eyes "great".

Jake frowned, but before he could say anything Lena said "You know, you look exactly like my ex-boyfriend".

Jake laughed "I hope that's a compliment". _That's Jake_, Hamilton thought bitterly. Always so in-control and **charming**.

Lena giggled again "it is" she assured him, looking him up and down.

"You know, people tell me and Jake that we look alike" Hamilton butted in, a last desperate effort. He leaned close to Jake to emphasize his point, and was immediately surrounded by the now familiar scent. He swallowed.

"For real?" Lena said, making a face. "Hm. I don't see it" she announced firmly, not even pretending to think it over.

Hamilton gave up. "The girls school is this way" he said. He wanted Lena as far from Jake as possible, though he wasn't about to dwell on the 'why'. He just did.

Lena, of course, had other plans. "So, we're gonna see you tomorrow night?" she turned to Jake, ignoring Hamilton's impatient hovering.

Jake smiled. It was the same smile that made Hamilton's inside turned to mush, although it wasn't directed at him this time. It seemed to have the same effect on Lena. "Yes you will" he confirmed, before waving goodbye and walking away.

Lena watched him go before turning to follow Hamilton. "He looks exactly like my ex-boyfriend" she told him, shaking her head and smiling to herself.

Hamilton scowled again. This was so not turning out to be a good day.

------

Jake looked around for Hamilton as she crossed the lawn, and spotted him playing Frisbee with some guys. She smiled. She'd just head back to her room to change clothes (she got grass stains on them during class) and then she'd come back and join them. She played Frisbee a lot as a kid.

When she got to her room she checked her mail. Still nothing. She frowned. Maybe she should just call, see if everything was all right.

Consuela answered on the third ring. Jake smiled, although the woman couldn't see it. "Hey, Consuela, it's Jake – ah" she caught herself and corrected "Jacqueline".

Consuela's welcoming shout almost deafened her "Jacqueline, is that you? I haven't heard from you in ages" she reprimanded her. "How are you? How is your new school? Are you enjoying yourself?"

"Yeah" Jake assured her. She bit her lip and hesitated before blurting out "is mom there?"

The silence on the other side of the line gave her all the answers she needed. "Oh, she left again" she said flatly.

Consuela tried to sound enthusiastic "yeah, she got a call yesterday from her agent – you remember that movie in Hollywood she auditioned to? Well she got it".

Jake stared blankly at the wall "Hollywood. Wow".

She must have sounded depressed, or rather Consuela just knew her that well, because she immediately said "honey, don't take it to heart. You know how your mother is. I'm sure she meant to call you-"

"No, no," Jake said quickly. The last thing she needed was Consuela trying to make her feel better by telling her things neither of them believed. "Glad the role came through". Consuela sighed, so she quickly added "yeah, well, I'm sure they mean to call and tell me" she didn't know if she was referring to her mother, Meagan or her agent.

"Honey," her house keeper started.

"No, it happens, it happens" Jake cut her off. She couldn't stand to hear other people make excuses for her mom anymore.

Consuela sighed loudly again, knowing it was a lost cause "take care of yourself, Jacqueline dear, and you'd better be eating! If you'll come back even thinner than you were when you left I'll force-feed you until you'll look like the Christmas turkey" she threatened.

Jake laughed "yeah, I will".

"I miss you," Consuela said quietly.

"I miss you too, Consuela" Jake assured her, feeling her throat seize up a little. She needed to end this conversation. "Bye," she said quickly.

"Bye honey," her house keeper said, and Jake hung up. She took a deep breath. No point in dwelling, right? She squared her shoulders and went to find Hamilton.

She saw the group of boys he played with earlier, but he wasn't among them. She stepped up on a bench for a better view, and sure enough she saw him coming her way, accompanied by a red-headed girl about their age. She was pretty, and Jake swiftly quelled the little flare of jealously she felt.

"Hey," she said, jumping down from the bench.

"Hey," Hamilton said, smiling.

The redhead looked at her in interest. "Hi," she said.

Jake smiled. She seemed like a nice girl. "Hi," she answered.

Hamilton looked between them. "Jake, this is –" he started, but the girl cut him off. "Lena," she told Jake, smiling at her.

"Hi Lena," Jake said.

"From La" Hamilton said quickly. Jake looked at him – he seemed annoyed. "She's checking out Rawley for fall semester. I was gonna show her to the girl's campus".

Oh, so that was it. He was trying to woo the redhead. She fought the urge to glare. She had no right. She smirked instead "mm, well, how chivalrous". She hoped Lena would get the hint, but instead, Lena giggled and continued to look at her.

_Oh man_. She was starting to get the feeling that Lena was more interested in her than in Hamilton. How embarrassing. Just like Grace Banks. Why was it that she was such a chick-magnet when she was actually really a girl? She couldn't understand it. Was she really **that** unfeminine?

"We're going to the drive in tomorrow night to see a movie; do you want to come with us?" Lena asked her, smiling coyly. She was flirting with her! She saw the glare Hamilton sent both of them, but acting on an impulse answered "yeah, sure". She heard Hamilton mutter "great".

She knew it was wrong. She knew she was leading Lena on, and that she was "stealing Hamilton's girl", but she couldn't help it. She did not want Hamilton to go to the drive in with Lena, or with any other girl, for that matter.

She suddenly panicked. What happened to "no relationship"? What happened to "going away forever after the summer session was over"? She was so fucking this up. Hamilton deserved to get the girl he wanted; she had no right to ruin that for him. She was going to disappear soon, anyway.

She opened her mouth to say she just remembered she had a prior engagement, but Lena chose that moment to pipe up "you know, you look exactly like my ex-boyfriend".

So that was the source of her interest. Jake relaxed, although she wasn't sure if she should've been offended. After all, Lena just told her she reminded her of another guy. Still, since she was currently trying to pass as a guy, she assumed she could let it slide.

She laughed instead "I hope that's a compliment".

Lena giggled again. It was a little annoying. "It is," she said.

"You know, people tell me and Jake that we look alike" Hamilton announced suddenly. It was a ridicules statement – they were the farthest from each other they could be, unless Jake actually put on a dress. Still, she felt bad for him so she humored him and stood still so that Lena could compare them. She heard Hamilton swallow. He really liked this girl.

"For real?" Lena said in disinterest, and Jake winced. _Ouch_. "Hm. I don't see it" the redhead announced.

She saw Hamilton's shoulders sink. "The girls school is this way" he said, scowling.

Lena didn't even look at him "So, we're gonna see you tomorrow night?" she asked Jake.

Jake smiled. It was too late to back out now. "Yes you will," she said. She tried not to look at Hamilton's expression. "I need to go," she said, waving her hand vaguely in the direction of the school, before saying goodbye and escaping. She could feel Hamilton's glare burning into her back as she walked away.

-----

Hamilton was in a bad mood for the rest of the day. Around five Jake came to find him. He smiled at Hamilton and said "do you want to go get those burgers now? I'm getting kind of hungry…"

Hamilton shot him a glare. "No," he said, and stood up, walking away without looking back. Jake didn't come after him.

Hamilton fumed all the way back to his house, but during the walk his anger started to disappear, replaced by anxiety. He totally blew Jake off, again. There was no way Jake was going to keep forgiving him if he just continued to do it every time he got a little frustrated.

He didn't even know why he was so furious in the first place. Sure, Jake was so not cool, flirting with Lena when Hamilton was obviously interested in her, but Lena was the one that started the flirting. She was the one obviously not into Hamilton. And clearly **very** into Jake.

_You're just jealous because you want Jake to yourself_, a little inner voice piped up. He froze. That was so not it. He didn't fancy Jake. Not one bit. He fancied Lena. **That** was the reason he was annoyed.

_Right, redheaded cute girly Lena_, the voice continued, mocking, and Hamilton put his hands over his ears and started humming, trying to drown it out. It didn't work. _You so totally dig dark-haired gorgeous boy Jake_, the voice whispered nastily.

Hamilton kicked the wall, but all he got in return was an aching foot.

It was a complete lie, of course. One rebellious little voice didn't make it right.

_Keep telling yourself that_, the voice sounded like it was smirking.

Hamilton was obviously going insane. Hearing nonexistent voices – first stop down the road to the mental institute. He should just go and check himself in now, save himself the trouble of waking up in a few weeks wearing just a table cloth and socks and talking to rabbits in the woods, convinced they would answer.

He kicked the wall again, just to make a point, and headed up to his room. He needed to do some serious thinking.

-----

Jake watched Hamilton's retreating back. She wasn't angry at him – she understood where he was coming from – Jake had stolen his crush. It had to suck, not to mention bruise his delicate manly ego a little. She'll just give him a little time to cool off, and then explain she wasn't into Lena.

Too bad she couldn't say she wasn't into Hamilton.

Her stomach grumbled, reminding her of her original propose of coming to find Hamilton. She shrugged. She'll just have to go without him.

She parked next to the diner and entered. Scout and Will looked up as she entered and smiled. "Come to get that free burger?" Scout asked.

She grinned back and sat next to the counter "definitely".

"One burger coming right up," Scout said, and Will rolled his eyes. "That's coming out of your paycheck," he warned. Scout shrugged good-naturally "I think I can handle that".

While she was waiting for her burger she glanced out of the window, seeing Bella working on a car over at the garage. "You talked to Bella?" she asked Scout in a low voice. He followed her eyes outside "yeah," he answered. "We're working through it".

She nodded approvingly.

"Here's your food," Will said, placing a plate before her. It smelled delicious, and she bit into it hungrily, almost choking on her mouthful. The boys laughed "hungry much?"

She nodded and swallowed "ravenous. This is really good," she took another bite of the burger.

"Fortunately," Will smiled. "So, Jake, we haven't really talked much, despite being on crew together and all. What are you doing here at Rawley?"

Jake shrugged, not meeting his eyes "thought the brochure sounded nice. And Rawley seemed like something that would look good on a college application".

"So you plan on staying?" Scout asked.

Jake shook her head "nah, I'll probably go back to New-York after the summer".

"Really?" they both looked surprised. "Why? Don't you like it here?"

"It's an okay school, I guess," she finished her burger and wiped her mouth "better than some of the others I've been in. But there's no point in staying here. I can be just as miserable closer to home," she said, than froze. "I mean – "

"Miserable?" Scout frowned.

"That's not what I meant. It's a nice school, as boarding schools go. Cool people, cool classes, but it's not me. I can be not me in the comforts of my apartment".

"You live in New York, right?" Will asked. "Must be hard, being so far from your family for such a long time. I understand why you'd want to go back".

Jake snorted "yeah, right. Family. Remind me what's that again?"

"What?" they both asked, bewildered. She mentally kicked herself. Was there some truth drug in the burger?

"Don't pay attention to me," she said brightly, hopping off the school before they had the chance to ask anything else. "I'm just babbling. I gotta go, but thanks for the food," she smirked at Scout "tell you what, I'll pay for yours next time. See ya!"

She left the diner quickly, heading over to Bella's.

Behind her, Will and Scout exchanged looks. "What did he mean by that?" Scout wondered. Will stared after her "I don't think he actually meant to say that, if the way he bolted out of here is any indication".

"Hi," Bella looked up and smiled as Jake stopped next to her, leaning against the wall. "What's up?"

Jake pretended to think "oh, just the usual. Hamilton's not talking to me because the girl **he** wants totally prefers **me** over him – which kinda freaks me out but I'm getting used to it – but at least Scout doesn't hate me anymore because he thinks I'm putting the moves on **you**". She sighed "girls totally dig Jake, by the way. He's apparently such a ladies man".

Bella laughed, but she looked puzzled "I just don't get it. I saw through you right away – how come they don't?"

Jake shrugged "you're more perspective? I don't know. But I can tell you it's really damaging my self esteem".

"Oh, Jake," Bella sighed. "You're a beautiful girl, trust me. You just make a really cute guy as well. Take off that binder and put on some lipstick and no one will be able to doubt you're entirely female".

"Thanks," Jake smiled self-consciously "for your kind words, but I'm okay with it, really. I've had my share of boyfriends – enough to convince me I'm attractive, anyway. So I think I can walk away from this little escapade with my pride intact," she laughed.

"If you're all right, then" Bella said, and they left it at that.

"Anyway," Jake said "I'd better get back, I just wanted to make sure you're holding up okay".

"I'm fine," Bella assured her. "In fact, I have a date tomorrow".

"Really?" Jake perked up. "With who?"

"Sean, he's – he's a friend, I guess – but I think he could be more. He's really cute," She added "we're going to the drive-in".

Jake burst out laughing.

"What?" Bella asked defensively.

"No, no, I'm not laughing at you," Jake assured her in between her wheezing "it's just – I'm going with Hamilton and Lena to the drive in tomorrow, too. He asked her, and she asked me without even talking it over with him. It should be interesting".

"Oh god," Bella giggled "you get yourself into the strangest situations".

"Yeah," Jake scratched her neck "I sure do. And now I really need to get going, but I'll probably see you tomorrow. Enjoy your date," she winked.

"You too!" Bella called after her, grinning.

------

After a while of going crazy in his room, Hamilton decided he might as well go crazy in public. Maybe it would even drown out the voices. He headed over to the common room, nodding his hellos to Will and the few other guys he knew there before dropping down on the sofa. The others were watching some movie, and he glanced at it, not really interested.

The idle chatter around him, and the fact that he wasn't attracted to any of the guys there, served to calm him and he began to relax.

As if on cue (judging by the day Hamilton was having, it was probably planned) Ryder Forest, resident jerk, came in with a smirk and a video camera.

"Greetings, gentlemen" he announced, smirking. "I'm making a documentary chronicling the hopes, the fears, the dreams of some of our freshmen, setting forth at the illustrious Rawley Academy. Let's start with you" he stopped in front one of the other boys, Henry Johnson, who looked perplexed. "Tell us child, what is your name?"

After listening to Ryder insult Henry a bit, Will rolled his eyes and said "why are you here, Ryder?"

Ryder turned his mocking smile on him "because my mother had the poor taste to marry American, and this is his pathetic idea of a good school. I'm hoping it proves to be the low point in my life. And from what I understand, it will probably be the high point of yours. I'm sorry, but at some point the scholarship money will run out, and let's face it, the tips your mum makes at the wash and set just aren't gonna cut it at these places".

Hamilton tensed, expecting Will to at least punch Ryder, but Will only smirked himself and shook his head in disgust "you are a useless individual, aren't you?"

Ryder smiled almost proudly "yeah. But I'm great fun". He moved his camera towards Will, and Hamilton recognized it.

"It's not even your camera, Ryder" he said. "That's school property".

"Duh, Hamilton" Ryder said in a mock-American accent. He turned to face him "tell us Ham, have you gotten laid yet? I mean, I know it's been hard for you all these years, being the runt among all these nubile young women".

Trust Ryder to hit a sore spot.

"Why don't you just lay off him Ryder?" Willed asked angrily.

Hamilton shrugged, feigning indifference, and got up "don't bother Will, I'm outta here". As he walked out he heard Ryder's delighted laugh "I mention sex and he wants to be alone". He ignored the urge to go back and punch him and instead only quickened his pace.

As the next day was the start of the weekend they had no classes, and Hamilton didn't see Jake at all until the evening. For once, he didn't go look for him when he was bored. He was becoming more and more uncomfortable around the other boy, to a point when it was starting to outweigh the pleasure of his company.

It was with dread that he met Jake and Lena at the lawn, half an hour before the movie was due to start. "Hey," Jake said, but Hamilton only nodded shortly in recognition. Lena was hovering next to Jake, her eyes barely leaving him for enough time to say hello to Hamilton.

He frowned, before saying "I thought we'd take my parents' car. They said it's okay".

"Does it have an open roof?" Jake asked.

"No," Hamilton answered. "But we can get lawn chairs there. It more comfortable than watching the movie from a car anyway, even if it defeats the purpose of a drive in".

"That it does," Jake laughed in agreement. His laugh had an effect even worse than his smile on Hamilton, and he tried not to blush. "Okay, chairs it is. Where's your car?"

"This way," Hamilton motioned towards his house.

Jake insisted that Lena would sit in the front next to Hamilton, claiming he wanted space to stretch his legs during the drive. Lena agreed, and Hamilton wondered if this was Jake's way of apologizing for moving in on Lena earlier. It was too late, however.

They didn't talk at all during the ride, although Lena glanced back at Jake every half a minute. Hamilton looked at him at him once through the frontal mirror; he seemed relaxed, almost serene, half-laying against the car's door with his eyes shut, his sharp profile a play of black and white in the shadows. He looked surprisingly feminine in that moment, and almost breathtakingly beautiful. Hamilton returned his eyes to the road and didn't look at him again.

Jake sat up as they parked the car, and jumped out, stretching.

"Had a nice nap?" Lena asked teasingly, and he grinned sheepishly "yeah".

"The chairs are this way," Hamilton pointed, and walked away without waiting to see if they followed him. They did, and soon enough they were positioning themselves in a likely spot. Jake threw himself into a chair on the end, and Lena sat next to him, in the middle, leaving Hamilton to take her other side.

They watched the movie in silence for a while, Lena watching Jake more than she did the movie, and Hamilton watching them both. The dark-haired boy seemed the only one interested in actually seeing the movie.

"This movie's so romantic," Lena said suddenly, leaning close to Jake. He gave her a bewildered look and said "it's creepy, she's a witch".

"No," Lena smiled "I mean, two people fall for each other under the worst possible circumstances, and they go for it".

Hamilton shifted uneasily. That remark had hit a little too close to home with him. Not that he was falling in love with Jake, of course. To distract himself, he said "oh look, full moon".

Jake's smile flashed white in the dark as he looked up "oh yeah, look at that!"

Lena gave Hamilton a look "actually, it's a full moon tomorrow night".

Both boys frowned at her. Hamilton rolled his eyes and turned back to the movie, muttering "thanks for the update". He couldn't remember why he thought she was cute in the first place. She was such a pain in the ass.

The three of them sat in a tense silence for a few moments, until Jake announced loudly "I'm gonna go and get some jujubes". He got up and walked away quickly.

As soon as he was out of sight Lena turned to Hamilton. "I thought he'd never leave!" she said in excitement.

Hamilton stared at her. Was he wrong all this time and she was actually interested in him and just had a very bad way of conveying it? Somehow, he doubted that. "What do you mean?" he asked.

"I mean, you've gotta tell me everything" Lena gave him a 'duh' look. "Do you think he likes me? I thought I got those vibes, but am I confusing signals? He's so hard to read!" she sighed, and added "but that's kind of what I like about him".

"Yeah," Hamilton said quietly. That's kind of what he liked about Jake, too. Among other things. He sighed. _Face It, Ham_, he told himself, _you're jealous, and it's not because you want Lena_.

Lena didn't seem to notice "can you talk to him for me?" she asked, clearly expecting him to agree.

"No," he said, appalled at the suggestion, and then quickly added "I mean, bad idea". Just because he was finally sort of admitting it to himself, it didn't mean he had to admit it to the whole world. Ever.

"What, you talking to him or us getting together?" Lena wrinkled her brow.

"I don't know" Hamilton shrugged. "I just don't see it. The whole thing".

Lena gave him a hostile look "really," she said, before getting up and sitting again in Jake's empty chair. Hamilton gave her a nasty look of his own. He was relieved, a little. At least now he could keep an eye on them.

Jake came back then, looking between them, obviously awkward. "They were out," he said, hesitating a little before sitting back down in the middle. They spent the rest of the movie in silence.

When they got to the car, Lena blatantly got in the back, throwing an expectant look at Jake. He stood there, a little uncomfortably, before glancing at Hamilton. Hamilton shrugged, and Jake, after glancing at Lena again, got in the front seat, next to Hamilton. He ignored the urge to shoot Lena a triumphant look, and instead just concentrated on arriving home in one piece. It was so hard so concentrate with Jake sitting beside him.

Jake, who had fallen asleep again, slouched against the window. Hamilton smiled and drove on.

------

Jake didn't see Hamilton until their "movie-date" in the evening. She figured it would be better to just show him she wasn't interested in Lena, rather than just tell him.

A little more than half an hour before the movie was due to start, she headed out to the lawn, where she was meeting Hamilton and Lena.

"Hey," she said. Hamilton only nodded at her, but Lena gave her a radiant smile.

Hamilton didn't seem too excited. "I thought we'd take my parents' car. They said it's okay" he told them.

_Three people in one car? Talk about awkward_. "Does it have an open roof?" She asked.

"No," Hamilton answered. "But we can get lawn chairs there. It more comfortable than watching the movie from a car anyway, even if it defeats the purpose of a drive in".

"That it does," She laughed. Chairs **would** be more comfortable, seeing as there were three of them and only two front seats in the car. "Okay, chairs it is" she decided. "Where's your car?"

"This way," Hamilton said shortly and started towards it. She and Lena exchanged looks and followed. She hoped he wasn't going to act like this all through the movie.

When they got to the car she and Lena hesitated. "You sit in the front," Jake said. Maybe it would give Hamilton a chance to talk to her. When Lena seemed about to protest, she added "I find cars so confining, I want to be able to stretch my legs a bit". Lena smiled and agreed, getting in next to Hamilton.

Jake got in the back and, true to her statement, stretched across the back seat. It was actually rather comfortable, and the constant rocking of the car was making her rather drowsy…

She woke up with a start as Hamilton parked the car. They had arrived.

She got out and stretched, cramped a little from the ride. "Had a nice nap?" Lena asked, and Jake blushed a little. "Yeah" she answered.

"The chairs are this way," Hamilton announced, He obviously didn't talk much to Lena on the way, since he was still in a bad mood.

They carried their chairs over to a spot with a nice view, and put them down. Jake sat on one end, thinking Hamilton could sit in the middle, but Lena beat him to it and sat next to her, leaving Hamilton to take the other end. She sighed. This was getting old.

They watched the movie in a heavy silence. The movie was rather nice actually, but she found it hard to concentrate because she could feel both Lena and Hamilton looking at her the whole time. She frowned. Instead of glaring at her, why wasn't Hamilton trying to talk to Lena?

"This movie's so romantic," Lena said suddenly, turning to her. Jake stared at her. What was her notion of romance, exactly? "It's creepy, she's a witch" she answered, adding in her mind, _this is creepy, too_.

"No," Lena gave her a look. Jake knew that look. It meant 'I think you're so cute', and was usually followed by the 'want to kiss me?' look. She backed away slightly, just in case. "I mean," Lena continued "two people fall for each other under the worst possible circumstances, and they go for it".

That remark made her think of Hamilton. Only they, of course, would never work out.

"Oh look," Hamilton said loudly "full moon". He was so not subtle.

She looked up and smiled. It was beautiful. "Oh yeah, look at that!"

"Actually, it's a full moon tomorrow night" Lena announced, raising her eyebrow.

Jake shot her a look. Okay, so she wasn't interested in Hamilton, but did she have to be so mean?

Hamilton must've thought the same, because she heard him say "thanks for the update" in a low voice.

She couldn't take this anymore. Maybe if she gave them a little time alone they would sort it out. "I'm gonna go and get some jujubes" she announced, getting up.

She took her time walking to the snack bar, pausing when she spotted Bella in her truck with an extremely cute blond guy. "Go Bella," she whispered, impressed, and decided to go over to say hello.

"Hey," she said as she got close, stopping next to Bella's side.

"Jake!" Bella smiled at her; she looked happy. Jake glanced approvingly at the blonde; he was obviously doing something right. He gave her a confused look back.

"I just came over to make sure your date was going okay, but I can see I'm not needed," she joked, and Bella laughed. "Jake, this is Sean. Sean, Jake," she introduced them.

Jake held out a hand "I heard about you," she told him. He smiled and shook her hand "I hope it was only good things," he said.

"Oh, I don't think you have to worry," she smiled back, shooting Bella an 'he's cute!' look. Bella beamed.

"So, Jake, are you here with someone?" Sean asked. Bella gasped "oh, that's right! How's your awkward little triangle going?"

Jake laughed "awkward. Hamilton is desperately trying to get Lena's attention, Lena's desperately trying to get my attention, and I'm desperately trying to convey to the both of them that I'm not interested. Neither of them is getting it, though, so I thought I'd better give them some time alone".

"Oh, the ongoing drama of being Jake Pratt," Bella giggled at her description "maybe you should write a book. I'm sure it would be very interesting," she added suggestively.

"Yeah," Jake said dryly. "Maybe I could turn it into a movie and get my mom to act in it; that's should be a hint I exist".

She saw Bella's smile disappear, and even Sean, who was looking at them with amused bewilderment, seemed to sober.

"Here I go again, with the dramas in my life," she said quickly "anyway, I was on my way to get some snacks so I'll just leave you two lovebirds alone," she winked at Bella.

Bella smiled back, but gave her a look that promised further discussion. "Bye," she said.

"It was nice to meet you," Sean joined in "good luck with your little love triangle".

She laughed shortly "thanks, I'll definitely need it".

She finally arrived at the snack bar, only to find out they were out of candy. "Oh, well," she muttered "at least I gave them some time to work it out".

When she got back, though, she discovered she was a little too optimistic; Lena now sat in Jake's chair, leaving the chair between her and Hamilton empty. They were both sporting identical dark expressions. _What did I miss_, she thought in disgust, before saying "they were out".

She stared at them. There was no way either of them was going to move; she'll just have to sit in between them. _Wonderful_.

The rest of the movie was spent in an oppressive silence, with Lena and Hamilton exchanging hostile looks over her head. At least neither of them tried to talk to her.

They didn't talk during the walk back to the car, either. Lena got into the back, looking at Jake in hope. She glanced at Hamilton, but he only shrugged. Obviously, he had given up on Lena. She got in next to Hamilton.

She must have fallen asleep again, because the next thing she knew, Hamilton was leaning over her and shaking her awake gently. "Wake up, we're here," he told her.

She got out of the car, groggy. "Thanks, tonight was nice," she said, yawning "I'd better get back. I'll see you tomorrow".

He nodded and she turned around and walked back to the school, half asleep and trying not to trip over anything in the dark. She undressed and got into bed quickly, and was asleep before her head even hit the pillow.

------

Lena got out as soon as Hamilton finished parking the car, offering a curt "goodbye" before disappearing. Hamilton unbuckled his seatbelt and turned to look at Jake, who was still asleep.

The other boy was folded into himself, head leaning on the window; he looked very young, sleeping, long dark lashes sweeping over his cheeks, mouth in a petulant pout. Hamilton wanted to kiss him or brush his hair over his face. Instead, he shook him awake gently. "Wake up, we're here," he said quietly.

Jake stirred, his lashes fluttering, and then his eyes half-opened; they were green and drowsy and confused, and for once completely unguarded; Hamilton's breath caught in his throat. He found himself wondering what it would be like to wake up next to him.

Jake mumbled and sat up, and Hamilton leaned back, the spell broken, as the other boy got out of the car, almost falling over.

"Thanks, tonight was nice," he murmured, yawning, and covered his mouth; his hair was sticking up over one ear. It was adorable. Hamilton wouldn't exactly describe tonight as nice, but Jake was more than worth it.

"I'd better get back. I'll see you tomorrow" Jake continued, before proceeding to stumble his was up to the school. Hamilton hoped he wouldn't trip and fall over something.

He got inside his house and locked the door after him, before taking a long shower. He had a lot to think about.

He had finally accepted that he had feelings for Jake. It took him some time, and it wasn't easy, at all, but a last he saw it was true. He wanted Jake – physically, he was attracted to him – but more than that, he enjoyed him, as a friend. He was actually quickly becoming the best friend Hamilton had ever had, and that wasn't worth risking.

So maybe those feeling would go away, maybe they won't, he didn't know; but he wasn't going to do a thing about them, and he wasn't going to tell anyone, certainly not Jake. And that was just the way things had to be.

He went to bed calmer than he had been in a long time.

-------

The next day, Jake wandered around the lawn, looking for Hamilton. She wanted to make sure they were okay, what with the whole Lena thing.

She saw Hamilton come her way and smiled; he smiled back, so she guessed they were okay.

"Hey," he said, stopping before her.

"Hey," she answered.

"Okay, you win," he told her, shrugging.

"I win what?" she asked, puzzled. Did he enter her in some lottery or something?

He frowned at her "Lena," he answered, as though it should've been obvious.

She burst out laughing "oh, yeah, I won Lena? What, does she come with a trip to Hawaii?" she wasn't even aware they were in a contest. She was just trying to help Hamilton get the girl he wanted. He obviously didn't want her anymore, though, because he seemed surprisingly indifferent about it. A tension she wasn't even aware of suddenly disappeared, leaving her light and happy.

"You know what I mean" Hamilton rolled his eyes. "She likes you. Not that I really care" he added. She thought she saw something flicker for a minute in his otherwise indifferent expression, but it was gone so fast she had obviously imagined it.

"No, it's just a chemistry thing" she assured him. "You know, something you can't control, just some people click". _Like you and me_.

He seemed uneasy for the first time since the start of their conversation "yeah," he said.

"Look, I'm sure you've clicked with plenty of babes" she continued. She didn't really understand how Lena didn't want him, she was obviously crazy. He was like a modern **Adonis**.

"Do you like her?" he asked, looking at her seriously.

"Oh, I don't know," she frowned. He seemed perplexed, so she added "I mean, she's hot, right?"

Hamilton narrowed his eyes "wait a minute, you think she's hot" he stated.

Jake gave him a disbelieving look. She wanted to scream. He wasn't still hung about that kiss, was he? "Don't you?' she asked slowly. Wasn't this the whole root of his recent animosity?

Hamilton shook his head "look, whatever happens, I'm cool with it" he told her, his expression flat.

He didn't look cool. She looked at him, narrowing her eyes "really?"

"You're a guy, she likes you, go for it" Hamilton stated, before turning and walking away.

She stared after him, before rolling her eyes skywards and muttering "what isn't wrong with this picture".

She couldn't understand guys at all. _And they say we are the difficult ones_…

She spent the next hour in her room, surfing the net, not really concentrating on anything. A knock on the door startled her, and she turned to face it, calling "yeah".

Lena poked her head in, and Jake sighed inwardly. She needed to get this over with, and now. "Hey Jake," Lena smiled "can I come in?"

Um, yeah, sure" she said, and Lena entered, closing the door after her. "So…" she started.

"So," Lena echoed.

"So I thought you were leaving for the airport by now," Jake blurted the first thing that came to mind.

"Yeah," Lena nodded "I just wanted to come by and tell you that I had a really good time last night," she moved closer. Jake frowned and took a little step back while Lena continued "and say thanks, and that I'm transferring to Rawley Girls".

"Well, you're welcome and that's great" she said brightly. _Great that I won't be here. God, this is the most awkward I have ever felt!_

I just I think we really connected" Lena moved even closer "and that since I'm gonna be at Rawley, you'll remember me".

"Oh, I, uh, I will" Jake assured her. _I don't think I will ever forget you, even with extensive therapy. Why did I even start this in the first place!?_ She took another step back, but it was no use.

"Because I think you're really cool," Lena said earnestly.

Jake didn't want to hurt her feelings. It wasn't her fault Jake was totally crazy. "I think you're cool too" she answered.

"And I hope that we can hang out again or something" Lena finished, before leaning in and trying to kiss her.

Jake jumped back a mile, almost falling over. _Correction – this is the most awkward I have ever felt. Ever_.

"Oh, um, Lena, this isn't gonna work" she said frantically. Lena's expression crumbled, and she added quickly "oh, ah, that's not what I mean. This isn't you at all, see-"

Lena gave her the 'I can't believe you're going to give me the it's not you it's me speech' look, shaking her head and turning away. Jake caught her hand.

"No, no, you're beautiful and I would be on you in a second if you walked through that door," Jake stammered, thinking hurriedly "but I'm in love with someone and it just wouldn't be right. I hope you understand, and I hope you know how deeply impressed I am that you had the courage to do this, because I sure wouldn't". She finished, looking at Lena a little anxiously.

Lena's face softened, and she sighed "I should have listened to Hamilton. He said this was a bad idea".

Jake stared at her "he did?" They talked about this? No wonder he was so pissed off last night.

"Yeah, I think he was jealous," Lena admitted.

_You think?_ Was what Jake wanted to say. Instead she only said "I guess he likes you".

Lena gave her a strange smile "no," she said, turning to leave, before throwing over her shoulder "I think he likes you".

Jake gaped after her for a minute before rushing after her into the hall. "What?" she yelled after her, but Lena only waved and continued walking.

Meanwhile, the boys that were in the hall when Lena walked out starting smirking and cat-calling. "Oh yeah, yeah, way to go man" one said.

She plastered on a fake smirk and did a little 'who's the man' move with her hand. Inside, she was still completely in shock over Lena's parting comment. It could not be true.

"What's going on?" she heard Hamilton's voice and spun around quickly. _Shit!_

"Jake had that hot Cali chick in his room," someone informed Hamilton.

She winced at his expression. He was so **not** cool with it. "It's not what it looks like!" she said urgently.

Hamilton narrowed his eyes "yeah, right". He walked away without saying anything else, leaving her staring after him.

She groaned. _Everything was such a mess_.

-----

In the morning, Hamilton went out to look for Jake. He wanted to get this Lena thing over with and go back to their easy friendship, as easy as it could be at least. He spotted Jake coming his way and smiled "hey".

Jake smiled sweetly back, awakening the butterflies that were now permanent residents in Hamilton's stomach. "Hey," he answered.

"Okay, you win," Hamilton said.

Jake seemed confused "I win what?"

"Lena," Hamilton answered. He knew Jake had ignored her because he thought Hamilton wanted her, but things have changed, and he wanted Jake to know that it was okay with him.

Jake burst out laughing "oh, yeah, I won Lena? What, does she come with a trip to Hawaii?" he was obviously not taking this as seriously as Hamilton was.

"You know what I mean," Hamilton said, getting a little annoyed. Did Jake really want her, or was it all just a game to him? "She likes you. Not that I really care" he added, wanting to assure Jake, in case his worry over hurting Hamilton was why he was so flippant.

"No, it's just a chemistry thing" Jake said quickly. Great, now he was trying to fix Hamilton's supposedly bruised ego. "You know, something you can't control, just some people click" he made an illustrating gesture with his hands.

_You're telling me_, Hamilton thought uncomfortably, watching the movement of Jake's delicate hands. "Yeah".

"Look, I'm sure you've clicked with plenty of babes" Jake continued, still convinced Hamilton was apparently distraught. Or maybe he was just getting tired of Hamilton being angry at him all the time. Well, whatever his reason was, he needn't worry about that anymore, at least.

"Do you like her?" he asked quietly, almost fearing the answer. He wanted Jake to say no, yet he knew it would be best for him if Jake did. It would make accepting things easier.

"Oh, I don't know," Jake said. Hamilton stared at him. What was it all about, then, if Jake didn't really like her? Did he just enjoy the attention? "I mean, she's hot, right?" Jake added, shrugging.

"Wait a minute, you think she's hot" Hamilton said flatly. So that clinched it. That kiss on the roof was just that – a sketchy moment. He really had no chance whatsoever with Jake. He wasn't sure if he even wanted one.

Jake raised an eyebrow, frowning at Hamilton "don't you?" he didn't add 'wasn't that what this was all about?' but it was obvious that's what he was thinking.

Hamilton shook himself out of it "look, whatever happens, I'm cool with it" he finished, finally saying what he came to say.

Jake gave him a calculating look "really?" he asked, clearly not believing him.

"You're a guy, she likes you, go for it" Hamilton shrugged and turned to walk away. He wasn't, but not for the reason Jake thought. And nor was he ever going to know the real reason.

A thought crossed his mind and he brightened. Lena was going back to LA today anyway, wasn't she? He'd never been as happy to see someone leave.

He spent the next hour walking the dogs with his mom, bouncing a few new photography ideas off her. He loved his mom; he considered himself lucky, that they were as close as they were, especially considering how some parents here treated their children.

Speaking of Jake… Hamilton never really got to go on that bike ride. Maybe he should go and ask him now.

He hurried to Jake's room, feeling happier than he had in a long time. His smile turned into a frown as he neared Jake's room, though; he could hear cat-calls and whistles coming from the hallway.

As he entered the hallway he saw Jake, facing the other way and obviously very satisfied with himself, surrounded with jeering boys.

"What's going on?" he asked, and Jake spun around quickly, looking at Hamilton with fearful, wide eyes.

"Jake had that hot Cali chick in his room," someone leered, obviously referring to Lena; he didn't look over to see who it was.

"It's not what it looks like!" Jake said urgently; he obviously mistook Hamilton's angry expression to mean he wasn't okay with it, even though Hamilton practically shoved him into her arms. Damn, but he moved fast.

Hamilton wasn't okay with it, even if it wasn't because of Lena. He was so not okay with it he wanted to punch someone.

"Yeah, right," he bit out, not looking at Jake; he couldn't look at him, couldn't see that betrayed expression, because he was the one feeling betrayed, and he had **no right**, no right at all.

His eyes prickled; he turned around and hurried out of there. He couldn't bear to be near Jake now, not when he knew he was just with Lena.

_You're so stupid, Hamilton_, he berated himself as he almost ran to his house. _So, so stupid!_


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: Young Americans does not belong to me, and I am not making any money out of this. It's for my own fun (and hopefully yours, too). Jake and Ham aren't mine either: I just borrow them to play with (and torture **a** **lot**, in Ham's case, because it's just so fun to see him squirm).

Summary: The fourth Young Americans episode "Cinderbella", written from Jake and Hamilton's point of view with (more than) a little personal tweaks. Enjoy!

A/N: This is my first time writing YA fanfiction, and as such, I'm rather nervous. So please read and review! It would mean a lot to me.

Keirah: thank you again for your review! It warms my heart to know you're enjoying this. I hope this chapter won't disappoint you!

------

Jake was troubled by Hamilton's reaction for the rest of the day. She didn't understand it. He said he was okay with the fact that Lena liked her. Nevermind that there was nothing going on between the two of them – she still didn't understand his reaction.

So he liked Lena; she got that. But he shouldn't have looked so betrayed; he seemed so furious, back than when he saw Lena get out from her room.

She sighed. She'd just have to find him, sit him down for a talk and slowly explain once and for all – since he didn't seem to get it up until now – that she wasn't into Lena, and that Hamilton was free to make a move.

And it didn't matter if she didn't like the idea one bit.

She headed out to the lawn a few minutes before Finn's class was due to start, hoping to catch Hamilton alone. Sure enough, she spotted him sitting under a tree, looking deep in thought.

He jumped up to his feet as soon as he saw her, his expression turning nervous. "Jake –" he started.

"Hey," she said quietly.

"I'm really sorry," he continued "I was a jerk yesterday, telling you I was okay with it and then acting like you did something wrong when you actually made a move –"

"Hamilton," Jake interrupted him "it's okay. I was the jerk – I knew you liked her and I shouldn't have –"

"No, no!" Hamilton insisted "you were the one she wanted anyway, and if you wanted her, too –"

"I don't!" she said quickly. "I don't; that's what I said to her yesterday, actually, when she was in my room".

"Oh," he said, staring at her.

"Yeah," she nodded "I should've just told you that yesterday when you came to talk to me, instead of letting you think I'm going to ask her out or something. So she'll all yours!" she added brightly, giving him a fake smile.

"You're sure," Hamilton looked confused.

"Of course," she smirked "you saw her first, after all. Finders keepers, right? 'Sides, she's not really my type anyway". _Too female_. _And I'm currently not into redheads…_

"Okay," he frowned, giving her a long, calculating look. She tried not to show how uncomfortable it was, having him look so intensely at her.

"What is your type, then?" Hamilton asked, still frowning.

"What?" she stared at him, caught off guard.

"Your type," he repeated.

"Oh," she looked around furtively, hoping he wouldn't notice, and her eyes caught a pretty blonde walking behind him. "Blondes" she said quickly "I'm into blondes. You like redheads, right?" she waggled her eyebrows suggestively.

"No," he answered shortly, turning away as the Literature class starting arriving and sitting around them "I'm actually into brunettes, usually".

She looked after him in puzzlement as he walked away and sat down next to Will and Scout, then shrugged and went over to join him.

Today Finn had them read a poem by Browning. She quite liked it, although maybe that had to do with the fact that it was Hamilton who had read it aloud. _He has such a nice voice_, she mused_, low and deep. Mature, for someone who isn't even sixteen yet._

"What does this poem mean to any one of you?" Finn asked, then called out "Scout!"

Scout tore his gaze away from his – new girlfriend? She smiled. Good for him. So he had listened to her speech after all.

"Yes?" Scout asked, obviously not having followed the lesson.

"So you like these co-ed classes," Finn raised an eyebrow.

Scout smirked, looking smug "ah-ha".

She laughed, hearing the others chuckle, too. Finn spun around to face her.

"Jake," he smiled, and she froze. _Shit_. "Had a crush lately?"

She avoided looking at Hamilton, who sat opposite to her, or at Lena, who sat a few feet to her right. "Ah, maybe," she answered casually.

"Ok, well, what poem – no - what **song** makes you feel?" Finn asked.

She though for a second "I try, Macy Grey. Makes me cry".

"Let's hear it" Finn said. "You don't have to sing it, just recite it".

"Okay" she frowned, trying to recall the words perfectly. "I keep my cool, but I'm feigning. I try to say goodbye and I choke. Try to walk away, and I stumble. Though I try to hide it, it's clear – "

Lena's voice interrupted her and she quickly turned around as the other girl recited the last line "my world crumbles when you are not here." She looked around defensively as everyone stared at her. "What? It's a good song".

Jake laughed uncomfortably, not meeting Lena's eyes.

"These words comfort us because we personalize them" Finn said to the class. "Now, let's personalize browning. Mr. Krudski".

Jake tuned out Will. She looked back at the main building; some guys were hanging up large banners, but she couldn't make out what was written on them. She'll just have to look later.

-----

Hamilton started regretting his behavior as soon as he left the school building. No matter his personal feelings, he shouldn't have acted like that. He was going to tire Jake out, at this rate, always getting angry and storming off. The last thing he wanted to do was lose Jake as a friend. He had never met someone he felt so… **connected** to, physical attraction aside. Jake just seemed to get him, no matter what he did or said.

Besides, if he didn't learn to control those sudden bouts of jealousy, and quick, someone was going to figure out it wasn't about Lena at all. And that was something he never wanted to face.

He wasn't going to let himself get tagged as 'gay', ever. He didn't even think he was gay; he was attracted to only one guy, at least so far. It was not unheard of, developing a crush on your best friend; it also went away, usually. He'll just have to wait it out.

He was just about to get up and go find Jake to apologize when he saw the boy in question approach him, looking determined. He scrambled to his feet quickly "Jake –" he started urgently, afraid his friend had come to blow him off once and for all.

"Hey," Jake gave him a small smile; he didn't seem angry, and Hamilton let out a sigh of relief.

"I'm really sorry," he continued swiftly "I was a jerk yesterday, telling you I was okay with it and then acting like you did something wrong when you actually made a move –"

"Hamilton," Jake cut in, looking surprised. "It's okay. I was the jerk – I knew you liked her and I shouldn't have –"

It was typical of Jake to forgive him so easily; Hamilton was starting to suspect it was typical for him to take the blame, too, whether he was guilty or not. "No, no!" he answered "you were the one she wanted anyway, and if you wanted her, too –"

"I don't!" Jake announced. "I don't; that's what I said to her yesterday, actually, when she was in my room".

"Oh," Hamilton stared at him; he looked sincere, but was he only saying it because he was a good friend and he though Hamilton had a crush on her, or because he really wasn't interested? Hamilton hoped it was the latter, but he knew it was probably the former. Jake did say he thought she was hot yesterday.

"Yeah," the dark-haired boy nodded with enthusiasm "I should've just told you that yesterday when you came to talk to me, instead of letting you think I'm going to ask her out or something. So she'll all yours!" he beamed at Hamilton, but something seemed off about it.

"You're sure," Hamilton said flatly.

"Of course," Jake grinned, raising an eyebrow. He seemed sincere now "you saw her first, after all. Finders keepers, right? 'Sides, she's not really my type anyway" he added, shrugging.

"Okay," Hamilton frowned. As dazed as he was from the effect of Jake's smile at such close range, he almost missed the last statement. He shook himself. "What is your type, then?" he asked, genuinely curious.

"What?" Jake asked.

"Your type".

"Oh," the other boy nodded, thinking, then shrugged. "Blondes. I'm into blondes. You like redheads, right?" he smirked at Hamilton, obviously still thinking he had a thing for Lena.

"No," Hamilton said curtly, his mood souring. He didn't feel like playing this game anymore "I'm actually into brunettes, usually".

He turned around and went to join the rest of the class that had meanwhile arrived, leaving the brunette behind him to think whatever he wanted. A few seconds later, Jake came and sat next to him, obviously thinking nothing of his comment.

Finn started with a short lecture about Browning, before pulling out a book and glancing around him. "Hamilton," he said, and Hamilton looked up, startled "read this, please".

He took the offered book, looking at the poem Finn pointed at, before starting to read. He could feel Jake's eyes on him, but couldn't decide if he enjoyed it or not. It made him uncomfortable, nevertheless.

Finn waited a few seconds after he finished, letting everyone absorb the words, before asking "What does this poem mean to any one of you?" he turned, calling sharply "Scout!"

Scout tore his eyes away from the breasts of the girl he was sitting next to "yes?" he asked, bewildered.

"So you like these co-ed classes," Finn smirked.

"Ah-ha," Scout grinned in self-satisfaction, while the girl next to him giggled. The rest of the class laughed as well, Jake's throaty laugh standing out. Hamilton turned to look at him, captivated by the way the grin dimpled his cheeks. He felt himself smiling as well.

"Jake!" Finn said loudly and a little smugly; Hamilton saw the smile freeze on the dark-haired boy's face. "Had a crush lately?"

Hamilton's own smile dropped as he waited for the answer.

Jake's face was expressionless. "Ah, maybe" was all he said. Hamilton couldn't decide if he was disappointed or not. What exactly did he expect Jake to say?

"Ok, well, what poem – no - what **song** makes you feel?" Finn continued.

"I try, Macy Grey. Makes me cry" Jake answered without blinking. Hamilton stared at him. Firstly, it was a chick song, and what guy who respected himself would say something like "it makes me cry"? It was practically committing social suicide.

"Let's hear it" Finn looked at Jake expectantly. "You don't have to sing it, just recite it".

"Okay" the boy wrinkled his brow, obviously trying to recall the lyrics. "I keep my cool, but I'm feigning," he started, and looked straight at Hamilton. Hamilton felt his breath catch in his throat as Jake continued "I try to say goodbye and I choke. Try to walk away, and I stumble. Though I try to hide it, it's clear – "

"My world crumbles when you are not here." Lena's voice cut in almost rudely, startling them both; Jake looked away, breaking the eye-contact between them, and while Hamilton felt the loss of it keenly, he was also relieved. He didn't know what to think of the last minute. Had Jake recited those words just for him, or did he just happen to look at Hamilton while he said them?

"What? It's a good song," Lena announced when everyone looked at her. Jake laughed and turned away from her, but he didn't look at Hamilton again.

"These words comfort us because we personalize them" Finn said when he had everyone's attention again. "Now, let's personalize browning. Mr. Krudski".

As Will started talking, Hamilton sneaked a glance at Jake, hoping to catch his eyes again, but the other boy was looking back at the school, a puzzled frown on his face. Hamilton followed his gaze and saw the banners that were being hanged.

_Cotillion_, he though, his mood darkening. _Great_. As if he didn't have enough on his plate already.

Jake acted completely normal during crew practice, which led Hamilton to believe he just happened to look at him while he said his poem. Really, it was stupid to even assume anything else.

Today it was their turn to put away the equipment, and they worked in a comfortable silence, both not in a rush to be anywhere else. Hamilton picked up all the heavier stuff himself, leaving the lighter gear to Jake, although he didn't think the other boy had noticed. They were almost finished when Hamilton accidentally whacked Jake with an oar.

He turned around in alarm as he heard Jake's muffled cry of pain, and saw him bend forward, one small hand pressed to his ribs. He winced "oh, dude, sorry! Are you alright?"

Jake straightened, quickly smoothing the pain in his expression away. "Yeah, I'm tougher than I look, I'm fine," he said lightly, but Hamilton wasn't buying it. He felt the oar vibrate at the impact, and knew it was a rather strong strike; and anyway, Jake was tiny, probably even smaller than he looked because all those sweaters he wore were so big and wide. Hamilton remembered the feel of Jake's wrist in his fingers; it was almost painfully thin, and fragile, as if he could break it with one hand. The rest of him was probably just as frail.

He winced again, feeling like an idiot. It was probably blossoming into a spectacular bruise as they spoke.

Jake didn't seem to notice his troubled thoughts. "So," he said, finishing with the last of the equipment "are you renting or do you own?"

Hamilton blinked at him. _Renting what?_ He thought quickly. What do you rent or own? _A house_. Why would he rent a house? He frowned "Neither. Still mooching off the parentless".

Jake stopped, staring at him, then burst into laughter. Hamilton felt himself blush. He had misunderstood something, yet again.

Still chuckling, Jake clarified "I meant a tuxedo".

"Oh," Hamilton said, flushing even darker. _Of course that was what he meant, you idiot_. "For the cotillion? I'm gonna do the dinner jacket thing. You know, like Boagie in Casablanca".

Jake nodded "not bad".

"You?" Hamilton asked. Somehow, it was strange to think of Jake in a tux. It just didn't seem to fit.

Jake shrugged "don't know. If I go at all it'll probably be a drop by solo kind of thing".

Hamilton nodded, feeling oddly relieved. So Jake really wasn't going with Lena. "Yeah, me too, solo," he said.

Jake gave him a lopsided smile "could be fun".

Hamilton rolled his eyes "yeah, lots of chicks in taffeta".

Jake started laughing again, but this time Hamilton joined in. It felt good, making Jake laugh, and for once not because he said something stupid.

Then Jake sobered, looking at Hamilton as though he just thought of something. "Um, why don't we just go solo together?" he asked, oddly shy, as though he wasn't sure how Hamilton would take it.

Hamilton smiled "yeah, okay". It would be fun, hanging out with Jake. Cotillions were usually quite a boring affair, in his experience, even if you got to dance with some girls.

Jake smiled back "great, it's a date". He gave Hamilton a high-five, ending with a snap and a point, and walked away, completely oblivious to the effect his last words had on Hamilton. Hamilton stared after him. A date? As in a 'couple' date? He shook himself. Jake couldn't have meant it as anything other then two friends going together, just to ensure they had someone to hang out with. He was into girls, not into Hamilton, right?

-----

Jake found out quickly that the banners were announcing a cotillion that was about to take place the next night.

_Great_, she thought demurely, _just my luck. Put on a tux, dance with girls, watch __**Hamilton**__ dance with girls – I'd rather just call in sick. Maybe I should start coughing, just in case_.

She couldn't wait to be a girl again. Being a boy had its perks – no one got annoyed or insulted when you beat them in video games, for a start – but she missed having breasts, or reading Seventeen, or even just having heads turning after her as she passed in the street. She never though of herself as vain, or as especially girly, but she found she missed wearing makeup or nail-polish, missed being able to smile at guys without making them think she was a freak, missed talking to girls without being hit on. **That** was one thing she **really** missed.

_You're just feeling miserable because you want Hamilton_, an inner voice suggested. Jake frowned, waving it away. So what if she did? It was only natural, when confronted with a cute guy, to want to do something about it. She knew she couldn't; she was here for one purpose and one purpose only. But it was still nice to daydream sometimes.

That subject aside, she still needed to figure out what to do with the cotillion.

She pondered about it all through crew practice, though she didn't think too hard; she was actually starting to enjoy herself. She knew she was good at her job, knew they would've been a mess without her. It made her feel like part of something, of a team, for almost the first time in her life.

As long as she didn't have to swim, she added wryly.

It was her turn to stow away the equipment after practice. Luckily, it was Hamilton's turn, too, so at least she would have nice company.

They worked leisurely, smiling at each other occasionally. Jake noticed he was leaving her all the easy stuff, picking up the heavier gear himself, and she was grateful, even if it seemed as though he did it unconsciously.

She was just tidying inside the boat when something hard crashed into her side. She cried out in pain, bending forward, and pressed a hand to her ribs; nothing seemed broken though, just very painful. _Jeez_, she thought, blinking away tears, _what was that!?_

"Oh, dude, sorry! Are you alright?" Hamilton called, worry evident in his voice, as he hurried to her; he was holding an oar in his hand.

She hurriedly straightened, schooling her features into a calm mask. She had years of practice in hiding away pain. She smiled and said flippantly "Yeah, I'm tougher than I look, I'm fine".

Hamilton didn't seem convinced, so she added quickly "so, are you renting or do you own?"

Hamilton looked adorably confused "neither" he said slowly. "Still mooching off the parentless".

She couldn't help it; she giggled, and it turned into a full-fledged laugh as she saw him blush darkly. What did he think she was talking about, exactly? "I meant a tuxedo," she said.

"Oh," Hamilton looked mortified. It was awfully sweet. "For the cotillion? I'm gonna do the dinner jacket thing. You know, like Boagie in Casablanca".

"Not bad," she nodded. She could already see he would look gorgeous in it.

"You?" Hamilton asked, looking at her expectantly.

She shrugged, her good mood evaporating "don't know. If I go at all it'll probably be a drop by solo kind of thing". _Seeing as there's no way in hell that I'm going to ask a girl out_.

To her surprise, Hamilton nodded "yeah, me too, solo". She would've thought **he** wouldn't have any problem getting a date.

She brightened, and smiled at him "could be fun".

He rolled his eyes "yeah, lots of chicks in taffeta". He obviously didn't think too much of this kind of dances. Neither did she; she didn't like them as a girl, and she doubted she would find them more enjoyable as a guy.

She laughed, then stopped as an idea struck her. Maybe… would it be out of line to ask? She had nothing to lose, right? "Um, why don't we just go solo together?" she said, hesitatingly.

Hamilton didn't look as though he found her suggestion odd. He smiled "yeah, okay".

She beamed at him "great, it's a date". She gave him a manly high five and walked away, almost skipping. Maybe this cotillion business wouldn't be so bad after all.

Jake stopped half the way to her room, suddenly hungry. The memory of that fantastic burger from the diner in New Rawley surfaced, and her stomach rumbled loudly. "Right, food" she said to herself, before deciding to back and ask Hamilton if he wanted to join her. When she arrived back, though, he was no where in sight.

Another time, then.

She parked by the dinner, and as she entered she saw Bella sitting next to the counter, talking to Will, the restaurant empty except them. They both seemed to be in high spirits.

"Hey," she said as she entered, smiling; they both turned to look at her.

"Hey," Will said, nodding, but Bella came over, giving her a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

"Ugh, grease stains," Jake said jokingly, rubbing at her cheek, and Bella hit her playfully on the arm. "Shut up" she said, smiling "or it'll be a lot more than just that".

Jake laughed "are you threatening me, Banks?" she asked.

A loud cough from Will interrupted them before Bella could answer, and they both jumped, blushing, and turned to him.

"Sorry, I forgot," Bella whispered, trying not to move her lips.

"Yeah, me too" Jake whispered back.

Will was still looking at them suspiciously, so Jake said, overly cheerful "hey Will, how about a burger and a coke?"

"Coming right up," Will nodded, though he was still giving them an odd look.

"Bella, you want one, too? On me," Jake asked, and when Bella hesitated, she added "come on. I could use some company, I hate eating alone".

"Oh, so you just want to share the calories," Bella laughed "in that case, yes, I'll join you".

"Great," Jake said, and called "Krudski, make that a double, okay?"

She jerked her head to a corner booth, one which was far enough from Will to ensure they could talk unheard. "Let's sit over there".

They both sat down opposite from each other. "So," Jake smirked "how's Sean?"

Bella smiled "he's prince charming".

"So you're okay?" Jake asked cautiously.

"Yeah, I'm good," Bella answered, obviously catching the reference to Scout.

"Good. You know, Scout's got a girl," Jake tried slowly.

Bella nodded "I know, Paige. She's nice".

Jake blinked at her "you've met her?"

"Yeah, she stopped by at the garage, her car had a problem. She's really nice, and pretty".

"She's not as pretty as you," Jake assured her loyally, and Bella laughed.

"Thank you, but you don't need to say that".

Just then two plates and two glasses and landed on the table, and they both looked up, startled. They didn't even hear Will come near. Judging by his expression, he had heard the end of their conversation and didn't like it much.

"Thanks," Jake said, to ease the awkward silence.

Will nodded, seeming to hesitate, then blurted suddenly "Bella's got a boyfriend, you know".

They both stared at him, dumbfounded, and burst out laughing.

"Yeah, I know," Jake said, trying to catch her breath. "Sean. I've met him, he's a nice guy".

"Right," Will said, looking confused and somewhat suspicious. "And is he okay with…" he waved between them.

They started laughing again. "Will, as much as I appreciate your loyalty to Sean," Bella said "I think I can have lunch with a friend without you chaperoning us".

"Right," Will said again, flushing. "So I'll just be…" he motioned to the counter, and walked away.

They giggled some more. "God, is this the most bizarre thing or what?" Bella asked, grinning "I can't understand how they don't realize you're a girl. And I always forget – I can't think of you as a guy at all, it's just so obvious. And now Will was practically accusing me of cheating on Sean with you!"

Back at the counter, Will frowned as he heard their laughter once again. He didn't understand what was so funny, anyway. They were acting so suspicious around one another, he had every right to be worried for Sean. _And that Jake has a really girly laugh_, he added rather viciously, somewhat offended by the knowledge that they were laughing at him.

Jake took a sip from her glass "so tell me, what have you been up to?" she asked, raising an eyebrow suggestively.

Bella smiled, then said "actually, I'm going with Will to the cotillion at Rawley tomorrow".

Jake was surprised "really? You and Will? Is Sean okay with that?" she glanced at the counter, where Will was scrubbing with a petulant expression. "He doesn't have a thing for you, does he?"

"No, no, of course not," Bella said hurriedly "there's this girl that he wanted to ask, but she's already got a date, so –"

"You're coming with him to make her jealous, and then he'll leave you to try and win her over?" Jake filled in the rest "that's sucks".

"It was my idea," Bella admitted "well, not that I'd go, but that he'd take another girl. And then he asked me, and, well, I didn't have the heart to say no".

"Hey, you get to wear a dress, at least," Jake reminded her. "I need to wear a tux and dance with members of my own sex. I think you've got the better half of the deal".

"Oh, right," Bella exclaimed "I – again – didn't think. I'm sorry, really. You're still going to go, though?"

Jake shrugged "I though about skipping, but Hamilton said he was going solo, so we're going solo together".

Bella frowned "what, like together together?"

"No!" Jake waved her hand, as if banishing the idea "just, you know, going to hang around together. It'll be fun." She smiled "if you're there, it'll be even more fun".

Bella gave her a long stare.

"What?" Jake asked defensively.

"You're totally into Hamilton," Bella stated. "Heads over heels".

"No I'm not!" Jake said loudly, and then glanced quickly at the counter to see if Will heard. "I'm not," she insisted, more quietly.

"Yeah right," Bella smirked "I'm onto you, you can't lie to me".

"It doesn't matter," Jake said, giving up. "He thinks I'm a guy, and I'm not going to tell him, so… can we change the subject, please?"

"Don't think you're getting out of it that easily," Bella waggled a finger at her, but stood up. "I need to get back, anyway, I've stayed here way too long. I'll see you tomorrow, then?"

"Yep," Jake answered, getting up too.

The two of them waved to Will, who was in the process of tidying up. "Hey, Jake, wait," he called, and Jake turned to look at him, puzzled.

"You're going back to the school?" Will asked, and when Jake nodded, said "wait up for me, then, I'm just closing".

Jake waited as he passed a look over everything and nodded to himself. "Right," he said, and followed her out, locking behind him.

"Come on," he said, "I know a shortcut".

"Actually," Jake hesitated "can you keep a secret?"

"Sure," Will answered, looking confused.

Jake pointed at her bike, just a few feet from them. "Need a ride back?" she asked.

Will's face lit up. "Wow," he breathed, an admiring look on his face "that's yours?"

She patted it proudly "yep. But I'm not supposed to have it on school grounds so don't tell anyone, not even Scout".

"Of course," he said eagerly, and when she seated herself and patted the space behind her, he hurriedly climbed on, too.

"Hold on tight," she said, and sped off out of New Rawley and towards the school.

She could hear Will's excited laughter as he tightened his grip on her waist, and smiled. "Enjoying yourself?" she yelled over the wind.

"Yeah!" he yelled back.

He seemed disappointed as they reached the hiding spot and parked.

"That was so cool," he said excitedly, grinning like a little boy, as he took off his helmet and helped her stash the bike.

"It's **the** way to get around," she agreed, taking off her own helmet and passing a hand through her locks to get rid of helmet-hair "but it gets a bit drafty during the winter".

"I'll bet," Will winced in sympathy. "Still, I'd take that over my bicycle every day".

They walked back to the school in a good mood, chatting all the way.

-----

It was the morning of the day of the cotillion, and Hamilton was wondering around next to the lake, deep in thought. He was actually supposed to be studying – he even had his book – but he found he couldn't concentrate. As usual of late, he's thoughts continuously drifted to Jake. In the end, he decided that maybe a little walk will help clear his head.

A loud "hey," startled him, and he turned around, seeing Lena walking briskly over to him.

"Hey," he answered. _Now what?_

"So, who are you going to the dance with?" she asked, coming to a stop beside him.

"No one," he answered.

Lena frowned "you're not taking Jake?"

_Taking Jake? I'm going solo with Jake, but I doubt that's what she means_. "No!" he said, flustered. Was he really that obvious? "Why would I take Jake?"

"I don't know," she answered "I mean, I was gonna ask him but he doesn't seem like he's interested in either one of us".

Hamilton stared at her. _He doesn't seem like he's interested in either one of us_… could she mean – did she really think – "what are you talking about!?" he demanded.

Lena didn't notice his agitation. "Anyway," she said, clearly not about to answer his question "I don't have a date, if you don't either we could go together" she looked at him hopefully.

Just then he heard footsteps behind him, "Um, to the cotillion?" he asked Lena, as they both turned around, and froze. Jake was standing behind them, looking between them suspiciously.

Lena plowed on determinately, not noticing or even ignoring the awkward tension in the air "yes," she answered "you and me, at the cotillion…"

Hamilton glanced at Jake; the dark-haired boy met his gaze, his face completely devoid of expression. Hamilton couldn't tell what he was thinking.

"Hey Jake," he said nervously, trying to buy more time. He didn't want to go to the cotillion with Lena; but it would be the answer to all his problems.

"Hi," Jake answered quietly. He turned to Lena "hey".

"How's it going," she answered shortly. It was a complete change from the way she acted around him earlier. She seemed almost… hostile.

"Great," Jake said, still frowning "just great".

He didn't sound great. He sounded confused.

"Perfect," Lena said, before turning to Hamilton "so I'll call you later?" As she did with the driveway earlier, she ignored the fact that he hadn't actually agreed.

Well, that was decided, then. "Oh, okay," he answered, to her already retreating figure, and then nervously turned to face Jake.

"Found a date, ha?" Jake asked, voice and expression completely blank. Hamilton couldn't read a thing from him – not if he was annoyed, or relieved, or even jealous. _Not likely_, he thought, but he couldn't get Lena's earlier words out of his mind. Could Jake really be interested in him?

Hamilton looked at the other boy uneasily "yeah, well, she was going alone".

Jake nodded, looking away "I get you," was all he said.

Hamilton felt like a jerk. "So," he tried "you decided to ask anyone?" maybe if Jake had a date, too, he would feel better, even if it meant, well, seeing Jake with a date.

Jake shrugged, kicking the ground with the toe of his shoe "no, think I'm gonna skip it".

"Oh". Now Hamilton felt like the biggest idiot there ever was. Jake obviously didn't like this kind of things, and he'd been counting on Hamilton to make it worth-while. And now, after Hamilton had agreed to hang out with him at the cotillion, he suddenly went and got a date. _Jerk_.

It wasn't as though he even liked Lena.

"Besides," Jake said suddenly, glancing at Hamilton "the only person I had my eye on is going with someone else…"

Hamilton felt rooted to the spot, staring at Jake, caught in the intensity of his eyes. Did he mean… Could he mean Hamilton? It was ridicules, wasn't it? Even if he had kissed Hamilton that one time, he was obviously into girls… right?

His head was a mess. At first Jake suggested they'd go together, and now when Hamilton suddenly had a date Jake bailed out, saying the person he wanted to ask was already going with someone. And Jake **had** asked him, sort of, didn't he?

They were still staring at each other. Jake's expression was curiously anxious, and Hamilton thought he saw some flicker of emotion in his eyes. What emotion, he had no idea. As always, when this close to Jake, Hamilton was almost unbearably aware of his scent, of the pink shine of his full lips as he bit them nervously, of the way his long, thick lashes cast dark shadows over the top of his cheekbones –

He stepped away quickly, unable to form a coherent thought, but knowing that if he didn't get away from Jake this instant he was going to just grab him and kiss him, damn the results.

"Well," he said, appalled at the way his voice cracked, and Jake's face closed immediately, his expression turning indifferent, his eyes guarded. "I'm – history" Hamilton muttered, brandishing his book, and walked as fast as he could away, not daring to look back.

He agonized about it for the rest of the day, so much in fact that when he was standing in his room, staring at his reflection, twenty minutes before the cotillion was due to start, all he wanted to do was go find Jake and apologize.

He didn't, though. He put on his tux, and fixed his hair, and went to meet Lena over at the girl's dormitories.

When Lena met him she took one look at his expression and sighed. "You're not going to act like this all night, are you?"

Hamilton shrugged, and offered her his arm. She was his date, after all, whether he wanted it or not, and he was brought up to act like a gentlemen.

He was almost blinded by the lights as they entered, and almost deafened by the loud, quick music. Lena grinned, tapping her foot to the bit. "This is great!" she said, pulling him after her "you want to dance?"

They danced two dances before Lena led him away from the dance floor. "You want something to drink?" she asked.

Hamilton was just starting to answer when a black-haired figure across the room caught his eyes. Jake saw him at the same time and their gazes locked, sending something almost like an electrical shock through Hamilton. Suddenly, everyone in the room except the two of them disappeared, and they just stood there, staring at each other.

Then Jake turned away, breaking the almost trance-like connection between them, and everything in the room rushed back in, making Hamilton almost stagger from the light and the noise. Jake was talking to a guy from the crew team, Eddie, but he kept glancing at Hamilton while he did so.

"Yeah, he's cute," Lena said from beside him, and he tore his gaze away from Jake to look at her. He forgot she was even there.

"What?" he asked.

"Jake, I've got a crush on him too" she said calmly, as though she was just saying it was going to rain tomorrow. "Hell, I'm a 15 year old girl, I've got a crush on you. Look at you, you're gorgeous, you both are. You're also in love with each other, it's like so obvious".

He gaped at her, too stunned to even be insulted by her "hell, I've even got a crush on you". He and Jake, in love with each other!? That was ridicules. _Love_?

"Wait," he hissed, looking around to see if anyone heard her "we're not, and stop saying that, god!" in a room full of people, no less. As if he needed anyone to hear that.

As usual, she plowed on without even listening to him "I had this freshman girl fantasy that I would somehow end up with one of you, but it's crystal clear that it's not going to happen".

"I don't know what I was thinking when I said yes to this" he muttered, resisting the urge to just run away out of the dance. He ditched Jake for what was turning into one of the most boring nights of his life, and now not only was Lena outing him (which was **way** off track, thank you very much!) in a room full of judgmental teenagers, she was also saying he was in love with another guy – which was completely stupid on its own, of course.

He stopped as he absorbed her last sentence. She had also said Jake was in love with him. Didn't she? And if she could correctly see he had a thing for Jake, maybe she could also correctly see, if Jake really had a thing for him…

Meanwhile, Lena was continuing with her train of thoughts. "Stop thinking," she smiled at him. "Sometimes you just have to throw caution to the wind, take the leap while you're still young. Its time to follow your heart". At his incredulous look she added "I know, that's so clichéי". She patted him on the arm "go be with Jake. I'll be over by the punchbowl; there are some guys who've been giving me the hairy eyeball all night".

With that, she gave him one last smile and disappeared.

He looked over at Jake, who was still talking to Eddie. Their eyes met, and Hamilton felt the same weird shock from before. He turned around and walked away, deciding he could use some fresh air. He was feeling dizzy all of the sudden.

------

Jake slept in late on the morning of the cotillion, enjoying the novelty of having no classes or crew practice. She got up, stretching, and glanced out the window; it seemed like such a sunny, lovely day outside, and so she decided to go take a morning walk by the lake.

She was just walking along the shore when she spotted Hamilton in the distance, obviously doing the same. She smiled and headed over, but slowed her steps as she saw a redhead - which when she came closer turned out to be Lena – approach him.

She caught Hamilton's confused voice as she came near "um, to the cotillion?"

The smile dropped from her face. Was he asking Lena to the cotillion? Well, obviously it was his right, but he'd already said he'd go with her…

They both turned towards her as she came to a stop near them; Lena gave her a cool glance, but Hamilton looked guilty.

_He should be_, she thought to herself, a little harshly.

"Yes," Lena said, focusing on Hamilton "you and me, at the cotillion…"

Oh, so **she** was asking Hamilton out. That made Jake feel a little better, but she knew Hamilton would probably say yes. He liked Lena, didn't he?

"Hey Jake," Hamilton said, finally acknowledging her. He seemed uncomfortable, eyes darting between her and the redhead.

"Hi," she answered, before turning to Lena "hey".

"How's it going," Lena barely looked at her, her attention on Hamilton. It reminded Jake of the first time they all met. Lena obviously hadn't taken her rejection so well.

"Great, just great," Jake answered. _Or at least it will be as soon as you'll step away from Hamilton…_

"Perfect," Lena said flatly, before asking Hamilton "so I'll call you later?"

He blinked at her, obviously not minding that she didn't even wait for him to agree before making plans. "Oh, okay," he said, as Lena walked away.

He turned to look at Jake, biting his lip. He seemed so nervous, as though he was afraid she'll take it badly and get mad at him. She couldn't, of course; the girl he wanted asked him out, it was only expected that he'll prefer that to going with his guy friend.

"Found a date, ha?" she said, careful not to let any jealousy or hurt into her voice. Even if she was so jealous she wanted to punch Lena in the face at the moment.

"Yeah, well, she was going alone," Hamilton said, obviously trying to make it sound like an excuse. He really was sorry, she could tell, even if he wasn't sorry enough to actually say no to Lena.

"I get you," she assured him. She didn't want him to feel bad because of her.

"So," he said awkwardly "you decided to ask anyone?"

_Not likely_, she though sourly. _Well, I did ask you, but we all know how that went…_ "No, think I'm gonna skip it" she answered. Like she wanted to spend all the evening watching Hamilton and Lena make out and dodging girls' invitations to dance.

"Oh," Hamilton said, looking uneasy.

"Besides," she said suddenly, struck by a sudden urge, and looked him straight in the eyes "the only person I had my eye on is going with someone else…"

She regretted it immediately, panicking. How stupid could she be!? She practically told him she was interested in him. If he even believed she wasn't gay in the first place this would definitely make him reconsider!

Sure enough, a vaguely alarmed expression appeared on Hamilton's face as he stared at her. He opened and closed his mouth a few times, but nothing came out, and than said hoarsely "well," he cleared his throat and held up his book "I'm – history…"

Jake nodded and watched him escape as fast as he could without actually breaking into a run.

_Shit! Why did you have to be such an idiot, Jake?_ She berated herself, resisting the urge to hit her head on a nearby tree. _How do you get yourself into such a mess every single time?_

She wanted to go and find Bella to talk to her, but shot that idea down instantly; Bella probably had a lot to take care of, especially since she was going to the cotillion herself, and besides, Jake was starting to rely on her too much. It never did you any good, becoming too dependent on someone, trusting them too much… it was a sure way to get hurt. No, she could solve this on her own.

She stared in the direction Hamilton went; that was a sure way to get hurt, too. _Oh, get a grip_, she told herself, and headed back to her room.

She didn't feel like coming out for lunch; in fact, she didn't feel like coming out at all. Maybe she'll just stay in her room until the next morning; it wasn't like she had anyone waiting for her anyway, thanks to Lena.

She wiped away a tear angrily. It wasn't worth crying over. But still, the tears came, and she couldn't stop them.

It wasn't fair; Lena didn't even want Hamilton. But after tonight she would probably change her mind; how could she not? Hamilton was sweet, and handsome, and he had a way of looking at you that made you feel like the most important person in the world – no, like the only person. He made the rest of the world disappear. And what girl wouldn't want that?

And Hamilton wanted Lena. Stupid, dyed-hair rude Lena, who would probably treat him like she had treated him until now. What was it about her anyway? Sure, she was pretty, and intelligent, but…

Jake stood up suddenly, angrily stripping, almost tearing the binder in her haste to get it off. She couldn't stand to wear that thing anymore.

She wiped away another tear and looked at herself in the mirror; it was already getting dark outside, but she didn't bother turning on the light.

Her reflection stared back, a skinny, rather tall girl, with dark, shortly chopped hair and huge, red-rimmed eyes. Currently, she had a dark, purple bruise on her side, where Hamilton had accidentally hit her. She had no breasts to speak of, but that had never bothered her before. She had always felt attractive, if not pretty, had always felt confident in her ability to charm and flirt with the opposite sex. She had certainly never felt ugly, until now.

She turned away from the mirror, furious with herself for actually trying to do something this crazy, furious with her mom for forcing her to such desperate measures; furious with the world for being so unfair.

She scrubbed at her face angrily. _Stop crying, you stupid girl. You'd think the world was ending. Stop feeling sorry for yourself, get up, get dressed, and go to the cotillion. You have only two more weeks and then you can go back to your pitiful former life, but until then, finish what you've started_.

So she got up, put on her binder, got dressed in that awful tuxedo, and after washing her face carefully to remove all tear-tracks, went to the cotillion.

It was loud and noisy and so ridicules, like something straight out of the sixties. Girls in white dresses – one girl had a yellow sweater on, for god's sake, what was this, Pleasantville? Punch in big bowls, swing dancing, for crying out loud. Every club in New-York was better, even considering the cigarette smoke and the overly priced alcohol.

She spotted Hamilton right away; he was standing with Lena at the opposite side of the room, looking bored. Their gazes locked and she felt like she was drowning in his blue eyes, the world fading around her; until someone pulled at her sleeve and she turned, startled.

A smiling face met her eyes, and she smiled back automatically. "Hi Eddie," she said.

The guy seemed intent on holding a conversation; he was probably feeling as awkward as she did, and latched on to a familiar face. Unfortunately for him, she wasn't really listening; her attention was focused on Hamilton and Lena, who seemed to be having some sort of fight. At least, Hamilton was looking pissed. And they both kept glancing back at her as they talked.

_If he told her about today I'm going to die of embarrassment_, she thought anxiously. That didn't seem to be it, though; Lena patted Hamilton on the arm, smiling, and with a last look at Jake, turned and disappeared into the crowds, leaving him on his own.

Hamilton gave Jake a long, intense look; he seemed nervous about something, and also very annoyed. She turned back to Eddie apologetically "you know, I'll see you later" she told him, and started after Hamilton. Who had meanwhile disappeared.

She sighed; _great_. She turned back to Eddie, but then caught sight of a blonde beauty standing by the drinks table, talking to some senior Jake didn't know by name. A smile spread on her face as she hurried over.

"Bella, you look stunning," she told her, touching her on the arm. Bella turned to face her, a radiant smile lighting her face. Jake could see the senior glaring at her darkly from behind the blonde, but ignored him.

"Jake," Bella hugged her "you look very cute yourself" she added, winking.

"Yeah, tux are definitely my thing," Jake answered wryly "so… manly".

They both laughed; Jake could feel her bad mood starting to disappear.

"So," Bella said, looking around "where's Hamilton?"

Jake's smile vanished "he went with Lena in the end" she admitted.

"Really?" Bella frowned "that's kind of rude".

"No, it's okay," Jake shrugged "he has a crush on her, she asked him **after** we said we'd hang out together; it's perfectly acceptable".

"You cried, haven't you?" Bella asked her quietly.

"What?" Jake said "no!"

"Liar; your eyes are red".

"Look, it's no big deal, leave it," Jake said. "So where's your date?"

Bella shrugged "he went after Caroline. That's the girl –"

"Yeah, I remember. So, why aren't you dancing with anyone else?"

"I didn't feel like it," Bella said, then smirked "why, are you offering?"

"No way in hell," Jake laughed "talk about awkward".

Bella smiled, but she seemed distracted. "Hey," she said suddenly, grabbing Jake's arm "is that Hamilton?"

Jake turned around quickly "what?" sure enough, he was talking with someone across the room, while sending the two of them dark looks. "Yeah, that's him. How did you know?"

"Dark hair, blue eyes, gorgeous… Wasn't too hard to guess," Bella said dryly, then frowned "plus, he's been sending me death glares ever since he walked into the room".

"No, he's probably glaring at me," Jake sighed. "He had some fight with Lena earlier, and now I'm standing here talking to you so he can't come over and hang out like we intended… he's just sulking".

"I don't think so…" Bella said, thoughtful "he's practically giving me the evil eye; and I'm pretty sure he's directing it at me, not you. In fact, he seems almost…" she trailed off.

"Almost what?" Jake asked, glancing at Hamilton again, but he was ignoring them now, back turned.

"Almost… Jealous," Bella said, then quickly added "but I'm probably just misreading it".

"Clearly," Jake blinked at her, then smirked and waggled her eyebrows "unless he's jealous that I've bagged such a good-looking babe and he didn't".

Bella hit her on the arm "stop it, that's so weird".

Jake laughed "yes, it is".

Suddenly Bella tensed beside her "oh my god, I'm going to kill her," she snapped, and Jake followed her gaze and saw Grace Banks, in a skimpy red dress, draped over some guys near the door.

She followed Bella as she strode over, apprehensive.

"Grace, what are you doing here?" the blonde demanded.

Grace rolled her eyes "knitting a sweater. What does it look like I'm doing?"

Bella looked furious "what about the gas delivery!?"

Grace gave her a scornful look "that's at like midnight," she drawled "chill".

Bella was actually starting to turn red "that's great Grace," she bit out "'cause we've got a whole six minutes!"

Grace frowned and grabbed for one of the guys' wrists, checking his watch "what?"

"You are unbelievable," Bella told her.

Grace shrugged "I'll call them up, they can come tomorrow".

"They're not delivering pizza, Grace!" Bella almost yelled "god, it's gonna take days to get another appointment, **we** can **not** afford this right now!"

She almost ran out, obviously heading back to the garage.

"Bella, wait!" Jake called, running after her "I'll give you a ride!"

Bella slowed down to a brisk walk, shooting her a grateful look "thanks," she said.

"No problem. Anyway, it's not like you can run all the way back to town with those heels on, right?" Jake grinned.

Bella smiled back, but it was a tense smile that disappeared as soon as it came.

"Right, wait here," Jake told her when they were out of the building and near the road "I'll be back before you blink".

She ran as quickly as she could to where her bike was hidden, knowing they would probably never make it on time anyway. Luckily, the hideout was close. It was no more than a minute later when she braked next to Bella, who quickly climbed on behind her.

"Put this on," Jake said, handing her the extra helmet, and they were off.

They arrived a few minutes after midnight; the delivery truck was parked next to the garage, and a figure in a red baseball uniform was talking to the driver.

"That's Sean!" Bella exclaimed, jumping off the bike and running towards them, leaving Jake to park properly.

"Sean, thank god," Bella said "I was afraid I was too late, Grace was –"

"Yeah, I know, I figured she would ditch" he smiled, and then his expression turned awestruck as he took in Bella's appearance. "Wow," he breathed "you look incredible".

Bella smiled back at him, but they were interrupted by the driver grunting "I would really like to leave, so who's signing the receipt?"

"Oh, right," Bella said, and signed quickly. The driver grunted again and climbed back into the truck, driving away.

"So, I'll be going then," Jake said awkwardly.

"Jake! Sorry, I forgot –" Bella blushed.

"That's okay," Jake laughed "I'm just glad everything turned out all right. You two have fun," she winked at Bella.

Bella hugged her "thanks for the ride; it was really sweet of you".

Jake shrugged "no problem. I'll just cash in the favour when this baby breaks down," she patted her bike fondly, grinning to show she was kidding.

"Deal," Bella grinned back. "I'll see you around then? Come visit me when you get bored of your posh school life".

"You can count on it," Jake said, then hesitated "Bella…"

"Yeah?" Bella frowned.

"You still have my helmet," she pointed out helpfully.

"What? Oh, sorry!" Bella blushed darkly, handing over the helmet.

"Bye," Jake said, laughing, and nodded to Sean "nice to see you again, Sean. And just so you know, she didn't get to dance yet".

Jake could hear Bella's embarrassed "Jake!" as she sped off, but when she looked back, Sean was offering his hand to Bella with a grin. She smiled; they were such a cute couple.

She stashed her bike back between the trees and decided against returning to the dance; instead she headed back to the dorms. On her way across the lawn, though, she spotted a lone figure sitting on the docks; she knew it was Hamilton instantly, even if she couldn't see the figure clearly. She decided to go over to him instead. Why wasn't he at the dance?

She was a few feet behind him when he said "hi, Jake," without turning. She was startled; how did he know it was her? She didn't even say anything. She sat down next to him.

"Hi," she answered "why aren't you at the cotillion?"

He shrugged, turning to look at her; his face was serious, almost sad, and his blue eyes shone in the moonlight. She felt a strong urge to kiss him, but resisted. "I didn't feel like dancing," he said "and the noise was starting to get to me".

"I know how you feel," she laughed "dances aren't really my thing either. Was Lena okay with you leaving?"

Hamilton's mouth thinned "oh, she was, trust me".

"You two had a fight, didn't you?" she asked, curious.

"What?" he looked at her, startled.

"I saw you from across the room; it seemed like you were arguing" she explained.

"Oh," he said quietly. "We didn't exactly have a fight; she just said something, which was obviously wrong, and I sort of got annoyed – it doesn't matter, though".

Jake nodded, understanding that he didn't want to talk about it.

"I hate suits," she announced, trying to change the subject, and tugged at her bowtie, pocketing it. She opened the top two buttons of her shirt, breathing in "they're so hot and confining, aren't they?"

Hamilton merely nodded, and did the same.

"What about you?" he asked suddenly, his eyes on her shoes which she was currently untying and taking off "I saw you talking to that blonde girl –"

"Bella?" Jake smiled, peeling off her socks and dipping her toes in the lake's cool water with a pleased sigh "oh, that's good, you should try this".

"You know her?" he asked, still looking at her feet.

"Yeah, she's awesome. Her dad owns the garage and gas station in town".

"So, you asked her to the cotillion in the end?" Hamilton asked, fiddling with his sleeve.

"What? No!" she frowned "I told you I didn't intend to ask anyone. She came with Will".

He nodded, staring at the water, a petulant twist to his mouth. "She's very pretty," he said quietly.

"She's gorgeous," Jake agreed. "However, she also has a boyfriend, so don't get any ideas". The last thing she needed was Hamilton getting a crush on Bella. She paused. Actually, that might not be so bad, as Bella wasn't available. Other girls were.

"Oh," Hamilton seemed confused "she's dating Will?"

Jake bent forward, tracing circles on the water with her fingers "no, they're just friends. She's dating a guy named Sean".

"So you two aren't…?" he left the question hanging, but she got his meaning.

"No, of course not!" she answered, a little more sharply than necessary "I just told you, she has someone". _Ugh, bad images_.

"Right," Hamilton said quickly.

They sat silently for a few minutes, each lost in his own thoughts, until Hamilton stood purposefully and took off his Jacket, starting to unbutton his shirt.

Jake scrambled to her feet "what are you doing?" she asked nervously.

"I feel like a swim," he answered, shrugging his shirt off his shoulders, and she couldn't help but stare as the fabric slipped off, revealing his well muscled torso, gleaming in the moonlight. She felt her mouth go dry.

"Of course," she said, hoping her voice wasn't shaking; it felt like someone had gripped her throat and squeezed. "I'll just leave you to it then, I have a few things I need to do anyway".

She wanted to stay and watch, of course; oh, how she wanted that. But she knew she couldn't; she would just kiss him again, and now he would punch her for sure.

Hamilton paused, turning to look at her, one hand resting on his half open zipper; she swallowed. "You don't want to join?" he asked "the water's amazing at this time of the year, I promise. It'll be fun".

He looked at her hopefully, and she could feel herself blushing; he was absolutely gorgeous.

"No thanks," she said "I'm really not that fond of swimming, and I have those things I need to – you enjoy yourself, though!"

She waved cheerfully – probably **too** cheerfully – and turned around, concentrating on walking slowly and calmly and **not** breaking into a run.

She allowed herself to speed up only when she entered the dorm building; and then she was running full speed to her room, fumbling with the key and cursing; she entered and locked quickly after her, then hurried over to her window which was overlooking the lake; but she didn't see Hamilton in the water, not did she see him near the docks.

_Strange…_ She shrugged, disappointed, and started to undress, folding her tux neatly and wrapping it up.

It had been a long day and she was tired; she got into bed and was soon fast asleep.

------

Hamilton changed his mind after two seconds, turning and going back inside. Lena was right; when you wanted something, you tried to get it. If you failed, you failed, but at least you knew. And he wanted Jake more than anything or anyone he had ever wanted in his life; and if Lena was right, then maybe, just maybe, Jake felt the same way.

He looked around the room for Jake, determent to find him and settle this once and for all, but his resolve faltered when he spotted Jake by the drinks table, talking to a beautiful blond girl who looked vaguely familiar. As he watched the two of them hugged, identical huge smiles on their faces; Hamilton felt as though someone had shot him straight in the heart.

Jake had said he liked blondes, didn't he?

He joined a conversation that was held by some of the boys in his year, but only half-listened to it; his attention was focused on Jake and the girl. They were talking animatedly, touching each other all the time; little touches on the arm or on the shoulder, which spoke of close acquaintance and an obvious ease with each other. Hamilton saw the blonde glancing at him a few times, and glared at her; he didn't know who she was, but he could tell she was probably some airhead whose only advantage was her looks. That he had to admit; she was beautiful.

She must've said something to Jake, because he turned to look at Hamilton, a puzzled expression on his face. Hamilton quickly looked away, but continued to watch them out of the corner of his eye.

He was just about to go over and introduce himself, fed up with the way they were laughing together, when the blonde stopped smiling and hurried over to the door, to talk to a younger girl who was hanging around with some of the seniors. Jake followed her, looking worried.

The blonde and the other girl were obviously fighting; the blonde was annoyed by something the younger girl did. She turned and almost ran out of the room, looking furious, Jake at her heels.

Hamilton excused himself and followed them outside, they walked quickly away from the building, to the road. Hamilton hid behind a tree, jealous but also more than a little curious; The blond girl looked on the verge of tears, and even Jake seemed worried.

Jake said something to the girl, then turned and sprinted away while the girl waited. Hamilton heard the roar of the engine before he saw it; Jake and the bike appeared soon after, stopping in front of the girl, and she climbed up behind Jake, put on a helmet and gripped his waist, and they were off in a cloud of dust. The whole thing didn't take more than two minutes, leaving Hamilton blinking after them.

He sighed and leaned against the tree, looking at his feet; he was feeling very sorry for himself at the moment, and had no intention of doing anything about it. He figured he was allowed some decent wallowing in self pity every once in a while, and this one was long due.

Hamilton glanced at the building where the cotillion was held, lit and bright against the dark sky, and walked away, not knowing where he was going but sure he didn't want to be around people at the moment.

He ended up at the docks, which wasn't all that surprising; he came there a lot to think, ever since he was a young boy, and his feet obviously knew the way by now. He sat down next to the water, looking down; they were dark and soothing, and the silence around him was calming after the last hectic hour.

He didn't know how long he sat there; he only knew that at some point he heard quiet footsteps behind him and **knew**, without a doubt, that it was Jake.

"Hi Jake," he said, and he heard a surprised intake of breath behind him, but all Jake said was "hi. Why aren't you at the cotillion?" as he came and sat next to Hamilton.

Hamilton glanced at him; as always, he was even more beautiful by moonlight, the silver light and shadows throwing his face in sharp relief; the angles of his face made almost harsh by the play of black and white. "I didn't feel like dancing," he answered "and the noise was starting to get to me".

"I know how you feel," Jake laughed, the sound loud and sweet, awakening the familiar, uneasy heat in Hamilton's stomach and skin. "Dances aren't really my thing either. Was Lena okay with you leaving?"

"Oh, she was, trust me," Hamilton said sourly. _She was happy to see me go_.

"You two had a fight, didn't you?" Jake asked. He didn't sound gloating, only curious.

"What?" Hamilton asked. How did he know that?

He must've sounded angry, because Jake quickly answered "I saw you from across the room; it seemed like you were arguing".

"Oh," Hamilton said, but he was oddly comforted by it; it meant Jake had been watching him, too. "We didn't exactly have a fight," he explained "she just said something, which was obviously wrong, and I sort of got annoyed – it doesn't matter, though". Like he was going to tell Jake exactly what it was that annoyed him.

Jake nodded, seemingly satisfied, and then said abruptly "I hate suits". Hamilton watched, apprehensive, as he pocketed his bowtie, and then swallowed as Jake popped open the top two buttons on his shirt innocently. "They're so hot and confining, aren't they?"

He swallowed again as he caught sight of Jake's collar bones, sharp under his translucent skin; he could actually follow the path of a vein on his neck, faintly visible, could see where it disappeared into the open shirt collar. Definitely hot, yes, and his tux sure was feeling confining at the moment. He nodded, not trusting himself to speak, and did the same. Air was suddenly a necessity.

"What about you?" he asked, recalling the dance, and then watched, fascinated, as Jake untied his shoes and slipped them off, revealing a pair of small, narrow feet clad in black socks. "I saw you talking to that blonde girl –"

"Bella?" Jake smiled; Hamilton hated that merely the girl's name warranted that reaction. His anger evaporated when Jake removed his socks, stuffing them in his shoes. His feet were white and much nicer than any guy's feet he had seen before; but what really captured Hamilton's attention were the two delicate, perfect ankles connected to those feet. They were just as thin and fragile as Jake's wrist was; Hamilton was sure he could circle them with his finger and thumb.

Jake dipped in toes in the lake, obscuring his ankles from view, and Hamilton fought back a disappointed sigh. Then Jake let out a small moan of pleasure that made Hamilton flush, and said "oh, that's good, you should try this".

"You know her?" Hamilton asked, though it was probably a stupid question, seeing the ease they treated each other with. He didn't dare look at Jake's face; he was currently resting back on his elbows, head tipped back, and the sight of that long white neck, coupled with the open shirt, was something Hamilton wasn't sure he could stand. He opted to continue looking at Jake's feet; they were safe, for now at least.

"Yeah, she's awesome," Jake answered. He was probably still smiling. "Her dad owns the garage and gas station in town".

"So, you asked her to the cotillion in the end?" he abandoned Jake's feet to fiddle with his sleeve.

"What? No!" Jake frowned "I told you I didn't intend to ask anyone. She came with Will".

_Oh, so she already had a date_. He remembered Jake's words from that morning, the same words which had caused him such inner turmoil. _I'm so stupid_, he berated himself, _of course he was talking about some girl, and here I was, like the huge idiot I am, thinking – hoping – he was referring to me_.

"She's very pretty," he admitted softly, in quiet defeat.

"She's gorgeous," Jake agreed, then turned to look at Hamilton, frowning. "However, she also has a boyfriend, so don't get any ideas".

_A boyfriend_? Hope reared its little head again. "Oh," he said, hoping he sounded calm "she's dating Will?"

Jake leaned forward, tracing patterns on the water with thin fingers, shockingly white against the dark water; his hair fell into his face, obscuring his expression as he said "no, they're just friends. She's dating a guy named Sean".

"Oh," Hamilton nodded, then continued in what he hoped was a casual voice "so you two aren't…?" he couldn't even bring himself to say it.

"No, of course not!" Jake snapped "I just told you, she has someone". Hamilton didn't understand why he was so annoyed by the question; he probably resented the unsaid accusation, that he'd hit on a taken girl.

"Right," Hamilton said quickly, not wanting Jake to be angry with him.

They sat there quietly for the next few minutes, Jake seemingly deep in thought, Hamilton sneaking glances at him and pondering the recent conversation. So what did he know? Lena had insisted that Jake had feeling for him; but she could be wrong. Jake was obviously close to Bella, who was pretty and **blonde** and **going with someone else to the dance**; on the other hand, she was in a relationship, and anyway, she was the first girl he'd seen that Jake was actually comfortable with; perhaps it was **because** she was taken… because she was **safe**.

He didn't come to any obvious conclusion. The only real evidence to indicate which way Jake was really inclined was that kiss, and Jake had already insisted a few times that it was nothing and he wasn't gay. And so, once again, Hamilton was left guessing.

On a whim, he decided to do a little experiment. If Jake really wanted him, he would react to Hamilton undressing; if he wasn't, he would be indifferent.

He stood up, and removed his jacket, dropping it carelessly on the dock, before moving to the buttons on his dress shirt.

"What are you doing?" Jake jumped to his feet, sounding alarmed, but Hamilton couldn't tell if it was good alarmed or bad alarmed.

He finished with the shirt and shrugged it off slowly "I feel like a swim," he answered, glancing at Jake for his reaction; for a moment he was sure he saw Jake blush, but it was gone before he could really tell, and anyway, it was all very uncertain with the darkness shrouding them.

"Of course," Jake answered calmly. Hamilton wasn't sure; was it just his imagination or did Jake's voice actually sound a little uneven? "I'll just leave you to it then," Jake continued "I have a few things I need to do anyway".

That **definitely** wasn't the plan. "You don't want to join?" Hamilton asked desperately; than the possibility of Jake actually undressing overwhelmed him and he had to catch his breath for a moment before adding roughly "the water's amazing at this time of the year, I promise. It'll be fun".

"No thanks," Jake answered "I'm really not that fond of swimming, and I have those things I need to – you enjoy yourself, though!"

Hamilton stared at him. It did seem like Jake hated to swim, but was that really the reason for his refusal or was he just using it as an excuse? He thought Jake had sounded a little anxious and uneasy, but that could be caused by the thought of swimming just as it could be caused by the thought of swimming **with Hamilton**.

Before he could think of another way to convince Jake, the dark haired boy gathered his belongings and walked away, waving good-naturedly at Hamilton. He was left standing like a fool on the dock, wearing only a pair of half-buttoned trousers, and staring after Jake's calmly retreating back.

He was no closer to knowing than he was half an hour ago; what he did know was that he had no desire to go swimming on his own. With a sigh, he gathered his own belonging, dressed quickly, and headed towards his house.

He dreamed of Jake.

-------

A/N: I know that was probably not the ending you expected, but that was what I meant by "personal tweaks". I feel like the whole cross-dressing thing was resolved too soon, and while it was a good thing (otherwise we wouldn't have gotten all those yummy Jahammer scenes!) I wanted to explore it a little more. But don't worry, it'll all work out in the end!


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: Young Americans does not belong to me, and I am not making any money out of this. It's for my own fun (and hopefully yours, too). Jake and Ham aren't mine either: I just borrow them to play with (and torture a lot, in Ham's case, because it's just so fun to see him squirm).

Summary: The fifth Young Americans episode "Winning Isn't Everything", written from Jake and Hamilton's point of view with (more than) a little personal tweaks. Enjoy!

A/N: This is my first time writing YA fanfiction, and as such, I'm rather nervous. So please read and review! It would mean a lot to me.

Keirah: thank you for your review! It's really nice to know that no matter what, I'm going to get at least one review for each chapter I actually have a lot of fun writing Jake and Bella together – they have such great chemistry. I hope you'll enjoy this chapter at least as much as you enjoyed the others.

Ness: thank you so much for viewing! Hamilton is always adorkable, he doesn't let you write him otherwise I'm glad I'm managing to pull this alternating points of view thing off, sometimes I wonder if it's too much, since I'm basically repeating their whole conversation twice. I'm glad you like Jake's insights – it's very challenging to write her, Hamilton is in fact a lot easier, so it surprises me you actually like her side of the story more. I hope you'll enjoy this chapter!

Jaya137: I have nothing against crazy stalkers, if they're the right kind! I'm glad you're enjoying this. I'm actually really new to the fandom, but it's got me good, hook and sinker. It's sad that hardly anyone writes for it anymore – I'm telling you, there aren't enough J/H fics out there! I'm glad my writing appeals to you – English is not my first language, so I always worry I'm messing it up. I hope you'll enjoy this chapter, too!

-------

Jake woke up rather earlier than she would've liked; she was in the middle of a rather interesting dream, and she had no crew practice or class. But once she had opened her eyes, a thousand thoughts appeared, all clamoring for attention, and sleep was made impossible.

Nearly all of those thoughts were Hamilton-related; she almost blushed as she recalled some of the juicer parts of the dream. She wasn't sure how she could look him in the eye now without becoming a little bit flustered, which would probably prove very awkward.

Pushing the images away, she dressed quickly, brushed her teeth, and then sat by her laptop and opened her mail, as she did every morning. She wasn't expecting anything; her friends wrote erratically at best, and her mother and Meagan both neglected to email her as of late.

Therefore, it was a shock when she saw the three little words "you've got mail" appearing on her computer screen, followed by the name of the sender: Monica Pratt.

She opened it, apprehensive, and paled; the message was short and to the point.

"Jacqueline dear,

I'll be arriving tomorrow in the late morning for the Parents Weekend. Meagan has already booked me a hotel, so don't worry.

I'll see you soon!

Love, Monica"

She stared at the text, unable to move. Her mother was coming. Her mother actually took the time out of her busy, important schedule to come to Parents Weekend. By tomorrow, this was going to be over, for better or for worse.

"Oh no," she whispered; she was so not ready for this.

She did the only thing she could think of doing, damn being independent and self-reliant; she needed to talk to Bella, or she would never have the guts to go through with this. She didn't even know what she was going to do, really! She hadn't actually planned it this far ahead.

She locked the door and ran as fast as she could, almost tripping down the stairs. People were giving her strange looks, but she couldn't care less at this point. She was slowly but surely panicking, and she needed someone to talk to before she would just explode, or run away.

She was good at running away from things.

She crossed the lawn at a sprint, and almost fell over when someone caught her arm, halting her. She turned to see Hamilton and stared at him, too anxious to even blush; that dream was the last thing on her mind at the moment.

"Let go," she snapped, not in the mood for interruptions.

"Jake, is everything all right?" Hamilton asked, looking at her in worry; he seemed alarmed.

"I need to go, so let go," she tried to pull her arm free but he tightened his grip.

"Where are you going?" he asked quickly "what's wrong?"

"I really need to talk to Bella," she said, not thinking.

His face hardened, and he released her hand. "I see," he said flatly.

"I'll talk to you later," she told him, and made to go, but he caught her arm again, his face curiously expressionless.

"Can you give me a ride to town?" he asked.

Jake gaped at him "what?"

He shrugged "I feel like an ice-cream, and since the garage is right near the diner…"

She passed her free hand through her hair, agitated, and decided quickly "yes, but hurry, I'm really in a rush".

She turned and walked away briskly, not waiting to see if he'd follow, and heard his footsteps behind her.

They arrived at the hiding place in silence; she pulled her bike out from between the bushes and climbed on, handing him the extra helmet. "Hop on," she told him.

He put the helmet on quickly and got up behind her, holding on to her waist, and they were off.

His hands tightened as she accelerated, and for the first time since she'd opened that email, she was distracted enough to actually notice him; how he was pressed up behind her, his hard chest against her spine and shoulders, strong fingers grabbing none too gently at her waist, as though he was alarmed by the speed she was going at. She could feel his knees brushing against her thighs, his breath on the back of her neck, and wondered what he would do if she leaned back into him.

She leaned forward, just in case.

The ride was over almost too quickly, but as soon as she parked near the garage her panic returned full force and she forgot all about Hamilton. She didn't see Bella outside, but she did see Grace; at her questioning look, the girl sighed and pointed at the diner. Jake nodded her thanks and hurried over, followed by Hamilton.

Bella and Scout were the only ones in the diner; they seemed tense, heads close together as they talked, and jumped as they heard the door open.

"Hi," they said in unison, sporting identical fake smiles. Then Bella frowned, looking at her closely "Jake, is everything all right?" she asked.

Jake glanced at Scout and Hamilton, who were frowning at her, too. "Can I talk to you for a minute?" she said.

"Sure," Bella got up, walking over. "What is it?" she asked Jake quietly.

Jake shot Hamilton a look and he got the hint, heading over to the counter. "My mom's coming tomorrow for Parents Weekend," she told Bella quietly.

Bella blinked at her for a few moments, before the realization dawned on her face. "But that's good," she said slowly. "That's what you wanted, right?"

"Yes, but –" she glanced at the two boys who looked far too interested in the discussion; she stopped talking and grabbed Bella by the hand, pulling her outside after her, towards the garage. Grace wasn't there anymore.

"I never actually thought this would work," she admitted, agitated. She started pacing back and forth "she never came before; why should she come now? In a way, this was just supposed to be the final straw – something to prove once and for all that it's hopeless, so I could finally stop all those crazy plots – except she's coming, and now I actually have to meet her as a boy, and I'd never thought it would be this hard –"

"Breathe," Bella advised, seizing her wrists and stopping her in place "It'll be all right. You didn't go through all this trouble just to back out in the last minute. You're going to go there tomorrow and meet your mother – though I suggest you do it somewhere secluded, you don't want anyone hearing her call you Jacqueline," she smiled, and Jake managed a weak smile back.

"And she'll be surprised at first, but she'll probably be shocked into listening – and you can say everything you ever wanted to say and never had the chance, and maybe it'll work and maybe it won't, but at least you'll know, right?" Bella finished her speech, looking at Jake expectedly.

Jake nodded, letting out a breath "I can do this. I can do this. God," she hugged Bella, suddenly, surprising them both; she wasn't usually comfortable with displays of affection. "What would I do without you?"

"Luckily, you don't have to find out," Bella answered, laughing, and hugged her back.

Jake stepped back, smiling, and glanced at the diner. "I think I freaked Hamilton out a bit earlier," she said.

"You freaked **me **out," Bella told her "you looked so panicked when you came in".

"I should probably go and explain it was nothing," she sighed, then frowned as the shrill ring of her cell phone started. "Wait," she said to Bella, her frowned deepening as she saw the caller ID "it's my mom's assistant".

"Hi," she said as she answered.

"Jacqueline, how are you?" Meagan's too cheerful voice came, and she tensed. She just knew she wasn't going to like this.

"I'm fine, how are you?" she answered flatly, wanting the other woman to get to the point.

"That's great, just great," Meagan answered, and faltered.

"Just spit it out," Jake said, her mood darkening by the second.

"Monica won't be coming to your Parents Weekend after all," Meagan said in a rush, than added quietly "I'm sorry".

"How surprising," Jake bit out, feeling as though someone punched her, even if she had half-expected it "what is it this time? Let me guess – she has an important audition. Or maybe there's some famous producer in town that she's having dinner with. Or –"

"Vogue wants to make a story on her, but they can only send the reporter this weekend," Meagan admitted. Jake could make out the pity in her voice, and didn't want it.

Even if she didn't have her mother, she still had her self respect left.

"Don't worry about it," she told Meagan coolly. It wasn't her fault, after all. "I'm used to it. Have a nice day".

She heard Meagan's urgent "Jacqueline –" before she hung up, staring at nothing.

"Bad news?" Bella asked cautiously, and flinched as Jake turned to face her and she saw her expression.

"Nothing new," Jake said, still staring at nothing. She could feel the anger bubbling, taking over. "As usual, I'm the least important thing in her life. Well," she gave Bella a grim smile "at least I know the answer to my question now, don't I? And we didn't even have to talk".

"Jake," Bella said soothingly, putting a hand on her arm, and Jake shrugged it off.

And suddenly she was furious, and couldn't – didn't want to – control it anymore. She threw her phone as hard as she could against the wall, and it broke upon impact, plastic bits flying everywhere. Bella took a step back, startled.

"I can't believe her," Jake yelled, looking around for something else to throw "I can't believe I actually thought I could fix this!" she kicked a bucket near her, and it tipped over, spilling soapy water all over their feet.

"Hey –" Bella started, frowning. "Stop –"

"But there's nothing to fix, is there?" Jake continued shouting, kicking the bucket again "because she just doesn't care. It would be better if she hated me – at least then there would be a reason – but she doesn't care enough about me to feel anything! I'm just an inconvenience in her life that she gets rid of by sending me to boarding schools and –"

Bella slapped her. Jake stopped mid rant, staring at her in shock, her cheek starting to burn. Bella looked back evenly "calm down **now**," she said "and stop destroying the garage".

Jake stared some more, then looked down, flushing in humiliation as she saw the bucket and their shoes. "Sorry," she mumbled.

Bella's face softened and she opened her mouth to say something, but was interrupted by the sound of running footsteps. They both turned to see Scout and Hamilton running over, identical angry expression on their face.

"Shit," Jake and Bella said in unison.

"What did you say to her?" Scout demanded, seizing Jake by the front of her shirt and practically lifting her off the ground. Hamilton grabbed his arm and twisted, and Scout immediately let her go with a pained grimace.

"Get your hands off him," Hamilton told him, face hard.

"Get your hands off me!" Scout answered heatedly, shoving Hamilton, and Hamilton immediately shoved back.

"Stop it!" Bella said, grabbing Scout's sleeve "Jake didn't say anything to me, everything's all right, I just did it to snap him out of his –" she glanced at Jake, who was torn between fuming and feeling bewildered. "- Something" she finished lamely.

"Right," Scout said suspiciously, but he and Hamilton stopped glaring at each other, and he was no longer giving Jake threatening looks.

"Right," Jake echoed, fed up with everything; with her mom, with lying, with this town that was quickly becoming a reminder of yet another failure. She wanted to get away, and fast; and she wanted to cry, but she couldn't do it here, with everyone watching.

"I'll be off then," she said, turning and heading to her bike; she paid no attention to the crushed remains of her cell phone, lying on the ground. "It was nice meeting you all and everything".

"What?" the three of them said together, blinking at her.

"Bye," she said, and got on the bike. Bella shook herself and hurried over, followed by the others.

"What do you mean?" she asked, frowning "are you leaving?"

Jake shrugged, wanting this to be over "no point in staying, really, is there? No point in coming here in the first place, so the sooner I remedy that, the better".

"You can't leave!" Hamilton shouted, and when they turned to look at him, perplexed, blushed a dark red. "I mean –" he said more quietly "I mean – what about the Regatta? You can't leave a day before the race!"

Scout frowned and turned to look at her "that's right," he said "you can't screw us over just because you seem to have some issues. You shouldn't have joined in the first place if you weren't planning on coming through".

"They're right," Bella echoed, giving her a sharp look.

Jake narrowed her eyes, outnumbered. And they did have a point. She didn't want them to hate her, even if she didn't plan on seeing them ever again.

"Fine," she said. "I'll stay for the Regatta".

"Good," Scout seemed satisfied, but Hamilton looked at her in worry "you're still planning to leave?"

"I'll leave tomorrow, after the race," she answered shortly.

"Oh," he mumbled quietly, and then said "but you've already paid for the entire summer session. You won't get the money back".

Jake gave him a **look**. What was he on about? "I. Don't. Care," she said slowly, and he flushed again, looking down at his feet. He seemed hurt, and she felt a pang of guilt.

"I –" she started, not meeting anyone's eyes, and then gave up. It didn't matter anyway. "I'll see you later," she finished, put on her helmet, and drove away.

--------

Hamilton tossed and turned all night, thinking about the way Jake looked earlier on the deck, the paleness of his throat in the dark, collarbones tempting him to follow with his fingers, the sharpness of his beautiful face in the moonlight. No matter how he tried, he couldn't think of anything else; his mind kept playing out his fantasies, Jake turning to him and smiling, leaning close, kissing him. Hamilton's hands – shaking – on the buttons of his dress shirt, opening them gently, tracing a narrow shoulder down to the fragile wrists, twining with Jake's hands; then moving down, across ribs, caressing a jutting hipbone, before coming to rest on the zipper of his trousers –

He sat up abruptly, trembling, shoving his blanket away; this was getting so out of hand. He glanced at his bedside clock: three A.M.

Cursing in a low voice, he got up and went to take a cold shower. He has a feeling he would need a lot more of those from now on.

In the end he managed to sleep for a few hours, but woke up feeling tense and even more tired than he was when he went to bed; his fantasies haunted him in his dreams, too.

He decided to go out for a walk; maybe the fresh air would help him clear his head, and the lake always seemed to calm him, until now. As he walked he thought – of course – of Jake. What was he going to do? His feelings – whatever they were, he wasn't about to dwell on them any more than necessary – weren't waning. They were just becoming stronger.

Being around Jake was uneasy at best, and he guessed it would only become more uncomfortable; however, not being around Jake was even worse. Even though he had only known the other boy for a short time, he felt like something was wrong when Jake wasn't there. Like something was missing, as though Jake was a piece of a puzzle that he'd never known was absent until he appeared in Hamilton's life.

And he didn't want to lose that piece, no matter what.

Just then he saw the boy in question sprinting across the lawn, a few feet from him. His face was pale, panicked, and he didn't seem to notice Hamilton, not even when Hamilton called out to him.

Hamilton grabbed Jake's wrist, halting him, and almost pulled his shoulder out of its socket. He winced and loosened his grip, but Jake didn't even notice. "Let go," Jake snapped, barely even acknowledging him; something was definitely wrong.

"Jake, is everything all right?" he asked, worried, and Jake looked through him with wild eyes, mouth in a tight line, and tried pulling himself free. "I need to go, so let go," he said flatly, and Hamilton tightened his hold almost to the point of bruising.

"Where are you going? What's wrong?" he asked, and Jake pulled again, harder this time "I really need to talk to Bella," he snapped, and Hamilton abruptly let go, the other boy almost toppling over. Jealousy reared its ugly head; he knew he had no right, no claim, but that didn't change **anything**. "I see," he answered, almost coldly.

He didn't think he had ever hated anyone or anything as much as he hated the blond girl right now. It wasn't even the fact that maybe Jake was in love with her – even though he denied it – as it was the fact that she was the person Jake ran to when something was wrong. Jake met Bella at the same day he met Hamilton, and still, he trusted Bella and not Hamilton. He didn't tell Hamilton of his problems with his mother – though Hamilton knew he had them – or of his issues – which he clearly had a lot of.

But Bella obviously knew; Jake was comfortable with her as though they've known each other for their whole life.

"I'll talk to you later," Jake promised him, evidently realizing something upset Hamilton but too much in a hurry to stay and find out what it was. As he turned to go an idea struck Hamilton and he stopped him again. Jake glared at him like he was about to punch his lights out, but Hamilton swallowed and still asked "Can you give me a ride to town?"

Maybe he would understand what was wrong when they got there, maybe he would overhear something; in any case, he had to try.

"What?" Jake said, staring at him.

"I feel like an ice-cream, and since the garage is right near the diner…" he shrugged defensively, knowing how stupid it sounded, and how it must've annoyed the other boy.

Jake passed a hand through his hair, almost tearing it out, then snapped "yes, but hurry, I'm really in a rush". He turned and walked away quickly, not even bothering to see if Hamilton was following. Hamilton hurried after him, and they walked in an agitated silence until they reached the place where Jake had hidden his bike. He pulled it out of the bushes and climbed on, handing Hamilton a helmet before fastening one on his own head. "Hop on".

Hamilton quickly climbed behind him, thinking that despite several invitations this was the first time he was actually riding Jake's bike. Shame it wasn't when Jake was in a better mood. Still, he couldn't complain.

Jake turned on the engine and took off in a rush, and Hamilton yelped, quickly moving forward and clutching at Jake's waist.

His first thought was: _I think this was a very bad idea_. He was pressed against the other boy like a magnet to metal, and he couldn't move back because then he would fall off. Jake's shoulder blades were digging into his chest, Hamilton's legs wrapped snugly against his hips. He was evidently even smaller then he seemed, because Hamilton could feel fabric bunching in his hands as he gripped his waist, and couldn't help thinking: _he's tiny. Like a girl_. Another though he couldn't stop was _this feels so right_.

The ride was over much too quickly, although perhaps it was for the best as things were starting to get awkward for Hamilton, and he had no doubt that Jake would find them awkward as well. The other boy parked near the garage, and they both got off.

Bella wasn't outside, but the brown-haired girl Bella fought with at the cotillion was, and Hamilton guessed they were sisters. She pointed at the diner before leering at them both, but Jake paid no attention, hurrying to the diner, with Hamilton on his heels.

Scout and Bella were sitting at opposite sides of the counter, holding what seemed like a tense conversation. The jumped apart as Jake and Hamilton entered, smiling hastily. Then Bella noticed Jake's expression and frowned, asking "Jake, is everything alright?"

Jake glanced at Hamilton, obviously not wanting to talk about it in front of him, and Hamilton felt a flash of hurt. "Can I talk to you for a minute?" Jake asked the blonde.

Bella came over "sure," she said "what is it?"

Jake glanced at Hamilton again, and Hamilton scowled, but went to join Scout at the counter. The other boy was looking at Jake and Bella curiously.

Hamilton strained to hear what they were saying, and barley made out Jake's quiet "my mom's coming tomorrow for Parents Weekend". He frowned: that was the big deal? So they had some issues, but was it reason enough for the panic Jake seemed to be in? Was he hiding something from his mom?

"But that's good," Bella answered, just as quietly, and it seemed like she, too, didn't understand what Jake was worried about. "That's what you wanted, right?"

Jake took a deep breath "yes, but –" he started, then shot the two boys at the counter a worried look. He grabbed Bella's hand and pulled her out of the diner, and Hamilton's scowl deepened. He couldn't follow them out. He looked up and met Scout's eyes; the other boy seemed just as annoyed. He'd been eavesdropping, too.

They exchanged a look, smiling sheepishly, before turning to look out, to where Jake and Bella were standing. Jake was pacing, clearly agitated; he was pulling at his hair as he talked.

"He's such a strange guy," Scout said. When Hamilton frowned, he quickly added "he's a great kid, don't get me wrong, but he's strange. And he and Bella together – I can't keep thinking there's more to it than meets the eye".

Hamilton nodded "I know what you mean, but Bella has a boyfriend, doesn't she?"

Scout's expression darkened, but all he said was "yes, she does. That's not what I meant, anyway. Look at them," he gestured at the two, who were now hugging "they're like – like two girls".

Hamilton narrowed his eyes, watching them. "You're right," he said slowly, as Jake answered his phone "I've never thought about it like that, but you're right".

He didn't know what that meant. Maybe it was just because Jake and Bella became such good friends, but maybe it was because – how did they call it – the best gay friend? It was a possibility. Jake's sexual orientation was still as confusing as ever, despite his statement that he was straight.

The boy in question chose that moment to smash his cell-phone against the garage's wall. Hamilton and Scout jumped to their feet, gawking. Obviously, that phone call wasn't the nicest thing that happened to Jake lately.

Jake kicked a bucket that stood near him, sending it flying and spilling water all over the concrete; Bella jumped back, looking angry, as Jake waved his arms about. It seemed he was shouting.

"What's he doing…?" Scout muttered, irritated. Hamilton put a hand on his arm to calm him, and then Bella slapped Jake, and being calm suddenly became the last thing on his mind.

They both ran out, though probably for different reasons; Jake and Bella turned to see them, both with expressions of "oh shit" on their faces; Jake had a vivid red hand print on his cheek.

Scout got there a second before Hamilton, and grabbed the front of Jake's shirt, growling "what did you say to her?"

Hamilton didn't think; instead, he grabbed Scout's arm and bent it as hard as he could as he snapped "let go of him"; it was let go or let it break, and sure enough, scout immediately let go, wincing. He turned to Hamilton, face red, and said loudly "let go of me!" before shoving him. Hamilton shoved back. He had no doubt that if it came to blows he could squash Scout like a bug, and he rather felt like hitting him now.

"Stop it!" Bella shouted, grabbing Scout; she probably understood he was about to get bitten to a pulp. "Jake didn't say anything to me," she continued "everything's all right, I just did it to snap him out of his –" she hesitated, and finished lamely "something".

Hamilton wasn't buying it – you don't slap someone when everything's alright – but if Jake and Bella wanted to keep it between them, it was their right. Maybe he could get it out of Jake afterwards. Scout had evidently thought along the same lines, because he relaxed, saying "right".

They all stood there awkwardly, until Jake echoed "right". Hamilton looked at him; his expression was strange, a mix between hurt and fury and a deep bitterness he couldn't understand, but he didn't have to understand it in order to know that it bode ill.

"I'll be off than," Jake continued, voice flat, his face shutting down; emotionless. "It was nice meeting you all and everything". He turned and walked to his bike.

Hamilton gaped after him. What did he mean, 'it was nice meeting you all'? It sounded like – _but he wouldn't, wouldn't he…?_

"What!?" he said, dimly registering the same word from Bella and Scout. Jake shrugged, not looking at them. "Bye," he offered, almost in indifference, and put on his helmet. Just like that.

"What do you mean? Are you leaving?" Bella asked, confused, even though it was obvious that's just what he was doing.

"No point in staying, really, is there? No point in coming here in the first place, so the sooner I remedy that, the better" Jake answered, his voice not quite free of anger. He looked at Bella as he said this, and it seemed she understood what he meant, but Hamilton didn't. Was there a point to Jake being here? He said, earlier, that he was just waiting for someone to notice. Was that it? Did someone finally notice? Or, perhaps, did he give up on someone noticing?

Whatever it was, Hamilton knew he couldn't just let Jake leave like this. He wouldn't let Jake just discard him as though their friendship meant nothing.

"You can't leave!" he shouted, and then felt his face grow hot as the other three turned to look at him. But he only had eyes for Jake, had to make him stay. Desperately, he tried to think of something that he could use, until – of course - "I mean –" he continued "I mean – what about the Regatta? You can't leave a day before the race!"

He hoped it would work. Whatever problems he had, Jake was a good kid, he knew that at least. He was not one to walk away from obligation, not when someone was counting on him.

"That's right," Scout said, instantly indignant "you can't screw us over just because you seem to have some issues. You shouldn't have joined in the first place if you weren't planning on coming through".

"They're right" Bella said quickly.

Jake's face tightened, momentarily, and then he said "fine. I'll stay for the Regatta".

"Good" Scout relaxed and turned away, but Hamilton heard what Jake didn't say, and demanded "you're still planning to leave?"

Jake spared him a short look "I'll leave tomorrow, after the race," he answered.

"Oh". A heavy weight settled in Hamilton's stomach. Jake was still leaving. He had bought himself a day – but that was it. "But you've already paid for the entire summer session. You won't get the money back" he tried, and knew how stupid it sounded even as he said it.

"I. Don't. Care" Jake gave him one of those looks, the ones he gave Hamilton when they had just met, the ones that made him feel like an inadequate five year old. But this one was worse, because it seemed like Jake was looking through him, already not there in spirit, if not in flesh.

He looked away, and heard Jake sigh. "I –" the other boy started, then seemed to change his mind "I'll see you later" he finished, and drove away without a glance backwards.

Hamilton stared after him; beside him, he dimly noticed Bella's unhappy face, mouth pinched tightly. He knew how she felt. Scout let out a whistle. "Strange guy," he said, and then chuckled "I swear, he's such a drama queen sometimes".

Bella shot him a glare. "Shut up, Scout," she snapped, before storming away.

Scout gaped after her, then turned to Hamilton, puzzled "what did I say?"

Hamilton wasn't feeling all that patient himself now, so he didn't bother to reply. Instead, he turned and started heading back towards Rawley, leaving Scout to figure it out for himself.

-------

Jake was locked up in her room, angrily shoving her belongings into a suitcase, when a hesitant knock on her door sounded, and Hamilton's voice asked "Jake? Are you in there?"

She debated whether to answer or not; she wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone, least of all Hamilton – she was feeling confused and guilty enough as it was. Still, in the end it was guilt that made answer "what do you want?", though perhaps a little more sharply than necessary.

Hamilton sounded almost pitiful when he said "can I come in?" and her guilt increased, enough to make her sigh and open the door, not before checking to see if anything discriminating was in sight. Hamilton stood on the other side, looking forlorn and serious, his blue eyes unhappy. "Hi," he said quietly.

Jake stood aside to let him enter, then quickly closed the door after him. He took in the open, half-packed suitcase, her various clothes and belongings scattered about the room, and turned to her. "You're really leaving," he said, a tad accusing.

She shrugged, not quite meeting his eyes "yeah, I am," she answered, than added hurriedly "but only after the Regatta, I promised".

Hamilton still looked dejected, and she stopped, for a minute, to think that perhaps she owed him an explanation. He was a friend, after all. But before she could make up her mind about it, he looked up at her suddenly, eyes intense and face determent. "Come with me," he told her, and started for the door.

"What? Where?" she asked, confused "I need to finish packing".

"Leave the packing!" he almost shouted, then continued calmer "you can finish that later, you still have an entire day. Come with me, I want to show you something. Please?"

It was the please that won her over; when he was looking at her like that, like there was nothing else in the world at the moment, she found it almost impossible to refuse him. "Okay," she said.

He smiled at her, face suddenly bright and happy. "Great," he said, and stepped out into the hall, waiting for her to lock up. "Come on".

He led her out, across the lawn and into the trees by the lake. "My dad bought this a summer ago" he said.

She frowned, following him as they walked farther from the school, along the shore "bought what?"

"This," he said, stopping, and gestured proudly at a small speedboat. "Isn't it cool?"

Despite her dark mood, her interest was piqued. She had always thought speedboats were a bit like the motorcycles of the water, although she supposed most people would compare motorcycles to jet skis. "Yeah, it's cool," she agreed.

"Hop in," he told her, climbing into the boat, and when she hesitated, he added "I'll show you how to drive it".

That won her over quickly enough, and she climbed in after him, her mood brightening by the minute. Hamilton maneuvered the boat smoothly into deep water, and she almost laughed at the feeling of the wind on her face. "Can you make it go faster?" she asked, smiling, and he smiled back and complied.

He slowed to a stop as they neared the center of the lake. It was quiet, deceptively so; although she could just barely make out the docks and the people on them, she still felt as though they were alone in the lake. It was a rather nice feeling.

Hamilton turned to look at her, his face serious again. "You seem to be in a better mood," he observed.

Her own face darkened as she remembered exactly why she'd been in a foul mood before, and Hamilton winced and said hurriedly "never mind, forget I said that. Let's just – I'll teach you how to drive this".

He launched into an explanation, which was rather too long for something not all that difficult, and she grasped the basics soon enough.

She appreciated Hamilton's attempts to cheer her up; he was really such a sweet guy, and she felt she owed him an explanation, at least. She stopped the boat, and when he turned to look at her questioningly she sighed and passed a hand through her hair.

"Hamilton," she said, biting her lip "I'm sorry about earlier. I was – angry. I'm sorry if I was a bit short with you".

He nodded, and asked "do you want to talk about it? I mean, it must be something big, if it convinced you to leave Rawley all of the sudden".

She picked at her sleeve, not looking at him. "It's – never mind".

Hamilton smiled at her gently "I promise I won't laugh or anything, if that's what you're worried about".

Jake looked down, focusing on the water; anywhere but on Hamilton. "It's – ever since I was little, I felt as though I was in second place, where it concerned my mother. I never lacked anything material – clothes and toys and pocket money – but she was never there. Our house keeper was the one who actually took care of me – woke me up when I had a nightmare, took me to the doctor when I was sick – my mother probably couldn't even say what my favourite food is".

She was aware of the bitterness in her voice, but didn't try to hide it. It was liberating, in a way, to talk about this – and Hamilton was a good audience, looking at her with those thoughtful blue eyes, not judging anything she said, just listening.

"Ever since I was little, I did wild – and often stupid – things to get her attention, but it never worked. And now I'm almost sixteen, and it's like – she doesn't even know me. And this – " she waved her hand about, not sure if she meant Rawley or herself or both "this is the stupidest thing I've done yet. This –" she tugged on her sleeve "this isn't who I am. And she was supposed to notice – finally, this was something she couldn't ignore – but then something came up, again".

"I don't know why I'm even surprised anymore," she added resentfully "after all those years I should have expected it; but I thought – maybe, just this once, she would make the effort. But there's always something more important then me – a director or an audition or a party – and that's never going to change".

Hamilton stared at her, before asking hesitatingly "she bailed out on Parents Weekend?"

She nodded, giving a short laugh, devoid of humor "of course. After she said she was coming. And she didn't even tell me that herself – her agent called me. I think I talk to Megan more than I talk to my mother".

Hamilton bit his lip "but what's that got to do with you leaving?"

Jake frowned "don't you get it? Coming here – this was just another ploy to get her attention! I don't belong here, and this is just another failure –"

"Are you sorry you came?" he asked. His voice was flat, his mouth tightening as he looked at her.

"Sorry?" she echoed, and answered without really thinking "yes".

Hamilton narrowed his eyes, his expression turning cold, and then he said "thank you". He turned the boat and started back in the direction of the shore.

"Hamilton…" Jake started. She hadn't thought about it, but it was obvious he was hurt. Why wouldn't he be? 'Jake', who was his friend, just said he would've rather not met him. "Look, I'm sorry," she said. "I didn't mean – I'm glad I met you. It's just – this made me realize I might as well give up on my mother, and that's something I could've lived without".

Hamilton glanced at her, but his face lightened. "It's okay," he said. "I understand. I'm –" he stopped as they neared the shore, and concentrated on stopping the boat.

"You what?" Jake asked, curious, as he helped her out of the boat.

"I'm –" he smiled nervously "this is going to sound sappy. But I'm glad you came, it doesn't matter why. I know we only met a short time ago, but – but you're the best friend I've ever had. Please don't leave."

She was touched. She could tell he was sincere – it made her wonder if his life was really that lonely, that he grew so attached to a boy he hardly knew. It made her guilty as hell, too – because that boy didn't really exist. But she could understand what he meant – in a way, he was the best friend she ever had, too.

"Thanks," she said "you're – the best friend I had in a long time, too. But – Hamilton, I never intended to stay here. It was just –"

"To get your mother to notice you, I know. But would it make a difference if you go back home or stay here?"

Of course it did – in New-York she wouldn't have to pretend to be the wrong gender, for a start – but she couldn't tell him that.

"Just stay until the end of the summer session," he said hopefully. "You've already paid for it anyway".

He was looking at her **that** way again, making it harder than ever to refuse. She hesitated. Would it really be so bad, if she stayed till the end of the session? Not run away for once? Pretending aside, she was actually enjoying herself here, with Bella, and of course Hamilton. She could afford to tie her loose ends for once.

"Okay," she said, and his face broke into a wide grin so bright it nearly blinded her. "I'll stay until the end of the session".

"Great," he said, grabbing her wrist and pulling her after him "now let's get to lunch, I'm starving".

------

Hamilton stood nervously before Jake's locked door. He knew the other boy probably didn't want to see anyone just now; but he couldn't just stand and let him leave. Taking a deep breath, he called "Jake, are you in there?"

A few moments of silence, and then a voice grudgingly answered "what do you want?"

Hamilton refused to be daunted. "Can I come in?" he asked.

Jake didn't answer, but he heard a few sounds from the room, then brisk steps, and the door was opened. Jake stood before him, his face impatient and a little cold. His eyes were red-rimmed, as though he'd been crying, but Hamilton didn't think it was the time to mention that. He was pretty even with the red eyes and the puffy nose, but Hamilton didn't think it was the time to mention that, either. **Ever**. "Hi," he said.

Jake didn't say anything, just stood aside to let him enter, and closed the door after him. Clothes were strewn around the room, and a half-packed suitcase sat on Jake's unmade bed. He turned to stare at Jake; "you're really leaving". He didn't really believe it until now.

"Yes, I am," Jake answered, raising his eyebrows, as though he didn't know why Hamilton was surprised, as though he should've learned by now that Jake didn't say things he didn't mean. "But only after the Regatta, I promised" he added, as though that was the problem. For all his brains, Jake could really be dense sometimes.

Hamilton stared around the room again, biting his lip, before an idea popped into his head. He had noticed by now that Jake used to go ride his bike whenever he was in a bad mood, so maybe – "come with me," he said.

Jake frowned "what? Where? I need to finish packing".

"Leave the packing!" Hamilton exploded. He wasn't sure if Jake really didn't understand, or if he was just trying to get rid of Hamilton. He told himself to calm down – it didn't matter. "You can finish that later," he said "you still have an entire day. Come with me, I want to show you something. Please?"

The other boy hesitated, looking at Hamilton as though he didn't really see him until this moment, before nodding. "Okay," he said, and Hamilton grinned, suddenly ridiculously happy.

"Great," he said, as Jake stopped to lock his door "come on". He led them out, to the lakeshore near his house, where his dad had tied the speedboat he bought last year. He was suddenly very happy he insisted on learning how to drive it.

"My dad bought this a summer ago" he told Jake.

The other boy raised confused eyes to him "bought what?"

He saw the boat ahead "this," Hamilton said, and stopped next to it "isn't it cool?" maybe not as cool as a motorcycle, but as cool as a car, at least.

Jake smiled lightly, almost indulgent "yeah, it's cool" he agreed.

Hamilton climbed in, turning to the other boy; "hop in". But Jake hesitated, unsure, obviously thinking of his room and the half-full suitcase waiting in it. "I'll show you how to drive it" Hamilton added, and relaxed as Jake climbed in after him. His father may kill him, but it would be worth it.

He maneuvered it away from the shore, before starting for deep water at a respectable speed. Jake stood next to him, closer than usual; the wind whipped at his hair, made his cheeks flush attractively; he gave Hamilton a beautiful, delighted smile, and as always, Hamilton couldn't help but smile back. "Can you make this go faster?" Jake asked, and Hamilton readily agreed, even though he knew his dad would never let him drive the boat again if he saw him just now.

He looked beside him, at Jake's happy face. "You seem to be in a better mood," he said, and immediately regretted it when Jake's expression soured. _Great going, Hamilton, _he berated himself_, remind him exactly of what he's trying to avoid!_ "Never mind, forget I said that. Let's just – I'll teach you how to drive this" he said quickly, and launched into an explanation before Jake had the time to say he wanted to go back, or something of the sort.

Jake understood it easily, though Hamilton supposed he shouldn't be surprised by now. Until now he had never seen Jake have trouble understanding **anything**. Before long, though, Jake slowed the boat to a stop in the middle of the lake. He bit his lip, a gesture Hamilton found enchanting, and he had to tear his eyes away as the other boy said "Hamilton".

He looked up questioningly, and Jake continued, a bit uncomfortably "I'm sorry about earlier. I was – angry. I'm sorry if I was a bit short with you".

Hamilton supposed that since it was Jake who'd brought up the subject, it was okay to ask about it. "Do you want to talk about it?" he said "I mean, it must be something big, if it convinced you to leave Rawley all of the sudden". It would be nice if Jake would confide in him, for once, and not in Bella.

"It's –" Jake started and Hamilton waited hopefully, but then the other boy muttered "never mind" and looked away as though embarrassed, picking at his sleeve with thin, pale fingers.

Maybe that was the problem. "I promise I won't laugh or anything, if that's what you're worried about" he told Jake, and Jake looked at him, startled. But then he nodded and, looking away, started talking quietly.

"It's – ever since I was little, I felt as though I was in second place, where it concerned my mother" Jake said. "I never lacked anything material – clothes and toys and pocket money – but she was never there. Our house keeper was the one who actually took care of me – woke me up when I had a nightmare, took me to the doctor when I was sick – my mother probably couldn't even say what my favourite food is".

He gave a bitter little laugh at that, and Hamilton's heart clenched inside, instantly hating Jake's mother although he had never even met her. He knew Jake and his mom had problems, but he didn't realize they were this, well, big.

"Ever since I was little, I did wild – and often stupid – things to get her attention, but it never worked. And now I'm almost sixteen, and it's like – she doesn't even know me. And this – " Jake waved his hand about, indicating the general area of the lake "this is the stupidest thing I've done yet. This –" he tugged on his sleeve "this isn't who I am. And she was supposed to notice – finally, this was something she couldn't ignore – but then something came up, again. I don't know why I'm even surprised anymore," his voice shook momentarily "after all those years I should have expected it; but I thought – maybe, just this once, she would make the effort. But there's always something more important then me – a director or an audition or a party – and that's never going to change".

Jake finished talking, still not looking at Hamilton, an unhappy frown on his face. Hamilton's heart went out to him; his own feelings for Jake aside, it sounded awful. Even though he had his own problems with his parents – he had always complained that his mother was too controlling and his father too wrapped up in being the Dean to actually act like a father – he had never doubted that they loved him. But Jake sounded resigned to the fact – or so Hamilton understood – that his own mother considered him an inconvenience in her life.

"She bailed out on Parents Weekend?" he asked, because he remembered Jake's wild look of panic as he told Bella "my mother's coming!" it must have seemed like a miracle, and then that phone call…

Jake gave that bitter little laugh again "of course. After she said she was coming. And she didn't even tell me that herself – her agent called me. I think I talk to Megan more than I talk to my mother".

Hamilton understood why Jake had thrown his phone against the wall after that, understood his tantrum at the garage; it must have been the slap to end all slaps.

He still didn't comprehend, though - "but what's that got to do with you leaving?"

"Don't you get it?" Jake said flatly "coming here – this was just another ploy to get her attention! I don't belong here, and this is just another failure –"

"Are you sorry you came?" he asked, and didn't really expect to hear Jake's confident "yes". He said it as though he would've erased the time that had passed since the beginning of the summer session, and everything that had happened with it. Hurt welled within Hamilton, deeper than anything he had ever felt before, and he barely managed to bite out a sarcastic "thank you" as he turned the boat back towards the shore, needing to hurt Jake back.

"Hamilton…" Jake said, surprised, his face apologetic. "Look, I'm sorry. I didn't mean – I'm glad I met you. It's just – this made me realize I might as well give up on my mother, and that's something I could've lived without".

Hamilton's relief was astounding. "It's okay," he said, mood brightening in a second "I understand. I'm – " he stopped, horrified that he was going to say something girly and embarrassing, and used the parking of the boat as an excuse not to continue. But Jake had other things in mind.

"You what?" he asked, as Hamilton climbed out of the boat and offered him a hand to help, without thinking, as he would to a girl. He was about to snatch it back, blushing, when Jake took it. His grip was surprisingly strong, his hand small and cold in Hamilton's, and he didn't seem aware that he did it. Or maybe he didn't think there was anything wrong with it.

"I'm –" Hamilton started, blushing even harder and letting go of Jake's hand regretfully "this is going to sound sappy. But I'm glad you came, it doesn't matter why. I know we only met a short time ago, but – but you're the best friend I've ever had. Please don't leave." Even though it was true, he felt like a fool for saying it.

But Jake only smiled at him, oddly shy "thanks," he said, then frowned "you're – the best friend I had in a long time, too. But – Hamilton, I never intended to stay here. It was just –"

Hamilton cut in "to get your mother to notice you, I know. But would it make a difference if you go back home or stay here?" he didn't understand why Jake was insisting on leaving. His mother wasn't going to pay attention to him in New-York either, was she? He didn't say it, though, as it would've been completely tactless. "Just stay until the end of the summer session," he added. "You've already paid for it anyway".

He could see Jake was hesitating, and knew there wasn't much of a chance that he'll change his mind; he was stubborn almost to the point of self-harm.

But then Jake eased, the tension leaking out of his shoulders, and said "okay. I'll stay until the end of the session".

Hamilton stared at him, feeling his face break into the widest, stupidest grin he had ever wore, so wide he was surprised his face wasn't splitting in half.

"Great," he said, even though he wanted to shout, to kiss Jake who was smiling back at him, to do something because he felt like he was going to explode. He grabbed Jake's hand and started dragging the other boy after him, saying "now let's get to lunch, I'm starving," just to say something.

It occurred to him that touching the other boy was okay, if it was like this, and Jake didn't seem to mind; he was smiling as he stumbled behind Hamilton, and Hamilton, basking in his revelation, threw an arm around his thin shoulders, pulling him close, and ruffled his dark hair vigorously. "Were going to have fun," he said, as Jake protested, laughing, and tried to push him away "you'll see".

------

Jake was in a good mood as she got back to her room; Hamilton seemed to have that effect on her. She was glad she decided to stay, even if it meant lying and pretending for a bit longer. She wasn't very hungry, but it amused her, to see Hamilton wolfing down plate after plate.

"What?" he pouted as she raised an eyebrow at the stack of empty plates steadily growing before him "I'm a growing boy; I need to eat. You should eat too," he added, jabbing a not so careful finger in her side and making her yelp "you look like a girl".

She missed a heartbeat at that, but Hamilton, thankfully, didn't notice.

Afterwards she excused herself to go and unpack her suitcase; Hamilton offered to help, but Jake, thinking of the bras and panties tangled with her 'boy' clothes, hastily declined.

As she arranged her clothes neatly back in the closet, she thought back to the morning. She needed to apologize to Bella, and she needed to get a new phone. The phone could wait until she got home – there were only two weeks left, after all – but she'd better fix things with Bella quickly.

She finished arranging everything and after a quick look in the mirror to make sure she was manly (never mind how wrong **that** sounded) she left the room, intending to head into town and find the blonde.

On her way out she ran into Scout and Will. Will smiled at her and raised a hand in greeting, but Scout gave her a careful nod. "Cooled down yet?" he asked, and she blushed, ignoring the perplexed look Will was giving her.

"Yeah, sorry about that," she said, smiling awkwardly "I kinda regressed to kindergarten for a minute."

Scout shrugged "as long as you're okay with everything. You and Bella fix things up?"

Will looked between them "what exactly is going on here?" he asked, then added, looking at Jake "you and Bella had a fight?"

Jake winced "not exactly. She sort of… got caught in the backlash of some bad news".

Scout sniggered suddenly "and then it was your turn to get caught in the backlash".

"What?" Will seemed even more confused, and slightly worried.

Jake rubbed her cheek jokingly "that girl's got a mean right arm, I'll give her that".

"What!?" Will said again.

"Nevermind, it's between them," Scout said. "And don't try to ask Bella about it, trust me". He turned to Jake "just make sure you clear up everything with her, okay?" at Jake's nod he smiled and continued down the hall, dragging Will with him and throwing a "see ya later" behind his shoulder.

"See ya," Jake muttered, and continued.

She was crossing the lawn when she heard her name called, and turned to see Hamilton who was waving and hurrying over, his dogs in toe.

"Hey," he said, smiling, his dogs crowding around them and almost knocking her over "finish unpacking?"

"Yeah," she answered, trying to keep her balance as an over enthusiastic golden retriever pushed his head behind her knee. "I was just –" she was cut short as another dog rubbed his side eagerly on her ankles and she lost her balance.

Hamilton caught her, one hand on her arm and the other steadying her around the waist. "Sorry," he said, trying to shoo them away with a leg "they get like that sometimes".

"It's okay," she said, stepping away – it felt far too good, him holding her like that – and scratched a dog behind the ear. "I was just on my way to town –"

"Bella?"

"Yeah," she frowned "I wanted to apologize".

Hamilton looked at her thoughtfully, completely stable despite the dogs' best efforts. "You two are really good friends, right?"

"Yeah, we are. Why?"

Hamilton shrugged "It's not all that common, to see a guy and a girl get along so well – especially since you've only just met a short while ago. There's usually too much – sexual tension at our age for that kind of friendship to really work".

Jake let out a laugh. Sexual tension between her and Bella? _Yeah right._ "Trust me," she said, still chuckling "there's no sexual tension between us. We're as platonic as, say, you and me." she quickly thought that over, remembering that unfortunate kiss, and added "or me and Scout. Or you and Will. You get the picture".

Hamilton nodded, but he looked unconvinced. "I'm just saying, she's not bad on the eyes".

Jake rolled her eyes "haven't we already been through this? Anyway, as I said before, she has a boyfriend".

Hamilton gave her a piercing look. "Say she didn't have a boyfriend," he asked "could you still say just as firmly that you don't feel any attraction whatsoever to her?"

"Yes!" Jake said tiredly "for the hundred and one time, there is absolutely zero attraction between me and Bella. We're just really good friends. What is it with you? Why do you always insist on bringing this topic up?"

Hamilton shrugged, sitting down on the grass. "I'm just curious. You didn't want Lena, you don't seem interested in any of the girls here, and the one girl you actually talk to – you claim you're not interested in, romantically. I just find that a little… hard to believe".

"Oh god," she exclaimed in disgust, kneeling down next to him "is this about the gay thing again? Because I swear I'm not –"

"No, it isn't," Hamilton interrupted her quickly "I said – I'm just curious. Are you in love with someone? Back home, I mean. Is that why you're not interested in anyone? Or are you just – not interested as a general rule?"

_I'm very interested in you_, Jake thought, but of course she couldn't say it. She sat down properly, thinking. "I guess you can say I'm just not interested, in general. I mean, what's the point? Summer session is so short, there's no point in hooking up with anyone. Not that I have anyone at home – except maybe a few exes…"

"Oh?" Hamilton looked at her strangely "you've had serious relationships before?"

"I dated this older – girl" she caught herself just in time "for a few months last year, but it got a bit too much for me, so I called it off. Surprisingly, we're still rather good friends though, we hang in the same circles".

"What do you mean, too much? How older was she, anyway?" Hamilton asked interestedly.

"She got a little… possessive" Jake said. "It got on my nerves after a while. She was two years older than me, anyway, so at some point we didn't exactly see eye to eye on some things, made it awkward".

Hamilton seemed confused "what'd you mean?"

"You know…" she could feel herself blushing; she couldn't believe she was talking about this with **Hamilton**, of all people. And as a **guy**. "She wanted to… you know… have sex, and I didn't," she trailed off, shrugging.

"You didn't want to have sex with her" Hamilton echoed, raising an eyebrow. She suddenly realized it must've sounded pretty weird; a guy her age saying he didn't want to have sex. "Was she ugly?" Hamilton asked, as though that could be the only thing wrong.

"No, she was hot," Jake said. That much was true, at least. "Look, I realize it may sound strange, but it just didn't feel right. I was barely fifteen, she was seventeen –"

"No, I get you," Hamilton hurriedly assured her. "So you've never…?"

"No. I mean, I haven't ever done **it**" Jake said. She did some other stuff, though, maybe a little more than she was actually comfortable with.

"Me neither," Hamilton said, than quickly added "I mean, I've come close".

Jake studied him. She could believe that, though he probably had had the opportunity. She wondered who it was he 'came close' with, and if he still kept in touch with her. What did he mean by 'came close', anyway? "Really? You haven't?" she asked.

"No. We gotta practice," Hamilton answered, then turned a bright red as he realized what he's just said. Jake was sure she turned pretty red herself as she stared at him.

"Um, I mean," he stuttered "we gotta, we gotta get to practice!" he pointed at his watch.

"Oh, shit, you're right, we're going to be late!" Jake exclaimed as she saw the time. It was getting dark outside, but Finn had insisted they needed one more practice before the Regatta tomorrow. They stood up, Hamilton dislodging one of the dogs that had sat in his lap, and hurried towards the docks.

Jake sighed as she glanced at the sky again. She would just have to talk to Bella tomorrow.

------

Hamilton offered to help Jake unpack – after all, he wanted to make sure the other boy was really unpacking, and not just saying he was to get Hamilton off his back. Jake turned him down, though, saying he was perfectly capable of arranging everything himself. Still, Hamilton intended to drop by his room later, just to be on the safe side.

He played a game or two of soccer with some of the guys, before his mother came up and asked him to take the dogs for a walk, as she had an errand to run in Carson. Regretfully, he waved to the others and headed home, calling the dogs as he neared the house.

They came willingly enough, jumping on him enthusiastically and trying to lick his face. He wondered – as he did rather often – what his parents were thinking when they decided they needed no less than five golden retrievers. Not that he didn't love his dogs, but, well, sometimes they were just too much.

He strolled along the lake for a time, not bothering to stop the dogs from running in and out of the water, before heading to the lawn on his way back home. As he crossed it he glimpsed Jake, walking leisurely in the direction of the forest, probably to his bike. It was a very different sight from that morning, when Jake practically flew across the lawn in his haste.

He called out to Jake, and the other boy stopped, looking around, and smiled when he saw Hamilton. The dogs bounded up to him, butting his legs with their heads and almost drowning him in a sea of blond fur.

"Hey," Hamilton said, hurrying after his dogs before they actually managed to knock the other boy down. "Finish unpacking?"

"Yeah," Jake said, unsteady as the dogs clamored for his attention "I was just-"

At that point one of them actually succeeded in knocking Jake off his feet, and he would've toppled over, to be covered by slobbering dogs, if Hamilton hadn't hastily caught his arm. He put his other hand around Jake's waist. Just to steady him, of course.

"Sorry," he said, wondering if he could teach his dogs to topple Jake at a sign. "They get like that sometimes". It was extremely nice, holding the other boy close like this, and he used the moment to quickly smell Jake's hair. It was as good as ever, even if there was an overall scent of, well, **dog**.

"It's okay," Jake smiled, stepping away and out of Hamilton's hold, and Hamilton entertained the brief notion of simply not letting go. "I was just on my way to town –"

"Bella?" Hamilton asked. He didn't see any other reason Jake would go into town, although it was possible that maybe he had just fancied a hamburger.

"Yeah, I wanted to apologize," Jake answered, looking embarrassed.

"You two are really good friends, right?" Hamilton couldn't help but ask. He though back to what Scout said, about Jake and Bella acting like girlfriends.

"Yeah, we are. Why?" Jake frowned at him.

Hamilton shrugged "It's not all that common, to see a guy and a girl get along so well – especially since you've only just met a short while ago. There's usually too much – sexual tension at our age for that kind of friendship to really work". _Apparently, there's too much sexual tension for any relationship to work, period_, he added silently.

Jake let out a laugh, as though he found the thought actually funny. "Trust me," he chuckled "there's no sexual tension between us. We're as platonic as, say, you and me" Hamilton nearly chocked at that "or me and Scout. Or you and Will. You get the picture".

Hamilton nodded, although he personally thought that if Jake wasn't feeling the sexual tension between them, something was seriously wrong with him. Still, all he said was "I'm just saying, she's not bad on the eyes". It was true; Bella was beautiful. Shame Hamilton couldn't be attracted to her, instead of to his best friend.

"Haven't we already been through this?" Jake asked, rolling his eyes "anyway, as I said before, she has a boyfriend".

Something about the way he said it made Hamilton frown, and he asked "Say she didn't have a boyfriend, could you still say just as firmly that you don't feel any attraction whatsoever to her?"

Jake gave him a **look**. "Yes!" he almost shouted "for the hundred and one time, there is absolutely zero attraction between me and Bella. We're just really good friends. What is it with you? Why do you always insist on bringing this topic up?"

Hamilton **was** bringing the topic up a lot. Jake was probably starting to think he had a thing for Bella. Well, as long as he didn't think he had a thing for Jake. He sat, and a dog immediately flopped down in his lap. "I'm just curious" he said "you didn't want Lena, you don't seem interested in any of the girls here, and the one girl you actually talk to – you claim you're not interested in, romantically. I just find that a little… hard to believe".

It made Hamilton hope a little more than was probably wise, too. Jake was just so confusing with all his mixed signals.

"Oh god," Jake threw up his hands in disgust and knelt next to him "is this about the gay thing again? Because I swear I'm not –"

The last thing Hamilton wanted was for Jake to get angry at him and stop answering his questions. Nor did he particularly wish to hear Jake insist that he was straight. "No, it isn't," he said hastily "I said – I'm just curious. Are you in love with someone? Back home, I mean. Is that why you're not interested in anyone? Or are you just – not interested as a general rule?"

_Please don't say you're in love with someone_, he thought desperately. Jake sat down next to him, annoyance forgotten. He seemed thoughtful. "I guess you can say I'm just not interested, in general" he said, and Hamilton let out a quiet sigh of relief. "I mean, what's the point? Summer session is so short, there's no point in hooking up with anyone. Not that I have anyone at home – except maybe a few exes…"

At the word 'exes' Hamilton tensed again. He hated the thought of Jake's exes almost as much as he loathed the thought of Jake hooking up with someone new. "Oh," he asked, hoping he sounded casual "you've had serious relationships before?"

"I dated this older girl" Jake said slowly "for a few months last year, but it got a bit too much for me, so I called it off. Surprisingly, we're still rather good friends though, we hang in the same circles".

_Who stays in touch with their ex_? Hamilton thought in annoyance. _An older girl, ha?_ "What do you mean, too much?" he asked. "How older was she, anyway?"

"She got a little… possessive" Jake said. He seemed uncomfortable. "It got on my nerves after a while. She was two years older than me, anyway, so at some point we didn't exactly see eye to eye on some things, made it awkward".

_Two years?_ Hamilton personally thought it was almost pedophilia. "What'd you mean?" he asked. He didn't understand what they wouldn't see eye to eye about. Maybe they couldn't go to the same club? Or maybe the girl wanted a lot of expensive gifts and Jake didn't want to buy them?

"You know…" Jake trailed off uneasily, and was he – blushing? "She wanted to… you know… have sex, and I didn't," Jake finished, shrugging.

"You didn't want to have sex with her" Hamilton echoed flatly. Jake blushed even harder. It was very fetching, but also – Hamilton didn't understand it. He knew Jake was all suave and charming around girls, but surely, he was just as much of a teenage boy as Hamilton was. What kind of guy said no to free sex? With his girlfriend, no less.

"Was she ugly?" he asked, trying to wrap his mind around it. Then he had to stop, because the thought of Jake having sex, girlfriend or no girlfriend, was a little too much for him at the moment. It being a public place and everything.

"No, she was hot," Jake said firmly. Hamilton believed him. Jake probably had a lot of pretty girls trailing after him in back in New York.

"Look, I realize it may sound strange," Jake said defensively "but it just didn't feel right. I was barely fifteen, she was seventeen –"

"No, I get you," Hamilton cut in. if Jake didn't want to have sex with a girl that was probably too old for him anyway, who was Hamilton to object? "So you've never…?" he asked, but couldn't seem to get out 'you' and 'sex' in the same sentence. He was suddenly reminded of that day on the roof, when he talked to Jake about the difference between guys and girls. God, Jake must've thought he was such a dork.

He had said 'I wanna have sex with you' then, but of course, it wasn't serious. He wasn't actually saying it to Jake. If he said it now, though – he couldn't say it jokingly, because he did want to have sex with Jake, boy or no boy – although he didn't actually dwell on the logistics of it. It was still a little – disturbing, despite the fact that he knew he wanted Jake as he had never wanted anyone before in his life.

"No. I mean, I haven't ever done **it**" Jake said, thus implying he had done many, many other things. Hamilton didn't want to think about it too much, as it made his fists ache. He couldn't help but wonder how experienced the other boy was, though.

"Me neither," Hamilton said, than added hastily "I mean, I've come close". He didn't want Jake to think he was any less experienced that he was. And, well, he **had** come close, even if they were both pretty wasted at the time.

"Really? You haven't?" Jake seemed surprised. Hamilton wondered if he should be flattered.

"No" Hamilton answered, glancing at his watch. He blanched – they were so going to be late for crew. "We gotta practice," he said in alarm, then froze as he realized what he had actually said. Did he really just suggest he and Jake have sex? He could feel his face heating up, and Jake was looking at him as though he was crazy, which didn't help matters at all.

"Um, I mean," he stuttered "we gotta, we gotta get to practice!" he pointed at his watch frantically, and almost swallowed his tongue as Jake leaned close to see.

The other boy raised panicked eyes "oh, shit, you're right, we're going to be late!" he said as they both scrambled to their feet.

They both took off in the direction of the docks, almost running. Finn was **not** going to be happy.

In the end they were only late by a minute or so, and the boat didn't leave without them (Jake seemed very relieved at that, and Hamilton recalled that he hated to swim), but they did get a lecture. While rowing, of course.

It was already completely dark when they finished, and after a quick dinner Jake bid him goodbye and headed back to the dorms. Hamilton watched him go, then turned to go home himself.

He didn't see Jake at breakfast the next morning, as he ate at home, and only met him at the docks before the first race.

"So, excited?" he asked, and Jake rolled his eyes. "I can hardly wait," the other boy drawled, tugging his cap lower on his head. "It's just a race".

"It's not just a race!" Hamilton protested, but he smiled nonetheless "it's our honour at stake here! We can let those losers win!" he waved in the direction of the other teams.

"Technically, if they win we're the losers," Jake pointed out, and Hamilton cuffed him on the head, muttering "details, details".

He was spared from retaliation by the arrival of Finn and the rest of the team, and then it was the countdown and the launch and the race. Despite his former cool, Jake seemed almost as excited as the rest of them; he was shouting out orders so loud he was almost hoarse by the end, urging and encouraging the rowers nonstop.

They won, of course, and with everyone's enthusiasm, Hamilton felt secure enough to pull Jake into a one-armed hug.

"Ugh, you're all sweaty, get off me," Jake said, making a face and pushing him away. Hamilton laughed, not too hurt, and stole his cap, putting it on his own head.

"Well that's because I, unlike some people, actually did something, rather than just sit on my ass and yell at other people to row faster" Hamilton said, faking a huff.

"Shut up," Jake muttered, snatching his hat back and jamming it on. "Go take a shower, you stink".

Wisely, Hamilton didn't invite him to join.

Instead, he said "well, I'll go take a shower, but afterwards we have a few hours until the final race. I'll meet you back here in half an hour?"

Jake was already walking away, and he said over his shoulder "actually, I've got a few things to do, so I'll see you here around three, okay?" he didn't wait for an answer.

"Sure," Hamilton muttered to his back. It wasn't as though he needed Jake to entertain him, anyway. He was perfectly fine on his own.

He took a long shower – even though he'd probably need another one after the final race – then headed back to the lake. There was bound to be something interesting.

---------

Jake was the first one down at the docks, with Hamilton close after. _Everyone's probably milling about with their parents_, she thought a tad bitterly. Hamilton smiled eagerly at her. "So, excited?" he asked, and Jake rolled his eyes. "I can hardly wait," she said sarcastically. "It's just a race".

"It's not just a race!" Hamilton objected "it's our honour at stake here! We can let those losers win!" he glared fiercely in the direction of the other teams.

Jake found all this machoism fairly irritating. "Technically, if they win we're the losers," she said, rather logically. And then Hamilton actually cuffed her on the head! He was treating her as a little brother, which she found fairly annoying, too, but at least he was finally relaxed around her. That was something, at least.

Despite her lack of enthusiasm, she soon got caught up in the excitement, and actually found herself shouting orders and encouragements at the top of her lungs. It felt good to win, although it felt less good when Hamilton decided to hug her and thus transfer all his sweat (and he had a lot of it) to her shirt. Luckily, she managed to convince him that a shower was in order.

She declined his offer to meet back outside in half an hour – she was in no mood to watch all the happy families being sickeningly sweet together all over the lawn and the lake. Hamilton would just have to entertain himself.

She spent the next few hours in her room, reading (it was much cooler inside, too), and about an hour before the final race she headed back outside. She didn't see Hamilton, but she did see Bella, looking very pretty in a short blue dress, glancing nervously about.

She strolled over. "Hey," she said cautiously.

"Hey," Bella greeted back, maybe a little less enthusiastically than usual. She was glancing about her, as though she was looking for someone. She was dressed a little prettier than usual, too.

Jake frowned. "I just wanted to apologize, for yesterday. I was angry and I took it out on you, and that was wrong –"

Bella waved her hand impatiently "it's okay. Just don't take it out on the garage next time".

"I hope there won't be a next time, but I promise," Jake said jokingly, then frowned again as Bella looked away.

"Is everything all right?" she asked "am I interrupting something?"

Bella bit her lip "yes. No. Yes. I don't know, I'm just…"

"What?" Jake asked, putting a comforting hand on Bella's arm "is something wrong?"

Bella looked distressed. She seemed to consider something, and then she took a deep breath "you can't tell this to anyone, especially not to my dad or Grace".

"Okay," Jake said, perplexed "I promise".

Bella stepped closer. "I'm meeting my biological father," she whispered.

Jake stared at her "what?"

Bella nodded "Scout was so – persistent about it, and after a while, it started to seem like a good idea. I mean, it's not like I'm replacing dad, right? He's my dad, my real one. Just – I want this whole 'brothers' thing to be over, finally. I want to be sure".

"Of course," Jake said. "It's – good luck. D'you want me – if you need backup or anything…"

"No…" Bella said slowly "I think this is something I need to do on my own. Thanks, though, I appreciate it".

"No problem," Jake smiled at her. "I'll be right here, if you need me, though. Okay?"

"Okay," Bella smiled back and hugged her "good luck to you too, with the race".

"We'll nail them," Jake said confidently, then gave Bella's hand a last squeeze and left.

She spotted Hamilton lounging about not a long way off, talking to Will; she headed over.

"Hi," she said as she neared, and the two of them smiled in return.

"Is there something wrong with Bella?" Will asked. "She seems kind of anxious".

"She's okay, she says good luck with the race" Jake assured him, and then asked "say, have you seen Scout?"

Will shrugged "he's with his dad somewhere, I think. Why? We'll see them soon anyway, the race is in half an hour". He brightened "did you meet his dad? He's really cool".

"I hope," Jake muttered. She hoped everything would go smoothly for Bella.

"So where are your parents?" Will asked Jake, looking around him.

Jake scowled, and even Hamilton winced. "Well," she said flatly "I don't have a dad, so obviously he's not here; and my mom had an interview with Vogue this weekend, so clearly she isn't here either".

"Sorry," Will said, uncomfortable "my dad isn't here either. We have a rather… strained relationship. That is, we pretend the other doesn't exist".

Jake relaxed. "Sorry," she offered "but your mom's here?"

Will nodded "she said she'll come".

Hamilton tugged on her sleeve "I'm sorry to interrupt your sob stories," he said, smiling to show that he didn't mean to insult them "but we should probably start heading down there".

When they got to the dock almost all the team was already there, except Scout; Jake saw him a little way off, standing with a middle-aged man that resembled him a little. They seemed to be arguing, or at least Scout was. She hoped it wasn't about Bella.

Then the man – who, as she guessed, was Senator Calhoun – left to make a speech, and they all got ready next to the boat.

Finn gave a short pap talk (it wasn't all that inspiring, but they were already nervous and excited so it didn't really matter) and then they climbed into the boat and the final race started.

It was even more intense then before; everyone rowing as though their lives were depending on it, Jake herself shouting orders so loud she doubted she'd have a voice left tomorrow, the crowds cheering and yelling, blurs of colours passing by at a speed far greater than normal.

It was a close call; Rawley and St. Joe were practically nose to nose, everyone grunting and sweating and breathing heavily, and then the Rawley team gave a sudden, collective burst of energy and they won, by a few precious seconds.

Everyone dropped the oars, panting as the crowd clapped and yelled; in the boat, no one had any strength left to scream, but they did exchange tired grins and punched the air limply a few times.

Fortunately the docks were close, or someone would've needed to toe the boat, they had no energy left to row. They climbed out, giving each other hi-fives and slapping one another on the back and in some cases, even risking one armed, manly hugs.

Jake rolled her eyes; they were such boys.

They took a picture together; everyone beaming at the camera and flashing the victory sign; from her place, squashed between Hamilton and Will, Jake smiled, too. All in all, she had enjoyed it.

Now, if only they would stop sweating on her.

--------

Hamilton looked at his watch, only half-listening to what Will was saying; five past three. Jake was supposed to be here by now. He looked around again, just in case, and sure enough, he could see the other boy coming from the direction of the dorms. He was about to call him over when Jake strode by past him.

Hamilton looked ahead, to where Jake was going, and saw Bella, more beautiful than ever in a blue dress and loose hair. He couldn't help but scowl. He believed Jake when he had said yesterday that there was nothing between them – finally, Jake had managed to convince him. But that didn't stop that tiny, irrational bout of jealously from surfacing.

"Bella and Jake," Will said from beside him, shaking his head "there's something so weird about that".

Bella seemed worried; he could tell that much. She kept looking around as she and Jake talked. Eventually they hugged – they kept doing that, regardless of where they were or who could see them and get ideas (he could practically **feel** Will raising his eyebrows next to him), and then Jake turned, spotting them, and came over.

Will immediately wanted to know what was wrong with Bella, but Jake shrugged it off. Then he and Will spent a few minutes bitching about each other's parents – ending in a draw and an apology – before they all headed down to the docks.

They won, of course – Hamilton absolutely refused to admit that somewhere, near the ending line, he had a few doubtful moments – but it was a close call, and they were all dead-tired by the end of it.

They took the traditional picture – although this time it was better, since they had actually won – and then everyone broke away from the group to go to their parents.

Scout made to go, too, but then he turned, frowning, and said "wait, Jake – you're leaving now, right?"

Hamilton instantly snapped "no, he isn't" and the other two turned to look at him, startled. "He isn't," he said again "he changed his mind". He wanted Scout to go away – Jake had promised, true, but Hamilton didn't want anyone giving him ideas.

Then Jake smiled, glancing at Hamilton, and said "I'm staying. You're not getting rid of me this easily".

Hamilton smiled back, and then promptly stole his cap, breaking into a sprint, with Jake's indignant "you idiot! Give it back!" echoing behind him as the other boy started chasing after him.

Hamilton's smile widened, and then he was laughing; after all, life was good.

-------

So, what'd you think? Good? Not so good? This chapter was harder to write than the previous ones, since the first four follow the actual storyline almost perfectly, and here I had to change quite a lot (since, obviously, Hamilton doesn't know). I tried to keep it as close to the episode as I could – the speedboat and their talk about sex and everything. I hope I managed to pull it off!


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: Young Americans does not belong to me, and I am not making any money out of this. It's for my own fun (and hopefully yours, too). Jake and Ham aren't mine either: I just borrow them to play with (and torture a lot, in Ham's case, because it's just so fun to see him squirm)

Summary: The sixth Young Americans episode "Gone", written from Jake and Hamilton's point of view. This is the first (and hopefully last) episode that strays completely from the script. I thought it was necessary, and I'll explain more about it after the chapter. Enjoy!

A/N: This is my first time writing YA fanfiction, and as such, I'm rather nervous. So please read and review! It would mean a lot to me. Also, I'm so sorry this took me so long- Ham was giving me a lot of trouble.

Keirah: thank you for reviewing! I'm glad you think I'm doing a good job, I'm not so sure of it half the time, especially with this chapter. It's more than a little tweaked, unfortunately… but I still hope you'll enjoy it.

Jakeline: thank you so much for your review! Always nice to hear from a fellow Jahammer. About Bella and Jake being friends form the beginning – I thought Kate and Kate had great chemistry, and it's a shame we didn't see more of that, because it seemed to me that Jake and Bella could be really good friends, and it was an angle I really wanted to explore more. Also, I think they could really make use of each other – they seem to be able to fix the other's life, but not their own.

Jaya137: Thanks! That means a lot to me. About the lack of American phrasing – well, if you have anything to offer, I'll gladly use it. I'm really not up to date on American slang. I love Hamilton too – he's so smitten, it's so cute.

Avella: Thank you very much for reading my story, and for commenting. I hope you'll enjoy this chapter as well!

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"Jeez, it's hot," Jake said, pressing two fingertips to her forehead to check for sweat. It was at times like this, when the temperature was steadily climbing, that she regretted her stupid idea the most. She figured it wouldn't be that bad come winter – hell, during winter everyone will wear at least as many layers as she had on now, if not more – but now, during the summer… It was becoming pure torture.

Hamilton gave her a puzzled look from where he was sprawled next to her, barely raising his head from the grass. "Why don't you just take off your sweater?" he asked, gesturing half-heartedly at her layers before dropping his hand. "You're wearing, like, your entire closet".

Jake shot him an annoyed look back; of course she couldn't take off her sweater, not unless she wanted to come out to the entire Rawley student body as female. And of course she couldn't say that. Hamilton himself was wearing only his shorts, having long ago discarded his shirt.

"You'll get burned," she told him, a little gleefully. She wasn't feeling all that nice right now; the heat was getting to her. She contemplated going inside, but couldn't muster the energy to actually move.

"We're in the shade," Hamilton pointed out. They were, indeed, lying under their usual tree, which provided shade but did not, actually, lower the temperature. Hamilton slanted another look at her direction, this one contemplating. "Is that why you always wear long clothes?" he asked.

"What?" Jake tried fanning herself with a book; it was better than nothing. "Is what why?"

"Are you worried you'll get burned?" Hamilton clarified. "Because there's sunscreen for that, you know."

"I know," she said in annoyance. "I just – I like long clothes. They're comfortable". She knew she didn't sound very convincing – it was hard to be convincing when you were actually reaching boiling point inside your clothing. She gazed speculatively at the lake. Maybe she should just go jump in, clothes and all. That should cool her down.

Hamilton pushed himself up to his elbows, causing all sorts of interesting things to happen, like the sun catching on sweaty muscles. "Okay, is this like a weird lack of confidence thing?" he squinted at her "because I thought only chicks did that".

"Excuse me?" Jake demanded, indignant.

"I mean, do you have issues with your body? Because, Jake, I think you have enough issues as it is without adding that to the list –"

"Shut up," she said, standing up and certainly not taking advantage of the view it gave her of the sweat drops sliding down Hamilton's chest. "I have no issues with my body – and even if I did it would be none of your damn business – and frankly, I'm not really in the mood to be insulted right now –"

Hamilton caught her sleeve and pulled her down, almost sending her sprawling over him. "I'm sorry," he said, not letting go of her sleeve "I didn't mean to insult you, I was just curious. Don't leave. It's not like there's air-conditioning in your room, anyway."

"Fine," she muttered, slightly mollified, even though she knew that in her room she could actually take off a few layers "but you'd better play nice for the rest of the day, you're not off the hook yet".

Hamilton gave her a lazy smirk that made her breath catch in her throat, and said, his voice low and playful "play nice, ha? How about we'll go down to the diner and I'll buy you an ice-cream and we'll call it even?"

Jake gave him a suspicious look, thinking it over. On one hand, an ice-cream sure sounded tempting; on the other hand, she wasn't sure she could actually move again, now that irritation wasn't giving her energy anymore.

Hamilton met her gaze, his eyes shockingly blue in the hot, humid air, and she suddenly felt a heat of a completely different kind. She could really use something cool, like **right now**.

"Okay," she agreed, getting up, and winced once she stepped out of the shade; the sun was merciless. "But put on your shirt first, you can't go into town like that". And she certainly didn't need the temptation for the next few hours.

She opted for the bike because it meant the shortest time from now until air-conditioning, and also because of the wind it provided, but as soon as the both of them climbed on she wondered if it was the smart thing to do. The heat was making her over-sensitive, and hungry in a way that had nothing to do with food and everything to do with Hamilton, which was surely a recipe for disaster. It didn't help that he kept shifting and sighing behind her, moving his hands from place to place as through trying to find the least sweaty spot to hold.

It was a relief when they finally arrived, and an even greater relief when they stepped into the blessed, cold air of the diner. Scout smiled in greeting, and chuckled when she collapsed on a chair near the counter, pressing her forehead to the cool counter. "I love air- conditioning," she said "I love technology, it's such a wonderful thing. I love ice, too. Get me a glass of ice-cubes, Calhoun. No, make that a bucket".

Scout laughed, Hamilton joining in. "Hot, much?" Scout asked "then why are you still wearing a sweater?"

Jake shifted only enough to look at him, narrowing her eyes. "Less talk, more ice," she ordered.

"Okay, okay," Scout answered "don't mind me, I'm just trying to be reasonable here."

"He's a lost cause," Hamilton told him, shaking his head. "We'll have two ice-creams, too. I want a chocolate-mocha-mint sundae, with extra whipped cream. Jake?"

"Strawberry-coffee-chocolate chip, with strawberry syrup, whipped cream and nuts, please," Jake said, then sat up quickly as Scout brought her a bowl full of ice. "Thank you Scout," she said, grabbing a few cubes and pressing them to her face "oh, this is good. This is heaven. I think I love you". She moved the ice to her neck, then looked up, noticing the strange looks they were both giving her.

"What?" she asked sharply, still moving the ice about "it's an expression. Don't worry," she added "I promise, you're not my type".

"Not blonde?" Hamilton asked, smiling.

"Male," Jake answered pointedly, then let out a decidedly unmanly yelp as she dropped a cube inside her collar. "Damn, that's cold," she complained, trying to fish it out.

Hamilton was giving her strange looks again. "You need help with that?" he asked, raising an eyebrow, as Scout gave them both their orders, then made one for himself.

"No, I'm good," Jake assured him. Like she needed Hamilton pushing hands into her shirt. It had already melted, anyway.

"Speaking of types," Scout said, digging into his ice-cream "Drew or Pamela?"

Jake rolled her eyes, but she knew she had to participate in this game, or they would find it odd. "Drew, hands down," she said.

"Really?" both the guys turned to stare at her. "But Pamela's so…" Scout started. Hamilton frowned "blonde?" Scout smirked "that too, but I was speaking of other… assets".

Jake rolled her eyes again "I take it you both choose Pamela".

Scout shrugged "of course."

"Okay, Cameron or Julia?" Hamilton asked, spooning half of his sundae in one go.

"Cameron kills Julia," Scout said.

Hamilton nodded "oh, totally".

Jake resisted the urge to roll her eyes a third time. "Okay. Here's one. Chloe Sevigny or Hilary Swank?" she was really curious to hear what Hamilton would say.

Scout looked thoughtful "I think, Chloe."

Hamilton shook his head "nah. Hillary, definitely Hillary".

Jake smiled to herself. Of course it didn't actually mean he was into cross-dressing females as a rule, but it was still nice to hear.

"Clinton?" a new voice piped up, and they all turned to see Will. He came and sat with them, stealing a bite from Scout's almost finished sundae.

"Swank," Hamilton corrected.

Will smiled "of course".

Hamilton suddenly smirked "now - debutante or down home girl?"

She saw Scout's face cloud, but Hamilton cut him off as he was about to answer. "Debutante, right?" he was obviously thinking of Paige.

Scout didn't reply, instead looking out, towards the garage. She didn't need to look to know he was looking at Bella. Beside her, Hamilton's smile disappeared. "Or maybe not," he muttered to himself.

Will smiled at Hamilton "I think he's on the fence." He turned to Scout "why don't you go ask her to join us?"

Scout shrugged "I'm working".

Will seemed exasperated "I'll cover you". He nudged Scout in the direction of the door, and Scout went, albeit reluctantly.

"So, what are you doing here?" Will asked, finishing Scout's ice-cream and giving Jake's a speculative look.

She pulled it closer to her "touch it and die, Krudski," she told him.

Hamilton smiled "Jake here needed to cool down, so we thought an ice-cream sounded like a good idea."

"I see he hasn't cooled down yet," Will teased, but Jake wasn't listening; instead, she was looking at the garage, frowning, as Bella stormed out, obviously upset.

"Oh-oh," she said, standing up "I'm going over to do some damage control," she told them. "Don't you dare eat my ice-cream, Will" she added, before leaving.

She found Bella at the servicing station, fuelling a car; she had an angry expression on her face and was muttering to herself.

"Hey," Jake said, coming to a stop near her; Bella looked up, before returning a "hi" softly. She finished, and the driver paid her and drove away.

"So," Jake continued, leaning on a wall "what did Scout say this time?"

"It's nothing," Bella said. She motioned Jake to follow and entered the house again; Scout had already left.

"Well, it's clearly not nothing if it upsets you" Jake said. She lowered her voice "does it have anything to do with, you know, Scout's dad? Did it not go well?"

"No, I didn't –" She stopped as Grace thundered down the stairs. Grace passed a look between them, before giving Jake a flirty smile. "Hi, Jake," she said "aren't you hot in that sweater?"

"Go away, Grace," Bella said impatiently. Grace gave her a nasty look "whatever. I'm going out, can I borrow your jacket?" she pointed at a jacket on a chair near them.

"No, I need that," Bella answered, and Grace made a face before leaving, slamming the door behind her.

"God, sometimes I just want to…"

"Slap her?" Jake suggested, earning a small smile from Bella. "Forget about her, what were you about to say?"

Bella sighed, sitting in one of the chairs, and Jake did the same. "I didn't even meet him. After the regatta Scout just started saying that it wasn't a good time, and his dad was busy – and then I just left".

"Let me get this straight," Jake frowned "he bugged you to meet his dad until you agreed, and then when you came he bailed out?"

Bella nodded "yes".

"He can be such an idiot sometimes," Jake said carefully "but he usually means good. There's probably a reason why he suddenly decided it wasn't a good idea."

The blonde bit her lip "I know. Do you think, maybe – he talked to his dad and he didn't want to meet me?"

"Maybe," Jake answered "but you won't know until you ask him".

Bella looked down. "I'm not sure I want to ask him. What if – what if he – Scout's dad, I mean – thinks I'm this crazy girl that's just after his money? Or if he'll want to do DNA tests, and then I'll have to tell dad, and I can't. I won't, I won't hurt him."

Jake looked at her thoughtfully. "Bella, does it bother you that much? I mean, does it really matter, now? You're with Sean. You're happy, or so it seems. Do you really want to be with Scout that much?"

Bella blushed, seeming uncomfortable "I like Sean. He's – sweet, and considerate, and he makes me happy, he does, but," she bit her lip "I can't help what I feel. I love Scout. And I need to put this behind me".

"And if you're not related?"

Bella looked up quickly "what?"

Jake shrugged "it's a possibility. Maybe your mother was wrong, or maybe what she told your father wasn't the truth –"

"Why would she lie?" Bella snapped, standing up.

"Relax," Jake said "I'm just saying, if you're sure, why all this anguish?"

Bella sat down again, deflated "I'm not sure" she admitted. "And I don't know. If we're not related – then we'll deal with it when it comes".

Jake leaned back, looking at her out of the corner of her eye "you're lucky, you know. You already have a dad, and now maybe you'll get another one. And if not – maybe you still won't know who your biological father is, but at least… I don't know. I wish I knew who my father was".

Bella seemed surprised "you don't know? You've only talked about your mother, but I've just assumed…"

"That he died?" Jake completed her sentence. She shrugged again "never met him. Mom says she doesn't know who he was – how unflattering is that? But I suspect she's lying. Some things she let slip… I have this notion, that she had an affair with a married man – or at least someone off limits – and he wouldn't acknowledge me after mom got pregnant." She laughed at Bella's sympathetic look "it's okay, I swear. You don't have to feel sorry for me. I'm just saying that you don't have it that bad after all. No matter what happens, you still have Charlie, right?"

"Right," Bella nodded, and then her face turned determent. She got up and rummaged in the pocket of the jacket that was hanging on a chair near by, pulling out an envelope.

"What's that?" Jake asked curiously.

"I wrote a letter to Senator Calhoun," Bella said. "About me".

Jake frowned "I don't know, Bella, I really think you should run that past Scout before you send it. It's his father, after all".

"I wasn't going to send it," Bella said. "At least, not right away. If not for the Scout thing, I wouldn't dwell on this more than a minute. I'm happy here, and I'm happy with my family. I just – wrote it to put things in order".

"Like a diary entry, I got it," Jake said. "Well, I can't tell you what to do, that's something you've got to decide for yourself, but I suggest you stash that letter away until you decide what to do with it".

"Good idea," Bella smiled "I'll just go up and put this away. Do you want to come up?"

Jake stood up, stretching "I really should get back to the dinner. Will probably ate all my ice-cream by now, even though I threatened him".

"Ice-cream, ha? So I guess you **are** a little hot underneath all," she gestured at Jake's clothes.

"A **little**? Are you kidding?" Jake groaned "I'm dying here. I swear, I'm this close to just stripping and everyone can go to hell".

"Poor you," Bella laughed "you know, you could just lock yourself in your room and **then** strip".

"I though about it," Jake admitted "but I'm kind of in the mood for company right now. If only there was a skating rink close by…"

"There's one in Carson, actually," Bella said slowly "my dad used to take me and Grace there until a few years ago".

"Really?" Jake perked up "Bella, would you go with me? Please? I haven't skated in ages".

"Go skating?" Bella seemed thoughtful "it does sound tempting, especially if you think of the temperature outside. But I'll have to check with dad, because someone needs to cover for me here".

"Okay," Jake said excitedly "so you'll go and ask Charlie, and I'll go and see if there's anything left of my sundae, and we'll meet here in a few minutes?"

"I'll come to the diner," Bella said. She smiled "this is going to be fun, but painful. I was never really good at ice-skating".

"I'll help you," Jake promised. "I'm not bad".

"Deal. Now go and I'll be along shortly. I don't think dad will object".

"See ya in a bit," Jake said, waving and heading back to the diner.

She saw Will push away her ice-cream as she entered, a guilty expression on his face.

"I warned you, Krudski," She snapped, coming over to sit; sure enough, her cup was empty.

"Oh, come on," Will protested. "It was all melted and mushy anyway".

"Is she still annoyed?" Scout joined the conversation, coming out of the kitchen with three cokes.

"You two need to sit down and have a **long**, nice talk," Jake told him, grabbing Hamilton's coke and taking a large sip. "Hey," he protested jokingly, but she ignored him, still looking at Scout. "You can be an insensitive idiot sometimes, but then, so can she. She's okay now, but please have that talk sometime soon, and **please**, listen to each other, okay? No snapping or storming out in the middle."

"Yes sir," Scout said, saluting, but the other two looked at her in surprise. "What?" she asked defensively.

"That was… surprisingly good," Will said suspiciously. "You do this a lot?"

"To Scout? Yes," Jake laughed.

"Hey!" Scout protested, "that was only the second time!" but he smiled. He turned to Will and Hamilton "Jake took psychology at his last school. I guess he doesn't want to get rusty".

"Psychology?" Hamilton gave her an amused look "so you're a hacker, an unbeatable gamer, a shrink, a straight-A student, and a damn good coxswain. Is there anything else you want to add?"

_A girl_, Jake thought, but it was Bella who answered, entering the diner "apparently, he's not half-bad at ice-skating, either".

"Bella!" Scout said, looking flustered.

"Hi," she answered. She looked around at everyone "say, Scout, could we talk later?"

"Sure, of course," Scout said, giving Jake an anxious look. "We can talk now, if you want. Or I could stop by the garage in half an hour, when my shift's over".

"Actually, I meant later, as in the evening," she said, then turned to Jake. "My dad said it was okay, but I have to be back by five. So I suggest we get going."

"You're going somewhere?" Hamilton and Scout asked together, than exchanged looks.

"Yeah, we're going ice-skating," Jake answered, grinning. "Apparently, there's a place in Carson".

"Oh," the three boys said. Hamilton frowned at the two of them, then asked "so, is this like a - I dunno, just the two of you, or are you up for company?"

"You like ice-skating?" Jake asked, surprised.

"Sure, what's not to like?" Hamilton answered. "So?"

Jake turned to Bella. The blonde shrugged "I don't mind. Remember that you promised to help me, though." She turned to Hamilton "I hope you're good, 'cause I think Jake will be too busy to help someone else; I'm very bad".

"I'm okay," Scout piped up "I'd like to come, too, if that's all right. I could help Jake with keeping you two on your feet" he nodded at Bella and Hamilton.

"I think it would be great," Hamilton said quickly. "Will, what about you?"

Will laughed "I dunno, I've only ice-skated a few times, when the lake was frozen. Usually it doesn't get cold enough in the winter for the lake to freeze completely, so I don't really have any experience".

Jake and Bella exchanged looks. This was quickly becoming a group outing. "Fine," Bella said at last, "but we want to leave soon, so…"

"Our shift's over in twenty-five minutes," Scout said hastily, as though afraid she'll change her mind.

"I'll head up and get some warmer clothes; I need to ask my mom for permission anyway". He turned to Jake "you're coming?"

"Neh, I'll stay here with Bella, I don't need any more clothes," Jake said, and Hamilton nodded, turning to go.

"Ham, wait," Scout called "could you stop at my room and get me a change of clothes, too?" at Hamilton's nod he threw him a key. "For the room".

"You know what?" Will said suddenly "can you get me clothes, too?" he shrugged when they turned to look at him, surprised, as Hamilton left "what? Think I can't stand a little public humiliation?"

"I guess this means we're taking the truck," Bella said.

Hamilton then came back in, looking sheepish "Jake, could you maybe give me a ride back? Because I won't get home, get my clothes, get the clothes from the dorms and come back in twenty minutes".

She sighed "yeah, sure. Give me the key, if I'm going I might as well help".

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Hamilton headed over to Jake's right after breakfast. As soon as he stepped outside the heat hit him in a wave, and he seriously contemplated just giving up and heading back in. In the end, though, his eagerness to see Jake won, and he walked as fast as he could towards the dorms, trying to stay in the shade. It was a lucky thing they didn't have crew today, or they would've all come out of it looking like tomatoes.

Except Jake, maybe. **That** got Hamilton thinking. He knew Jake had some unnatural aversion to anything short-sleeved, but surely he would lighten up on the sweaters, at least. Just thinking about wearing a sweater made Hamilton want to turn back home and go stick his head inside the fridge. He slowed his steps as he contemplated this, a little excited. Maybe he would finally get to see how Jake actually looked under all his oversized, baggy clothes. Not everything, of course, but…

He'd bet Jake had really nice legs.

Somewhat anxious, he knocked on Jake's door. After a few seconds a gruff voice called from within "yeah?" Hamilton tried the door, but it was locked. "Just a minute," Jake continued. Hamilton heard some shuffling from inside the room, and then the key clicked in the lock, and Jake opened the door, letting Hamilton in.

He was wearing his usual large jeans and a sweater; his hair was standing up, still free of gel, making it obvious that he'd just pulled the sweater on. He squinted at Hamilton, looking only half-awake, and rubbed his eye with the heel of his hand. "Hi," he said, and smiled; there was a little dot of toothpaste at the corner of his mouth.

"Hi," Hamilton answered, frowning. He didn't understand why Jake was wearing the sweater; he'd obviously only put it on now, which meant he was human and probably too hot. But he still put it on when he had company. It made Hamilton suspicious; was Jake hiding something? Plus, that toothpaste spot was awfully distracting.

"Ham!" Jake said loudly, and Hamilton realized he was staring. "Have I got something on my face?"

"Yeah," Hamilton blinked, then touched his own mouth. "You've got toothpaste here".

"Oh, thanks," Jake said, and licked it away, making Hamilton stare again, swallowing. He wanted to follow that tongue with his own. He looked away before he could embarrass himself, trying to find something else to focus on, then looked away again; Jake's unmade bed was obviously a big no-no. He cleared his throat "so, have any plans for today?"

Jake shrugged, passing a hand through his hair and making it stand up even more. Hamilton thought it looked adorable; it seemed to make Jake look even younger and more vulnerable than he normally looked. "Not really, just some reading I need to get done" the other boy said. "Why, do you have any ideas?"

"I just thought maybe you'd want to hang out," Hamilton answered. "We could go to the lawn, sit under a tree. You could bring your books, I've got some reading I need to catch up to as well".

"Cool," Jake said, looking around the room "just let me grab my books – do you see my hat anywhere?"

Hamilton shook his head. He was rather glad Jake couldn't find his cap; he preferred him without it.

"Damn. Well, I guess I'm set than." They left the room, Jake locking the door behind him as usual, and made their way in a comfortable silence to what Hamilton was already (rather cheesily) beginning to call "their tree".

They flopped down in the meager shade it provided, Jake picking up a literature book and opening it somewhere near the middle. Hamilton watched him; he could already see sweat beginning to gather on his brow, but he was still wearing that damn sweater as if it was the most comfortable thing in the world. Jake looked up at him, as though feeling his eyes, and Hamilton blushed. But Jake only smiled and asked "didn't you say you have some reading of your own to do?"

"Oh, yeah," Hamilton answered unenthusiastically; he wasn't really in the mood for school work right now. He looked at the few books next to Jake and picked one at random. "Can I borrow your history book?"

"Sure," the other boy said, not even looking at him, and passed over the book.

Hamilton was miffed. Thinking quickly, he sighed loudly and pulled of his shirt. "It's so hot today," he said, checking Jake's reaction out of the corner of his eye. Jake looked at him, and then looked back down at his book quickly; Hamilton thought he was a little red, but he couldn't be sure. Not with this heat.

He thumbed through his own book, not actually reading it; Jake seemed engrossed in his. With another sigh, this one quiet, Hamilton laid back. Maybe he should just take a nap until Jake finished whatever he was doing and decided that Hamilton was worth his attention again.

They stayed like that for some time, Hamilton enjoying the muted sunlight, the smell of Jake beside him, the soothing rustle of pages every once in a while; sneaking coveting glances at the dark haired boy, studying his sharp, serious profile as he contemplated the text. He was definitely sweating; his hair was sticking to his forehead. As if on cue, Jake pressed two fingers to it and muttered "jeez, it's hot".

Hamilton gave him a longer look. "Why don't you just take off your sweater?" he asked, gesturing at Jake's clothes. "You're wearing, like, your entire closet".

Jake returned the look with an annoyed one of his own, as though it was Hamilton's fault that he was stupid enough to go out in this heat dressed like an Amish boy. Jake smirked at him and said snidely "you'll get burned". Hamilton snorted and answered "we're in the shade". This got him thinking, though, and he raised himself on one elbow, looking at Jake, contemplating. "Is that why you always wear long clothes?"

"What?" Jake asked, concentrated on fanning himself with a book and not really paying attention "is what why?"

"Are you worried you'll get burned?" Hamilton continued. "Because there's sunscreen for that, you know."

Jake gave him one of his **special** looks. "I know," he said tersely. "I just – I like long clothes. They're comfortable". Hamilton personally didn't think Jake seemed all that comfortable. As if to further illustrate his point, Jake cast a longing look at the lake.

Hamilton **really** didn't know what to think anymore. It was clear that Jake wanted to take off his long clothes; it was also just as clear that he was refusing even to think about it. Hamilton recalled their first crew practice, when Finn made them all jump in the lake; Jake was the only one who didn't take off his wet clothes after, too. Was he deformed, or something? Was he scarred? It seemed the only explanation, and yet, looking at Jake, at his beautiful face and slender body, at the grace he moved with, Hamilton was sure it wasn't the right one. Another explanation occurred to him, though it seemed as unlikely as the previous one.

"Okay, is this like a weird lack of confidence thing?" he decided to ask anyway "because I thought only chicks did that".

Jake gave him a scandalized look. "Excuse me?" he demanded.

"I mean, do you have issues with your body? Because, Jake, I think you have enough issues as it is without adding that to the list –" and that certainly didn't come out wrong **at all**. It seemed he wasn't over his whole foot in the mouth thing yet. Jake obviously agreed, because he jumped to his feet, book dropping to the grass unheeded, glaring at Hamilton.

"Shut up," he snapped, instantly furious, and it seemed Hamilton had touched a nerve there. "I have no issues with my body – and even if I did it would be none of your damn business – and frankly, I'm not really in the mood to be insulted right now –"

Hamilton winced; so much for having one day he didn't screw up in. He grabbed Jake's sleeve, pulling him down forcefully and almost into his lap. "I'm sorry," he said, not letting go "I didn't mean to insult you, I was just curious. Don't leave." He gave him the puppy-eyes face, since it seemed to work on him before, and added "it's not like there's air-conditioning in your room, anyway."

The face seemed to work on Jake this time, too, because he rolled his eyes and said "fine". His expression turned petulant, bottom lip sticking out in a pout; he looked like a spoiled five year old, and Hamilton had to use every ounce of self control he ever had not to grab him and kiss that pout off his mouth. Then Jake gave him a sly look from underneath his lashes, mouth curling in a hint of a smirk, sending Hamilton's blood boiling, and added "but you'd better play nice for the rest of the day, you're not off the hook yet".

Hamilton raised an eyebrow. _Play nice?_ It sounded almost flirty. Struck by a sudden whim, he smirked himself, leveling a sly look of his own at Jake; it was a stare he spent ages perfecting on girls, and it usually got him at least a blush. "Play nice, ha?" he asked "how about we'll go down to the diner and I'll buy you an ice-cream and we'll call it even?"

Jake gave him an unreadable look, and Hamilton held his breath; this was almost like a date, if Jake agreed. He wondered if Jake thought the same, and that was the reason he was hesitating. Then Jake shrugged and said "okay. But put on your shirt first, you can't go into town like that".

Hamilton complied, scrambling to his feet and following Jake as they dropped the books at his room and then headed to his bike. The ride wasn't any less wonderful than last time, nor was it less torturous; on one hand, Jake wasn't angry now. On the other, the heat was making Hamilton's hormones even more active than usual. He kept staring at the back of Jake's neck, wondering what he would do if Hamilton just leaned forward and kissed it; he managed to control himself, mainly due to the fact that he knew Jake would probably crash the bike had Hamilton actually tried that.

All in all, he was more happy than not when they arrived.

Jake hurried into the diner, dropping in a stool next to the counter and pressing his cheek against the surface. Scout cast an amused look in his direction. "I love air- conditioning," Jake said, voice muffled "I love technology, it's such a wonderful thing. I love ice, too. Get me a glass of ice-cubes, Calhoun. No, make that a bucket".

Hamilton and Scout laughed; Jake sounded like a spoiled kid. "Hot, much?" Scout asked, raising an eyebrow at Jake's attire "then why are you still wearing a sweater?"

Jake gave Scout a brief glare before one again pressing his face to the counter. "Less talk, more ice," he ordered.

"Okay, okay," Scout raised his hands in mock surrender "don't mind me, I'm just trying to be reasonable here."

Hamilton shook his head, coming to sit next to Jake "he's a lost cause. We'll have two ice-creams, too. I want a chocolate-mocha-mint sundae, with extra whipped cream. Jake?"

"Strawberry-coffee-chocolate chip, with strawberry syrup, whipped cream and nuts, please," Jake promptly answered, and Hamilton took the opportunity to look him up and down; where exactly was it all going? Meanwhile, Scout had come back out with a bowl full of ice, placing it next to Jake's elbow. "Thank you Scout," Jake said gratefully, before grabbing a few cubes and pressing them to his face. He let out a small moan which made Hamilton very uncomfortable indeed, and said "oh, this is good. This is heaven. I think I love you".

Hamilton apparently wasn't the only one feeling awkward right now, though; Scout was staring at Jake, unblinking, and Hamilton didn't think it was because of the "love" comment. His suspicions deepened as Jake pressed the ice to his neck, exposing the white length of it as he titled his head backwards, eyes closed in pleasure, and Scout actually blushed.

Not that Hamilton wasn't blushing himself at this point. Jake could make even "Amish boy" look sexy, without actually meaning to.

Jake must have noticed their stares because he lowered the ice and asked "what? sharply before adding ""it's an expression. Don't worry, I promise you're not my type". He obviously thought it was because of the "I love you" comment.

Totally oblivious, that boy was.

Still, Hamilton decided to play along and ease the awkward tension. "Not blonde?" he asked, smiling.

Jake gave him a very pointed look. "Male," he answered, and Hamilton's smile dropped. He turned back to face the counter, still watching the other boy out of the corner of his eye as he resumed playing with the half melted ice. Suddenly Jake gave a yelp, hissing "damn, that's cold," before sticking a hand inside the back of his shirt, trying to fish out the ice he dropped.

"You need help with that?" Hamilton asked in amusement, knowing Jake would refuse and thus not really worried. Jake wasn't big on touching, whether he was touching others or others were touching him. Hamilton's amusement faded as he remembered Bella, and the way the two of them were so comfortable with each other. There was always an exception.

"No, I'm good," Jake answered, abandoning his futile efforts for the sundaes Scout brought them. He dug into his cup, before turning and stealing a spoon of Hamilton's mocha. Hamilton smiled into his ice-cream.

Scout returned with a Sunday of his own, plopping down opposite from them. "Speaking of types," he said, through a mouthful of ice-cream "Drew or Pamela?"

Hamilton saw Jake roll his eyes, and for a minute he thought the other boy would refuse to answer, but then Jake said "Drew, hands down". They both turned to look at him, surprised "really? But Pamela's so…" Scout started. Hamilton frowned "blonde?" he was starting to suspect Jake had only said blonde that time to get out of the discussion.

Scout smirked, pointing his spoon at them "that too, but I was speaking of other… assets". He leered, just in case they didn't understand what he was talking about.

Jake rolled his eyes again, before saying flatly "I take it you both choose Pamela".

Scout shrugged, before answering "of course" matter-of-factly. Hamilton could see that Jake was annoyed for some reason, even though he didn't understand why, so he hurriedly asked "okay, Cameron or Julia?"

"Cameron kills Julia," Scout announced without hesitating, and Hamilton nodded "oh, totally". They both turned to Jake, but the other boy shrugged, refusing to answer, and licked his spoon thoughtfully, making Hamilton (and Scout, by the looks of it) choke a little. "Okay. Here's one. Chloe Sevigny or Hilary Swank?" Jake abandoned the spoon to stare at them, very intent on this question.

Both of them thought about it, before Scout said hesitatingly "I think, Chloe." Hamilton fought a smile; now **he** definitely had a thing for blondes.

Hamilton shook his head "nah. Hillary, definitely Hillary". Jake gave him a bright, surprised smile; this was obviously the answer he wanted to hear, and as always, Hamilton couldn't help but smile back. Their mutual smiling time was cut short by the opening of the diner door, and Will's confused voice asking "Clinton?" as he came and crossed the counter, sitting next to Scout.

"Swank," Hamilton corrected, and Will nodded, amused "of course". He picked up a clean spoon and started eating Scout's ice-cream. Scout didn't seem to notice.

Hamilton smirked "now - debutante or down home girl?" he turned to Scout, as he was the only one of them actually in a relationship right now. "Debutante, right?" he asked playfully, before registering the sudden drop in the temperature. He glanced at Jake for an explanation, but the other boy avoided his eyes. Obviously, there was something he didn't know. He looked at Scout, only to see him stare out of the window at the garage. "Or maybe not," Hamilton muttered.

Will and Scout exchanged a few quiet words, then Will turned to Hamilton with a small smile "I think he's on the fence." He looked back at Scout "why don't you go ask her to join us?"

Scout's face clouded even more "I'm working". Will rolled his eyes and almost pushed Scout out "I'll cover you". Scout didn't look pleased, but he went all the same.

"So, what are you doing here?" Will asked them. He scraped Scout's glass for the last drops of ice-cream, before turning a contemplating look in the direction of Jake's.

The dark haired boy gave him a dirty look and pulled it closer, nestling it protectively in the crook of his arm, and snapped "touch it and die, Krudski,"

Hamilton grinned, laughing softly to himself, watching Jake eat the ice-cream slowly as though specifically trying to taunt Will. He turned to Will "Jake here needed to cool down, so we thought an ice-cream sounded like a good idea."

Will grinned himself, answering loudly "I see he hasn't cooled down yet". They both turned to Jake to see his respond, but he didn't even hear them; he was looking outside, eyes narrowed and mouth in a tight line. They followed his gaze just in time to see Bella storming out of the garage's office.

"Oh-oh," Jake muttered, standing up, before saying "I'm going over to do some damage control". He started out, then turned and gave Will a warning look "don't you dare eat my ice-cream, Will". They watched him walk over to where Bella was fueling a car, and the two of them exchanged a few words; meanwhile Scout left the office and came back, shooting Will an angry look.

"Thanks a lot, Will" he said coldly, before sitting in his former place "that went just swell". He then looked around, frowning "where's Jake?"

Will nodded towards the office; if they squinted, they could just make out Bella and Jake inside. "He went to talk to Bella," Will said soothingly "he'll probably calm her down, so don't worry".

Scout looked down at the scratched surface of the counter, his face unhappy "I don't even know why she was angry. I just came to say hello and she accused me of barging in and sneaking on her, and then when I asked if she's okay she just stormed out".

Will shrugged "girls. We're not supposed to understand them. The sooner you'll accept that, the better".

Scout raised his head, his frown deepening "except Jake. He understands them just fine".

Hamilton shrugged, too "Jake's special". It wasn't the first time they strayed to this topic.

Will looked thoughtful "I don't know if special is the word, exactly," he pulled Jake's melting sundae to him and started eating it "I'd say… odd, maybe".

"Hey," Hamilton said warningly, and Will waved to spoon in a calming gesture "I didn't mean it in an insulting way. I know you two are close. It's just – I don't know, I can't put my finger on it".

"He's a great guy, but he makes me uneasy sometimes," Scout said, and Will nodded, brandishing the spoon "that's it. There's something about him that makes you really uncomfortable".

The three of them exchanged looks. Hamilton suspected they were all talking about the same thing, but of course none of them was going to admit it. **Ever**. Scout got up and walked into the kitchen, probably embarrassed to even be thinking this, and then they were save from further dwelling by Jake's return. Will pushed the empty cup away as he came over and sat, but of course Jake saw. "I warned you, Krudski," Jake said grimly, glaring at him, and Will quelled.

"Oh, come on," Will protested weakly. "It was all melted and mushy anyway".

Just in time to rescue him, Scout came out of the kitchen with three cokes. When he saw Jake he asked "is she still annoyed?"

"You two need to sit down and have a **long**, nice talk," Jake said, giving him a pointed look, then grabbed Hamilton's bottle out of his hand and proceeded to drink half of it. "Hey," Hamilton protested, even though he really didn't mind, but Jake wasn't done talking. "You can be an insensitive idiot sometimes, but then, so can she. She's okay now, but please have that talk sometime soon, and **please**, listen to each other, okay? No snapping or storming out in the middle."

"Yes, sir!" Scout saluted, obviously more at ease, but Hamilton and Will both stared at Jake. It was strange to hear him give advice like that. No wonder he had no problem understanding girls. Jake must have noticed their stares, because he looked around and asked defensively "what?"

"That was… surprisingly good," Will answered suspiciously. "You do this a lot?"

Jake's face broke out into an amused grin, and he let out a short laugh "to Scout?" he asked teasingly "yes."

"Hey! That was only the second time!" Scout mock-complained, smiling. He turned to Will and Hamilton "Jake took psychology at his last school. I guess he doesn't want to get rusty".

"Psychology?" Hamilton turned to look at Jake, eyebrows raised, as Jake shrugged modestly "so you're a hacker, an unbeatable gamer, a shrink, a straight-A student, and a damn good coxswain. Is there anything else you want to add?" he shouldn't have been surprised. Jake was a mystery, even after the time they spent together, and he always kept surprising him. It was only expected that he was a man of many talents.

A new voice answered instead of Jake "apparently, he's not half-bad at ice-skating, either". All of them turned to look at the girl that entered, Scout letting out a surprised "Bella!"

"Hi," she answered, looking around, lingering momentarily on Jake before turning to Scout "say, Scout, could we talk later?" Hamilton stifled a grin. Obviously, Jake had **that** talk with her, too.

"Sure, of course," Scout answered, clearly nervous. "We can talk now, if you want. Or I could stop by the garage in half an hour, when my shift's over".

"Actually, I meant later, as in the evening," Bella answered. She then turned to Jake "my dad said it was okay, but I have to be back by five. So I suggest we get going." Hamilton, Scout and Will frowned as Jake nodded and hopped off the stool.

"You're going somewhere?" Hamilton asked, hearing Scout echo the question beside him. They exchanged looks; neither of them liked the idea.

"Yeah, we're going ice-skating," Jake said, giving them one of his blinding grins. He looked excited. "Apparently, there's a place in Carson". Well, that explained the ice-skating comment.

"Oh," the others answered. Hamilton glanced between the two of them, thinking. "So," he asked "is this like a - I dunno, just the two of you, or are you up for company?"

Jake gave him a surprised, but pleased look. "You like ice-skating?" he asked brightly.

"Sure, what's not to like?" Hamilton answered. The truth was he had only gone skating a few times in his life, but he wasn't going to admit that now, with Jake looking at him like that. "So?" he asked anxiously.

Jake looked at him a moment longer, before turning questioningly to Bella. The blond girl shrugged "I don't mind. Remember that you promised to help me, though." She leveled a look at Hamilton "I hope you're good, 'cause I think Jake will be too busy to help someone else; I'm very bad".

Hamilton didn't know why the statement irked him so much; it was almost as if Bella was staking a claim, but of course that was ridicules. Perhaps she really was that bad. Not that he was that good himself, but how hard could it be? You just… skated, didn't you?

"I'm okay," Scout said suddenly "I'd like to come, too, if that's all right. I could help Jake with keeping you two on your feet" he looked at Bella than at Hamilton.

"I think it would be great," Hamilton said quickly. With Scout there he wouldn't feel like the third wheel, and perhaps he could convince Scout to help Bella, leaving Jake to help him. "Will, what about you?"

"I dunno, I've only ice-skated a few times, when the lake was frozen" Will answered, laughing. "Usually it doesn't get cold enough in the winter for the lake to freeze completely, so I don't really have any experience".

Hamilton saw Jake and Bella exchange looks. They didn't look too happy. "Fine," Bella said eventually, "but we want to leave soon, so…"

"Our shift's over in twenty-five minutes," Scout assured her quickly. The boy had it bad.

"I'll head up and get some warmer clothes; I need to ask my mom for permission anyway" Hamilton said, before looking at Jake "you're coming?"

"Neh, I'll stay here with Bella, I don't need any more clothes," Jake answered. Hamilton turned to go, but Scout's voice stopped him "Ham, wait. Could you stop at my room and get me a change of clothes, too?" Hamilton nodded and caught the keys thrown to him. "For the room," Scout said.

"You know what?" Will said abruptly "can you get me clothes, too?" Hamilton agreed and left. When he stepped outside he saw Jake's bike, and a thought occurred to him; it was way to hot to walk all the way back to school and then back here, and it would take too long. He poked his head back inside "Jake, could you maybe give me a ride back? Because I won't get home, get my clothes, get the clothes from the dorms and come back in twenty minutes".

Jake sighed, then nodded, getting up "yeah, sure. Give me the key, if I'm going I might as well help".

-------

After they stashed her bike, Jake turned to Hamilton "I'll go to Scout and Will's room, you go home, and we'll meet here in a few minutes".

Hamilton frowned "why don't you just come with me, and then we'll go to the dorms?"

"Too long" Jake said. "I'll see you soon. Don't dawdle".

"Yeah, okay," Hamilton answered, and they each turned to go in a different direction.

Jake unlocked the guys' room, making a face at the mess of clothes and underwear all over the floor and the beds; dirty boxers were all kinds of gross. She crossed the room to the closet, careful not to step on anything, and opened it. It was not hard to guess what was Scout's and what was Will's; Scout's side had a lot more clothes, and all obviously more expensive. She quickly grabbed a sweater and a pair of long trousers from each pile, stuffed them into an empty bag she found on the floor, added two pairs of socks and left.

She met Hamilton crossing the lawn, and stopped, waiting until he arrived. He had a small backpack on his shoulder. "All ready?" she asked, but he shook his head "my mom's not home, so I'm heading to the art room. Come with me, it'll only take a few minutes".

Jake grabbed his wrist, looking at his watch, and pursed her lips "fine. But you gotta make it quick".

"I promise," Hamilton smiled, and they headed to the main building of the Academy.

Sure enough, Kate Flemming was in the art room, organizing supplies on the shelves. There were a few empty boxes on the table. She looked up as they entered, her face breaking into a smile "hi Munchy," she said "hi Jake".

"Hi, Mrs. Flemming," Jake answered, uncomfortable. She saw Kate Flemming before, of course, but they've never actually met, face to face. She wondered how she knew her name.

"Mom, stop that," Hamilton whined, and Jake suppressed a laugh. "Can I go ice-skating? Jake and some of the guys are going".

Kate frowned "where would you go ice-skating? Do you even know how to skate?"

Hamilton shot Jake an embarrassed look "yes mom, I know how to skate. We're going to Carson, there's an arena there. We'll be back by five".

Kate still looked unsure "how are you getting there? Are you taking a cab?"

Hamilton seemed to hesitated but Jake said "we're going with a friend from town, she has a car". When Kate opened her mouth to ask something, she quickly added "and a driving license".

Kate smiled, looking at Hamilton, and then nodded "okay. Have fun, and be careful".

"Really? Thanks mom!" Hamilton grinned and grabbed Jake's wrist, pulling her after him and out of the room. She tried to tug her hand free as he hurried along the corridors "jeez, Flemming, where's the fire? And let go of my hand, will you?" he seemed to be doing that an awful lot lately. Not that she didn't like it; it was just… strange.

Hamilton immediately released her wrist, turning red. "Sorry," he said "I just didn't want to give her a chance to change her mind".

Jake smiled "good thing you don't have a cell phone".

Hamilton rolled his eyes "yeah, but it sucks when you actually need it".

The ride to Rawley was over quickly, and the parked near the garage, seeing the other three already waiting in the shade. Bella was holding a bag, which Jake assumed was her change of clothes. She smiled when she saw them "right on time".

Jake handed the boys their clothes and their key, and they all headed to the truck, Scout calling gunshot.

"Dream on," Jake smirked "this was my idea to begin with; you're just tagging along".

"No way," Scout said, but at Bella's shrug and nod he pouted, and got into the back, sending Jake a dark look. "This isn't fair," he said loudly, as the other two got in as well "you're the smallest, it's only reasonable that you should sit in the back. We're all squashed here". Jake glanced back and laughed; they were indeed looking a little uncomfortable.

"Hey, that's your problem, not mine," she said, sprawling in her seat; she saw Bella give her an amused look, but the others didn't seem so entertained. She gave them a bright grin and strapped herself in as Bella ignited the car and they left.

They were all quiet for a while, Bella concentrating on driving, Jake humming loudly with the music and Scout still grumbling in the back. Jake crossed her hands behind her head, slouching forward in her seat, and dozed off; if she wasn't driving, cars tended to made her drowsy. Bella touched her gently on the shoulder after a while, and she opened her eyes; Bella smiled "we're here".

Jake nodded, yawning, and unbuckled herself, getting out and stretching. "Right," she said "where now?" Bella pointed to the large building they parked next to "that's the mall. The ice-skating rink is on the ground floor".

They all followed her inside; Jake couldn't help but cast a few longing glances at shop windows; it wasn't that she really liked shopping, she just missed being a girl. When the entered the skating arena it was like suddenly stepping inside winter, and everyone except Jake shivered.

"Well, I'm going to change," Bella said, motioning to a public bathroom near by; the others nodded "me too".

Jake smiled "I'll just put my stuff here, then" she pointed to a few benches nearby "and get my skates, okay?"

They all separated, Jake putting her backpack on a bench before heading over to the counter and paying for a pair of ice-skates. The others were coming out, all in sweaters and jeans, just as she finished strapping on the skates. She stood up, a little awkward, as they came to sit around her.

"You all know how to put those on?" at their nods, she smiled "great, then I'll meet you inside. Be careful not to twist your ankles when you're walking to the entrance, it's not very easy walking with skates on a surface other than ice".

She trudged over to the gap in the fence that surrounded the ice, and stepped inside carefully. It had been a few months since she last skated. Still, she shouldn't have worried. As soon as she stood on the ice, she could feel it all coming back, and she launched into a glide, easy and confident as ever. She weaved between people, completing a full loop before coming to the gap again to meet the others.

They seemed impressed. "You make that look so easy," Will said, laughing, as they all stepped uneasily onto the ice.

"Grab the banister," Jake told them, and they all did except Scout, who glided gracefully to stand beside her.

"Man, it's been ages since I did this," he said, grinning, and they exchanged smiles.

"Okay," Jake said "I promised Bella I'd help her, so you'll take Will, and we'll switch later?" Jake asked. Scout nodded, then frowned "what about Hamilton?"

Jake shrugged and called "hey, Ham, you said you know how to skate, right?"

Hamilton gave her an embarrassed look from where he was holding the fence "maybe I exaggerated a little".

Jake rolled her eyes "Scout, can you help him, too?"

"Sure," Scout nodded "but remember, we're switching afterwards".

"Deal," Jake smiled, then skated over to Bella, who had meanwhile advanced a little while holding the banister. "You all right?" she asked.

Bella gave her a nervous look "not really".

Jake smiled reassuringly. "Okay, this is how you do it," she swerved to stand before Bella. "Look at my feet. You position one leg like this, and push the other behind you, like this," she demonstrated "and then you just switch. Got that?"

Bella nodded, still looking anxious "yes, but…"

Jake moved to stand beside her. "Give me your hand," she said, and when Bella complied "now leave the banister, and hold your arm horizontal to your body, it'll help you keep your balance. Good. Now, try moving your legs like I showed you. I'm holding you, so don't worry, you won't fall".

Bella did as she said, moving her legs with small, uneven pushes; once or twice they almost over balanced, but eventually she seemed to get it and moved with more confidence.

"That's great, you're doing great," Jake said happily. "Do you want to try on your own now?" Bella tightened her grip "no!"

Jake smiled "don't worry, I won't leave until you're ready". She glanced over to where Scout was tutoring Hamilton and Will, barely managing to keep them upright. As she was looking, Will's skates locked and he lost his balance, pulling Hamilton down with him. Scout almost fell, too, but managed to save himself in the last second by executing a complicated half-bend, half-turn.

Bella giggled beside her "Scout's not half-bad". Jake snorted "you think that's good? Staying upright is just the basics".

"Oh, really?" Bella gave her an amused look "then why don't you show me how good you are?"

"I said I wouldn't leave you until you're ready," Jake reminded her. She longed to leave Bella's side and skate freely, but she promised.

"I think I could survive without you for a few minutes," Bella said dryly. "I'll just stand right here and hold the railing. You go out there and skate".

"If you say so…" Jake said, "but call me as soon as you need me, okay?"

"Okay," Bella said, and Jake threw her a smile and skated to the center of the ice, which was empty from skaters. She did a few quick, small loops just to get in mindset, and then did the same backwards, ending in the figure of an eight. Next came a series of spins, that evolved into small jumps; she hadn't felt this good, this **free** in a long time.

She leaned forward easily, one leg on the ice and the other high in the air, her hands stretched backwards, nose almost touching the ground, the smell of ice sharp in her nostrils. She smiled, closing her eyes, and jumped, exchanging legs in the air, landing into a spin. She made a double pirouette, and then a triple; jumped again, then spun on one leg, grabbing her free ankle with both hands – she forgot how skating made her feel, until now.

She suddenly remembered Bella and the others, and looked over to see if they needed her; awed stares met her eyes, and she blushed darkly, skating over slowly. "Sorry, got a bit carried away," she mumbled, "do any of you need help?"

No one answered her; they all just stared, mouths open, and then Scout burst out "that was crazy! Where did you learn to do that?"

Jake shrugged, looking down "I've been skating ever since I was little. My mom loves ice-skating, so it was something she always came to see, at least for a while. I got good very quickly". She tugged on her hair "never mind that. Does anyone need help?"

"Yeah, I do," Hamilton said, and she saw Bella send him an annoyed look; but the blonde didn't say anything, so Jake nodded and asked "well, how good are you? Do you know the basics, or –"

"I'm pretty much in the holding-the-banister level," Hamilton admitted. Jake laughed, and proceeded to run him through the same explanation she gave Bella. It gave her an excuse to hold his hand, at least, although when **he** fell down, he took her with him.

Later, after they all returned their shoes and were walking back to the truck (some of them limping a little), Bella said "that was actually fun, even though I fell a few times".

The others nodded. "We should do this again sometime," Will said, rubbing his elbow which he banged on the ice at some point "though maybe next time I'll bring knee and elbow pads". "It's all a matter of practice," Jake said. Hamilton let out a short laugh "easy for you to say. You're like Sasha Cohen," he blinked than added "only male, of course". This made Bella burst out laughing; they all turned to look at her questioningly, Jake shooting her a warning look, and Bella stopped abruptly.

"Sorry," she said "it just made me think of you in one of those dresses they wear".

Jake made a face, while the others made varying sounds of choking. "Please don't say things like that," She told Bella.

"Sorry," the blonde said again.

They got to the truck, Jake getting into the front seat (Scout didn't even try to protest this time) and she napped all the way back to Rawley.

-------

"I'll go to Scout and Will's room, you go home, and we'll meet here in a few minutes" Jake told him as they stashed his bike in the bushes.

"Why don't you just come with me, and then we'll go to the dorms?" Hamilton asked, frowning. He barely got any private time with the other boy today, and in a few minutes he would have to share him again with Bella – he had looked forward to those few stolen minutes when they would be just the two of them.

"Too long" Jake answered, shaking his head and already half-turned in the dorms' direction. "I'll see you soon. Don't dawdle".

"Yeah, okay," Hamilton muttered, disappointed, and watched him as he walked away before turning and walking home himself. He called out "mom!" as soon as he entered, but when no answer came he realized she was probably at the art room. He made for his room, grabbing a sweater, a pair of socks and jeans and throwing them into an empty backpack he dragged from underneath the bed. He picked up his wallet from his desk, looking inside to make sure he had enough money, before dropping it inside the bag as well and leaving the house.

He met Jake at the lawn, holding a bag of his own. Jake smiled at him and asked "all ready?" but Hamilton answered "my mom's not home, so I'm heading to the art room. Come with me, it'll only take a few minutes". He wasn't sure his mom had met Jake, though she heard Hamilton talk about him more than once. It was about time he'd remedy that.

Jake grabbed his wrist to peek at Hamilton's watch, making his breath quicken as the other boy leaned close. Then Jake nodded, stepping away "fine. But you gotta make it quick".

Hamilton smiled "I promise". He led the way to the art room, Jake close behind him, and sure enough, his mom was there, organizing new supplies, and Hamilton felt a pang of anxiousness. He hoped she wouldn't want him to help her; they were operating on a tight schedule, and he knew the others wouldn't wait until he was done. His mom looked up, smiling when she saw him; her eyes flickered to the boy next to Hamilton. "Hi Munchy," she said "hi Jake". Hamilton wasn't surprised she recognized the other boy; he described him, in general detail, the day they met.

"Hi, Mrs. Flemming," Jake answered. He seemed uneasy, and Hamilton stifled a smile; surely Jake Pratt wasn't afraid of authority figures? He was probably uncomfortable because it was Hamilton's mom, not because she was a teacher.

"Mom, stop that," Hamilton protested out of habit, and this time it was Jake's turn to hide a grin; Hamilton saw it none the less. "Can I go ice-skating? Jake and some of the guys are going".

She frowned, and Hamilton's heart sank; she was a little over protective, sometimes. "Where would you go ice-skating? Do you even know how to skate?"

Hamilton shot Jake an quick look; trust his mom to embarrass him in front of his friends, even if she wasn't doing it intentionally. "Yes mom, I know how to skate. We're going to Carson, there's an arena there. We'll be back by five".

She still didn't look satisfied "how are you getting there? Are you taking a cab?"

Hamilton wasn't sure how to answer; it was obvious they couldn't all take Jake's bike, but he hadn't really thought beyond that. Jake answered calmly instead "we're going with a friend from town, she has a car". When his mom opened her mouth to protest, he added "and a driving license".

His mom smiled, a trifle uneasily, gave Hamilton an unreadable look, and then said "okay. Have fun, and **be careful**". She stressed the last two words.

"Really? Thanks mom!" Hamilton grinned, relieved and grabbed Jake's wrist, pulling him quickly out of the door. He felt Jake pull at his hand behind him, and when he turned to look at him questioningly, the other boy raised an eyebrow and said pointedly "jeez, Flemming, where's the fire? And let go of my hand, will you?"

Hamilton immediately released his wrist, blushing. "Sorry," he muttered "I just didn't want to give her a chance to change her mind". He didn't even realize he did that.

Jake gave him a sly smile "good thing you don't have a cell phone".

Hamilton made a face "yeah, but it sucks when you actually need it". His mother actually wanted him to have a cell phone, exactly for that reason, but his father objected, saying there wasn't any need for that as long as Hamilton was still living at home.

They drove to Rawley in silence, and were soon parking near the garage, in the shade. The others were waiting, talking between them, and they turned to look at the two of them as they headed over. Jake handed the bag he held to Will, who thanked him, and then they all approached Bella's truck. It looked a little old, but relatively safe.

Scout immediately went to the front passenger's seat, calling loudly "gunshot!" but Jake smirked and pushed him lightly out of the way. "Dream on," he said, before opening the door and getting inside "this was my idea to begin with; you're just tagging along".

"No way," Scout objected, glancing at Bella, but she pulled at her shoulders and motioned for him to get in the back. Scout's shoulders dropped, and he got into the back of the truck, complaining loudly "this isn't fair". He gave Jake a dirty look "you're the smallest, it's only reasonable that you should sit in the back. We're all squashed here". He had a point, Hamilton had to admit; the back seat wasn't meant for three grown men. Jake glanced at them, turning easily in his seat, and started laughing, obviously finding their situation amusing; the three of them looked back at him with dark expressions, but didn't say anything.

"Hey, that's your problem, not mine," Jake quipped with a wide grin, turning forward again and sprawling in his seat with an easy, careless grace that made Hamilton itch to touch him, and they left. Hamilton watched Jake for the entire ride, barely hearing Scout grumbling next to him; he was sitting behind Bella and diagonally from Jake, which gave him a good view. At first Jake crossed his hands behind his head, titling it backwards, while he hummed loudly and off-key with the music; but after a while he seemed to drift off, head lolling to the side, one hand dropping to the seat.

Hamilton smiled to himself; it looked like cars tended to put Jake to sleep. He recalled Jake slept during the car ride to the drive-in and back, too.

The drive was smooth (Hamilton grudgingly admitted to himself that Bella was a good driver) and before long they had parked next to the Carson mall. He saw Bella shake Jake awake gently, smiling, and he knew she was getting that gorgeous, half-awake and completely unguarded look from Jake in return. The dark-haired boy got out, stretching, and Hamilton stared hungrily at the slender lines of his body before catching himself, and looked away quickly. To his surprise, he noticed Will and Scout do the same. In fact, oddly enough, Bella seemed the only one not affected at all.

Jake said something in a low voice to Bella, and the blonde pointed to the mall "that's the mall. The ice-skating rink is on the ground floor". They entered, led by Bella, and in a few minutes found themselves inside the skating arena; it was freezing, and all of them shivered. Except Jake, of course, who for the first time in days was actually dressed according to the temperature.

"Well, I'm going to change," Bella said, pointing to a door that bore the sign of a public toilet. Hamilton, Will and Scout quickly echoed that statement. Jake nodded "I'll just put my stuff here, then" he pointed to a few benches nearby "and get my skates, okay?"

Hamilton stepped into the men's bathroom, followed by the others, and entered a cubicle; he felt better as soon as he pulled on his sweater and changed into his jeans and shoes. The others finished when he did, and they returned to where Jake was just finishing putting on his skates. He stood up, suddenly alarmingly tall. "You all know how to put those on?" he asked. All of them nodded, even Will. It didn't take a genius to figure it out. The skating itself, on the other hand… was probably going to be a little harder to figure out. Hamilton didn't really remember his last time, but he remembered enough to know that it involved a lot of painful falls.

Jake beamed at them; he looked more excited than Hamilton had ever seen him, almost child-like in his delight. "Great," Jake said "then I'll meet you inside. Be careful not to twist your ankles when you're walking to the entrance, it's not very easy walking with skates on a surface other than ice".

He turned and walked awkwardly to the closest gap in the rink, and Hamilton began to question his actual ability on the ice; he didn't seem to get along with the skates all too well. His doubts disappeared when Jake entered the rink; immediately he became even more graceful than ever, launching into a fast, effortless glide around the rink, weaving between the flailing skaters without ever touching them.

Scout followed his gaze, letting out a low whistle "he's not bad," he admitted, as they all stood up and made their shaking way to the gap. Hamilton's feet were heavy, and he felt too tall and wobbly; unfortunately, that feeling did not change as he stepped onto the ice. He grabbed the banister to support himself.

Jake ended his loop and came to stand before them, completely stable. Will gave him a nervous smile and laughed "You make that look so easy". Jake smiled back at him and advised "grab the banister". Will and Bella did as he said, but Scout slid to stand next to Jake, as every bit confident one the ice as he was off it. "Man, it's been ages since I did this," he grinned, and he and Jake traded happy smiles. Jake turned to face him, saying something quietly, and they exchanged a few words; then Jake called "hey, Ham, you said you know how to skate, right?"

Hamilton gave him a sheepish from where he was standing with Will; Bella had meanwhile advanced a little, clutching the banister for dear life. "Maybe I exaggerated a little" he admitted.

Jake rolled his eyes, but didn't say anything except "Scout, can you help him, too?"

"Sure," Scout nodded, and Hamilton fought a pang of disappointment, but then Scout added "but remember, we're switching afterwards". Jake agreed, and went off to help Bella.

Hamilton kept glancing at them out of the corner of his eye, only half-listening to Scout's explanation; they seemed to be having a good time. Bella was holding Jake's hand as she nervously skated, letting go of the railing. Once or twice she lost her balance, but Jake caught her, keeping them both upright. Scout, of course, wasn't about to hold their hand; instead he explained over and over again how to position the skates, and how to move them, demonstrating himself.

At one point it seemed to become a bit too much for Will, as his skates locked and he toppled, grabbing at Hamilton for support and bringing him down with him. Scout, the lucky bastard, managed to avoid the same fate, even though it was a close call for a moment or too. "Will, you idiot," Hamilton grumbled as he picked himself up painfully "next time grab the fence, not me!"

Some distance away, he could see Jake and Bella laughing; Scout was looking at them in amusement as well. Hamilton shot him a dark look, and then looked back at Jake and Bella; but only Bella was standing there. "Where's Jake?" he said, frowning, before following the blonde's gaze; she was looking at the center of the rink where, sure enough, Jake was making small circles as he skated backwards.

"Hey, can you do that?" Hamilton asked Scout, nodding towards the boy in the center. Scout and Will looked over, then Scout nodded "yeah, I –" he stopped abruptly as Jake turned his glide into a elegant spin, then jumped; they watched him as he landed into another spin, this one more complicated then the first, before Jumping again, exchanging his legs high in the air. "Okay, that I can't do," Scout said at last; he sounded impressed. "He's a lot more than 'not half-bad', isn't he?"

Hamilton and Will nodded, silent; Hamilton was focused entirely on the spinning boy at the center of the rink, as was almost everyone else; most of the skaters in the rink had stopped to watch. But something bothered Hamilton, and after a few seconds he realized exactly what it was.

Jake looked like a girl.

He wasn't the most masculine guy around, that was a known fact; but now, if Hamilton hadn't known, he would've been sure Jake was, well, female. He looked just like a young, flat-chested, short-haired young girl. Even the way he moved was suddenly disturbingly feminine. He cast a quick look over the skaters in the rink; judging by the appreciative looks the male skaters were giving Jake, they clearly thought the same.

He turned to look back at Jake as the dark-haired boy skated back towards them, flushed in embarrassment; he obviously forgot people were looking. Hamilton quickly banished his previous thoughts from his mind; it was ridicules. So what if Jake was a little feminine looking and almost disturbingly, well, **pretty**. He was enrolled in a boys' school, and that in itself provided all the evidence. Those were no longer the times when all a girl had to do was cut off her hair and hide her chest; this was the digital age, you simply couldn't hide something like this.

Even if Jake **was** a hell of a hacker.

"Sorry, got a bit carried away," Jake said quietly, not really meeting their eyes "do any of you need help?"

No one answered him at first, and then Scout – always the first one to recover - burst out "that was crazy! Where did you learn to do that?"

Jake shrugged, uncomfortable "I've been skating ever since I was little. My mom loves ice-skating, so it was something she always came to see, at least for a while. I got good very quickly". He tugged on his hair, an obvious sign of unease "never mind that. Does anyone need help?"

"Yeah, I do," Hamilton said quickly; he saw Bella shoot him a quick look, but she didn't object. Jake nodded "well, how good are you? Do you know the basics, or –"

"I'm pretty much in the holding-the-banister level," Hamilton admitted sheepishly. Jake only laughed, though, motioning him away from the others before coming to stand before him. "look at my feet," he said, and Hamilton looked down as Jake explained how to position his legs and how to move. Then, to his surprise, Jake offered him his hand as though it was the most obvious thing in the world, just like he did with Bella. Hamilton took it.

He was definitely enjoying Jake's explanation a lot more.

He fell a few times, and even though it was only to be expected, he still felt bad for dragging Jake down with him; "Sorry," he apologized every time, but Jake only shook his head good-naturally, getting to his feet, and offered Hamilton a hand again.

It was over before Hamilton was ready for it, but he reluctantly followed the others out of the rink. They all changed clothes as Jake returned their shoes, and were halfway out the mall when Bella said "that was actually fun, even though I fell a few times".

Everyone nodded. "We should do this again sometime," Will said, touching his bruised elbow "though maybe next time I'll bring knee and elbow pads".

"It's all a matter of practice," Jake said, smiling, and Hamilton let out a short laugh "easy for you to say. You're like Sasha Cohen". He quickly added "only male, of course." It seemed not all those thoughts were out of his head yet. His words made Bella burst out laughing, and they all turned to look at her; She stopped abruptly as Jake shot her a look.

"Sorry," she said "it just made me think of you in one of those dresses they wear".

Jake made a face, groaning, while the others made varying sounds of choking. Hamilton really didn't need those kind of images in his head; he was confused enough as it was. "Please don't say things like that," Jake continued. He clearly found the idea insulting, or at least embarrassing.

"Sorry," Bella repeated, giving him an apologetic look. No one said anything as they entered the truck, but the atmosphere was unpleasant; they were all just tired. Jake wasn't the only one who slept the way back to Rawley.

------

So, what do you think? It really strayed from the script, I know, but their whole "date" posed a real problem for me. I mean, they could just go out together somewhere, I guess, but the whole point of the "date" is the fight and the making up, and that really couldn't happen here. Plus I write just the two of them so much; I wanted to explore the group dynamics.

Ice-skating: I wanted something they could do as a group, and also something which would work with the whole "Jake is wearing sweaters in the summer and everyone finds it ridicules" but also give her a way out of it. About why she skates so well – Kate Moennig is a trained fencer and an excellent surfer, so I thought, why not make Jake a trained ice-skater? I could picture her being into the whole dancing and sparkly dresses thing when she was young, but I think she's too wild for ballet, hence the ice-skating. Also, she seems to me like a perfectionist, and if being good meant more attention from her mother, I think she would be very good, **very** quickly.

The reason this chapter took me so long is because Hamilton was giving me a lot of trouble, insisting on being more perspective than I wanted him to be and figuring out that Jake was a girl way before I wanted him to. So I sorta found a way around that in the end, even though I'm not really pleased with it, but, well, you can't have everything. We'll see how it goes, and maybe in the end I'll have to change my plans a little.

One last thing – I think I've said this before, but I'll say it one more time – I think Hamilton isn't the only guy to find Jake attractive. I mean, being female is about a lot more than just how long your hair is or how big your chest is. It's something a lot deeper and a lot more primal and instinctive. So even if Jake kinda looks like a guy, she doesn't send "guy signals". And let's face it, Kate's gorgeous. So yeah, I think Jake would've confused a lot of the heterosexual guys around her, and I'm just making it obvious in the story. You gotta admit, it's a lot more amusing.


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: Young Americans does not belong to me, and I am not making any money out of this. It's for my own fun (and hopefully yours, too). Jake and Ham aren't mine either: I just borrow them to play with torture a little.

Summary: The seventh Young Americans episode "Free Will", written from Jake and Hamilton's point of view. As usualy, I tried to keep it as close to the script as I could, but understandably there are a few necessary changes. Enjoy!

A/N: Please read and review! It would mean a lot to me. This is my longest chapter yet; no matter what I do, they just keep getting longer and longer. I'm sorry if this episode's beginning is going to be a little awkward; I couldn't really make it flow the way I wanted it. It gets better though, I promise, especially at the end – finally, there's some action! I know you've been waiting for it smirk only one more episode to go, and then the epilogue, and this story's finished. I'm getting rather excited!

Jakeline: I'm glad you liked it! I love stories based on sexual tension. The only problem is, a lot of the times it stops being interesting once the tension is solved. But not in this case, I hope!

Keirah: I'm glad the whole skating thing worked for you, I wasn't sure how well it fit with the flow of the story. I'm glad you enjoy my writing so much – I hope you'll enjoy this chapter as well!

Avella: thank you for your kind words! I'm glad to hear I'm doing a good job; I'm always really worried about that. I can't wait for Hamilton to discover she's a girl either. He's in for a hell of a shock! But no worries, he's young, he can take it smirk

SkyEyes: it's nice to meet a new YA fan. Your review made me feel so awesome, thank you. I'm glad you find my Jake in character; I do try, but I'm not always sure I'm pulling it off! Hearing you say this is your favourite YA story really means a lot to me, especially since there are many fan-fics out there that are far better than mine. I hope you continue to think so even after this chapter.

Makini: another new face! It must be my lucky day beam Thank you for reviewing my story!

Frogflute2: of course they'll get together in the end, they're soul-mates, it's destined and written in the heavens above nod-nod thank you for reading my story and for reviewing, I hope you'll continue to enjoy it!

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"You should have seen it, mom, it was amazing," Hamilton said through a mouthful of toast. It was just his mother and him that evening, since his dad apparently had to much work to spare half an hour for dinner with his family. Hamilton swallowed and continued "I've never seen anyone skate like that outside of television".

Kate smiled, moving a tomato piece around on her plate with her fork "you and Jake became very close over the last two weeks, didn't you?" she asked.

Hamilton gave her a beaming smile "yeah, we have. He's great, mom, really – and he's a straight-A student, so even dad can't disapprove," he added, a tad bitterly, and got an apologetic look in return. "He's really smart, too – not just grades-smart, I mean. He knows all kind of things, like psychology and computer science, and he's always surprising me – like this skating thing, which I had no idea he could do. In fact," he admitted a little sheepishly "he makes me feel a downright idiot sometimes".

Kate frowned "that doesn't sound very nice".

"No, no, not like that," he assured her hurriedly "he's a nice guy, really, he doesn't make me feel like that on purpose. It's just hard not to feel under-accomplished next to him sometimes, that's all. It doesn't bother me".

Kate leveled a thoughtful look at him "you've got nothing to feel bad about, Hamilton. Grades aren't everything in life, despite what your father may say," she smiled a little "and it's not like you're doing bad in that department. More than that, you're a very talented young man, and I'm not saying that because I'm your mother" she added at his look. "You know colleagues of mine are very impressed with your photographs. Not many your age can photograph that well."

He gave her a warm smile; It was nice to hear, even if he did think she was biased.

His mother suddenly winked "besides," she said "you're much more handsome".

He knew she only intended to make him laugh, but he found himself frowning instead "you think so?"

Kate narrowed her eyes, amusement gone from her face "you don't?"

Hamilton shrugged, not really wanting to start a debate on Jake's attractiveness with his mother, of all people. But apparently, his mother thought different.

"I wouldn't call Jake handsome," she said, still looking at him strangely. This piqued his interest, though; he had already realized guys found the boy in question attractive, but he assumed girls were just as interested in him. Lena certainly was.

"Then what would you call him?" he asked her, half heartedly buttering another slice of toast.

"He's… aesthetically pleasing, I'll give him that," Kate said carefully "very pleasing, even. But handsome? Maybe in a few years, if he grew and broadened a little. But now he looks… twelve".

"He's almost sixteen," Hamilton raised an eyebrow "so he's a little on the thin side – I don't know how since he can eat like the devil – but I wouldn't go as far as to say he looks twelve. Girls our age seem to like him fine enough, anyway".

"Oh," his mother still wore that careful expression "he has a girlfriend?"

"No," Hamilton shrugged "he certainly could've gotten one already, if he wanted to; god knows he's had the opportunity. But he said it was stupid to get into a relationship just for summer session".

"I see. So he's not planning to come back to Rawley for the school year?" his mother asked, innocently enough, but the question made Hamilton feel ill all of the sudden. He didn't really think about what would happen after summer session was over. Despite everything Jake said, he just assumed Jake would be here. He'd become such an important part of his life in the last two and a half weeks – ridicules, really, when you think about it, two weeks were practically nothing when it came to life-altering friendships - that he couldn't imagine a day without Jake anymore.

But of course he shouldn't have taken it for granted. Jake never said he would stay – evidence even pointed to the exact opposite of it. Hamilton had barely stopped him from taking off in the middle of the session, and what was it Jake said – _I'll stay until the end of the summer session._ He said Hamilton was important to him, too, but that didn't stop him from nearly disappearing forever without even saying goodbye.

Hamilton pushed away his plate, suddenly not hungry anymore. "Thanks for dinner mom, it was great," he said, standing up and giving her a fake smile she obviously saw through, if her expression was anything to judge by. "I'm going to the dorms for a bit, there's a wrestling match coming up the guys have been talking about".

"Hamilton –" his mother started, getting up, but Hamilton hurried out, throwing a "see you later, mom!" over his shoulder as he slammed the door behind him. He walked briskly across the lawn to the dorms. There **was** a wrestling match on TV tonight, that wasn't a lie; however, Hamilton had no desire to watch it. He had intended to spend the rest of the evening in his darkroom, developing some recent pictures he took, but his mother's words caused a swell of uneasiness within him, that only one person could calm. Or worsen, but Hamilton wasn't about to ponder that right now.

It was only after he knocked on Jake's door that he realized Jake might not be in; maybe he was in the common room watching the match with everyone else, or maybe he went out for a walk or a ride. His growing worry was cut short by a muffled voice calling out "who is it?"

Hamilton wondered if anyone else was visiting Jake beside himself. Jake wasn't all that close to the other students here, except maybe Will and Scout. And somehow, Hamilton had the feeling neither of them was going to willingly be alone with Jake in his room. "It's Hamilton," he answered nevertheless.

"Just a minute!" Jake called, and there was a noise from the room, followed by some barely audible cursing. Then he heard the lock click and the door opened, Jake giving him a bemused look.

"Hi," he said "isn't it a bit late?" but he stepped aside to let Hamilton enter. Hamilton did, noting that Jake seemed to be limping a little; that explained the noise and the cursing, at least. "I was bored at home," he said, then added quickly "I'm not bothering you, am I?"

"No, of course not," Jake answered, smiling, and Hamilton relaxed (as much as he could, at least, with his mother's words still fresh in his mind). "I was just reading" he motioned to a small book that was placed open face-down on his bed. His unmade bed that he had obviously just been laying in. Hamilton blushed and averted his eyes. "Oh," he said instead "what are you reading?"

Jake gave him an amused look "Lady Windermere's Fan" he said. Hamilton must've looked as blank as he felt, because Jake smirked and added "it's a play. By Oscar Wilde. My mother got the leading role, so she sent me the script".

"Oh," Hamilton said again, feeling like an uncultured swine; he'd heard of Oscar Wilde, of course, but only in a general sort of way. _Jake probably wouldn't recognize an Ansel Adams_, he told himself. He wasn't sure if he actually wanted to test that. "Is it any good?" he asked instead, and Jake shrugged. "It's okay," he said "I'm not really all that into plays, I just read them because of mom".

_One more thing to talk about with her_, Hamilton realized, but he didn't say anything. Instead he sat down in the chair next to Jake's desk, and after a brief hesitation Jake came and sat on the bed, facing him. He tucked one leg under him, and Hamilton noticed he wore mismatched socks. "So…" Hamilton started, at a loss. He came here for a reason, but he couldn't just outright ask. He had to ease into it or it would seem far too rude and abrupt to a private person like Jake.

"So," Jake echoed, raising an eyebrow. He was clearly waiting for Hamilton to make the next step. Hamilton fiddled with his sleeve, not exactly uncomfortable – not anymore than he usually was around the other boy, at least – but not really knowing what to say. He cast about for something, finally settling on "so, that was quite a show today. I didn't take you for a big sports fan. I mean, obviously you're the coxswain, but I didn't think you were all that big on the physical aspect of sports".

Jake seemed amused again "just because I don't row?"

"Well…" Hamilton started, sheepish, but then the other boy added with a smile "we can't all be big, strong boys like you, can we? My arms would fall off if I tried rowing for as long as the rest of you".

And there it was again, that feeling that Jake was almost… flirting with him. But Hamilton knew he was most likely reading too much into it; Jake was probably just being sarcastic as usual.

"Right," he said instead "and skating isn't physically exerting?"

"In other ways, yes, but being small isn't a hindrance. It's actually an advantage sometimes, even".

"So you do that a lot, back home?"

Jake shrugged "not so much. A few of my friends skate, so sometimes we meet and go skating together".

"I see," Hamilton said, getting curious. Jake never really talked about his friends or his home life; mostly Hamilton knew that his mom sucked. "So you have a lot of friends, in New-York? You must get to know a lot of people, changing schools all the time".

Jake laughed "I don't stay enough time at any school to bother with friends, actually," he admitted "most of my good friends are people I know from childhood, who have the same life as me; children of directors, of actors, children I used to play backstage with when I was little and just kept on playing with when we grew up. We all get shuffled around a lot, so we're kinda the only teenagers constant in each other's life. We don't see each other much, but we keep in touch, getting together when we're near each other".

"Ah," Hamilton said. It seemed kind of lonely, but also logical. And Jake didn't seem bitter about it. "I don't have many friends," he confessed, feeling awkward but alright with talking about it "I was home-schooled most of my life, so I mostly knew the kids of the teachers here, and the kids of my parents' friends. No one real close, though".

"That's doesn't sound all that fun," Jake said softly "I don't get why parents home-school their children. It's a sure way to fuck up a childhood".

Hamilton met his eyes "and boarding schools aren't?"

The other boy held his eyes for a moment, his gaze intense, and then he broke away, smiling dryly. "Hey, it's my choice," he said "it's not like my mother cares".

Hamilton sensed this was his opportunity "do you prefer boarding schools? To living at home and going to a regular school in New-York, I mean".

Jake pulled at his shoulders "it doesn't really matter. I guess I prefer home – my own house, my friends, my city. Then again, here I don't see my mom because **I'm** not there, not because **she** isn't".

"So you're planning on spending the next year in a boarding school, too?" Hamilton asked, trying not to sound eager.

"I don't know, I haven't really thought about it yet, but I guess so, yes" Jake seemed a little confused at the direction this conversation was going, but Hamilton felt the tension leak out, replaced by a content calm. If Jake was planning on going to a boarding school, then he was probably going to be at Rawley. After all, he liked the school well enough, he was an integral part of the school's main sport team, and he had made friends here, Hamilton and Bella and Will and Scout. And didn't he admit that he usually didn't bother making friends because he was going to leave anyway? But he had made friends **here**. And hadn't he said Hamilton was the best friend he had ever had? And there was Bella to think about, too. Surely Jake didn't want to leave her; they seemed so close.

He got up, almost giddy with relief. "I'll get going; it's already late. I'll see you tomorrow, yes?"

Jake nodded, standing up as well. He still seemed a bit bemused, but didn't say anything, only smiled at Hamilton and locked the door after him.

Hamilton tried to enter his house as quietly as he could, but his mother was still down in the living room, reading a book. She lowered it as she heard him and gave him a piercing stare, but all she said was "how was the match?"

"The match?" Hamilton blinked and then remembered his excuse "oh, the match. It was okay". He quickly added "I'm going to take a shower and go to bed now, so I'll see you tomorrow, okay? Night". He heard his mother reply softly as he headed up the stairs.

He slept well that night.

-------

Jake was laying on her bed, one hand holding down the script she was reading, her chin resting on her crossed arms, when someone knocked on her door. She frowned, glancing at the alarm clock. It was rather late. "Who is it?" she called.

"It's Hamilton," came the reply, and Jake rolled her eyes, putting the book face-down on her pillow and getting up. "Just a minute!" she answered, looking around for a sweater; she started to pull it over her head as she was walking towards the door, which turned out to be a rather stupid decision; she knocked her knee into the side of a chair while she couldn't see. Cursing, she rubbed her painful knee, then limped the rest of the way to the door, opening it.

Hamilton stood on the other side, looking very anxious. She blinked at him "hi," she said "isn't it a bit late?" he entered at her invitation, fidgeting. "I was bored at home," he answered, than his eyes widened as a thought occurred to him "I'm not bothering you, am I?"

Puzzled by his obvious nervousness, she quickly answered "no, of course not. I was just reading". "Oh," he seemed to relax a little, asking curiously "what are you reading?"

"Lady Windermere's Fan," she answered, not really expecting him to recognize the name. She hadn't really heard of it herself until her mother got the main role. He gave her a blank look, so she added with a smile "it's a play. By Oscar Wilde. My mother got the leading role, so she sent me the script".

"Oh," Hamilton said again. He was silent for a few moments, than asked "is it any good?" she could see he wasn't really interested and was just saying it to have something to say, but answered "it's okay. I'm not really all that into plays, I just read them because of mom". Hamilton nodded, looking around the room in unease, before crossing over to the chair near her desk and sitting down. Jake came and sat on her bed opposite him, waiting.

"So…" Hamilton said, drumming on his knee in agitation. It was obvious he came for a reason, and that something was bothering him, but she chose not to press him. He would get to it when he felt ready. Instead she only echoed "so".

"So," Hamilton started "that was quite a show today. I didn't take you for a big sports fan. I mean, obviously you're the coxswain, but I didn't think you were all that big on the physical aspect of sports". She didn't think that was what was troubling him, but decided to indulge him nonetheless.

"Just because I don't row?" she asked. "Well…" he blushed, and she added peevishly "we can't all be big, strong boys like you, can we? My arms would fall off if I tried rowing for as long as the rest of you". With a start, Jake realized she was flirting with him, and the smile slipped of her face. She hoped he didn't take it that way.

He didn't seem to, muttering "right," before asking "and skating isn't physically exerting?" she shrugged "in other ways, yes, but being small isn't a hindrance. It's actually an advantage sometimes, even".

He frowned "so you do that a lot, back home?" she shook her head "not so much. A few of my friends skate, so sometimes we meet and go skating together". "I see" he nodded, looking at her thoughtfully "so you have a lot of friends, in New-York? You must get to know a lot of people, changing schools all the time".

She gave a small laugh "I don't stay enough time at any school to bother with friends, actually. Most of my good friends are people I know from childhood, who have the same life as me; children of directors, of actors, children I used to play backstage with when I was little and just kept on playing with when we grew up. We all get shuffled around a lot, so we're kinda the only teenagers constant in each other's life. We don't see each other much, but we keep in touch, getting together when we're near each other".

"Ah," Hamilton said. It seemed to touch something in him, for his face turned serious and he said quietly "I don't have many friends. I was home-schooled most of my life, so I mostly knew the kids of the teachers here, and the kids of my parents' friends. No one real close, though".

"That's doesn't sound all that fun," Jake said sympathetically; there was a loneliness in his voice that made her heart ache for him. "I don't get why parents home-school their children. It's a sure way to fuck up a childhood".

Hamilton met her eyes, his own intense "and boarding schools aren't?"

She held his eyes for a moment, but the intensity with which he was staring at her made her uncomfortable and she broke the contact with a small, fake chuckle. "Hey, it's my choice," she said "it's not like my mother cares".

She could still feel his eyes boring into her "do you prefer boarding schools?" he asked "to living at home and going to a regular school in New-York, I mean".

She shrugged, not really considering the question "it doesn't really matter. I guess I prefer home – my own house, my friends, my city. Then again, here I don't see my mom because **I'm** not there, not because **she** isn't".

"So you're planning on spending the next year in a boarding school, too?" Hamilton pressed; there was a subtle sort of eagerness in his voice that confused her; maybe she was just imagining it. "I don't know, I haven't really thought about it yet, but I guess so, yes" she answered, suddenly nervous. She felt the question was more important than it seemed to be, but for the life of her she couldn't understand why.

It seemed to be what Hamilton wanted to hear, though, for he smiled, getting up, the tense set of his shoulders gone. "I'll get going; it's already late" he said, out of the blue. "I'll see you tomorrow, yes?"

She could only nod, completely baffled by this strange conversation, and locked the door after him, staring at it, as he left as suddenly as he appeared. She then went back to her bed, sitting on it, going over the conversation in her mind. She knew Hamilton came for some reason, but no matter how much she reviewed their talk, she couldn't understand what it was.

Her sleep was restless that night, and Hamilton's face kept coming up in her dreams.

Jake planned on sleeping until late the next morning, as she didn't have class or crew practice until the afternoon, but an insistent knocking that woke her up at eight proved her wrong. She lifted her head from her pillow, staring blearily at the door, blinking a few times until things came into focus. She then groaned and pressed the pillow over her ears, intent on going back to sleep, when Hamilton's voice started along with the knocking.

"Come on, Jake, I know you're not really asleep, open the door already!" he sounded illegally cheerful.

"Well of course I'm awake now, genius!" Jake yelled, sitting up in her bed and glaring at the door, knowing she wouldn't be able to get back to sleep at this point. _Still_… "Go away and bother someone else! Go break down Will and Scout's door; I'm sure they'll appreciate the gesture!"

"Stop whining and open the door," he answered, sounding amused, and Jake's eyes narrowed. The nerve of him! "Everyone's awake, we're having a football game, are you coming?"

Football? Hell no. She liked her bones whole, and there was far too much tackling involved in such games for someone her size. "Beat it!" she yelled back, hoping that would be the end of it but knowing Hamilton far too well to actually believe that. True to form, his voice came a moment later, obnoxiously smug "don't make me pick the lock and drag you out, because trust me, I will".

**That** made her sit up in alarm. She was dressed only in boxers and a t-shirt, and if Hamilton really decided to barge in, her secret would be out in a flash. "Wait!" she replied hurriedly "I'm coming, wait a minute". Quickly, she scrambled to her feet, grabbing her corset and a shirt, putting them on, followed by jeans, a pair of socks and a sweater. She stuck her feet inside her trainers, almost tripping in her haste, and, passing a hand through her hair to flatten it, opened the door.

Hamilton raised an eyebrow "I wouldn't have actually picked your lock, you know," he said, reproaching. "Oh," Jake answered, feeling stupid, but also annoyed. _Now you tell me…_ then he shrugged, breaking into a smile "well, as long as you're out," he grabbed her wrist "let's go, they've probably already started without us" and he started pulling her after him.

Jake flicked his forehead, making him start and drop her wrist "can I at least brush my teeth first?"

In the end the game wasn't so bad. Hamilton had a habit of grabbing her round the waist and pulling her out of harm's way if things got too rough, and although she protested vehemently (it was hardly manly, after all) she was actually grateful. Afterwards they sprawled on the grass beneath their tree, out of breath and red-faced but smiling. Hamilton rolled over to his side to look at her "we have a couple of hours 'till practice. Wanna come over to my place and play some video-games?"

Jake smiled "you're over your latest defeat so soon?" Hamilton kicked her half-heartedly, getting up "I'm so going to kick your ass this time". Jake smirked, getting up as well "that's what you said the last three times, Flemming, and the only ass that got kicked so far was yours". He shoved her, almost toppling her over, and said good-naturedly "shut up. This time's going to be different. I can feel it".

Jake shoved back, and of course he didn't budge even an inch "dude, the only thing you're feeling is your upcoming demise". They exchanged insults until they reached his house, and Jake entered curiously; this was her first time visiting the Dean house.

It was large and elegantly furnished, with an impressive amount of paintings and photographs and a lot of books. "Nice house," she said approvingly. "Thanks," Hamilton answered, smiling, and led the way to a staircase "my room's up on the second floor". She followed him up the stairs, silently admiring the view he presented her with. His room was large and less messy than she would've expected; there were a few posters on the walls, one of "Third Blind Eye" and three more of films, and a few framed photographs. He had a large desk and wardrobe, an even larger bed with a pristinely made-up bed-spread (_probably thanks to his mother_, she thought in amusement), and an expensive-looking guitar rested on the wall near it. In the corner there was a large television, with a beanbag in front of it.

"Sit down," Hamilton said, gesturing to the beanbag, but Jake declined, choosing to sit crossed-legged on the carpet instead. Hamilton shrugged and sat on it himself, asking "so, what game do you want?" They played for some time – of course Hamilton was loosing spectacularly, just as Jake said he would – when Kate Flemming's voice came from downstairs "Munchy? Are you home?" Hamilton jerked, startled, and Jake took advantage of that and finished him off.

"Damn," he muttered, a slight flush on his face, before calling out "up here, mom, and stop calling me that!" they heard her clicking footsteps on the stairs, and then she poked her head in, a smile on her face. It faltered a bit when she saw Jake, making her feel uncomfortable immediately, but Kate recovered after a moment and Hamilton didn't seem to notice. "Hi boys," she said "do you want something cold to drink?"

"No thank you," Jake said, at the same time Hamilton answered "yeah, sure, thanks". Hamilton gave her a puzzled look, and Jake got to her feet "actually, I'd better get going. We have crew practice soon and I need to get ready". Something about the way Kate Flemming was looking at her, although her face was nothing if not friendly, made her want to get out of there as fast as possible. Hamilton frowned at her "we have half-an-hour until practice," he said, grabbing her wrist, and Jake saw Kate's face tighten. She pulled her hand free "I really need to go, Hamilton. I'll see you at practice. Goodbye, Mrs. Flemming". She was out the door before Hamilton had the chance to protest or grab her again.

She didn't know why, but she was absolutely sure of one thing – Kate Flemming **really** didn't like her.

------

Hamilton was woken up rather early by the strong sunlight coming in through his window, feeling refreshed and happy. He took a quick shower, got dressed and grabbed a quick breakfast before deciding to head out to the dorms. Maybe Jake was already awake, too. On the lawn, however, he ran into Will, Scout and a few other guys from his year. "Ham!" Scout greeted him "good morning. How about a game of football?"

"Football?" Hamilton asked, and saw Will raise a ball he was holding. He smiled "sure. Now?" Scout nodded "in a few minutes. Eddie just went to get Dean and Max, and then we'll start".

"Great," Hamilton said "I'll go get Jake, then".

"Cheers. See you in a bit," Scout answered, turning to the others. Hamilton continued on his way, and upon arrival, proceeded to knock loudly on the door. After a minute or two he concluded that Jake was ignoring him, and called loudly "come on, Jake, I know you're not really asleep, open the door already!" a few more seconds of silence, and then Jake's irritated voice came "Well of course I'm awake now, genius! Go away and bother someone else! Go break down Will and Scout's door; I'm sure they'll appreciate the gesture!"

Shit. So Jake really was still asleep. Still, since he already woke him up… "Stop whining and open the door," he answered, picturing Jake's eyes narrowing as he looked for something to throw at the door "everyone's awake, we're having a football game, are you coming?"

Nothing hit the door, fortunately, but he did get a rather vehement "beat it!" He grinned, and called out jokingly "don't make me pick the lock and drag you out, because trust me, I will".

The other boy, however, took it seriously. His nervous "wait! I'm coming, wait a minute," made Hamilton frown; he was a bit insulted that Jake didn't know him enough to realize that he respected the other boy's privacy. Jake's alarm bothered him as well; what was he hiding, exactly? Even if he did actually have scars or whatever it was, did he really think it would matter, at all?

He was still a little hurt when Jake opened the door, with his hair standing out in every direction and a pillow crease on his face, so he said a bit tersely "I wouldn't have actually picked your lock, you know". "Oh," Jake answered, looking sheepish, although he was still giving Hamilton the evil eye. Hamilton shrugged, starting to smile; that pillow crease was absolutely adorable. "Well, as long as you're out," he said "let's go, they've probably already started without us".

He hadn't noticed he had grabbed the other boy's wrist until Jake flicked his forehead, and he started, opening his fingers. "Can I at least brush my teeth first?" Jake asked petulantly, and Hamilton blushed, rubbing the back of his neck and answering with a blush "sure, of course".

He saw why Jake objected to playing football as soon as they started; since Jake was shorter than most of the guys and less than half as wide as the rest of them, he was an easy target when it came to tackling. Since it was Hamilton who had, well, **threatened** him into joining in the first place, he took it upon himself to guard the other boy and keep him out of trouble. Jake didn't really like it, but Hamilton had the feeling he wasn't all that annoyed as he pretended. And Hamilton greatly enjoyed having the other boy pressed against him every time he lifted him out of harm's way, even if it was only for a few precious seconds.

Afterwards he invited Jake over for a few games, and it was only when Jake entered after him and commented "nice house" that he remembered Jake was never at his house before. Nor did he see Hamilton's room, even though Hamilton visited Jake's dorm room numerous times. He watched a little anxiously as Jake surveyed his room, but he seemed to approve, and in no time they were already sitting in front of the television and Hamilton was getting his ass kicked.

They played for a little more then an hour, Hamilton sneaking glances at the boy next to him and smiling every time the other boy smirked or called out in triumph, when he heard the front door open and his mom's voice call "Munchy? Are you home?" the interruption made Hamilton lose his concentration, and Jake ruthlessly used the opportunity to finish him, beating Hamilton for the seventh time in a row. "Damn," he said, hiding a smile as the other boy let out an evil little cackle, then called "up here, mom, and stop calling me that!"

"Hi boys," his mother half-entered the room with a smile, and Hamilton watched with surprise as Jake's face immediately closed "do you want something cold to drink?"

"Yeah, sure, thanks" Hamilton answered, but Jake said at the same time "no thank you". He stood up "actually, I'd better get going. We have crew practice soon and I need to get ready". His face was expressionless, polite, but Hamilton could tell from his body language that something made him uncomfortable. Without thinking, as he seemed to do lately, he grabbed the other boy's wrist, saying "we have half-an-hour until practice". He didn't understand why Jake was running away suddenly. Jake pulled his hand free, giving Hamilton a short glance before heading out the door, throwing "I really need to go, Hamilton. I'll see you at practice. Goodbye, Mrs. Flemming" over his shoulder. Hamilton heard his trainers thudding down the stairs as he hurried out, and looked up to his mom, frowning. He didn't know why, but he got the feeling Jake didn't really like his mother.

"That was weird," he commented, confused, and his mother looked back at him, her eyes oddly troubled. But all she said was "he wanted to get ready for practice, Munchy, there's nothing weird about that. Maybe you should get ready, too". She turned to go, then turned back to face him as though a thought just occurred to her. "By the way, you never told me what happened with Lena," she said.

Hamilton blinked at her, surprised by her randomness, than shrugged "nothing happened. I wasn't interested in her, she wasn't interested in me, and we parted as friends. Why?"

His mother smiled "just wondering. So is there anyone else you're interested in at the moment?"

"Mom!" he protested. There was nosy and there was **nosy**. His mother raised her hands in surrender "I just asked. No need to give me that look, I'll go now". She left, and Hamilton rolled his eyes after her, before getting ready for practice.

At practice Jake acted completely normal, not even mentioning his awkward escape from Hamilton's house earlier. When they stopped in the middle of the lake, Finn noticed Hamilton's distraction and therefore selected him to read that day's book. Hamilton reluctantly took it, and at first he read it monotonously. But then he noticed Jake's eyes on him and started to put a little more effort into it.

"- I was astonished to see him in Baghdad, for I had an appointment with him tonight in Samara," he finished, raising an eyebrow. "Intense".

Fin smiled "yes, it is. So what do you make of it?"

Hamilton blinked "the guy thought he could outsmart death by running off to Samara, but learned Death is just one of those things you just can't escape".

Finn gave him a look. "Nice summary," he said, and Hamilton flushed a little "but what's it really about?"

"Destiny" Will piped up, as everyone had expected him to. "Life is predetermined. Nothing you can do can alter your fate". Hamilton frowned. _That's gloomy_.

Finn nodded "believe that?"

"Sometimes," Will answered, shrugging.

"I'd like not to," Scout said suddenly, his face clouding. Finn turned to look at him "why's that?"

"I'd rather have control over my own life" Scout replied. Hamilton could identify with **that** all right.

"Wouldn't we all," Finn smiled, a rather cynical smile. "But there are some things you just can't change".

"That's often because you don't know how to change them," Scout argued, and Will added "or just how to deal with them". He gave Scout a pointed look, which the other boy ignored.

"But let's explore this," Finn said thoughtfully "what can't you change?"

_Who you fall in love with_, Hamilton thought, just as Jake said "your height". Everyone smiled, even Finn, who said "okay" encouragingly.

"Your personality," Hamilton said, and Jake made a face "questionable".

"Your parents," Scout said suddenly, and Hamilton saw Jake's mouth tighten in agreement, but he didn't say anything. Finn nodded soberly "true. That you definitely can't change".

That ended practice on a rather glum note, and everyone was quiet as they rowed back. When they climbed out of the boats and onto the docks, Will said "Jake, Ham, wait a minute". They stopped and looked at him curiously, then followed him and Scout to the lawn. Will turned to face them, looking particularly at Jake.

"Today is Bella's birthday," he started, and Jake's mouth fell open. "It is?" he said, surprised "she didn't tell me!"

Will smiled "it is. Anyway, Sean is throwing her a surprise party the day after tomorrow at the diner at seven. So you'll be there, right?"

"Of course," Jake said "god, sweet sixteen". His face suddenly paled "I've got to get a gift!" he turned to Will, who was watching him with amusement "say, Will, are there any good jewelry shops in town, or do I need to go to Carson?"

Hamilton and Will blinked at him "jewelry?" they echoed. "Yes, are there?" Jake answered impatiently.

"Seriously, you're getting her jewelry?" Will asked again "isn't that a little…" he struggled for the right word, and Hamilton provided "boyfriend-y?"

Jake crossed his arms "jeez. It's her sixteenth birthday. You've got to give a girl jewelry for her sixteenth birthday, that's like practically a rule". He turned to Scout imploringly "back me up here".

Scout nodded "he's right, you know. You give jewelry for sixteen, eighteen, twenty, thirty and so on, and also for engagements, weddings, and anniversaries. There are rules for this".

"I haven't heard of them," Will muttered, and Scout answered quickly "I doubt she's expecting jewelry from you, Will. Whatever you got her, I'm sure it's fine, and of course Hamilton doesn't know her all that well, so something small would be more than appropriate".

"Did you get her jewelry?" Will asked him suspiciously. Scout shrugged "as a matter of fact, I did".

"Oh, what did you get?" Jake said anxiously "I don't want to give her the same thing".

"A bracelet," Scout promptly answered. "What were you thinking of getting her?"

"Oh, that's all right then," Jake smiled "I think I'll get her earrings. Small ones, though, since I'm just a friend. What do you think of diamonds?"

Will and Hamilton watched this exchange, growing increasingly baffled as Jake and Scout discussed the advantages of diamonds versus pearls, and the appropriate price range for a sixteenth birthday present. Will's face grew increasingly sour during that particular talk. At the end he muttered "rich kids" and turned to go, throwing a "see you later, then," over his shoulder.

The other two stopped talking, Scout saying "wait, I'm coming with you. See you later!" he waved to the two of them and hurried after Will's retreating back.

Jake was still looking thoughtful, which in turn made Hamilton disgruntled. As childish and stupid as it sounded, he hated seeing Jake pay so much attention to anyone that wasn't him. The earlier conversation, though, except from irritating him, had also notified him of a certain important fact: he didn't know when Jake's birthday was.

He cleared his throat, and Jake jumped, interrupted. He turned to Hamilton "you said something?"

"No," Hamilton answered "I just thought of something – you never told me when's your birthday".

Jake blinked "neither did you," he pointed out.

Hamilton smiled "right. 2nd of August. Your turn".

"That's really soon!" Jake said, startled "why didn't you tell me?"

"I'm telling you now," Hamilton answered "and you're avoiding the question".

"No I'm not," Jake said quickly "December 29".

Hamilton frowned "you're already sixteen then?" Since they met, he had just assumed he was he himself was older. It was almost disappointing to discover that wasn't the case.

"No, I'm still fifteen," Jake answered "I skipped a class in school".

"Oh," Hamilton said. That made sense. That also made him almost half a year older than Jake. He smirked "you're practically a baby," he said, and watched as an angry blush stained the other boy's cheekbones prettily "are you sure it's legal that you're riding that monstrous bike everywhere?"

"Shut up," Jake said, punching him in the arm "I don't feel like talking to you anymore; I'm leaving".

"I didn't even feel that," Hamilton told him, enjoying himself immensely; he rarely got to tease Jake, and he was just so cute when he was embarrassed. "But don't worry, I'm sure that in a few months you'll get stronger" he continued, before adding "baby".

"Leaving now!" Jake said loudly, turning his back on Hamilton and walking away quickly. Hamilton hurried to catch up with him, noticing that the blush was even darker now.

He laughed "okay, I'm sorry, I'll stop now". Jake gave him a dark look "I don't like you anymore. Go away".

Hamilton grabbed his wrist, halting him, and leaned close "come on, I was just kidding. You make fun of me all the time; you're just being a hypocrite now".

He was making his puppy-eyes expression again, and sure enough, he saw Jake's mouth twist as though he was trying to fight a smile. Eventually it won out, and Jake averted his eyes, still blushing "jeez, stop making that face, you look like an idiot". Hamilton shrugged "we can't all be smart-asses like you". He then threw an arm over Jake's shoulders, stirring him towards the main building "let's go to lunch, I'm starving".

---------

Jake was a little worried come practice, but Hamilton didn't say anything, even though he kept sending her puzzled looks. She was still too bothered with what had happened over at Hamilton's house to pay complete attention, but as Hamilton started reading she found herself drawn as usual. He wasn't that good at reading out loud, but still, sometimes she thought she could listen to his voice forever and not get tired. They finished practice with a rather somber discussion, which did nothing for her already uneasy mood.

As they left the docks, she heard Will call from behind them "Jake, Ham, wait a minute". They both stopped and waited for him and Scout. "Today is Bella's birthday," Will said, and she stared at him. "It is?" she exclaimed "she didn't tell me!" _So not on, Bella…_

Will smiled at her "it is. Anyway, Sean is throwing her a surprise party the day after tomorrow at the diner at seven. So you'll be there, right?"

"Of course," Jake answered, still not over her surprise "god, sweet sixteen". A thought crossed her mind "I've got to get a gift!" frowning, she turned to Will "say, Will, are there any good jewelry shops in town, or do I need to go to Carson?"

Will's smile vanished "jewelry?" he and Hamilton asked. "Yes, are there?" she repeated, not really understanding why they looked so bothered by the thought.

"Seriously, you're getting her jewelry?" Will couldn't seem to wrap his mind around the idea "isn't that a little…" he hesitated, and Hamilton piped up with a strange face "boyfriend-y?"

She crossed her arms, glaring at Hamilton. Sometimes it seemed she was destined to repeat the same conversations over and over. "Jeez" she said "it's her sixteenth birthday. You've got to give a girl jewelry for her sixteenth birthday, that's like practically a rule". She didn't expect Will to know that, but Hamilton seemed just as blank. With a roll of her eyes she turned to Scout "back me up here".

He shrugged, nodding "he's right, you know. You give jewelry for sixteen, eighteen, twenty, thirty and so on, and also for engagements, weddings, and anniversaries. There are rules for this". _At least in some social circles_.

"I haven't heard of them," Will muttered, and Jake felt sorry for him; sometimes he seemed really bitter about being the poor kid in a rich school. Scout must've had the same thought, for he answered quickly "I doubt she's expecting jewelry from you, Will. Whatever you got her, I'm sure it's fine, and of course Hamilton doesn't know her all that well, so something small would be more than appropriate".

"Did **you** get her jewelry?" Will narrowed his eyes. Scout seemed to take this as a challenge of sorts, and his voice was almost defying as he answered "as a matter of fact, I did".

"Oh, what did you get?" she asked "I don't want to give her the same thing".

Scout smiled "a bracelet". She nodded in approval; it was a neutral yet special gift. "What were you thinking of getting her?"

"Oh, that's all right then," she said, relieved "I think I'll get her earrings. Small ones, though, since I'm just a friend" it felt weird to explain herself, even when she reminded herself that they all thought she was a straight guy. "What do you think of diamonds?" she asked. Scout was probably more familiar with the etiquette than her.

Scout said that usually diamonds were more appropriate for a romantic gift, but also said that in his opinion, in Bella's case they would fit her more than pearls or other gemstones. He also suggested that she would keep them rather modest, not more than a hundred dollars worth, or people could take it the wrong way. Their conversation was cut short by Will's rather petulant "see you later, then."

They looked over to see him already walking away. Scout gave her an apologetic smile before calling "wait, I'm coming with you!" he waved at her and Hamilton "see you later!"

She was deep in thought when Hamilton cleared his throat loudly, and she turned to look at him "you said something?"

"No," Hamilton replied "I just thought of something – you never told me when's your birthday". She frowned at him "neither did you". Hamilton blinked, than smiled "right. 2nd of August. Your turn".

She stared at him, startled "that's really soon!" she didn't even know what to get him as a gift. Summer session was ending in just a few days – should she give it to him before she left, or should she send it on the actual date? "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I'm telling you now," Hamilton raised an eyebrow "and you're avoiding the question".

"No I'm not," she denied "December 29".

His smiled vanished "you're already sixteen then?" he asked. He seemed almost insulted. She smiled "no, I'm still fifteen, I skipped a class in school".

"Oh," Hamilton said. He seemed to relax, and then said in surprise "you're practically a baby". She felt herself blush as he suddenly smirked "are you sure it's legal that you're riding that monstrous bike everywhere?"

"Shut up," she punched him in the arm, feeling a pout coming up "I don't feel like talking to you anymore; I'm leaving". Jake hated it when he treated her like a little brother; she most definitely didn't think of him as her big brother, and when he acted like this it took tremendous self-control not to grab him and kiss him until she changed his mind. She didn't mind when he teased her, but she hated when he made her feel like this, even though she knew it was no one's fault but her own. No one ever said love was rational, did they?

"I didn't even feel that," he said cheerfully, and for a moment she considered kicking him somewhere where he was sure to feel it. "But don't worry," he added, eyes twinkling with suppressed laughter "I'm sure that in a few months you'll get stronger". He gave her a pointed look "baby".

Her face felt on fire. "Leaving now!" she announced, not looking at him, and started to walk away. Of course he followed, now laughing openly. "Okay, I'm sorry, I'll stop now" he said, but she refused forgive him "I don't like you anymore. Go away".

She knew she sounded like a spoiled child, and Hamilton didn't take her seriously. He caught her wrist in what was quickly becoming a familiar gesture, and stepped into her personal space, so close she could feel his body heat. The look he gave her was so intense her heartbeat almost doubled. "Come on," he said in a low, quiet voice that made her breath catch, a half-smile hovering at the corners of his mouth "I was just kidding. You make fun of me all the time; you're just being a hypocrite now".

And it was hard enough to think of something else but kissing him, not to mention stay angry at him, and she finally said "jeez, stop making that face, you look like an idiot" just so she'll have an excuse to look away. Hamilton shrugged, his smile becoming more pronounced "we can't all be smart-asses like you". He put an arm over her shoulders, pulling her tight against him, and she made a face even though she actually liked it. "Let's go to lunch," Hamilton said, haulling her along "I'm starving".

Lunch took rather long, as Hamilton wasn't kidding when he said he was starving; he left four plates squeaky clean by the end of the meal, and had three helping of dessert, not to mention the few bites he stole off hers. When he finally deemed himself satisfied he offered they'd take the bike and head out to New Rawley or Carson, to look for gifts for Bella.

Jake thought it was a good idea, but since she left the keys in her room they needed to make a stop there first. When she tried to turn on the light, though, the room remained dark, and she sighed in annoyance "damn, the light's gone". She turned to Hamilton "do you know where I can get another light bulb?"

He nodded "yeah, sure. Come with me".

-------

After they finished lunch, Hamilton suggested they'd take a trip to town or to Carson to buy Bella's birthday presents. Not that he was particularly enthusiastic about Bella's birthday, but an excuse to spend more time alone with Jake was always good. Besides, if Jake went alone some girl could hit on him or something, and before Hamilton could blink, Jake would've acquired a girlfriend, God forbid.

They needed to stop by the dorms to get the keys, though, and when they entered the room the found out that the light bulb needed to be replaced. Hamilton, of course, knew where the supply room was and how to pick the lock, so in no time they were back at Jake's room, and Jake was dragging his spinning chair into the middle of the floor, underneath the light.

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Hamilton said nervously "that chair doesn't look all that stable to me". Jake rolled his eyes, climbing up on the chair, which swayed dangerously. "Of course I'm sure," he said "I've done this plenty of times, stop being such a nag". He stretched up, unscrewing the ruined bulb quickly, and Hamilton tried not to be too obvious about staring, but his eyes just kept coming back to the tiny line of skin revealed between Jake's jeans and sweater. He was wearing black boxers, and Hamilton suddenly remembered what they said about girls wearing black underwear, and wondered if it meant the same thing for boys. He looked away quickly, just a moment before Jake looked down at him and said "hand me the new light bulb, will you?"

Hamilton gave him the bulb, and watched as that tantalizing strip of skin appeared again. He could help but imagine what it would feel like to run his finger along it. That was the precise moment the chair wobbled, and Hamilton suddenly found himself with an armful of Jake, that quickly became a lapful as Hamilton's knees gave way under the unexpected weight.

His arms tightened automatically, even before he fully comprehended the situation. Then, of course, he blushed horribly. Jake, who landed with one leg folded awkwardly under him and one leg thrown over Hamilton's thigh, was rather red himself. He quickly moved his hands from Hamilton's shoulders. "Sorry," he said, not meeting Hamilton's eyes "I guess that chair wasn't all that stable. Are you hurt?"

As always when the other boy was close, his smell drove Hamilton crazy. But now it was with the added torture of Jake actually sitting in his lap, and if he didn't get away this second, Hamilton was going to finally snap. He opened his mouth, but nothing came out. Trying not to breathe, and tried again and managed to croak "can you get off please?" it wasn't all that polite, but manners were the last thing on his mind right now.

"Oh, right, of course," Jake almost jumped up, taking a few steps back for good measure. "Are you okay?" he asked worriedly "you didn't hit your head or something, did you, because you look a bit dazed…"

Hamilton concentrated on breathing deep, calming breaths, not looking up. His whole body itched with the desire to grab Jake and pull him back into Hamilton's lap, where he so obviously belonged. Instead he pulled himself to his feet, almost trembling, bit out "I need to go" from between clenched teeth, and escaped from the room, not daring to looking back.

When he got home he locked himself in the bathroom, and had the longest, coldest shower he managed to bear. There was no way he could see Jake again today. He needed some time to think about things. This was becoming too much for him, and he didn't know if he could stand it much longer. As much as he hated to admit it, he needed a break from Jake, and soon.

It was than that he actually started thinking about the date, and realized with surprise that summer session was over in only four days. Hamilton relaxed a little. He only had to hold himself together for the next three and a half days, and then he'd have a whole month to sort himself out before Jake came back. He couldn't afford to screw this friendship up with his feelings, or worse, his desires.

One thing he knew for sure, though. He was not coming out of the house today; he couldn't risk running into Jake.

------

Jake was rather amused by Hamilton's worried objections as she climbed her chair to get to the light. Who knew he was such a mother hen deep down? She carefully unscrewed the burned bulb, then held out her hand for the new one. She had to stand on her tiptoes to give it the final turn, and she must've leaned a little to much to the side, because the next thing she knew, the chair unbalanced and she fell… into Hamilton's open arms.

They both toppled over, and Jake found herself in the lap of the one boy she couldn't stop thinking about kissing since she first saw him. She blushed furiously, feeling very awkward. "Sorry," she said quietly, not looking up; she didn't want to see the uncomfortable and maybe a little disgusted expression Hamilton was probably wearing. "I guess that chair wasn't all that stable. Are you hurt?"

Hamilton removed his hands from her waist and said in a flat voice "can you get off please?"

Jake flushed even harder, but this time from humiliation "Oh, right, of course," she managed, quickly getting up and opening a little distance between them, just in case. "Are you okay?" she asked, because Hamilton still didn't get up, and when she looked closely, he seemed a little shaken "you didn't hit your head or something, did you, because you look a bit dazed…"

Hamilton stood up; his face was tense and closed, and he wouldn't look at her; he just said "I need to go" in a cold voice and left, closing the door after him.

Jake stared after him, and then sank to her knees, burying her face in her hands, fighting back tears. Just when she thought they were over all this, that they finally had an easy, comfortable, **good** friendship, something had to happen and fuck it all up. And it wasn't even her fault this time! She didn't do anything, and still Hamilton had looked at her with that face, with those flat eyes, and she felt like they were right back in the time just after she kissed him, only now it was so much worse because he had come to mean the world to her.

If only she hadn't kissed him that time on the roof! That was the one mistake that forever came back to haunt her and ruin everything. She rubbed at her eyes angrily; it was stupid to cry, over a guy no less; she had promised herself that she would never be one of those girls, and yet, here she was, about to bawl her eyes out because she was stupid enough to pose as a guy in an all boys school and fall in love.

Well, if she was going to bawl out her eyes, she might as well do it as a girl. Giving her eyes a final wipe, she grabbed her keys and hurried out, on the way to her bike and Bella.

When she parked next to the garage it wasn't Bella or Grace outside, but, surprisingly, Charlie Banks, Bella's father. She saw him before, of course, but they've never actually talked. She gave him a small smile and was proud when it didn't tremble even a little.

"Good afternoon" he said, nodding at her. "Jake, right?"

"Good afternoon, Mr. Banks," she replied "is Bella home?"

He smiled "she's over at the diner".

"Thank you," she answered politely and headed over to the diner, hoping neither Will nor Scout were there. She really didn't want to see anyone else right now; she wasn't really sure how long she could hold off the tears.

She pushed open the door, just in time to hear Scout's frustrated voice "no, I care about you!" She stopped, unsure what to do, as Bella answered angrily "then act like it". She was just about to turn around and leave when Bella came storming out of one of the corner booths. The blonde froze when she saw Jake, an annoyed expression on her face, and then it suddenly changed. "Hey, Jake, are you okay?" she asked softly, coming closer.

Jake cast a worried look at the direction of the booth Scout was still occupying "do you have a few minutes?" Bella frowned, leading the way out of the diner "sure, what is it?"

"Can we go to your room?" Jake asked, feeling the tears start to come back. Bella nodded, and they both entered the house and climbed the stairs to Bella room. As soon as the door closed, Jake started crying. Bella stared at her in astonishment, than crossed the room quickly, wrapping her arms around Jake. "Hey, what is it?" she asked gently, guiding her to the bed while still hugging her.

"He hates me," Jake said, her voice weak "he hates me, and I hate it, and I hate the way he looked at me, and I hate that I'm crying over this like some stupid little girl that got her heart broken but I can't stop, I can't, and I really feel like my heart is breaking and I hate that too!"

"Who?" Bella asked, overwhelmed.

"Hamilton, who else!?" Jake said, raising her head for a minute to give the other girl and incredulous look, and Bella took advantage of this and handed her a tissue. Then her face turned disbelieving "what!?" she exclaimed "where did you get that silly idea? Hamilton does **not** hate you".

"Yes he does," Jake insisted "I saw how he was looking at me".

"Okay, back up" Bella held up a hand "what exactly happened?"

"I was changing the light bulb in my room, and I stood on my spinning chair to do it," Jake sniffed and blew her nose "and then I lost my balance and fell, and he caught me, but I sort of ended in his lap, on the floor". Was it just her, or was Bella trying to hide a smile!? "And then I apologized, and he just told me, in this cold voice, to get off, and his face was all flat and tense, and then he just left! Without even letting me explain or anything! He was so disgusted by actually having to touch me in some way that was more than just strictly friendly, that he just left! And – what are you laughing for!?" she demanded angrily, for Bella had actually started to laugh "I fail to see how this is even remotely funny. Did you not understand that my heart is breaking here!?"

"I'm sorry," Bella managed from between fits of rather wild laughter "but for a smart girl you can be so incredibly stupid sometimes".

Jake stared at her, tears forgotten. "Excuse me?" she asked coldly.

"He doesn't hate you, Jake," Bella said, finally calming down "in fact, it's quite the opposite. I wasn't going to say anything about this, but since you've worked yourself into such a fit I guess I have to".

"What are you talking about?"

"Hamilton's totally in love with you," Bella stated with supreme confidence.

Jake stared at her. "Have you been drinking?" she asked suspiciously.

"Of course not," Bella said, rolling her eyes. "It's so obvious, Jake. He's even more into you than you are into him. He wasn't disgusted by you; he was embarrassed. That's why he ran away so quickly".

"No way, you are out of your mind," Jake said, narrowing her eyes. "I don't even know how you came up with this stuff".

"I didn't come up with anything, it's true," Bella insisted. "I suspected it since the first time I saw him, but yesterday clinched it. He was so jealous when he heard that we were going together, just the two of us, to ice-skate. And he got really annoyed when I said you'll be too busy helping me to help him. And when you skated – Jake, I never saw anyone look at someone else like that".

"Like what?" Jake asked, curious despite herself. Not that she was beginning to believe Bella or anything.

"Like he wanted to grab onto you and never let go," Bella answered simply. "Like it was the hardest thing he ever did, staying where he was, letting everyone look at you and admire you and not going over and taking you away".

"You **are** crazy," Jake said, almost awed. Then she caught up "wait, what do you mean, letting everyone look at me?"

Bella smirked "your little performance on the ice caught everyone's attention. You looked very feminine and pretty, by the way. Every guy there was looking at you and drooling, and Hamilton **really** didn't like that".

"What do you mean, feminine?" Jake asked in panic "do you think the guys figured it out? Shit, that's so bad! But they didn't act like something was different…"

"Relax, sheesh," Bella said "they didn't figure anything out. People see what they want to see. They think that you're a guy, so unless you'll strip in public, they'll continue to see you as a guy, because that's what their brain tells them to see".

"Right," Jake said, relaxing "that's good. I still think you're delusional, by the way".

Bella sighed "I swear it's the truth. You can ask anyone, it's not possible to miss the way he looks at you. You're the only one who manages not to see that".

"Let's agree to disagree, shall we?" Jake said, but her mood brightened considerably "as long as you think he doesn't hate me, it's okay. You don't have to resort to lies to make me feel better. I'm glad even if he's just my friend". She got up, wiping her face a final time with a tissue.

"I'm not lying," Bella said tiredly "but I see I'm not going to convince you, no matter what. So I'll just sit back, enjoy the show and say 'I told you so' when one of you finally breaks".

"That's not going to happen," Jake said "because I'm not going to say anything. Besides, you do realize that if Hamilton does have a thing for me – which is a ridicules notion that I don't believe for even a second – that means he's gay?"

"No it doesn't," Bella objected "you're a very confusing guy. Hamilton's probably not the only guy that finds you attractive; he's just the only one so obvious about it".

"I'm not listening," Jake said in a singsong voice. She smiled "thanks for everything, though, you made me feel a lot better". She then blinked, paling, as something suddenly occurred to her "shit! I didn't even say happy birthday yet! Happy birthday!" she hugged Bella.

Bella laughed, hugging her back "you're a funny person, you know that?"

Jake shrugged "there are worse things to be. I'll see you later. Have a good birthday. Bye!"

"Bye," Bella said, shaking her head and smiling, and Jake waved and left. It was already dark by that time, so she decided to pros pone the search for Bella's birthday gift until tomorrow. Maybe by then Hamilton would've calmed down, and then they could go together, like he had offered.

---------

By the next day Hamilton felt more collected and in control. He had, however, reached a decision; for the next three days, he was going to have to avoid being alone with Jake. And he was going to have to be very subtle about it, so Jake wouldn't feel like he was being brushed off.

He managed to avoid him for the first half of the day, but during lunch he saw Jake sitting with Will and Scout when he entered and couldn't avoid coming over. He took his time loading his plate, hoping they would've finished by the time he did, but no such luck. Eventually he came and sat next to Scout; unfortunately, that put him across from Jake. "Hi ham," Will and Scout said, but Jake looked at him with worried eyes before quietly saying "hey".

Hamilton immediately felt awful. Until now, he had only thought of yesterday's incident in relation to himself; he didn't even pause to think how Jake must've taken it. By the looks of it, he'd taken it rather badly, and no wonder. Hamilton just stormed out without saying anything.

"Hi," he said, smiling and doing his best to look Jake in the eyes. Jake looked at him for a minute, and then he seemed to relax, smiling back and making Hamilton's heart contract painfully in his chest.

"So," Scout asked, between mouthfuls of chicken "did you buy Bella's gift yet?"

Jake shook his head "I meant to go yesterday, but something came up. I'll go today". Hamilton looked down guiltily. He knew exactly what Jake meant when he said 'came up'. He also knew that Jake had probably waited for today so they could go together, like Hamilton had suggested. And he was going to have to come up with a good reason to refuse.

"The surprise party is tomorrow," Will said, frowning.

"I know," Jake answered calmly. "I have plenty of time. What did you get her?"

Will shrugged, looking down "I got her a book".

Scout snickered, but Jake smiled warmly "that's a really thoughtful gift. I'm sure she'd love it".

Will raised his head, surprised, and then he smiled back "thanks".

"By the way," Scout said, waving his fork "tomorrow's the last day of classes, and we all – or some of us, anyway" he corrected himself with a quick look at Will and Hamilton "-leave the morning after, so why don't we do something to celebrate? I mean, I guess we can raise a toast to it or something during Bella's birthday party, but it seems inappropriate somehow".

Hamilton nodded "that sounds nice, I guess. What exactly did you have in mind?"

"I don't know," Scout answered, shrugging "I'm the one who suggested it, **you** think of something to do".

"Okay, okay, I just asked," Hamilton said, turning away.

"I think I saw a bowling alley somewhere in town" Jake said "we can all go bowling in the morning before we leave, ask Bella and Sean to come along with us…"

"Sean?" Scout asked, making a face, and Jake gave him a reprimanding look "be nice, Scout. He **is** her boyfriend, after all, and we didn't invite him last time when we went ice-skating".

"Oh, yeah," Will said suspiciously "you wouldn't happen to be a bowling-prodigy too, would you?"

Jake gave a mysterious little smile "you'll just have to wait and see". Then he grinned at their disgruntled expressions "I'm just kidding. I'm adequate, nothing more".

"Bowling's fine with me, then," Will announced, brightening, and they all laughed. Hamilton was actually beginning to feel comfortable, for the first time since yesterday.

"It's a date then," Scout said, and both Hamilton and Jake started, giving each other quick looks. That particular phrase brought back memories. For Hamilton, it seemed impossible that only a short while ago he was still denying that he had feelings for Jake. That it was even possible for him to deny it. Three weeks ago, he would've laughed at anyone who would've told him he could fall in love in such a short time. With a guy, no less. Now, it seemed as though it's always been this way, as though he and Jake knew each other for so long it was practically forever.

"I finished" Scout declared, pushing his plate away, and Will nodded. They both got to their feet. "See you two later" Will said, and Scout clapped Jake on the shoulder and said "thanks again, man". Jake remained seated, though, and Hamilton started to get worried. It was fine while they were still at the dining hall, but afterwards… it was such a fix. If only Hamilton had better self control. If only Jake wasn't so beautiful, or did not have such a sweet smile. If only.

Jake seemed to feel awkward, too; he drummed his fingers on the table, pushing the food on his plate around without actually eating it, and the he suddenly said "are you angry with me, Hamilton?"

Hamilton looked up, startled. He was dreading this moment. "No, of course not," he said, trying his best to smile. Jake looked at him seriously "really? Because yesterday –"

"Can we forget about yesterday?" Hamilton interrupted him. He did **not** want to talk, or even think about yesterday. Not while Jake was with him, at least.

"Yes, of course," Jake replied quietly, looking down; he seemed sad, and Hamilton longed to reach out and gather him in his arms and make him happy again, but of course he couldn't. Instead he looked down at his plate, his appetite gone. He waited for Jake to offer they'd go gift-shopping, but Jake didn't say anything, and after a while, he got up.

"I'll see you later," he said softly, and walked away before Hamilton could say anything. Hamilton sighed, and got up himself. He was already regretting his decision, even though he knew it was the right one.

-------

Jake didn't see Hamilton until lunch the next day, but she wasn't really worried anymore. Even though Bella had said a lot of crazy things, she did convince her that Hamilton didn't really hate her, and that it was all just some weird misunderstanding.

She met Will and Scout on her way down to lunch, and the three of them walked together. When they entered the dining hall Scout looked around, suddenly puzzled, and asked "hey, where's Hamilton?"

Jake shrugged, and the other two frowned at her as she said "I haven't seen him since yesterday afternoon". "Really?" Will said, surprised, and Scout added "that's strange. Aren't you two attached at the hip?"

Jake gave him a cool look. "No," she said shortly, and Scout narrowed his eyes "don't tell me you had a fight". Jake glared at him some more, but when that didn't have any effect she gave up and answered "not exactly. It's more of a slight misinterpretation".

"Right," Scout said as they sat down, but he didn't press for more details. Instead he said "hey, Jake, maybe you can help me. I had a, well, a fight with Bella again –"

She sighed "what was it about now?"

"I knew I could count on you," he smiled "she got a package from her mom. And I was sort of –" "Pressuring her to talk to her mom, and she accused you of only caring about finding out whether you're related or not, and not about her?" Jake interrupted him calmly, taking a sip from her drink.

Scout stared at her "how do you do that?" he demanded. Jake shrugged "you're predictable". _Plus_, she added to herself, _I heard the end of your argument, and I can put two and two together_. "So?" Scout asked her impatiently "what went wrong this time, and how do I fix it?"

"You were a little inconsiderate," Jake said "take it from someone that has serious mommy issues – I know what I'm talking about. Bella's mom abandoned her ten years ago, without a warning or an explanation, and they haven't heard from her since. And now she suddenly sends Bella a gift? That's a huge thing, Scout. There's so much going on with it – first of all, there's the anger Bella still feels, towards her mother – anger that she left, anger that Bella had to grow up without a mother, anger that she had to be a mother to Grace and to work and to assume a vast responsibility since a very young age," she speared a piece of meat on her fork.

"Then there's the disappointment and anger Bella feels towards herself – maybe mom left because of me, maybe I wasn't good enough, maybe I'm not worthy enough of love – perhaps if I had just tried harder, helped more, hugged more, told her that I loved her more, she would've stayed. Maybe if I was good enough after she left, she would've come back. All very irrational, of course, but we can't help what we feel". She ignored Scout's gob-smacked face "then of course she feels awful for feeling that way, because she thinks it's unfair towards her father – that she still loves her mother despite the fact that **he's** the one that stayed. And naturally, she feels there's something wrong with her for still loving her mother after all she's done".

"Then there's the resentment she feels because of you – that despite not even being here her mother still managed to ruin the best thing that ever happened to her, and in such a harsh way, too. **And then** there's the fact that she spent the last ten years trying to force herself to forget every memory she has of her mother, and that package must've made everything surface at the same time". She calmly poured herself another glass of water "and after all that, you come up and so cluelessly suggest that maybe it's a good idea to put all that behind her and go meet her mother. And between the two of us, we both know you said that mainly because you're not over her and you're desperate to know if you're related or not". She leveled a look at Scout "now do you understand why she got angry at you?"

Scout blinked at her, completely dazed. "Yes, I think so… although I may need a little time to take it all in. I hadn't realized it was so complicated".

Jake raised an eyebrow "obviously. Just apologize next time you see her and tell her you know it's her decision and you support her no matter what she decides to do".

"Thanks, Jake," Scout said, still thoughtful; it seemed he would be in this state for some time. She saluted him jokingly "anytime. Someone needs to clean up your messes".

"Hey, Hamilton," Will said abruptly, pointing; sure enough, Hamilton was coming their way with a loaded tray. He sat down next to Scout and in front of Jake. Scout looked up "Hi ham," and Will nodded in greeting, but Jake looked at him anxiously. He didn't seem angry, but she suspected he was avoiding her eyes. Finally he looked at her, and his expression turned almost guilty. "Hey" she said carefully.

"Hi," Hamilton smiled at her; he seemed worried. But he smiled, and that was the important thing. It seemed Bella was right of one thing at least. They made small talk for a few more minutes, until Both Scout and Will announced they were finished and got up. Scout smiled at her and touched her shoulder before leaving, thanking her again for her help. It made her feel warm inside, to know that Hamilton wasn't the only friend she had here, even if without him everything else was meaningless.

They two of them sat quietly together for a few more minutes. Hamilton wasn't unfriendly, but he didn't exactly go out of his way to talk to her like he usually did, either. Eventually she had enough. "Are you angry with me, Hamilton?" she asked.

Hamilton looked up; he seemed surprised. "No, of course not," he answered, giving her an awkward smile; he sounded sincere, but something was obviously wrong. Things haven't felt so uncomfortable between then since the day she had kissed him. She met his eyes "really? Because yesterday –"

"Can we forget about yesterday?" he interrupted her, his expression turning tense. He looked down again, playing restlessly with his food; it was almost as effective as asking her to leave.

"Yes, of course," she replied, feeling tears prickling at her eyes again. He wasn't angry; instead, he was almost indifferent, and it hurt just as much. She was wasting her time here, that much was obvious. She got up, said "I'll see you later," and left before Hamilton had the time to offer her a fake "sure, later," in return.

She headed to her room, and upon entering, looked around, not really sure what she was looking for. Her gaze fell on her wardrobe, and a sudden, surprising urge made itself known. Without hesitating, she crossed over, opened it, and picked up a different backpack than her usual one, which rested on the bottom shelf of the closet. She shouldered it, pausing only to grab her wallet and her keys, and hurried out. In no time, she was fast on the road to Carson.

Jake stopped one on the way in an abandoned looking gas station, and slipped into the women's bathroom after peeking inside and making sure no one was there. She locked herself in a stall, lowered the cover of the toilet seat and placed her backpack on it. Then she pulled out a pair of knee-length form-fitting jeans and a blue sleeveless shirt, which she quickly changed into, stuffing her 'boy' clothes inside the bag. She discarded her trainers and socks for a pair of plain sandals, wiggling her toes in delight at the feeling of air on them. She missed that. She missed being herself.

The trainers went into a plastic bag, then followed the rest of her 'Jake attire', and she existed the stall, feeling completely relaxed for the first time in weeks. She stopped in front of a mirror to apply a liberal amount of dark eye-pencil to her eyes and carefully put on some bright red lipstick, tousled her hair in a more feminine manner, and then, announcing herself satisfactory, returned to her bike and the road.

This was her third time in Carson, and she was already beginning to know her way around; figuring there ought to be at least one jewelry store at the mall, she headed there. She parked in the shade, making sure to secure her helmet to the bike, and entered. She wondered around for a while, looking at window shops, until a sparkling display caught her eyes, and she went in, curious.

The shop was small, but obviously expensive; necklaces and earrings in various sizes and shapes winked at her from locked cases on the walls, and rings glittered upon dark velvet in closed glass boxes. A small, polite cough startled her, and she turned around to see a young man standing behind her.

"Oh, sorry, I didn't see you," she said, smiling. He was maybe two or three years older than her, and very handsome, although not as much as Hamilton. He grinned back at her "it's okay. Can I help you?"

Jake nodded "yeah, I'm looking for a pair of earrings –"

The guy held up his hand "say no more. I have something that would be perfect for you".

"It's not for –"

"Please," he cut in again, giving her a warm look "indulge me". He went to the counter and took out a velvet covered tablet on which an assortment of earrings was tastefully arranged. Jake rolled her eyes, giving up, and came closer. He held up a small, dangling earring inlaid with a few green gemstones "this one. It would go perfectly with your beautiful eyes".

Jake blushed at his words; he was definitely flirting with her, and she hadn't realized how much she had missed that until now. "Thanks," she told him "but I'm actually looking for a birthday present for a friend".

The guy blushed as well, suddenly looking very awkward. "Damn," he said sheepishly, "and here I thought I was being very suave and charming. Instead you're probably thinking I'm a total dork".

"Maybe a little," Jake admitted, laughing "but you're a charming dork". He gave her a cute smile "phew, saved. So what exactly did you have in mind?"

"Something small," Jake said "I was thinking, clear diamonds, maybe".

"Wait just a minute," he muttered, bending and pulling out a second, smaller tablet; this one displayed a lot of small earring with only a gemstone or two, in every color she could name and a few she couldn't. "Those are nice," she said, pointing at a pair of such a light pink hue it was almost white. The guy nodded "excellent choice. Flawless pink diamonds, vary rare, very elegant".

"It's her sixteenth birthday," Jake said, as he took out the earrings and put them in a small, pretty box. He looked up at that, seeming almost disappointed. "You're sixteen?" he asked.

She frowned "in a few months".

He raised an eyebrow, mouth quirking "that's a shame, you look older".

Her frown deepened "I don't really follow you…"

"I was going to ask for your number," he told her, grinning uneasily "but I'm afraid you're a bit illegal, since I'm nineteen".

"Oh," Jake said, blushing again. "I'm… sorry?" she added, not really knowing what to say. She was flattered, even if she wouldn't have given him her number had he asked for it. Despite the fact that he was rather attractive.

"Hey, it's not your fault," he shrugged as he took her credit card and ran it in the cash register, then gave her a sly look "though I must say breaking the law sounds really tempting at this point".

"Right," she said dubiously, taking back her card and the little bag that he put the jewelry box in. She was starting to feel a little uncomfortable. He must've caught it, for he quickly said "I didn't mean to be rude or anything, sorry. You're just really stunning".

Jake blushed for the third time in a row "thank you". She hesitated "I'll be going now…"

"Wait," he said "can I at least ask you for your name? I'm Jonathan, by the way".

She tugged at her hair, considering it, but eventually said "Jacqueline".

"Nice to meet you, Jacqueline," he smiled at her again "tell you what. Here's my number," he quickly scribbled something on a piece of paper and held it out to her "and if you ever get lonely, call me".

She looked at the paper uncertainly, and he suddenly seemed anxious "shit, you have a boyfriend, don't you?" he dropped the number on the counter "I'm such an idiot; of course someone like you would have a boyfriend". He looked around nervously "he isn't here, is he? Only this store has a lot of fragile things in it, and my dad would kill me if something got broken".

Jake almost felt like laughing; he acted like he had two separate personalities: one was a confident gentleman, and the other one was a complete dork. "Actually, I don't have a boyfriend at the moment, so no one's going to beat you up, you can stop worrying".

"Really?" he straightened, relaxing "then would you like my number after all?"

She shook her head "I think I'll pass. It was nice meeting you, though, Jonathan".

"You too," he said, and she left, feeling like she was going to start giggling every moment now. She felt happy, even with Hamilton on her mind; after she had a while to think about it, she understood that he just needed a little time to reaffirm his masculinity before he'll feel comfortable around her again. She just hoped it would be before summer session ended.

--------

Hamilton felt rotten for the rest of the day. There was nothing he wanted more than to run after Jake and apologize and make everything normal again; but he knew that there was, finally, no more 'normal'. If Hamilton were to kiss Jake, that would be the end of everything. He was pretty sure by now that Jake was straight, or that if he wasn't, he wasn't interested in Hamilton as anything more than a friend.

He spent most of the afternoon in his dark room, developing picture after picture; most of them were landscape shots - the lake, the campus, an interesting couple of trees – but a surprising amount of them were of Jake, which confused him. He didn't remember taking most of them, and he wondered what else he did without noticing. He suddenly panicked; what if he gave himself away somehow, and someone told Jake?

The other boy didn't give any indication that he knew of Hamilton's feelings for him, and Scout was rather oblivious, but Will was fairly sharp – though he tended to be self-centered, so maybe he was safe in that aspect. But Bella – Now that he thought about it, she was always looking at him with that speculating, thoughtful look, as though she could see right through him…

"Oh, god," he said out loud, paling. That would be such a disaster… he fervently hoped that if Bella suspected anything, she would keep it to herself.

-------

Morning found Jake sitting in the common room with Scout, Will and Hamilton, immersed in a lively game of poker. The atmosphere was friendly, and Hamilton acted almost normal; it seemed things were just fine between then as long as they weren't together alone. Much to everyone's surprise, Scout turned out to be a poker wiz, and it was just as well that they were playing without money, or they would've been broke by now.

"And I win again!" Scout crowed, displaying his third full house in a row, and the rest of them groaned. "I swear you're cheating," Jake said for the fifth time, and he stuck out his tongue at her "suck it up, Pratt. You can't be the best in everything".

"Wanna bet?" Jake asked petulantly "I'm going to figure out how you're doing it, you know, and then you're going to be sorry".

"Bla-bla-bla," Scout smirked, just as Will looked up and said in surprise "Sean!"

They all turned to see Bella's blond boyfriend standing nervously in the doorway. "Hi," he said, and Will started to get up, but Sean raised his hands "it's okay Will, I actually came for Jake".

They all frowned in puzzlement as he came closer. "Can I help you?" Jake asked him, confused; she didn't know him all that well, and couldn't really guess what he wanted from her.

"I hope so," he said, giving her a charming smile "I meant to call you at first, but Bella said your cell-phone got broken…?"

"Yeah, sort of," Jake said sheepishly, remembering **that** particular incident. "Anyway, you know about Bella's surprise birthday party this evening, right?" he asked.

"Yeah…" she answered, still not following.

"I'm in a little trouble with a few things," Sean admitted "the local store is out of Balloons and stuff like that, and I don't have a car myself, and I can't exactly ask Bella to drive me to Carson to get them, and since you're the only friend of Bella I know that has his own vehicle…" he trailed off, looking hopeful.

"You want me to take you to Carson?" Jake asked.

"Yes. Can you?"

She shrugged "sure, anything for Bella's party. I have class in half an hour, but I can meet you next to the diner in two hours. Does that sound okay?"

He beamed at her "it sounds great. Thanks a lot, Jake!" he waved at them and left.

Scout chuckled "somehow it seems everyone ends coming to you for help," he said, and she smiled "I don't mind. Besides, he seems like a really nice guy, and I'd like to get to know him better. He is, after all, dating one of my closest friends".

Literature class that day was more of a conclusion to the last three weeks than an actual lesson, and in the end Finn bid them farewell and told them he hoped to see all of them back in a month. Jake got up, stretching, and said to the others "well, I'll be going now, I don't want to keep Sean waiting. I'll be back in a few hours".

"We'll see you at the diner," Will said, "we promised we'd help decorate the place" he pointed at Scout and himself.

"I'll see you there," she smiled, and left.

Sean was already waiting when she arrived, and he climbed behind her with obvious admiration. "That's an amazing bike," he said, taking the helmet she handed him and fastening it on.

"Thanks," she grinned at him "are you holding on tight?" at his nod, they were off. It didn't take them long to do all of their shopping, and they ended up buying a huge amount of balloons, plus all kinds of glittery tinsel chains to hang around the place. She drove a little slower back to Rawley, since Sean was holding onto her with only one hand; he was holding all of their shopping in the other. Half-way back her bike started to make strange noises, but it held together until Jake dropped Sean off at his house.

"Thanks," he said as he got off "I think we wore your bike out a little".

"Better now than later," she answered "tomorrow it's supposed to take me all the way back home. I guess I'd better take it to the garage".

On her way there she spotted Bella coming out of a coffee shop, and stopped next to her. "Hey," she said.

"Hey, Jake" Bella smiled at her.

"I was on my way to see you" Jake told her. "Something's wrong with my bike - the engine keeps racing, and I'm riding it back to New York tomorrow". Bella frowned, coming closer "that's some ride". She revved the engine a few times, before asking "so what are you planning for the rest of the summer? You never told me".

Jake shrugged "going home, seeing my friends – mom's away, so I'll probably do everything I'm not supposed to do". They laughed, and Jake added "you should come visit me, it'll be so fun".

"Maybe," Bella smiled "I need to see if dad can spare me for a few days".

"C'mon, say you will. We can go see a play on Broadway, I'll take you to all the hip clubs… please?" she clasped her hands together, making her best puppy-eyes impression.

Bella swatted her "okay, okay, I'll ask him, just stop making that face". She suddenly stopped laughing, and looked behind Jake; then she smirked "that cute guy is so checking you out," she said, nodding in his direction. Jake looked over as well, and the guy looked back at her with obvious interest. She turned back to Bella with an embarrassed grin "yeah, but as a guy or as a girl?"

"Oh right," Bella blinked "um…"

"It's gets really confusing. And disconcerting," Jake told her, and they both exchanged amused looks. Then Bella revved the engine a last time "I think it might be a kink in your vacuum line" she said. "Can you leave it with me until tomorrow morning?"

"Yeah," Jake said. "Hop on; I'll give you a ride back". As Bella climbed on behind her, Jake started telling her about Jonathan from yesterday, emitting some discriminating details.

-------

Hamilton looked at the growing pile of balloons at his feet, and then at the amount he still had to inflate; it didn't seem to lessen. A few feet away from him, Jake was standing on a table, shoeless, taping one end of a tinsel chain to the wall. Scout was hanging another one, and Will and Grace, Bella's sister, were tying balloons to a long string. A few other townies he didn't know were also helping, and next to Will, blowing more balloons, stood Caroline Baussy from Rawley Girls. Hamilton had seen her and Will together a few times before, but it still surprised him. Sean had left a while ago to distract Bella, and it was almost seven o'clock by now; they were nearly finished decorating.

Jake jumped from the table, putting his trainers back on, and wondered over to Hamilton. "You need help?" he asked with a raised eyebrow, and Hamilton nodded, smiling around the balloon in his mouth. Jake grinned at him and picked one from the waiting pile.

A short while later they were done, the lights were turned off, and they were all waiting quietly as Sean led an unsuspecting Bella over. The two of them appeared at the door, Sean with his hands over her eyes, and they all yelled "surprise!" at the same time as he removed his hands and the lights came on.

Bella stared at them, completely shocked, and then her face broke into a bright smile; she started laughing. Sean put his arm around her, and she kissed him, obviously adoring him, before everyone came over to hug her. Hamilton shook her hand, and she gave him a strange smile, making his inside tightened in worry; but she didn't say anything. Instead she turned to hug Will, and then Jake.

Jake kissed her on the cheek, one arm around her waist, whispering something in her ear; Hamilton was struck again by how close they looked. It seemed he wasn't the only one. Sean, Scout, Will and Grace were obviously already used to it, but he could see the surprise on the faces of the townies. Then Jake handed Bella a little bag, and she took with a curious smile. Inside was a little velvet covered jewelry box, the sort used for rings, and Bella seemed rather surprised; then she opened it, and an expression of awe came to her face. She threw her arms around Jake and kissed him.

"They're beautiful!" she said "help me put them on". Grace gave Jake an appreciative look. "Are they real?" she asked. Jake seemed affronted "of course they are". Bella beamed "does anyone have a mirror?"

Caroline, who was also looking at Jake with a newfound respect, produced one from her purse "here". Bella looked at herself in the mirror, tilting it this way and that way, before laughing in delight, kissing Jake a third time and saying softly "thank you". Jake gave her a dazzling smile in return.

That was the point Hamilton wondered off to get a beer.

That beer was followed by a second, then a third and a fourth; and four hours later, he was pleasantly fuzzy, and in a much better mood than he had been for the last week. Everything was smudged and golden under the diner's lights, especially Bella's hair; the diamonds in her ears glittered like little stars every time she moved her head.

At some point everyone started to tidy up, and soon after Bella was hugging everyone goodbye. Hamilton waved at her good-naturedly, and Jake, who was standing near her, frowned at him. "Hamilton, are you drunk?" he asked.

Hamilton shrugged "not really. Just a little… fuzzy". He wasn't really drunk; he didn't have trouble speaking or walking straight, at least. He just couldn't seem to remember why he wasn't supposed to talk to Jake. It seemed like such a stupid idea.

"Right," Jake said skeptically "let's go, then; I'm sure Will and Scout will help me get you home in one piece".

"I'm okay," Hamilton insisted, but he didn't object when Jake grabbed his arm. Jake called out to Will and Scout, and the four of them, accompanied by Caroline, started walking back to the school. Hamilton was aware of the talk around him, but didn't feel any need to join, or even listen; instead he held on to Jake's sweater as he stumbled along.

Well, maybe he was a **little** drunk. But just a little.

"You okay there, Ham?" Scout asked, and he nodded. Then Jake turned to him and said worriedly "do you think your parents are still awake? Because I doubt they'll be pleased to see you like this". Hamilton tried to think, and eventually he said "everyone's leaving tomorrow, so dad's probably still at the office. And I think mom is already asleep at this hour".

"That's good," Jake said, as they reached the lawn. They all stopped, looking at each other, and then Will said "I'm going to walk Caroline back to the girls' dorms, so…"

"Bye," Jake and Scout said, and Caroline waved at them, before Will and she walked away, holding hands. Jake hesitated "maybe I should walk Hamilton back, just in case". Scout nodded "do you need help?"

"I don't have to carry him;" Jake said, shaking his head "just make sure he doesn't walk into a tree or something, so I'll probably be okay alone. I'll see you tomorrow".

"Okay, good night," Scout replied, and then it was just the two of them. "Come on," Jake said, pulling at his arm "let's go, I'd like to go to sleep myself at some point this night".

Hamilton nodded; he thought he was perfectly capable of getting home on his own, but he was enjoying Jake's company so he didn't say anything. They reached his house quickly, and Jake said "there aren't any lights on downstairs". Hamilton looked at him "I told you so".

The front door was unlocked, and they entered quietly, Jake making sure Hamilton wouldn't bump into anything, and when they reached the stairs he hesitated. "How drunk are you?" he asked.

"I can probably manage the stairs," Hamilton decided, but Jake still held onto him anxiously as they climbed. At last, they reached Hamilton's room, and Jake gave a sigh of relief. He turned to Hamilton "I think you'll be okay now, so I'll be going". Hamilton grabbed his wrist "stay," he said, leaning in; Jake's eyes widened, and he licked his lips nervously, making the soft light catch on his wet mouth. "I really should go," he started to say, and Hamilton kissed him, because he couldn't remember why he shouldn't.

Jake made a soft, surprised sound, and then he stepped back, pushing a hand against Hamilton's chest. "Hamilton, wait," he said, casting a nervous look at the door "your parents could walk in any minute, and this isn't right, we shouldn't –" Hamilton closed the door with his foot and caught Jake's mouth again, one hand grabbing at his waist and the other coming to rest along his jaw line. For a minute Jake resisted, and Hamilton licked at his mouth, pressing him against the door, and then Jake seemed to give in; his body relaxed against Hamilton's, and he opened his mouth, his fingers coming up to tangle in Hamilton's hair.

Hamilton sighed into his mouth; he had never imagined that kissing anyone could feel so perfect. He pressed closer against the other boy, as close as he could, the contact making him burn everywhere, and bit at his lower lip before kissing him again, but it wasn't enough. Without breaking contact, he grabbed Jake by the hips and hoisted him up, guiding his thighs until Jake wrapped them tightly around Hamilton's waist. This put Jake's head on level with Hamilton's, and Hamilton took the opportunity to suck at Jake's neck.

He felt the other boy's entire body jolt, and Jake's head fell against the door with a loud thud as he let out a low moan that sent Hamilton's blood on fire. Hamilton was past caring about the noise at that point; all that mattered in the world was the utterly exquisite feel of their bodies moving together, the way Jake's thighs clenched almost painfully around him as he bit down on his neck, the way Jake scratched at his back and pulled at his hair and gasped. And it still wasn't enough.

Hamilton found Jake's mouth again as he stepped away from the door, one hand nestled protectively against Jake's back and the other supporting him from bellow. He stumbled over to his bed and they fell on it together, Hamilton immediately climbing on top of the other boy and continuing to kiss him. He pressed down as hard as he could, needing to have every single inch of them touching, and Jake locked his legs behind Hamilton's back as they rocked together, panting into each other's mouths.

Hamilton jumped when he felt Jake's cold fingers creep under his shirt, leaving trails of fire across the bare skin of his back, and he grabbed them, lacing their fingers together and bringing them to rest above Jake's head. He felt the other boy smile momentarily against his mouth, and in that second he was struck by how amazingly right this felt; right here, with Jake writhing under him, biting at his mouth, was perfection. This was something you couldn't step back from, ever.

At that moment, he knew there was never going to be anyone else for him but Jake Pratt, for as long as he lived.

He released Jake's hands to cup his face, kissing him almost savagely, and then, without really thinking, pushed his hand under Jake's shirt; and that was the instant everything went wrong.

The sudden stiffening of Jake's body under him was all the warning he got before he was suddenly pushed off, landing on the floor in a painful heap. He stared up incredulously at Jake. The other boy was breathing heavily; his clothes were wrinkled, his hair was a complete mess, and his mouth was swollen and red and glistening. His dark eyes were wide and wild, huge in his pale face, and he stared back at Hamilton with complete panic. Hamilton had never seen anything so beautiful, or so out of his reach.

"Jake –" he started, getting to his knees and reaching out to the boy on the bed, but Jake shook his head violently, jumping up, and he was out the door before Hamilton even understood what was going on. Then he got up and ran after him, only to run into his father at door. "What the – Hamilton?" his father said, blinking down at him "where do you think you're going at this hour?"

"Dad, I really, really need to go –" Hamilton said, desperately trying to look over his father's shoulder, but to no avail; Jake was already gone.

-------

Jake waited in excitement in the dark as Sean brought Bella over. As soon as they appeared everyone yelled "surprise!" and jumped out as the lights came on. Bella looked completely surprised, like she'd never expected people would do something like this for her, and Jake rolled her eyes; and she called **her** oblivious. Bella really didn't realize how much everyone actually loved her.

Bella started thanking everyone, hugging and shaking their hands; when she got to Jake she gave her a huge hug, and Jake kissed her on the cheek, whispering "I had to endure Jonathan for this, so you'd better appreciate it," jokingly in her ear as she handed her the gift. Bella raised an eyebrow at her, and then took the box out, her expression changing to one of curious surprise.

Jake watched her face apprehensively as she opened it; at first she seemed shocked, but then a huge smile came to her face and she almost crushed Jake in a bear-hug, kissing her loudly on the cheek. "They're beautiful!" she said, holding them out to her "help me put them on". As Jake helped her, Grace sidled up to her "are they real?" she asked slyly. Jake gave her a look "of course they are," she answered, offended.

Meanwhile, Bella asked around for a mirror, excited to know how they looked on her, and Jake grinned at her enthusiasm. When she got the mirror she looked at herself from every angle, admiring the earrings. She laughed happily, and gave Jake another kiss, this time with much flair, before saying sincerely "thank you". Jake beamed back at her; Bella's delight was catching.

She enjoyed herself a lot for the next few hours, except maybe the time Grace came up to her, ran a finger along her arm and asked in a low voice "so, Jake, do you have a girlfriend?" Fortunately, Bella came to save her at that point.

A little while after, she noticed Scout sitting glumly in a corner, nursing a bottle of beer. She came and sat next to him, saying gently "what's with the long face, Scout? It's a party, smile!" Scout sighed, his eyes never leaving Bella "It's a little hard to be cheerful, Jake, when the girl I love is so happy in someone else's arms".

Jake blinked "would you rather she'd be miserable?"

Scout shot her a dark look "no, of course not. It's just – she's over me so quickly, and I'm – so **not**". Jake rested her chin on her knee "she has to be over you, Scout. And you really need to get over her. She's happy now – if you really love her, as you say, then be happy she's happy. If you want her to be depressed just because you are, than you love yourself a lot more than you love her".

Scout gave her a small smile "you're right. I mean, of course you're right. It's just hard. You don't know how awful it is to love someone so much, and not be able to be with them, ever".

Jake narrowed her eyes, her good mood gone "actually Scout, I do. So stop feeling sorry for yourself; it's getting old". She got up in a huff and stalked over to Bella, not even bothering to see if her words had any effect on the pining boy behind her.

It was already past eleven when they started to tidy up, and by the time they finished Jake was already starting to feel tired. Bella was thanking everyone as people started to leave, and when Jake hugged her goodbye Hamilton wondered up to them. He seemed strange, smiling in a slightly vacant way, and when she peered into his too bright eyes a certain suspicion appeared in her mind; "Hamilton, are you drunk?" she asked in disbelieve.

He shrugged, still smiling "not really. Just a little… fuzzy". To her relief, he was more tipsy than actually drunk. "Right," she said, shaking her head and exchanging amused looks with Bella "let's go then. I'm sure Will and Scout will help me get you home in one piece".

"I'm okay," Hamilton said, staring at her in that almost disturbingly intense way he had; it seemed he didn't remember how to blink. Jake rolled her eyes, before calling Will and Scout over. "Wow, is he **drunk**?" Will asked when Hamilton waved at him cheerfully.

"A little," she said, grabbing Hamilton's sleeve and starting to drag him after her, and he reached out and took hold of her sweater "I think he can walk on his own, though, if I steer him". The others laughed, shaking their heads, and followed her.

They made small talk on the way back, mainly about the party; Caroline seemed impressed with Jake's gift. "That was really lovely and tasteful," she said "it's hard to find guys that have such good taste in gifts". "Hey," Will protested jokingly "are you stealing my girl, Jake?"

Caroline laughed and kissed him on the cheek, but then continued "seriously, though; I was impressed by you, Jake". Jake shrugged, embarrassed "my mom's an actress and an only parent, so I guess you can say I grew up with that".

"Oh, wow, an actress," Caroline's eyes widened "what movies was she in?"

"She's a theatre actress," Jake corrected, smiling. "Mainly in Broadway and such, but lately she's been branching into Hollywood. So maybe you'll see her in a movie some day".

Just than Hamilton stumbled, and Jake caught him. "You okay there, Ham?" Scout asked, having caught his other arm. Hamilton nodded. They were near the school at that point, and an alarming thought crossed Jake's mind; "do you think your parents are still awake?" she asked "because I doubt they'll be pleased to see you like this". She knew how strict his dad was, and she didn't want him getting into trouble on the last day of summer session.

Hamilton brow wrinkled in thought, then he shook his head "everyone's leaving tomorrow, so dad's probably still at the office. And I think mom is already asleep at this hour".

"That's good," she said, relieved. It seemed his mind was starting to clear, at any rate. They stopped as they reached the lawn, and Will glanced at Caroline, and then said "I'm going to walk Caroline back to the girls' dorms, so…" they smiled at each other, and she took his hand. Will blushed.

"Bye," Jake and Scout said as the other two walked away. Jake glanced at Hamilton "maybe I should walk Hamilton back; just in case" she told Scout, and he frowned "do you need help?"

She smiled but shook her head "I don't have to carry him, just make sure he doesn't walk into a tree or something, so I'll probably be okay alone. I'll see you tomorrow".

"Okay, good night," Scout gave her a smile and headed to the dorms. Jake turned to the boy next to her with a sigh "Come on, let's go, I'd like to go to sleep myself at some point this night".

Hamilton trailed after her obediently, and she when they got to his house she said, thankful "there aren't any lights on downstairs". Hamilton smiled slightly "I told you so". She quietly tried the door; it wasn't locked, and she entered as silently as she could, pulling him after her. When she reached the stairs she turned to him and whispered "how drunk are you?"

"I can probably manage the stairs," he told her, but he still looked a little unstable, so she stayed close just in case. She didn't want him to fall down the stairs and break his neck just because he decided to listen to his ego rather than his common sense. They made it to his room safely, and she breathed out in relief "I think you'll be okay now, so I'll be going".

Hamilton caught her wrist, surprisingly fast for someone who was supposed to be drunk, and said "stay". The intensity with which he stared at her made her heart miss a beat, and she stared back at him, completely caught by it. "I really should go," she whispered, but she couldn't move an inch, even though every cell in her body was screaming out _this way danger lies_, and then Hamilton leaned in and kissed her.

She froze, her breath catching in her throat, and then her mind whispered _this must be some sort of mistake_ and she jumped, pushing him away. "Hamilton, wait," she said, confused and anxious, and then she realized the door was open, and how was she supposed to explain this if his mother suddenly decided she wanted a glass of water? "Your parents could walk in any minute, and this isn't right, we shouldn't –"

Hamilton didn't look like he had heard her. He kissed her again, harder this time, and then he kicked the door shut with his foot; he grabbed her waist with strong fingers while he tilted her chin up with the other. _She must've heard the door slam_, Jake thought desperately, so she wouldn't have to think about this, wouldn't freak out that Hamilton was drunk and he was kissing her and he was so obviously gay; that everything she wanted was coming true and it was all so horribly wrong.

She tried to push him away again, but he resisted, pressing her gently but firmly against the door with his body, not letting her turn her head, and then he licked at her mouth and all conscious thought fled through the window. Nothing seemed to matter anymore except this feeling, this utterly perfect feeling, and she gave up on fighting it, kissing him back and sliding her fingers into his soft hair like she wanted to do since the day she saw him.

Hamilton sighed into her mouth and bit at her lip, his hands holding onto her almost painfully, as though he was afraid that she would try to run away again in a minute. There was nothing gentle about it, but she didn't mind; she was just as desperate. Then Hamilton suddenly grabbed her hips and pulled her up until their mouths were at the same level, pressing against her hard and pulling at her thighs until she wrapped them around his back. He seemed to support her weight with nothing more than a slight effort.

He made an approving noise, deep in his throat, and suddenly his mouth disappeared; Jake opened her eyes, about to protest, when he lowered his head and sucked on her pulse point. Her head thudded against the door painfully as her eyes fluttered shut, but she didn't even notice the pain; she was concentrated only on the amazing sensations this brought, clawing blindly at his back as her toes curled inside her trainers. She felt him smile against her neck, and then he was kissing her again, hungrily, urgently.

She was dimly aware of the door at her back being replaced by Hamilton's hand, and then suddenly she was dropped onto the bed, her legs still holding Hamilton closed as he leaned over her, not stopping in kissing her for a second. He let the full weight of his body press against her then, and it was even better than before; she grabbed at his back, running her fingers across the hard planes of tense muscles in admiration before inching them under his shirt. His bare skin felt feverish against her palms, and she felt him tremble against her at the contact; then his hands left her face to grab hers, and he laced their fingers together, a startlingly gentle gesture in the middle of all this wild desire, bringing them above her head and pressing them lightly against the mattress, a clear order: not yet.

He left her hands to hold her face again, running his fingers over her neck, and then he slid his hand under her shirt. The first fluttering touch against her exposed stomach brought reality back in a rush, and Jake panicked, pushing at him wildly and throwing him off her. Her heart raced at a million miles an hour; how could she have been so stupid!? If she had stopped him just a second later, he would've encountered the corset, and then everything would've been ruined. He would've found out that she wasn't a guy, that she had been lying to him all this time, and he would've hated her. He wouldn't even look at her ever again. She would've rather died than let that happen.

She looked down at him; he was sprawled on the floor, staring at her with a shocked expression, confusion and betrayal obvious in his wide eyes. "Jake –" he started, looking so lost, and Jake couldn't bear it any more, couldn't see him look at her as though she was breaking his heart, when her own was so clearly shattering to pieces inside her.

She was off the bed and out the door before he had a chance to say anything else; tears were starting to appear in her eyes but she only ran harder, until she was in her locked room, for the last time, and she could cry freely. She knew, then, what she had to do, even though everything inside her rebelled against it; she had to leave, forever, and early, so there would be no chance she would run into Hamilton. She was thankful she had already packed and sent her suitcase today, leaving her only the backpack she arrived with; it would make things easier.

Jake had to disappear from Hamilton's life, so he would not find out the truth; she'd rather have him resent Jake than loath Jacqueline for the rest of his life.

--------

So, what did you think? Did you like it? I hope so, I put a lot of effort into this chapter. I hope I didn't tire you out by the end of it.

A few notes:

1. What's up with Kate Flemming's behavior? She's starting to suspect her son's in love with Jake, of course; it's kind of hard to miss by now. Jake is a lot better at controlling her emotions, though, so Kate's not really sure if the feeling's mutual – as expected, she's a little resentful towards our favourite little cross-dresser at the moment.

2. Ah, young people is twenty years old herself they're so dramatic all the time. Especially Jake. But then, we all know what a drama queen she is, don't we?

3. About their ages – the show didn't give us their actual birthday dates, so I had to improvise a little. I gave Jake Kate Moennig's real date, and I wanted Hamilton to be somewhat older than her, but not yet sixteen, so I gave him a date at the beginning of August.

4. What did you think of the last scene? I was really happy with it while I was writing it, but then I looked over it again and wasn't so satisfied anymore. But I couldn't find what to fix, so I left it at that.

5. Yeah, I know, I'm so mean to Jake and Ham. But it's good for them, I swear! They're going to suffer a little more, but it'll all turn out okay in the end, and they'll be almost stupidly happy, just you wait.


	8. Chapter 8

Yes, chapter eight is here. I know most of you gave up on me continuing this – I did, too. I guess it doesn't really matter why I stopped – suffice to say something happened in my private life that made it hard to concentrate on anything else for a while, and when I came to terms with it I couldn't really write this anymore. It seemed cliché and over-done and badly written, and I felt like I lost whatever voices I did have. I thought about continuing it once in a while, but I never knew how to pick it up again.

And then, two days ago, it just happened. I had some of this chapter written already, but I lost it when my computer crashed a while back, so this isn't really what I've intended to write at first. I planned on writing the whole road-trip part, and Ham finding out the truth in a different way, but this was the story that wrote itself instead. I hope you'll find it good enough, and that the characters aren't too ooc – after all, it's been more than two years since I've touched them.

So here it is, the long overdue eighth chapter, and yes, I am already in the middle of the epilogue, and this time I will upload it in a few days, I promise.

00000000000

Jake sat up in her bed, startled into awareness by the screeching of her alarm clock. She pressed a button, making the noise stop, and blinked, looking around her. The light streaming in from the windows was blue-gray and faint, giving the empty room a strange, otherworldly appearance; it was barely sunrise, and she needed to get up. She needed to leave.

Her head hurt from crying, and her skin still felt the phantom touch of Hamilton's hands, scorching fingerprints all over her body like ghostly bruises. It was so painful, yesterday, tearing herself away, seeing the _look_ on his face as she rejected him, a look that was burned upon her eyelids and torturing her just like his fingers that were burned upon her body.

She had to reject him, had to before he could reject her; she had stepped into this trap with her eyes wide open, believing she could control it, believing she was stronger, and now she had to break him before he could break her. He would heal, with time; she would not. She knew she had finally gotten herself into the one mess she could not solve, nor run away from.

Not that she wasn't running away. Though she knew it was futile, she still had to try, still could maybe save something of herself that she didn't already give to Hamilton, to keep forever.

**Hamilton**. He would hate her, when he found out she was gone; he probably hated her already, but he would still find it in his heart to forgive Jake, eventually. He would be bitter and confused, yes, and he would wish he'd never met him, but in the end he would come to accept Jake's choice. Maybe he would even learn to look back at his memories of this summer fondly, with time.

He would never forgive **her**, though; she knew it just as truly as she knew she would never stop loving him. She had deceived him, from the very beginning, she who pretended to be his best friend; she took all of his secrets and offered only dishonesty in return. It didn't matter that everything she told him was true, that she gave him more of herself than she ever dared give anyone before; the basis of their friendship was a lie, and that was the only way he would ever see it.

Maybe he would've been able to forgive her, in the end, despite all that, if it wasn't for one thing; she took away Jake. He was in love with Jake the boy – she could see it now, finally, when it was too late – who had never actually existed at all. You couldn't get over someone who wasn't even real, you couldn't say goodbye to ghosts and make peace with them. If she told him, she would not only condemn herself to his eternal hatred; she would condemn him to something far worse.

She got dressed quietly, in her boy clothes, for the last time; she didn't cry. She had no tears left, at least for now. And in the end, despite everything, despite how it turned out, she couldn't regret it completely. She was glad she had met Hamilton, even if it was for a just little time.

She took a quick look around the room; empty and unlived in, no traces of her left at all, like no one had ever even lived here. How fitting. No one ever did live here, as far as anyone outside the immediate area was concerned. Jake Pratt didn't exist, after all.

She picked up her backpack, the only thing she didn't already send ahead, shouldered it, and left Jake's room, closing the door softly behind her. She walked the halls silently, barely more than a ghost herself, and all around her boys slept, unaware. Exit _Jacqueline_, she thought bitterly _curtains closing, the show was a success. Mom would've been so proud, if she knew_. There would be no encore.

It took her half an hour to get to New Rawley; she didn't dare risk taking a shortcut through the woods and getting lost, so she followed the road instead, which was the longer way. The garage was still closed; in fact, the whole town was still deserted. The sun only just rose high enough above the horizon to colour everything golden; in another half hour it would start to get hot. She hoped she would already be on her way back to New York by then.

She settled against one of the garage's walls, in the shade, legs gathered to her chest, and took a calming breath; she would not cry.

She must've drifted to sleep because the next thing she knew she was blinking up at the tall figure of Charlie Banks. He raised an eyebrow at her, his face unreadable, and said "Jake, right? What are you doing here so early?"

Jake got to her feet awkwardly; she had hoped Bella would be the first one she saw. She knew her eyes must be red and puffy, and that she probably looked like hell; she was grateful Charlie didn't say anything about it.

"I was hoping my bike is ready," she answered; her voice sounded scratchy and weak. "I brought it in yesterday, there was a problem in the vacuum line, and I need to leave as soon as possible".

Charlie nodded, studying her face; his expression turned faintly sympathetic, as though he thought she had heard bad news from home or something of the sort. "I see," he said, motioning her to follow him "Bella worked on it yesterday, but if it's only the vacuum line it shouldn't have taken her too long, it's probably ready".

She was relieved, but her relief quickly turned into dismay as Charlie opened the garage and she saw her bike. It was definitely not ready; parts were strewn all over the floor like the metal intestines of some strange beast, and Charlie's face let her know it was not as easy or quick as he believed at first.

"Shit," she said quietly, biting her lip; she needed to get out of here before Hamilton woke up and came looking for her. It wouldn't take him long to figure out where she went. "How long do you think it would take?"

Charlie gave her an apologetic look "I'll start working on it immediately, but it'll be at least a few hours. It's not just the vacuum line". Jake dug her nails into her palms, the sudden pain grounding her. "I can't wait that long," she said, almost steady "I need to leave right away. When's the next bus out of here? It doesn't matter where, I'll take any bus".

Charlie seemed even more sympathetic. "Sorry, kid," he said "the next bus is only at noon. There was a bus to New York at six AM, but…"

She felt her mouth drop in shock. It was half past six. To think she could've gotten on that bus and been well on her way home right now, and she didn't know. How stupid she was, not thinking about it earlier, last night; and now she had to wait until noon or until her bike was ready, whatever came first, and it would be too long.

She felt her lower lip tremble, and got herself together with effort. "It's okay," she said, thinking furiously "I'll just – I'll just walk to Carson, I bet I'll hitch a ride in no time, and I can take a bus from there or something –"

"Out of the question," Charlie interrupted her sharply, and she looked at him in surprise, which quickly turned to anger. "I'm sorry?" she asked, narrowing her eyes "who are you to tell me what to do or not to do?"

His eyes narrowed as well "I'm not letting a fifteen year old walk alone to Carson, or hitch a ride there. It's dangerous, and besides, if your mother won't kill me, Bella will".

"I don't believe I need your permission," Jake said coldly, shouldering the bag that she had put down before "so I'll be going now. I'll talk to Bella later and figure out how to get my bike back to New York. Thank you for your time".

She turned to leave, but Charlie moved to bar her way. "Wait," he said "at least wait until Bella gets up, and she'll take you to Carson".

Jake was still angry - and she planned on staying angry, it was so much better than being on the verge of bursting into tears – but the idea did have its merit. "When will she be up?" she asked, and saw Charlie relax a little.

"She said eight," he answered, and Jake instantly tensed again. An hour and a half – too much. "I can't," she said "I need to go". This time he caught her wrist, reminding her painfully of Hamilton, who did it all the time; but of course it was different with Hamilton. "Let go," she told him angrily, twisting her arm, and he did, but he looked ready to grab her again if she so much as took a single step. "It'll take you hours to walk to Carson if you won't hitch a ride," he said, placating "it'll be much quicker if you just waited for Bella".

Jake eyed him, suspicious, and then reluctantly admitted "it's not so much that I have to get home as that I have to get out of here".

Charlie looked at her in surprise, mouth opening and closing, and then asked "are you in trouble with the school?"

"It's none of your business," Jake answered immediately, hostile again; she had always thought he was a nice man, until now, but clearly she was wrong. Bella had obviously gotten her good character from her grandparents, or the family cat she used to have as a child, or something.

"Look," Charlie said. He seemed lost. "If you're hiding from something or someone -" she tried not to look guilty "- you can just wait inside the house until Bella comes down. I won't tell anyone you're here".

She looked at him doubtfully, considering; if he would indeed tell no one, she would be safe even if Hamilton came to look for her; but she didn't understand why he was so against the idea of her walking to Carson. She was an almost sixteen old boy who drove a motorcycle all around the place and lived in New York; surely she could take care of herself. Why would he even resort to lying, just to keep her here? She didn't understand it at all, and a certain suspicion started to form in her mind.

"Bella told you," she said, guessing, and was sure as soon as she saw the guilty expression on his face. She stared at him, startled and livid; _how dare she!_ He raised a hand, as though to stop whatever tirade she was about to start. "She didn't tell me," he said quickly "I realized it on my own, and she just confirmed it. She didn't tell me why though, or anything really, so don't be angry at her, she didn't betray you".

She calmed down a little, though she was still mad. It wasn't without curiosity, though, that she asked "how did you guess?"

Charlie gave a small laugh, starting to relax, too. "I've got eyes," he said, almost smirking "and I'm not stupid. There's more to being a boy than short hair and a male name. I didn't even need to look twice; you walk like a girl, your voice is too high, and there's no way that face of yours would ever belong to a man. Also, you and Bella are way too close for you to be anything but a girl. You didn't fool me for one second."

She blushed at having been seen through so easily, and muttered rebelliously "you were the only one who wasn't fooled, then". She was a little proud with how she had managed to fool everyone, even if it did get her into this mess. It was the actor in her blood, she supposed.

Charlie's objection made more sense now, though. "Okay," she decided, and he gave her a surprised look before smiling "I'll wait. I'll just go up to Bella's room, then, I don't think she'll mind. Just don't tell anyone I'm here".

"You do that," Charlie agreed "and I'll get to work on this beauty of yours" he gave the bike an admiring pat. Jake thought that maybe he wasn't such a bad man after all. She smiled at his back and headed into the house, going up the stairs to Bella's room.

Bella was asleep, borrowed in her blankets, more angelic-looking than ever with her face serene and her gold hair spread like a shining halo around her head. Jake gave her a fond look before settling down on the carpet for a nap herself, using her backpack as a rather lumpy pillow.

She was awakened some time later by a gentle hand on her shoulder, and opened her eyes to see Bella crouched next to her in a t shirt and boxers, her face surprised. "What are you doing here?" she asked as Jake sat up, turning her head this way and that way to get rid of the stiffness in her neck.

"I ran away," Jake answered truthfully; Bella's eyebrows almost disappeared in her hairline. "Your dad let me in while he works on my bike. You didn't tell me he knows, by the way".

"I didn't think it was important," Bella said, frowning "what do you mean, you ran away? Aren't you supposed to leave today, anyway?"

"I ran away from Hamilton," Jake answered, looking down and fiddling with her sleeve "I got here a little before six, and your dad found me sleeping against your office door at half past. He said I could hide in here until my bike was ready, or maybe you'll give me a ride to Carson and I'll take a bus to New York from there".

Bella blinked. "Why are you running away?" she repeated, still stuck on that question "I thought things were okay between you two – you seemed fine last night".

_Last night_. She wasn't sure she wanted to tell the blonde about what happened last night after the party. Bella wouldn't understand – she would just be smug and say "I told you so" and try to convince Jake to tell Hamilton the truth, even though Jake was the one who really knew him. She wouldn't understand.

"We're okay," she lied, still not meeting Bella's eyes "I just – I don't like saying goodbyes. It gets sentimental and mushy and you know that's not my thing, and Hamilton wouldn't understand that – so I left him a note with my email address, and I'm hiding in case he decides it's not enough".

She finally looked up, only to meet Bella's nonplussed look. "You're such a rotten liar," she said flatly, getting up "something happened yesterday, and don't try to deny it; it's written all over your face". She turned her back on Jake, rummaging in her closet and taking out some clothes, before starting to get dressed. "I don't care; it's your mess. Just don't expect me to lie for you".

Jake's jaw dropped. "Don't you dare," she started, low and furious and _terrified_ suddenly "tell Hamilton I'm here. Or I swear, I will never so much as look at you again".

Bella turned around at that, eyes wide, face flickering between bewilderment, annoyance and curiosity before settling on a sort of careful sympathy. "Sorry," she said, offering a small smile "it's none of my business. I won't say anything to him, if he even tries to find you. Don't worry".

Jake stopped clutching her backpack quite so hard. "Thank you," she said, and offered Bella a careful smile of her own "I appreciate that". She got up as well "could you give me a ride to Carson? I know it's not exactly around the corner, but your dad said fixing the bike could take hours, and… something did happen yesterday," she admitted finally "and I really need to get away before Hamilton finds me".

"I'll think of how to fix it at home," she quickly added because Bella seemed ready to rebel again, and this time the blonde didn't realize she was lying "but for now I need to get away".

"Okay," Bella said, accepting her words at face value, and Jake almost felt bad for deceiving her – she had never lied to Bella before. But this was a necessary lie, and more than that - it meant nothing next to the lie she had told Hamilton. "I'll take you to Carson," Bella continued "I need to take care of a few things first, though. Did you have breakfast yet?"

Jake shook her head, and Bella smiled "then join me. I'll close the curtains, and Grace slept over at a friend's anyway, so you'll be quite safe".

Jake agreed – she was rather hungry, even though it seemed ridicules that at the height of her emotional crisis she'd be subject to such a primitive need. Bella did as she promised and closed the curtains in the kitchen, and Jake managed to almost enjoy breakfast.

Of course, all good things must come to an end.

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Hamilton set his alarm clock to six. He knew Jake well enough to know that he would probably try to avoid him, and he had no intention of letting that happen. He also knew that Jake loved his sleep almost more than anything, so he assumed he wouldn't get up and try to sneak away before seven, at least.

He got up and dressed quickly, gave his teeth a good scrub, and after hesitating briefly, dabbed on a bit of the cologne him mom gave him for his birthday the year before. It smelled nice, at any rate, so it couldn't really be a bad thing.

Everything was quiet as he walked towards the boys' dorms; it was barely a quarter past six, and even his parents were still asleep when he left. He made the familiar way to Jake's room, getting more and more anxious as he neared it, even though he kept telling himself there was nothing to be worried about. Jake had kissed him back, after all. The thought made him smile giddily even through the nervousness, was what kept him from going to pieces yesterday after Jake left. Because if Jake kissed him back, that meant he had feelings for Hamilton, even if they weren't nearly as strong as Hamilton's feeling for him.

He ran away because he was afraid, because he was hiding something he didn't want anyone to know about, because he was afraid Hamilton would reject him because of it. Hamilton thought he'd never heard anything more stupid in his life. No matter what it was Jake was afraid of, it wouldn't matter. As long as he felt the same way, nothing else mattered. Hamilton wasn't even afraid of admitting he was gay anymore – hell, he'll shout it from the rooftops, if only Jake would kiss him again. Nothing that felt as perfect as this could ever be wrong.

He stopped in front of Jake's door, stilling himself, before knocking quietly on the door. No answer. He knocked a little louder, saying "Jake, are you there? It's me". Still no answer. Hamilton knocked a third time, stronger still, the wood rough against his knuckles, and the door gave a little creak and opened.

It was only a hairline crack, but it sent Hamilton's stomach plummeting, because Jake always, **always** locked his door. Heart beating painfully, he pushed the door open, already knowing what he'll find but still hoping it was all some slip-up on Jake's part.

The room was empty. It was more than empty; it looked like it's been empty since the start of the summer session. There was not a trace of Jake left, not even a stray piece of paper lying forgotten in a corner or a stain on the floor. Nothing to suggest he was ever here.

Hamilton leaned against the doorframe, suddenly unable to breath; the room blurred before him, and it took him a moment to understand it was because of the tears in his eyes. He was too late. Clearly, he had underestimated Jake one time too many. And clearly, Jake knew him a lot better than he knew Jake.

Somehow, until this instant, he had not actually believed Jake would run away. He knew it was the logical conclusion, but he didn't **believe** it. He thought what they had between them was stronger, in the end, than whatever fear there was in Jake's heart. Obviously, he was wrong.

He stared at the room for some time, not really seeing anything, just giving in to the grief he felt. Then, all of the sudden, he was angry. Livid, even, because how dare Jake decide for him? It was not **his** choice to make. He couldn't just decide Hamilton wouldn't understand and leave, it wasn't fair, it wasn't how you did things. You talked about your problems, and you found a solution, and you worked for it, and maybe things wouldn't turn out the way you wanted them to, but you **tried**. Running away disregarded everything that had happened in the last weeks, implied their whole friendship wasn't worth it, and that thought made Hamilton so furious he wanted to punch something, preferably Jake.

He straightened, holding on to his rage, because it was better than feeling miserable, and went to find Jake. And when he found him, he intended to make him see things Hamilton's way. He didn't know how much time he wasted at Jake's room, but the light was considerably brighter now; he couldn't afford to lose any more..

He wasn't sure where to look for Jake, at first, until he remembered him saying something about the bike being broken and that he left it at the garage. A grim smile crossed his face; he'd bet his camera that Jake was holed up at Bella's.

The walk to New Rawley took him barely more than ten minutes; he cut through the woods, and his large steps and brisk stride carried him a great deal faster than he usually walked. He reached the garage still angry, but there was some doubt starting to creep in; what if Jake didn't like Hamilton as more than a friend? What if he thought that last night - what happened between them - was a mistake, and he was avoiding Hamilton because he didn't know how to reject him? What if he stopped being his friend?

He stopped to consider that, biting his lip while gazing at Bella's house nervously; to the far left, he could see a man working on something. Probably Bella's father. He didn't think Jake would stop being his friend even if he knew now that Hamilton loved him, but didn't feel the same; maybe he would feel awkward around him, and it would take some getting used to, but he wouldn't push Hamilton away, Hamilton was sure of that. And if he didn't feel the same – well, Hamilton couldn't say the idea made him happy, but he could deal. He'd be a bit heartbroken – okay, more than a bit – but he could accept it, as long as he still had Jake as a friend.

Satisfied with his conclusion, he headed towards Mr. Banks. As he neared him, he saw he was working on Jake's motorcycle, and a small smile twisted his lips; at least now he knew Jake was still here somewhere, probably in Bella's house. He couldn't go anywhere without his bike, so all Hamilton had to do was wait. By the bike, that is. Jake was bound to venture out eventually.

Mr. Banks looked up as Hamilton stopped next to him, frowning. "Can I help you?" he asked, straightening from his kneeling position.

"I hope," Hamilton said, and tried his most charming smile – the one that worked on everyone, even on Jake. Mr. Banks didn't seem all that impressed. "I'm looking for Jake," he continued, his smile dropping "Jake Pratt. He's a student from Rawley, a good friend of Bella's, that's his bike -"

"I know who Jake is," the man cut in, looking at him with a far too shrewd look that Hamilton didn't like at all. Did Bella talk to him? "Haven't seen him," Mr. Banks added, interrupting Hamilton's suspicious train of thought "this bike's been here since yesterday".

"Oh," Hamilton answered. The man didn't seem to be lying. "Thank you. Do you have any idea when he'll be here to get it?"

Mr. Banks kneeled again to continue his work, his face turned away from Hamilton. "I have no idea," he said, browsing through his tool box "I think Bella said something about him leaving this morning on the six o'clock bus to New York".

Hamilton stared at his back, horrified. It felt like someone grabbed his heart and _squeezed_. And used the other hand on his throat. Why hadn't he thought of that possibility? Jake had already proved he was ahead of Hamilton where mind games were concerned; he could predict Hamilton easily, and Hamilton was always a step behind him. He just didn't think it would matter so much, suddenly.

"You okay, kid?" he looked up to see Mr. Banks before him, face worried "you look a little pale, all of the sudden".

"I'm – I'm fine," he stammered, even though he was obviously not. He felt frozen, and almost welcomed it, because he knew that when he would start feeling again it would be so very painful. Through the numbness he wondered what he was going to do now; he could go to New York, of course, he could get the correct address from his father, but it would be so different than what he had planned. Confronting Jake here was easy – relatively speaking – and immediate. Confronting Jake in New York would be something entirely different. It would take time to convince his parents to let him go to New York, a few days at least – and all this time they would both stew in their own juices, and god only knows what sort of crazy ideas Jake would get in the meanwhile. It could be over before it had even begun.

Not to mention that Jake could be half-way to a boarding school in Switzerland by now, and Hamilton would never catch him if he really wanted to disappear.

He leaned against the wall of the garage, looking but not seeing. "Are you sure he left already?" he asked, barely recognizing his own voice. Mr. Banks seemed startled, hesitating, and finally he said "no". Hamilton looked up at him, not really daring to hope in case he would just get another blow. "I'm not sure," Mr. Banks repeated "I only said I think Bella said that, but I'm not positive. Maybe Jake's still at Rawley, or maybe he's wandering around town, who knows".

"Okay," Hamilton said, starting to calm down a little "thanks. I'll just… I'll just go look for him, then". The more he thought about it, the more it made sense – he knew just how possessive and protective Jake was of his bike; there was no way he would just leave it behind, even if he was running away. He was probably around here somewhere. Maybe he was even at Bella's, as he first thought, and her father just didn't know about it.

He walked back to the front of the house, and saw Scout standing before the diner, unlocking the door. Scout saw him and waved cheerfully, motioning him over. Hamilton really didn't feel like talking to him, but he couldn't think of an excuse not to join Scout, and at least there was a perfect view of the garage from Friendly's. It wasn't like Jake could come and get the bike while his back was turned or something.

He headed over, plastering a fake smile; it turned out he wasn't very convincing, because Scout – who wasn't all that perceptive – stopped smiling and asked "is everything's okay, man?"

Hamilton nodded, sitting on the counter across from Scout, one eye on the garage "It's nothing," he said.

"Okay," Scout shrugged, easily satisfied. "What are you doing here, anyway?"

"I'm waiting for Jake," Hamilton answered shortly, not really interested in talking about it. Of course Scout didn't get the hint. "Why are you waiting here instead of at the school?" he asked, wiping the counter lazily and not very efficiently.

"Because Jake isn't at the school," Hamilton answered, getting annoyed.

"Yeah, right," Scout laughed "it's only eight. Jake would sleep at least until ten, even though everyone's leaving today. He hates getting up early".

"I know that," Hamilton snapped; if anyone here knew Jake, it was him, not Scout, who seemed to finally get he was stepping on dangerous ground. "He left early. I was there at a little past six, and his room was empty".

"No way," Scout said, and Hamilton was wrong; he obviously wouldn't recognize dangerous ground unless it bit him in the ass. "Why were you at his room so early? Why was **he** gone so early?"

"It's none of your business," Hamilton said, aggravated beyond politeness, and Scout seemed startled, before his expression darkened. "Fine, be that way, see if I care," he muttered, and Hamilton wanted to strangle him. He fought the urge, though, and was starting to calm down when Scout piped up "so, is it a lovers tiff?"

Hamilton stared at him, embarrassed and shocked and bewildered all at once. "Excuse me!" he demanded, not sure if he had heard right, and Scout wilted a bit under his glare but still answered, a little defiantly "did you have a fight last night? You seemed a little awkward for the last few days, I thought maybe you guys broke up or something".

"Broke up?" Hamilton could only echo Scout's words stupidly. Did he mean break up, like a couple break up? He couldn't mean that. Maybe he was only saying it as a joke, because the two of them were always together.

"Yeah, broke up?" Scout continued, but he was getting a look on his face, like he was starting to realize something was wrong "like, you were dating, and now you're not? Or are you still together?"

"Let me get this straight," Hamilton said, grabbing the counter so hard his fingers turned white, and Scout gave him an alarmed look "you think Jake and I are a couple? As in romantically involved? With each other!"

"Ye-es…" Scout started, before an expression of horror dawned on his face "oh my god, you're not?"

"**No**," was all Hamilton managed, shocked by the fact that Scout's assumption was much too close to the truth for comfort.

"Oh shit, I'm so sorry, I never should've said that!" Scout started apologizing very quickly, not paying any attention to Hamilton who tried to get him to stop "Will's always saying I speak before I think, and I guess I do – I mean I know I do – but I was so sure – I mean, that's what everyone's saying, and I just assumed, but –"

"Scout, shut up!" Hamilton half-shouted, startling Scout out of his babble, and the other boy stared at him, apprehensive and pale, as though expecting Hamilton to start beating him up any second.

Hamilton opened and closed his mouth a few times, at a loss now that Scout actually stopped talking, and then his brain seized the first thing that crossed his mind. "What do you mean, that's what everyone's saying?"

Scout swallowed nervously "it's a rumor that's been going around. That you two are together. You seem a little too close, I guess".

"And you believed it?" Hamilton demanded. He didn't think he was so obvious – Jake hadn't cottoned on, so why would anyone else?

"Err, yeah…" Scout said, shrinking "sorry. I mean, I wasn't absolutely sure – about Jake, at least - but you sure act like it sometimes…" he trailed off nervously, before squeaking "sorry!" again at Hamilton's glare.

"I can't believe this," Hamilton muttered, pinching the bridge of his nose. "So you're saying people think I'm gay and have the hots for Jake?" Scout nodded. "But they're not sure about Jake," he continued, and Scout nodded again and answered meekly "because of Bella, I guess. And Lena". It seemed this rumor was mostly true, disregarding the 'couple' part; Hamilton **was** completely gay for Jake, but he wasn't sure if Jake felt the same.

"Great, just great," Hamilton clenched his hands into fists, and Scout eyed him nervously, jumping when Hamilton suddenly ordered "you're not going to repeat any of this to Jake, Scout. Not a word".

Scout nodded hurriedly "of course".

It would be a disaster, if this got back to Jake. If Jake didn't feel the same, this rumor would only pressure him. More than that, he was an intensely private person; people speaking so freely about his sexual orientation, about him and Hamilton – it didn't matter if it was true or not – that would surely freak him out even more than he was currently. And that was the last thing Hamilton needed.

"Where is Jake, anyway?" Scout said, over his caution now that the danger seemed to have passed, and Hamilton narrowed his eyes, but answered "I suspect he's hiding at Bella's".

"Oh, so you did have a fight," Scout concluded, and Hamilton shot him a disgusted look. "God, Scout, don't you ever shut up?" He got up and stormed out of the diner without waiting for Scout's answer, affirmative or not.

He was just about to go and knock on Bella's door, fed up with everything and still angry enough at Scout to not think ahead, when the door opened and the girl in question herself walked out, stopping in surprise when she saw him.

"Hi Bella, is Jake here?" Hamilton asked, and Bella stared at him, her face turning red, and exclaimed "Hamilton!" loudly – a little too loudly – before saying "no". At the same time there was the sound of something breaking inside, and her face flushed even more.

"Liar," Hamilton said, eyes narrowing "did he ask you to lie to me?"

"I'm not lying," Bella answered, still very red "he's not here".

"Yeah, right," he glared at her "I know he's here. Even if the sound of that mug or whatever it was breaking didn't clue me in, you're the one he runs to whenever something's wrong".

"Grace broke that; we just finished breakfast," Bella insisted, but she was obviously uneasy and it wasn't very convincing.

"Next you'll tell me it was the cat," Hamilton snapped "stop trying to cover for him and tell him to get his ass out here already".

"Go away, Hamilton," Bella said, crossing her arms. She looked annoyed now, but nothing more than that, and he suddenly realized Jake didn't tell her about yesterday.

"You don't know, do you?" he said, watching her face "why he's running away like some big coward. Do you want me to tell you?"

"Not interested," she answered flatly; he had to give it to her, she didn't seem a bit curious. "If Jake wanted to talk to you, he'd talk to you. So just let him be, and when he's finished thinking about whatever it was that happened between you two, he'll come back. It won't help you to pressure him, you'll just scare him away".

"You don't know anything," Hamilton told her, angrily, before raising his voice "Jake, you coward, stop hiding in the kitchen like a big baby and get out here!" he knew Jake had heard him; **Scout** probably heard him, even inside the diner.

He waited, but there was no answer. "Come out or I'm coming in!" he tried again, and Bella moved to block his way "forget it, Hamilton, stop acting like a jerk".

He stared at her, almost amused "I'm the jerk? I think you've got your facts mixed up, Bella". He gave it a last shot "if you won't come out, Jake, I'm going to stand right here and tell everyone exactly why you're hiding!"

That seemed to have the desired effect; a few seconds later the door banged open behind Bella, and Jake appeared, furious and frightened all at once, and as beautiful as always. Hamilton felt his anger fade, no matter how hard he tried to hold on to it; it was hard to be angry at Jake, no matter what he did, and it was even harder when he could see in Jake's eyes that he'd been crying.

"You wouldn't," Jake said, voice low and eyes narrowed and flashing, and Hamilton felt something inside him twist at the look on Jake's face. "I wouldn't," he agreed quietly, taking a few quick steps, and grabbed the other boy's wrist before he could retreat back inside.

Jake's wrist in his hand reminded him of an injured bird he held once; bones tiny and fragile, something he could easily shatter if he wasn't careful, pulse fast-wild-erratic against his fingers, like the fluttering of a broken wing. Jake tried to twist out of his grip, full mouth twisting as well, but Hamilton wasn't about to let go; Jake would manage to break his wrist before he managed to wrench himself free.

"Stop it, Hamilton," Jake ordered, angry and quiet, and if it wasn't for the nervous jump of his pulse Hamilton would've almost believed he wasn't panicking. As it was, he knew how to recognize it, laced in the anger of his snarl, in the taut line of his shoulders.

"I'm not the one making problems," he said, much softer than Jake but in no way budging an inch; Jake started trying to pry his fingers loose, not above using his nails, which damn hurt. Hamilton tightened his grip to the point he was probably stopping the blood flow, and saw Jake's mouth twist further, in pain now. "You're hurting me!" he said, furious and almost desperate, nails digging in enough now enough to actually pierce the skin, and Hamilton grimaced and caught his other wrist, but loosened his hold just a little. "I only want to talk to you," he accused, as Jake glared at him with dark eyes, looking as though he was about to start kicking "why are you being so stubborn?"

"Maybe I don't want to talk to you," Jake deadpanned; with his lips pulled back over his teeth he looked almost hateful, and Hamilton had to remind himself that there was fear underneath it, it looked so real. "I don't care," he answered, trying to stay calm "I'm not going to leave until we'll talk; we can stand like this all day for all I care".

Jake's eyes opened impossibly wide, the panic in them evident, and then they narrowed "let go of me or I'll hurt you, I swear," he said, which Hamilton found faintly ridicules – as Jake was barely half his size – and also quite annoying. "What makes you think you haven't already hurt me," he answered, bitter, his temper flaring again.

Maybe Jake would've kicked him, if Bella hadn't chosen that moment to intervene. "All right, that's enough," she said, voice hard, pulling at Hamilton's arm "let him go, Hamilton, violence doesn't solve anything and you're about to break his wrists". When Hamilton didn't even look at her, still staring at Jake, and raised her voice "I swear to god, Hamilton, if you don't let go now I will go get my dad and then you can try being all macho, if you feel like it!"

Hamilton glared at her, but recognized she was serious and let go. Jake immediately stepped back, rubbing his wrists and not looking at Hamilton, and Bella shot him a worried look. "Jake, go inside," she said gently, touching his shoulder, and when Jake raised his head quickly, about to protest, she smiled. "Go inside and put some ice on that, I'll deal with him".

Jake hesitated for a minute, shooting Hamilton an anxious look, and Hamilton hoped he would stay, but then he nodded and headed back inside, the door closing behind him. Bella turned to Hamilton, her eyes blazing "you are the biggest jerk I have ever met," she started, an edge to her voice despite its deceptive quietness "how dare you treat him like that! You can't force him to talk to you by blackmailing him and you sure as hell can't hurt him like that!"

"Shut up, you don't know anything!" Hamilton almost yelled back; she didn't know what she was talking about at all. Even if she knew he was in love with Jake – and he suspected she did – she didn't know just how **much**, how frightening the thought of losing Jake was, and how he knew that if he didn't find some way to talk to him, now, he would never see him again. And how that would kill him for sure. He didn't like hurting Jake – what did she think he was, some kind of abusive boyfriend type? He would kill anyone who'd so much as touch him without blinking, but grabbing him was the only way to make him stay long enough to talk.

Now thanks to her, he didn't even have that.

Bella wasn't done "I'm going inside now, and don't you dare try following, because I swear I will slam the door on your fingers. Go away!" she stormed inside, slamming the door so hard the windows rattled.

Hamilton glared after her, furious and worried to death and feeling like Jake was slipping through his fingers despite his best efforts. Face hardening in determination, he crossed his arms and sat down on the front steps to wait. He wasn't going anywhere.

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Jake helped Bella wash the dishes from breakfast, and then Bella made her a cup of coffee in the biggest mug they had. "Stay here and drink your coffee," she said, nudging the morning paper towards Jake "I'll go and do the things I need to, and then I'll come back and take you to Carson. Will you be okay alone for an hour?"

Jake rolled her eyes "I'm not a kid Bella, I can entertain myself for an hour. Don't worry, go and do whatever it is you need to be doing".

"Okay," Bella said, dropping a kiss on her head, and left. Jake smiled to herself, hearing the sound of the door close, and then she heard Bella's voice, surprised and loud "Hamilton!"

Jake dropped her mug in shock, and it shattered on the floor, sending china shards and scalding coffee all over her shoes. "Shit!" she said, not sure if she was more agitated because of the mug or because of Hamilton, and looked around her for something to wipe the floor with, trusting Bella not to expose her.

A few seconds later, though, she heard Hamilton shout, loud and clear inside the house "Jake, you coward, stop hiding in the kitchen like a big baby and get out here!" He sounded angry, and she didn't blame him. She was a coward, much more than he knew. And she wasn't going to come out.

"Come out or I'm coming in!" he shouted again, and she froze; surely he wouldn't just barge in. Bella wouldn't let him, and he wouldn't do it despite her objections. Sure enough, a moment later he called "if you won't come out, Jake, I'm going to stand right here and tell everyone exactly why you're hiding!"

Jake's heart missed a bit. What was he, completely stupid? It would utterly ruin him! She was the one who was going away, she wouldn't have to face anyone again, but Hamilton was going to spend the next three years here, she couldn't ruin his life any more than she already have.

She ran out, barely registering the door banging against the wall, furious at him for being so stupid, for forcing her to come out after all, and frightened so very much that she wasn't going to be strong enough to push him away. Hamilton glared at her, blue eyes narrowed and an angry flush in his cheeks, and she gasped out "you wouldn't!"

"I wouldn't," he said quietly, the anger disappearing from his eyes to be replaced by something that looked like sadness, and she almost winced but controlled it; he thought she was ashamed. Well, let him think so; it would make things easier, and she really shouldn't be talking to him, anyway. Of course she forgot than Hamilton was even more stubborn than she was, and knew her quite well; before she could blink he had already grabbed her wrist, preventing her from fleeing back inside, and his touch immediately brought back yesterday. If she wasn't so busy panicking, she would've blushed, for it awakened all those phantom fingerprints on her skin. She instantly started to struggle, desperate to end this contact between them before she would do something stupid, before he would make her forget all the reasons she was leaving. Like he made her forget yesterday, with the touch of fingers on her face and his warm breath on her mouth; made her unable to do anything but kiss back when she should've been smart and rejected him, and now look where that brought them.

"Stop it, Hamilton!" she snapped, but he wouldn't let go no matter how she twisted, holding her as easily as she would hold a child's arm. Hamilton gave her an almost calm look, a sharp contrast to her own increasingly anxious struggle "I'm not the one making problems," he said, rebuking. He wasn't about to free her, that was for certain, and with a sudden flare of anger that overcame her fear, Jake started trying to pry his fingers off her wrist, not above using her nails if that was the only weapon she had.

She saw him wince and his grip tightened, to a painful degree; he was mindless of his strength sometimes, wasn't careful with it yet; boys don't break as easily as girls, after all. His hand kept tightening, she could feel the bones of her arm twist, and she gasped "you're hurting me!" and redoubled her efforts, now more worried about him actually breaking her wrist than just getting away. Hamilton grimaced as her nails cut his skin and caught her other wrist, too, but he loosened his grip just enough so she could breath again. It still hurt, but not as before, though she knew she'd have bruises later.

"I only want to talk to you," he argued, leaning close, eyes flashing and mouth a tight line. Luckily she was angry enough not to be caught by the look in his eyes, desperate and furious and pleading all at once. She knew that if she lost her control for just one moment, she would lose everything.

"Maybe I don't want to talk to you," she shot back, trying to make it as cruel as she could; anything to make him go away. Hamilton, once again, seemed to see through and his expression turned even more determent. "I don't care," he answered, his face carefully controlled "I'm not going to leave until we'll talk; we can stand like this all day for all I care".

She knew he was serious, and she also knew she would lose in this battle; she was barely holding on to her fury as it was, could already feel it starting to slip between her fingers. "Let go of me or I'll hurt you, I swear," she ordered, trying to twist free again, and in response Hamilton tightened his hold again, pressing in on her already bruised skin, and she bit her lip to keep a pained gasp in.

"What makes you think you haven't already hurt me," he deadpanned, glaring again, his accusation like a punch to the gut; she knew she had hurt him, it was unavoidable, but this was for his own good, too, not just for herself. She felt tears welling up in her eyes again; being near him made it hurt to even breathe. She wanted nothing more than to kiss him and hold him close and tell him that she loved him more than she ever believed she was capable of. Most of all, she wanted him to stop looking at her like she was breaking his heart.

"All right, that's enough," Bella's voice broke through, and she jerked back as the blond grabbed Hamilton's arm, trying her best to pry it off and having as much effect as a fly would. She continued, her voice hard and worried "let him go, Hamilton, violence doesn't solve anything and you're about to break his wrists". Hamilton didn't look like he even heard her; he just kept staring at Jake, like there was nothing else in the world.

"I swear to God, Hamilton, if you don't let go now I will go get my dad and then you can try being all macho, if you feel like it!" Bella shouted, her hands curling into fists; she looked like she was about to punch Hamilton, but Jake was more worried about Charlie. She gave Hamilton a panicked look. _Please let go_… She didn't want to see him hurt any more, she had no doubt Charlie would win. _Please, just give up…_

Hamilton gave her a long, angry stare, but then Bella's words seemed to finally sink in, and he reluctantly released her. She felt the blood starting to flow back into her fingers, gathering in stains under the skin of her wrists, and rubbed them nervously.

Bella touched her shoulder softly, startling her, and Jake gave her a wild look. The other girl looked at her and said quietly "Jake, go inside". Jake opened her mouth, ready to object – she could see Bella was angry, and she wanted to be sure she wouldn't call for Charlie after all. Bella seemed to understand, and gave her a calming smile, obviously trying hard not to do just that. "Go inside and put some ice on that, I'll deal with him," she said, and Jake knew she wouldn't do anything to him. Well, except maybe scold him a little. She nodded, not daring to look at Hamilton, and fled inside.

Through the walls, she could hear Bella's and Hamilton's raised voices, though she could not clearly make out what they were saying, and then the door slammed and Bella came storming into the kitchen, cursing under her breath. "That jerk!" she announced, and then stopped as she saw Jake, still standing up in the middle of the room.

"Jake? Why are you standing?" she asked, then gave her a sympathetic look. "You're shaking. It's understandable, of course. Just sit down, and I'll get ice, okay?" she pushed Jake gently into a chair, then went and got a bag of frozen peas from the fridge. "Here, give me your hands," she said, reaching out, and pressed the bag against her skin; Jake hissed in surprise at the cold, and Bella winced "sorry".

"It's not your fault," Jake said quietly, suddenly very tired and unable to keep the tears in. "It's okay".

"No, it's not okay," Bella said, and Jake stared at her "he could've really hurt you! Even now, you're already starting to bruise, but he could've broken your arm if I hadn't threatened him! He's such a jerk! I've always thought he was nice, I can't believe I misjudged him so much! Ugh, I just want to go out there and punch him in that perfect nose of his!"

"Don't," Jake said, withdrawing her hands, and Bella stopped, her expression turning surprised "it's not his fault, he didn't do anything wrong".

"I can't believe you're protecting him," Bella said flatly "after how he's treated you".

"He didn't do anything wrong," Jake repeated, staring at the floor "he had every right. If he had hit me, it still wouldn't make up for all the things I did to him. I was the one who was wrong. And anyway, it's not like he thought he was seriously hurting me. He thinks I'm a guy, remember? Guys are tougher".

"He could see he was obviously hurting you," Bella huffed, not mollified. "He should've stopped. Oh, jeez, look at this," she said as she lifted the ice from Jake's wrists, revealing already distinct spots of darkening skin. "I'm going to go outside and kick him in the balls –" she made as though to get up and Jake grabbed her."What!"

"Don't," Jake repeated, and then it all came in a rush "he kissed me, last night, and I kissed him back. And then I ran away".

"You what?" Bella stared at her, then sat down heavily, the peas dropping forgotten to the floor. "He still thinks you're a guy? Jake, you have to tell him, you have no right to mess with him like this! He isn't some toy you can pick and drop when the mood strikes you –"

"I know!" Jake yelled, feeling the tears reappearing "don't you think I know that! I love him, okay? I love him more than I've ever loved anyone, and I hate that I'm hurting him so much, I've never hated myself more than I do at this moment, but I can't tell him the truth!"

Bella stared at her, lips thinning, and the look in her eyes was icy "you **are** a coward," she said softly, ignoring Jake's flinch. "He has the guts to chase you even though he thinks you're a guy, even though it'll make him the laughing stock of everyone at Rawley, and you can't even tell him that you're a girl? This isn't love, this is just you being a selfish little girl too chicken to fix her mistakes!" she glared at Jake, standing up again "I knew you had a lot of problems, but I never thought you were a bad person, until now".

"You don't understand," Jake said, suddenly tired beyond belief. "It's not that he'd hate me – I know he will, and I'll deserve it, but it's better this way. I'll go away, and I'll be a first love that betrayed him, instead of the first real friend he had, the one person he confided in, that lied to him from day one. I'll be someone he can forget in time and move on. If I tell him, I'll be taking Jake away from him, and leave him with a stranger he never knew. Look at you and Scout –" she said, continuing despite Bella's stunned and suddenly betrayed look "you're not over him, not really. He'll always be this nagging shadow in your mind, the one loose tie you can't really come to terms with, because the person you fell in love with was someone else, and you loved him. But even though the fact that he's your brother means you can't be together, he's still the same person he was when you met. And it's hard enough," she said softly, not stopping despite Bella's tears "but he's still the same person. But there is no Jake, there never was. I won't be the shadow in the back of Hamilton's mind for every relationship he has. I won't be the reason for him to distrust every guy he befriends and every girl he falls in love with, do you understand?"

She took Bella's hands in hers, willing her to see. Bella wouldn't meet her eyes, but she didn't move away, either, and after a minute or two she nodded. She looked up at Jake and wiped her eyes.

"I'm sorry I called you a coward," she said, and Jake laughed a little, a hiccupy, desperate sort of sound "I understand what you're saying, I really do. But did you consider that maybe you're not giving Hamilton enough credit? That maybe after the initial pain and shock ebbs away, he'll be willing to forgive you? That maybe he loves you enough to forgive you?"

"He doesn't love me, he loves Jake," Jake insisted "and anyway, we're sixteen – well, almost – it's not the love to end all loves. There will be other people".

"Maybe you're sixteen," Bella said gently "but I've seen the way he looks at you, and I've heard the way you talk about him. I know it's crazy to say this at our age, and after you've only known each other for such a short time, but are you sure this isn't **it**?"

Jake rubbed at her eyes, mouth twisting "no, I'm not! I'm not sure of anything anymore. But how could it be? This isn't some fairytale. There isn't a destined person out there who is the only person for you. There's no such thing as a soul mate and I don't believe in fate!"

"I don't like to believe in destiny either," Bella admitted "because then it would seem someone up there is playing a very cruel joke on me at times, but – can you really walk away without resolving this and just forget about him?"

"No," Jake answered simply, because it was the truth. She had never felt this way about anyone before, this all-consuming feeling of want and tenderness, and she doubted she would ever again. She was simply not that kind of person. Life had taught her to rein in her emotions, to control her need and reliance on other people. With Hamilton, there was no rational thought involved – she just loved him, from the moment she met him, somehow. There was no landmark along the way which she could've stopped at and said "hang on, I don't like the way this is going, let's stop". She knew there was a time when she didn't feel like this, not so long ago; but it felt so natural that she couldn't remember how to be any different. It just was.

"Then I think you should tell him," Bella continued, looking at her earnestly "I know you don't want to hurt him, but you'll end up hurting him no matter what you do. And don't you think he deserves at least the chance to make his own decision? Whatever way it turns out, if you love him you should give him a choice and not lie to him. If he loves you enough, he'll come back to you".

Jake bit her lip, knowing what Bella was saying was true, but – "I'm scared out of my mind," she confessed. "What if he hates me? I don't know if I could forgive something like that, were the situation reversed. How could he?"

"You won't know until you tried," Bella said "and it's not like you'll ever have to see him again, if he doesn't forgive you".

"I'll know that he hates me even if I'll never see him again," Jake was adamant, but she stood up. "Okay, I guess I'd better get this over with".

"Maybe you should do it inside, just in case he takes it really badly," Bella said, giving her a sympathetic look. "I'll wait just outside, if you need me".

"Thanks, Bella," Jake said, pulling her into a sudden, tight hug "no matter how this turns out, you've been the best friend I could ask for, and I'm in your debt".

"You idiot, you're in no one's debt. It's what friends are for. You helped me with my messes, didn't you?"

"I guess," Jake smiled a little, then rubbed her face vigorously, trying to wipe away the evidence of her tears. "Okay, I can totally do this".

She marched to the door and opened it. Her voice only shook a little when she spoke.

"Hamilton".

000000000000000

Hamilton sat on the Banks' front steps, silently steaming. He was thankful he was too angry to think right now; otherwise all the hurt and the worry from before would surface again. He was perfectly capable of sitting here and blocking the doorway all day, until Jake came out and agreed to talk to him. He didn't care if he was making a scene, or that Bella probably hated his guts right now; all that mattered is making this thing right. He was okay with just staying Jake's friend, though he knew the other boy felt at least some of what he was feeling, but he couldn't stand to let Jake go. Not even if the other boy asked him to.

His stomach rumbled loudly, reminding him he's been up for some time and didn't eat breakfast, and he tried to ignore it; it would be just like Jake to slip out the moment he went to the diner to buy something to eat. He glanced at the diner all the same and saw Scout watching him from the window, face troubled. At his look Scout seemed to reach a decision and came out of the diner, striding purposely towards him. "Oh, great," Hamilton groused "just what I needed, Scout sticking his nose in".

"Hi, Ham," Scout said nervously, stopping next to him "is everything all right? Because it seemed like something big is going on between you two…"

"Mind your own business," Hamilton answered shortly.

"Right, just, that seemed a little violent and unnecessary –"

"I swear to God, Scout," Hamilton bit out, standing up threatingly "if you don't go away right now I will beat you to a pulp".

"Chill, man," Scout said hurriedly, backing away a little and raising his hands in an effort to placate him "I get that something happened and that you're angry, but Jake is my friend too, okay? And I didn't like the way you were treating him, grabbing him like that".

"You don't know shit about what happened," Hamilton said coldly. "Anyway, I couldn't care less about what you did or didn't think. And I wouldn't need to grab him if he would just agree to talk to me instead of running away like he always does".

"You can't force him to talk to you, you know. You can't just sit here all day".

"Watch me," Hamilton snapped, sitting back down and folding his arms.

"Ham, come on," Scout smiled a little, coming closer now that it seemed the threat of violence had passed. "Maybe you just need to give Jake a few days to calm down a little, and then he'll see that whatever happened wasn't so bad. I mean, you're his best friend, surely whatever disagreement you had won't ruin it".

"You have no idea what you're talking about," Hamilton repeated, "and you don't know Jake. If I let him go now I'll never see him again. And anyway, didn't I tell you to go away?"

"Aren't you being a little too dramatic?" Scout asked jokingly, but jumped back when Hamilton made as though to stand up. "Okay, okay, I'm going. But I'm watching you, so you'd better behave".

Hamilton ignored him and went back to steaming silently.

A few minutes later he heard the door open and jumped, hearing Jake say his name in a soft voice. He looked a right mess; his hair was all over the place, his eyes puffy, his nose red and his face very pale. Hamilton still thought he was the most beautiful person he'd ever seen.

"Jake," he said, as the other boy opened the door wider; Hamilton could see Bella hovering behind him. She didn't seem angry – if anything, she seemed sympathetic, which was worse. It suggested she had a reason to feel sorry for him. At least Jake seemed willing to look at him now.

"I need to tell you something," Jake said, biting his lip and fidgeting. Hamilton would've thought it was adorable, except he was distracted by how worried Jake seemed. He had a bad feeling about this.

"Yeah, of course," was all he said, and Jake motioned him inside. Bella slipped out the door, putting her hand on his arm briefly, and said softly "just listen to everything he has to say before you decide anything, okay?' and he nodded, though he wasn't sure what she meant. Why wouldn't he listen to Jake? "I'll be just outside" Bella said, and closed the door behind him. It was just him and Jake now, standing there awkwardly in the Banks' living room.

"Jake," he said again, gently, and Jake gave him a watery smile that made him want to gather the other boy to his chest and smooth his hair, but he wasn't sure if he was allowed to just yet.

"Hamilton, there's something I didn't tell you," Jake started, haltingly "and I'm really sorry that I didn't, I never meant to hurt you or lie to you. I started it because of mom, just another crazy plot, and you were never meant to be caught in it – it was never supposed to last this long".

Hamilton stared at him, feeling very confused. What was Jake talking about when he said he didn't mean Hamilton to be caught in it? Did it mean he was using Hamilton in some way? It was hard to believe; even when he was unreadable, Jake always seemed so sincere.

"And then I met you, and you became so important to me, and I didn't want you to hate me, I thought I could leave without telling you and it would be all right, because we'd never see each other again –"

"What?" Hamilton interrupted him, striding over and grabbing him by the arms before he even thought about it. "Why would you do that? Do you hate me that much now?"

"I don't hate you!" Jake said quickly, looking as though he was going to start crying again any minute, and a weight Hamilton wasn't even aware of lifted suddenly "I could never hate you, I didn't want you to hate me, and you will, you will –"

"Jake, listen to me," Hamilton said seriously, taking his hands and looking him in the eyes "I love you, okay? I don't care that you're a guy, I don't care if I have to come out to the entire world, if you say you love me back. I've loved you seen I saw you ride that monstrous bike of yours into Rawley through my camera lens, and nothing you say can make me love you less, do you understand? Even if you say you don't want to be with me, as long as you stay my friend I don't care what you lied about".

"Don't say that!" Jake cried, wrenching his hands away. "Don't make any promises until you hear me out…"

"Okay, I won't," Hamilton said, grabbing his wrists back, and saw him flinch. "What is it?"

"It's nothing," Jake assured him hurriedly, but Hamilton was already pushing back the sleeve of his left hand and saw the bruises there, purple and standing out and shaped just like his own fingerprints.

"Oh God, I'm sorry," he said, stunned; he had never meant to hurt Jake, didn't really listen to Bella when she told him to let go, and look what he's done, without even meaning to. No wonder Jake ran away. Was last night like that too? He remembered Jake being just as enthusiastic, but what if he remembered wrong? He was drunk, after all.

"It's fine," Jake said, but Hamilton shook his head, distraught "no, it's not. I'm so sorry, Jake, I swear I'll never do something like that again – "

"It's fine," Jake said again "listen to me, Hamilton. I really need you to listen to what I'm telling you right now, okay?"

Hamilton nodded, still shocked, everything inside him twisting painfully.

"I want you to know that everything was real," Jake said earnestly, his eyes wide and pleading "no matter what you'll think after I tell you, you are the best friend I ever had. And I never, ever meant to hurt you".

"You don't love me, do you," Hamilton realized with a sinking heart. "You're not gay, and this is all about last night –"

"No!" Jake yelled "would you just listen? I love you, I do, but –"

"You do?" Hamilton said, startled, and then repeated in a stunned voice, feeling a huge smile spreading uncontrollably across his face "you do".

"Hamilton!" Jake tried to say something, but Hamilton, still grinning with relief and happiness and giddiness and a thousand other emotions he couldn't be bothered to name right now, pulled him close and kissed him. It was exactly like he remembered, the soft dip of Jake's parted lips, the bump of his sharp nose against his own, the gentle flutter of his eyelashes against Hamilton's cheeks, the press of their bodies together. And then Jake pushed him away. Again.

"I'm a girl!" he gasped, hands still resting on Hamilton's chest.

Hamilton stared at him, the words taking a few seconds to register. "Sorry, what?" he managed at last "I thought you said –"

"I'm a girl," Jake repeated, dropping his hands to his sides. "Female. I hacked into the database and changed my records. I did it to see if my mother would notice. I'm sorry I lied to you –"

"This is ridicules," Hamilton said flatly."It's not funny, Jake, this is not a Joke!"

"I know that! I'm not joking, it's true," Jake said, reaching out to him, and Hamilton stepped back. Jake's eyes filled with tears again, but Hamilton was too bewildered – and angry – to care about it just now.

"I would've known if you were a girl, Jake, I'm not stupid! I spent every minute of the last few weeks either with you or thinking about you, okay? I've kissed you, I've laid on top of you, I would've known –" except – except Jake always wore long clothes, and he wasn't interested in girls, and he threw Hamilton off the minute he got a hand under his shirt.

"Take off your shirt," he said suddenly, and Jake gaped at him. "I said, take off your shirt," he repeated, louder. Jake just stood there, looking at him nervously, and then he nodded and pulled his sweater off. Underneath he wore a large, long sleeved tee, which he also pulled off after a short hesitation. And then he was taking off a weird contraption thing and – breasts. Real breasts, right there in front of him, small but obviously female, temptingly on display in a blue, lacy bra, and –

"Oh, God," Hamilton stumbled backwards. In any other situation this would've been a fantasy come true – what teenage boy didn't want to see a beautiful girl standing in front him in her underwear? And of course this probably meant he wasn't gay, but – "please tell me this is a joke," he pleaded "I don't care, I won't be angry, I don't mind being gay, just –"

Jake just looked at him helplessly, and of course there was nothing he – she – could say, when it was all out in the open like that. Oh, God, he couldn't even think of her as Jake anymore, since of course that wasn't her name, it was a boy's name, and she obviously wasn't one.

"I'm sorry!" she said, tears sliding down her pretty, familiar face, and it all made so much sense now, but at the same time it felt as though the world turned upside down, and he didn't know what was right and what was wrong anymore. How could he have not known? He needed to leave, to get away from her, and then it would all make sense. He couldn't look at her, she looked so much like Jake –

"Don't," he said thickly, backing away and grabbing for the doorknob, and the girl in Jake's skin grabbed for her shirt, quickly pulling it over her head, and stepped closer "just – stay away from me".

The door behind him opened, and he spilled into the street. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Bella straighten from her slouch against the wall, eyes wide, and the girl who looked like Jake hurry out after him. Bella grabbed him, to stabilize him or to slow him down, he didn't know. "Hamilton," she said, giving him the same look from earlier, and he suddenly realized.

"You **knew**!" he accused, shaking her off. "You knew all along, that was why you two were so close – did you laugh at me behind my back all this time? Did it amuse you, me pining like some idiot –"

"It wasn't like that!" they both protested, but he was done listening. The girl wearing his best friend's face grabbed his arm and he twisted out of her grip, nearly sending her to the floor. "I love you," she insisted, and he turned on her, furious.

"Don't you dare say that!" he shouted "I loved you! You were – I don't know what you were. I don't know who you are anymore –"

"I'm still me," she said, the look on her face pleading and desperate and tugging at his heartstrings, but he couldn't give in; she had played him like a champion all this time, who's to say she wasn't doing the exact same thing now?

"No, you're not", he answered, as her face crumbled further. "You're just a beautiful stranger, and I never knew you at all".

"Hamilton – "

"I never want to see you again," he said, than added in a pique of spiteful cruelty "but then again, that's exactly what you were planning to do in any case, isn't it? So let's pretend that the last few weeks never happened. I wish I'd never met you, anyway".

Without waiting for an answer he turned and walked away, leaving the one person he thought was the love of his life behind. He didn't look back; there was no one to look back at, after all.

0000000000000

Hamilton followed her inside, smiling gently at her, saying "Jake" softly; she could barely look at him.

She took a deep breath. "Hamilton, there's something I didn't tell you," she said, then continued louder "and I'm really sorry that I didn't, I never meant to hurt you or lie to you. I started it because of mom, just another crazy plot, and you were never meant to be caught in it – it was never supposed to last this long".

He looked at her, adorably confused, and she bit her lip; she felt like she was just giving excuses, even though it was the truth.

"And then I met you, and you became so important to me, and I didn't want you to hate me, I thought I could leave without telling you and it would be all right, because we'd never see each other again –" she halted as Hamilton strode over, grabbing her arms, his face alarmed. "What?" he said, staring at her "why would you do that? Do you hate me that much now?"

"I don't hate you!" she said quickly, an automatic response to the look on his face, and felt another piece of her heart break as he smiled at her, features relaxing "I could never hate you, I didn't want you to hate me, and you will, you will –"

"Jake, listen to me," he interrupted her again, taking hold of her hands gently, and she lifted her eyes to his serious face."I love you, okay? I don't care that you're a guy, I don't care if I have to come out to the entire world, if you say you love me back. I've loved you seen I saw you ride that monstrous bike of yours into Rawley through my camera lens, and nothing you say can make me love you less, do you understand? Even if you say you don't want to be with me, as long as you stay my friend I don't care what you lied about".

"Don't say that!" she cried, stumbling away. She couldn't hear him say it, knowing that in just a short while he will regret saying those words, no matter how sure he was of them now. Knowing almost certainly that he would never tell her he loved her again.

"Okay, I won't," Hamilton said reassuringly, still so gentle, taking hold of her wrists in a familiar and comforting way and unknowingly pressing on her bruises. She couldn't control her small flinch and his face turned worried immediately, leaning close to her."What is it?"

"It's nothing," she said, trying to take her hands away, schooling her face into a smile; she didn't want him to feel guilty, as though sparing him this small pain would make anything better in the long run. He ignored her, as he was wont to do sometimes, and of course he saw the bruises; her skin was always very sensitive, and she's never hated that quality more than at this moment. Sure enough, Hamilton freaked out, apologizing over and over, promising he would never hurt her again – she couldn't be angry at him for making that promise, even though she knew he would hurt her much worse in a few moments. It was not his fault, any of it. Just hers.

She gathered her courage again and said "listen to me, Hamilton. I really need you to listen to what I'm telling you right now, okay?" he nodded, still looking so anguished, and she couldn't help but try to lessen the blow, even though she knew it was probably futile. "I want you to know that everything was real," she said, looking him in the eyes, needing him to believe at least this "no matter what you'll think after I tell you, you are the best friend I ever had. And I never, ever meant to hurt you".

"You don't love me, do you. You're not gay, and this is all about last night –" he interrupted her, as though this was the only conclusion he could derive from her little speech, as though it was the only possible conclusion, and it broke her heart even more than the thought of him hating her, because if there was anyone worth loving, it was him. "No!" she yelled "would you just listen? I love you, I do, but –"

"You do?" he interrupted her again, suddenly smiling "you do". She hated the way he was looking at her, like she just handed him the world on a platter. It was too much for her; it was too much for anyone. Why did he have to make this so hard? She tried to continue, opening her mouth to tell him the truth, no delays this time, no softening the blow, because she knew that a few more seconds of him looking at her like that and she would lose her resolve. And then he kissed her.

It was perfect, and he smiled against her mouth and stroked her cheek, and seemed so sweet and confused when she pushed him away.

"I'm a girl," she said, and felt his heart stutter painfully against her fingers.

Hamilton blinked at her, then gave a nervous smile. "Sorry, what? I thought you said–"

"I'm a girl," she said, louder this time, and watched his face change "female. I hacked into the database and changed my records. I did it to see if my mother would notice. I'm sorry I lied to you –"

"This is ridicules," he told her, eyes narrowing "it's not funny, Jake, this is not a Joke!"

"I know that! I'm not joking, it's true," she said, half-wishing she could take it all back, and braced herself for his reaction when he flinched away.

"I would've known if you were a girl, Jake," he insisted, even as he was stumbling backwards, away from her. "I'm not stupid! I spent every minute of the last few weeks either with you or thinking about you, okay? I've kissed you, I've laid on top of you, I would've known –" he stopped suddenly, and she could see by his face that he was starting to connect the dots. Then his face hardened, and he said quietly "Take off your shirt."

She stared at him, thrown off, as he repeated his order again. But she understood; he wouldn't take her word for it, even now he still thought this was some joke, hanging to the thought that Jake wouldn't betray him like that. He needed to be sure. She felt so self-conscious, standing like that in front of him, waiting for his final judgment; she thought, somewhat hystericaly, that this was the only situation she could think of in which a teenage boy would be dismayed by seeing her breasts. She fought the urge to cover herself.

She couldn't think of anything to say except "I'm sorry" as he begged her to make this right somehow, just watching helplessly and knowing she lost him. He looked so heartbroken, and it was so awful, watching him stumble away from her as though he was afraid from her, hearing him telling her to stay away.

She followed him outside anyway, just in time to see him rounding on Bella.

"You **knew**!" he was yelling at her. "You knew all along, that was why you two were so close – did you laugh at me behind my back all this time? Did it amuse you, me pining like some idiot –"

"It wasn't like that!" Jake tried to plead with him, but he wouldn't even look at her, struggling from her grip as though burned. "I love you," she tried, one last desperate effort, and regretted it as soon as he turned to face her and she saw his eyes.

"Don't you dare say that!" he shouted, looking as though he would've hit her if the thought of touching her wasn't so disgusting to him. "**I** loved you! You were – I don't know what you were. I don't know who you are anymore –"

"I'm still me," she wished he could see this. Even though she understood his reaction, expected it, she never thought it would be like this. A part of her believed him when he said he would forgive her for anything. That he would love her, no matter what.

But all he did was stare at her, the anger disappearing and leaving only emptiness in its place. "No, you're not", he answered, voice like the final nail in the coffin. "You're just a beautiful stranger, and I never knew you at all, and I never want to see you again".

She didn't know what he saw in her face, but his anger seemed to return, as he said with a bitter, humorless smile that looked so out of place on his face "but then again, that's exactly what you were planning to do in any case, isn't it? So let's pretend that the last few weeks never happened. I wish I'd never met you, anyway".

He was wrong, she thought numbly, as she watched him walk away without even a look back. He knew her very well. Otherwise, he would never have known how to say the thing that would hurt her the most.

She felt Bella touch her, hugging her from behind and laying her cheek against Jake's own, murmuring quietly in her ear. It took a few minutes to understand Bella was telling her not to cry, and even more to understand she **wasn't** crying. "It'll be all right," Bella whispered, "it will get better" and "you did the right thing".

"Did I?" Jake wondered. It didn't feel like the right thing. It didn't feel like anything, except maybe like a giant gaping hole in her chest; she almost expected to see blood gushing out when she looked down, but all she saw was the slight swell of her breasts under her shirt, so odd looking now that she was used to the binder.

"Yes, you did," Bella answered, smoothing her hair gently, and Jake turned and buried her head in the curve of Bella's shoulder, waiting for tears that wouldn't come. She suspected they would come a bit later, when the shock ebbed. At the moment it was like the suspended time between the hit and its aftermath – it took a while for the body to register the wound.

"You needed the closure," the blonde girl continued. "And with time it will be okay again".

"He promised he'd forgive me," Jake whispered into her neck. "I knew he wouldn't. He said he loved me, but it wasn't enough for him to stay, in the end. It never is. If mom won't stay, why would he?" she sighed "still, for a moment, I thought he would. I thought that maybe, just being me was enough…"

"Oh, Jake…" Bella said softly, and Jake raised her head; she was crying. Jake smiled at her and wiped her tears, laughing a little, tiredly. "Don't cry," she told her "it's okay, it's okay, I'm happy that I listened to you and told him the truth. You were right, it wasn't fair to just run away; I had to face my mistakes and come clean".

"I wish you didn't listen to me," Bella admitted, touching her own cheek and making a face "I wish he didn't say those things to you".

"He was right," Jake answered. "He had every right to say what he did. I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up in the first place. And it's like you said – I never have to see him again". She wanted Bella to stop crying, even if it meant lying to her; she didn't want her actions to hurt anyone else. She has done so much damage already.

"Jake," Bella gave her a wobbly smile "I'm so happy you came here, I am. I'm so happy we met. You're a wonderful person who deserves love, don't let anyone tell you anything different. And one day you will meet someone who will deserve you, and who will love you without conditions. You're not even sixteen yet. There will be other people. We don't believe in destiny, remember? Hamilton is not the last person you'll love, even if he was the first. Some day you will wake up, and he will be nothing but a bittersweet memory".

"You're right," Jake said, disentangling herself from their hug. Maybe Bella was; even though it felt like the end of the world now, maybe one day she could look back on the weeks she spent here, and just be grateful that she met him and had him to herself, for a short while. Maybe.

"I should go," she said, putting on a calm mask and facing Bella properly. "I'll call you when I get home. You should still come for the summer".

Bella nodded, and hugged her again before smoothing her hair and her clothes. "Of course!" she answered, giving Jake a passable attempt at a bright smile "I'll come and we'll go out and dance till we drop from our feet every night, it'll be the best summer ever, just you wait".

"It will," Jake agreed. She pointed to the house "I'll just go and grab my things".

"I'll go ask dad if the bike is ready, he should've finished fixing it by now".

Jake took a minute to wash her face; it was swollen and red, but no one will see it with her helmet, and she should look normal by the time she reached New-York. She debated whether to put her sweater and binder back on, but decided there was no point and stuffed them into her backpack.

When she came out she found both Bella and Charlie waiting with the bike. Charlie gave her a nod, but thankfully didn't say anything; Bella looked anxious, and Jake hoped her act was convincing enough; she was not the daughter of an actress for nothing.

"Call me when you get home so I know you made it safe," Bella said as she handed Jake her helmet. "I will," Jake promised, and leaned in to press a kiss to her cheek. "Be good".

She took a last look around before revving the engine; for such a small town, it sure turned her life upside down in a big way. She wasn't yet sure if the good outweighed the bad; she guessed she would figure that out with time. For now, she just wanted to be anywhere else but here.

"Bye," she said to Bella and her father, and then she was off, to New York, to home or whatever it was, to start putting the pieces of her heart back together.

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So, I hoped it was what you thought it would be. I'm not sure how happy I am with it; I feel like the characters are a bit ooc, and my writing is so very rusty. But I hope you guys enjoyed it and didn't feel like it was too dramatic or overdone.

I omitted some of the important parts of the last episode from this chapter – the whole thing with Bella's mom and the gas station, for example. I also wanted to give Scout's version of the conversation from what he saw at the diner, but in the end I felt it would've hurt the flow of the story, suddenly adding a third pov in the last chapter.

It will all be resolved in the epilogue, and I promise I'll upload it in a few days – no two years wait for this part.

I'd love to hear your thoughts about this chapter – you've kept up with the story for all this time even though I never gave a sign I'll continue it, so I hope it was worth it.

See ya soon!


	9. Chapter 9

So, I guess this is it. The last chapter. I can't believe we're really here. I never thought I'd actually finish this story, once I've stopped with it. Guess you should never say never. So I just want to say thanks to all of you, and I hope you enjoy it. Here we go.

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Hamilton's walk back home wasn't something he'd remember later, except as a swirling mass of conflicting emotions – there was rage there, and hurt and the feeling of betrayal. There was anger at himself – how could he have not known? In hindsight the signs were so obvious. There was anger at that girl, at the way she played him, at the way she lied to him from the moment they met. Her face, at the moment he told her he wished he'd never met her, was burned into his mind. She looked so crushed – but how could he trust her, again? How could he believe her tears weren't an act as well? She's managed to fool them all for so long, she was bound to be very good.

But what he felt most of all was loss, superimposed on all of his other emotions. He didn't know how to define himself without Jake in the world anymore, not just his first love but his first real friend. And she took that away from him, left him standing alone as his world crumbled around him, with her tearful "I love you" ringing like a mockery of everything he thought they shared. She didn't trust him until it was too late, and now he couldn't trust her, and without trust there was no love.

He didn't wake up from his daze until he reached the school grounds again. It all looked so normal; it was incomprehensible to him, how these people around could continue to smile and laugh and go on with their lives like the world didn't just tilt off its axel. He wanted to be able to breathe again. But barring that, all he wanted to do was get home and get in bed and never come out.

Of course, as he was very painfully learning, life didn't always work out the way you wanted it to. He winced as he heard Will's voice call him, but didn't turn. Maybe he would get the hint and go away on his own. The world definitely owed him some serious karma at the moment.

"Ham, wait up!" Will said as he jogged to his side. "Didn't you hear me call you – wow," he stopped as Hamilton looked over at him. He supposed he didn't look all that good right now, but he couldn't care less.

"What," he managed.

"Dude, you look like someone just ran over your puppy, is everything okay?" Will said, and Hamilton gave a slight laugh that sounded wrong even to his own ears. He felt like someone had just run over his **heart**. "Ham, you're kinda scaring me here," Will continued, placing his hands on Hamilton's shoulders and leaning in in concern.

"Not now," he answered quietly; he couldn't summon the anger that he felt before. He just felt defeated, and so very old. "Will, just – not now".

"Okay," the other boy answered, stepping back to give Hamilton space, though his face was still worried. At least he could contain his curiosity, unlike Scout. "So, this is probably a stupid question, but I guess bowling is a no-go?"

Hamilton stared at him, unable to even muster a reply; that question seemed so ridicules he didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

"Right," Will said "that **was** a stupid question. I'll just – I'll just tell the others, yeah? Or do you want to tell Jake?"

Just like that, Hamilton was furious again. "Who?" he bit out.

"Jake, you know, your best friend…" Will trailed off uncertainly, seeing the expression on his face.

"I don't know who you're talking about," Hamilton answered coldly, and turned away, ignoring Will's call of "Hamilton!" behind him.

Will didn't follow.

Than was no one home when he finally got there. He started going up to his room, but then stopped. Jake had been in that bed last night; his – her smell was all over the room. He couldn't bear to go in there, not yet. Instead he changed direction and entered his dark room, closing and locking the door behind him. This decision turned out to be just as bad, because Jake was all over the wall, smiling, laughing, making faces at the camera. He stood there, trembling, choking on air, before he started grabbing all the pictures off the walls and tearing them apart. Every one of them was a lie, and maybe if he got rid of all of them he could erase Jake from his mind, too. All the recent pieces of his life, falling around his feet like confetti.

He came to the last picture and hesitated; it was one of his favourites, a photo he took one day when Jake was asleep, curled under their tree with his head on his arms and grass in his hair. Her hair. He looked at it and suddenly it all resurfaced again, shaking him from the numbness in an overwhelming explosion of emotions. He backed away until he hit the wall, letting the picture drop unharmed from frozen fingers, and cried until he fell asleep.

_He was dreaming._

He was back in his room, pressing Jake to his bed, only this time she wasn't dressed in a sweater but in the lacy blue bra. He was holding her by the wrists; she smiled up at him and said "I need to tell you something. I'm sorry I lied to you. Don't hate me". I could never hate you, he wanted to say, but instead he squeezed tighter and watched the bruises climb up her arms.

_No_.

He was in the Bank's living room, watching Jake stand in front of him, taking off her clothes, until all that was left was the binder. She opened the binder but instead of the bra there was just her heart there, out in the open, red and glistening and beating to the rhythm of his own. "I will never hurt you," he said. "Don't make promises you can't keep," Jake answered, and pulled out her heart, handing it to him.

Hamilton dropped it to the floor and stepped on it.

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Jake was never really sure how she made the drive back to New York. She just opened her eyes to find herself standing at the door of her building, the sun high in the sky and her bike parked perfectly in its designed parking space. She would've just stood there for who knows how long if the doorman hadn't recognized her.

"Jacqueline!" he said, opening the door and ushering her in. "I didn't know you were due back today, Consuela didn't say anything".

"Hi, Jimmy," she said tiredly, mustering a smile for him; he's been a friend since the first day they moved here, five years ago, and she knew he worried about her constantly; he saw just how often her mother was away.

"You don't look so good," he said, and she shrugged "it was a long drive, I'm just tired". He didn't say anything on the subject, just nodded, though she wasn't sure if he bought it. "So you'd better go right up and get into bed," he pressed the up button of the elevator for her "you can tell me all about your summer later".

He must have called Consuela, because the door to her apartment opened as soon as she stepped out of the elevator and she was swept into the familiar, comforting hug that used to chase the nightmares away when she was young. "Oh, Jacqueline, how I missed you" she announced, before pulling back and searching her face.

"What happened?" she asked softly. Jake thought about denying everything briefly, but Consuela knew her too well; she was the one person who could read through all her facades. "It's been kind of a rough few days," she said instead "I don't really want to talk about it".

Consuela nodded and pulled her in, though she couldn't resist saying "if he hurts you like this, he's not worth it".

Jake didn't meet her eyes "Consuela…"

"Fine, fine, I didn't say anything, but don't think you're off the hook. Now go get a shower and go to sleep!"

"Okay, I just need to make a phone call," Jake said, shaking her head as Consuela moved to take her backpack "no, I've got it". She had her binder in there.

Consuela threw up her hands in exasperation "am I at least allowed to make you something to eat? I swear you came back even thinner than before".

"I'm not really hungry," Jake said, and Consuela's lips thinned in disapproval "I'll just make this phone call and go to sleep".

She put the backpack in her room, then dialed the garage's number, squinting at the paper Bella gave her. She almost dropped the receiver in surprise when Bella answered the phone on the second ring. "Hi Bella, it's Jake," she said.

"Jake!" Bella sounded relieved "you just got back?"

"Yeah, there was a lot of traffic," Jake said, then hesitated. There was something she really wanted to ask, but she couldn't work up the courage to do it. Bella seemed to guess, though, with her signature perceptiveness.

"Hamilton didn't come by again after you left," she said gently.

"Oh," Jake said, swallowing against the sudden lump in her throat. "Well, I didn't really expect him to".

"Look, don't worry about it, I'm sure he'll come around," Bella didn't sound so sure, though.

"I doubt it," Jake said, rubbing at her eyes. "Anyway, that's all I wanted to say. Oh, wait, my address, you said you'll come visit. Do you have a pen?"

As Bella was writing down the address, she said casually "both Will and Scout came by; they regretted not getting the chance to say goodbye to you".

Jake wrinkled her forehead "how did they know I was at your place?"

"Well, apparently Scout was across the street at the dinner and was privy to the whole argument – he didn't hear anything, don't worry, just saw a lot of shouting, and Will ran into Hamilton back at the school".

"Oh, great," Jake muttered.

"They wanted to know if you were coming back for the school year. I told them I wasn't sure…?" there was a questioning tone to Bella's voice.

"I don't think so," Jake said "what's the point? I'm not really keen on masquerading as a guy for the next three years, not to mention the fact that it's totally illegal". Not to mention the fact that she didn't think Hamilton wanted to see her ever again.

"I guess," Bella sounded sad. "Well, I'll tell them you said hi".

"Okay. So… I guess I'll see you when I see you?"

"Yeah, have a good summer. Bye".

"Bye".

Jake ended the call, staring at the phone a little, and then went to take a shower. Well, at least she didn't have to wake up at 3 am to have a shower anymore.

Somehow, that didn't make her feel better.

When she finished she sat down at her computer, hugging her bathrobe tighter around her; she had an email she needed to write.

Then she could rest.

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Hamilton woke up abruptly to the sound of hammering. For a moment, he didn't know where he was; then he registered the torn photos at his feet and his equipment, half-invisible in the gloom, and it all came back. The hammering came from the locked door, along with his mother's worried voice.

"Hamilton, are you in there?"

He contemplated not answering, but he didn't want her to worry. "Yes, mom, I'm here".

"What are you doing in there? It's after dinner time, I didn't see you the whole day!"

"Sorry, mom," he said, standing up and stretching. His back hurt like crazy from sleeping in that cramped position. "I was – rearranging stuff and I fell asleep".

"Open the door, Hamilton".

He probably looked like crap. "I don't really feel like company at the moment, mom".

"I didn't ask, Hamilton. Open the door".

"Mom…"

"Now".

"Fine," he muttered, walking over and turning the lock. He blinked at the sudden light.

"Munchie, what's wrong?" his mother asked worriedly, seeing his face. He hoped she couldn't see past him into the room. He didn't really feel like explaining the redecoration he had carried out right now. "Have you been crying?"

"I just had a bad day, mom. It's nothing you need to worry about".

"Oh, Munchie," she said, looking sympathetic "is this about Jake?"

"What!" he asked, staring at her. How did she know? He knew mothers had some sort of psychic power, but this was something else.

"Steven told me his mother sent an email saying he won't be coming back for the school year".

"Oh," Hamilton said. He wasn't sure how he felt about it. Relieved that he didn't have to see her again. And also kind of angry that she was so quick to leave it behind her. He knew she was the one that sent the letter, not her mother. Well, he was fine with that. He didn't want to see her ever again.

"It's okay, mom", he assured her.

She didn't seem convinced. "I know you and Jake were really close, honey," she said, sitting down on the sofa and patting the seat beside her in invitation. "I'm sorry he won't be coming back, but that doesn't mean your friendship is over, you know. I mean, when I was younger I had this friend –"

"Mom!" he cut her off "I'm okay with Jake leaving, really. You don't have to worry about it".

"Then why have you been crying?" she asked him, pointedly. "You can talk to me, sweetie, you know I'm here for you".

He hesitated. He didn't really want to talk about this to anyone, but she was his mom. If he couldn't talk to her, who could he talk to? Now that his best friend was out of the picture. He knew that she, at least, would never lie to him, no matter the reason.

"Okay," he started, biting his lip "I have this friend, who really liked this - girl". He knew she saw right through it and knew he was talking about himself, but distancing himself helped him talk about it.

"A girl," Kate repeated, sounding surprised.

"Yes, a girl. Anyway, so he really liked this girl, and he didn't know if she liked him back. But they were really good friends. And then he found out she was lying to him about something. Something really big. And the lie wasn't meant for him, he just got caught up in it, but she didn't trust him enough to tell him the truth until she had no other choice. And this lie sort of makes him doubt that anything about their friendship was real. And now she says she likes him too, only he doesn't know if he can believe her about it".

"Because she lied," Kate said, looking as though she was having a hard time following his story.

"Yes. But this was a huge lie," Hamilton stressed.

"I understood that. Okay, so do you –"

"Mom!"

"Sorry, sorry. Your friend. Does he believe this girl about her reasons for lying?"

"Well," Hamilton looked down, thinking about it. "It fits with other things she told him; but now he doesn't know if he can believe them. Because this lie was about herself, so he doesn't know if the other things she told him about herself are true".

"I see." She thought for a moment. "Well, your friend should trust his instincts. If he felt she was telling the truth before, then she's probably telling the truth now".

"But she wouldn't have told him the truth if he hadn't made her do it," Hamilton added. "She would've just run away and disappeared and left him thinking – something that wasn't true. And he would've thought she hated him if she did that".

"Well, that's – not very nice of her," Kate frowned. "Did she tell your friend why she didn't want to tell him the truth – Hamilton, all this he and she is really confusing me".

"Mom!" he protested again, but then said "fine. She said she was afraid I would hate her if she told me the truth".

"And do you?"

"Yes. No. I don't know. I'm really angry. She wasn't who I thought she was. I told her I wished I'd never met her. She was crying when I left".

"Hamilton!" his mom said reproachfully.

"Look, mom, I would've understood if she told me earlier! But she had a chance to do it – actually it was a situation when she really had to tell me – and she didn't. She did it too late".

"Well, munchie," Kate said, smoothing his hair and sighing when he twisted away "there will be other girls, you know. You're so young. She isn't the last person you'll like".

"I sort of – I sort of thought that she was **it**" he admitted.

"What?" she looked startled.

"Well, I really liked her, more like, I loved her". He scratched at a dirty spot on the upholstery, avoiding her eyes "but now – I mean, I fell in love with one person, and she turns out to be a completely different person. I mean, what if none of it was true? What if all the little things that made me like her were an act?"

"What did you like about her?" Kate looked curious.

"Mom!" he fidgeted in embarrassment. "She was really smart, and interesting. She made me laugh a lot. She has this great smile – like, when she would smile at me I couldn't help but smile back. She has this dry sense of humor that I love, and she's really perceptive. She's not judgmental at all and she's always willing to help other people. She's really confident, she sort of has this attitude like she's a lot older and more knowing then the rest of us, but she sometimes really is. And though she's trying not to attract attention to herself – that actually has to do a lot with her lie, now that I think about it – she's actually really beautiful, she could turn a lot of heads if she wanted to…" he trailed off.

"You gave this a lot of thought," Kate said, surprised. And a little worried. She couldn't really remember her son ever mentioning a girl to her. She was a little sad that he was keeping things like this from her, even if she knew it was part of growing up. Well, at least it wasn't Jake. She's been worried about that. It wasn't that she was closed-minded, but it wasn't something she wanted for her son all the same. Hearing him talk about this girl was certainly a relief, even if it raised a different sort of anxiety.

"I guess…"

"Well, munchie," she said, ignoring his usual protests "it seems to me that the kind of things you like about this girl aren't something you can really fake, no? She wouldn't make you laugh if she wasn't a funny person, and it's hard to fake being smart or interesting for a long time…"

He shrugged, not meeting her eyes. In a way, it was a relief to hear he wasn't a total idiot. That he fell for something real. But it made his actions all the more questionable. When the anger faded, would he regret his actions? He was already starting to feel guilty about making her cry; it was **Jake**, after all, whether male or female.

"I just don't understand why she didn't tell me," he said at last. This was the heart of the issue. Everything else, he could forgive. But how could she carry on all this time, pretending to be his best friend, watching him twist himself into knots over her, and not tell him?

"She did tell you, sweetie," his mother said gently. "Maybe she didn't do at a convenient time for you, and maybe not completely out of her own choice, but she could've continued to lie, even now. Doesn't that mean something, at least?"

She was right, he realized with a start. Jake could've never told him, pretended she was still a boy and rejected him, then disappeared without a trace. She could've left him wondering for years about what he did wrong. She could've left him wondering for years about his sexuality, about his ability to inspire love in people. "Oh, God –"

"What?" his mother asked, watching the emotions battling across his face "what's wrong?"

"She told me I would hate her," he managed "and I said that no matter what the secret was, I'd still love her, I didn't care about what she was hiding. And then she told me, and I – I rejected her. Completely. I just stood there in front of her and told her I never want to see her again, and walked away!" he grabbed his head in his hands "I'm such an idiot!"

"Honey…" Kate was at a loss. She's never seen her son like that before. She couldn't even remember the last time she's seen him cry.

"The thing is," he continued, head still down "she just planned to leave, forever. That's what she does when she gets overwhelmed. The only reason I managed to catch up with her is because her – ride got delayed. Otherwise I would've never known the truth, and she would've never told me she loved me. Even if I find her, and she forgives me, how will I know that she won't disappear with the first sign of trouble?" losing her once, when he thought she got on the six AM bus to New-York, was one of the worst experiences of his life. He didn't even have her than. It felt like he lost her a second time when she told him she was a girl. He didn't really have her then, either. How much worse would it be, losing her for real? Losing her after he actually had her, after he was allowed to kiss her and hold her and dream of a future together?

He wasn't sure he could survive that.

"You don't know, Hamilton," his mother said gently. "Not everything works out in life. Maybe you'll find her and she won't forgive you. Maybe she will and after a while you'll see she's not the one for you. Maybe she **will** leave you. You can't know the future. Sometimes, all you can do is take a leap of faith and hope you won't get hurt".

He couldn't help but let out a shaky laugh. It reminded him of what Lena has said at the cotillion. Had he taken that chance, would things have turned out differently? Would he have spent the last two weeks with Jake as his girlfriend? Would he have been calling her right now, making sure she got home safely, making plans to visit for the rest of the summer? Things would've probably been easier than. Maybe it was too late, now. Maybe this morning was his second chance, and he blew it.

He looked at his mother. She smiled at him. "Honey, you just have to ask yourself – if you don't go – if you give up now, decide that it's too complicated, too painful, too scary – would you regret it later? Would you, in five or ten or twenty years, look back on this moment and say: I wish I went after her? You can't live life without getting hurt. You just have to choose the important battles to fight in".

He looked at her helplessly "I don't know". He didn't want to have regrets. But he didn't want to get hurt anymore, either. And she could hurt him with one word, with one look, without even meaning to. It was terrifying, to give one person that much power over him. Here was a chance to step back and say: maybe I don't want that. Maybe what I'm feeling is not something I'm capable of dealing with. Maybe this wasn't meant to be. Love shouldn't be this painful.

"Love, at the basis of it, is about trust, Hamilton," his mother said, before getting up "part of it is the butterflies and the euphoria and the physical attraction, but it means nothing in the long run without trust. The question is – do you love this girl enough to trust her again?"

She gave him a kiss on the forehead "think about it. Now go take a shower and go to sleep. It's late".

He thought about her words as he lay in bed, unable to fall asleep. Right now he couldn't think about Jake without his insides twisting. Even when he was furious at her, even when he was standing in front of her and telling her he wished they'd never meant, he still thought she was the most beautiful person he'd ever saw. Even then he had wanted to kiss her, to wipe the tears from her cheeks. Now that the anger was gone, her absence felt like a great emptiness, this huge space inside of him that felt like only she could fill it.

Would he continue to feel like this for the rest of his life? He was a romantic at heart; he had always believed in love at first sight, always hoped he'd find his soul mate. He didn't know if that's what Jake was. He'd always thought he'd be older, that he'd date a lot of beautiful girls, and then, one day, he'd be sitting at a bar or something and this gorgeous girl would walk in and their eyes would meet, and he would just know. They would get married and live happily after. And it would be easy. There would be no doubts. There would be no pain and no misunderstandings. There would be no fear.

He was so afraid now.

He remembered how it felt to kiss her for the first time, back when he still thought she was a boy. At the time, he knew, just knew, that this was it. That this was the person he was going to spend the rest of his life with. It hadn't seemed scary at the time. It seemed right. He had never felt that complete before, like nothing else mattered but being here, with this person in his arms.

Hamilton set up in bed.

His mother was right. If he didn't go after Jake, he'd regret it for the rest of his life. Maybe she wouldn't take him back. Maybe it wouldn't work out. Maybe she was half-way to a boarding school in Switzerland right now. But he had to try, he had to know. He had to give them at least that one last chance.

Even if it meant taking a plane to Switzerland after her.

He dressed quickly and quietly, glancing at the clock on his bedside table; it was almost two AM. His parents should be asleep by now – the house was silent. He grabbed a bag, throwing his wallet in, and tiptoed quietly out of his room and into his father's study. He needed Jake's address. The phone number listed in the student registrar was probably fake, but maybe the address was the correct one. He typed in the password – his father was so predictable – and scrolled down, looking for 'P'. Bingo. But –

Damn, her street number and apartment number together made up her birth date. If that was her real birthday date – and he thought it was, he remembered how flustered she was when he teased her about it – that meant the address was probably a fake one, too. She probably didn't want the risk of anyone but her mum busting her.

He leaned back in the chair, thinking. He wasn't about to give up now – it seemed like every minute mattered. The faster he got to her the better. But who would have the real address?

He sat up straight as the realization hit him. Bella.

First, he needed the car keys. His parents would kill him when they found out, but he would deal with that when the time came. He scribbled a quick note, telling them not to worry and that he would call them in the morning. He exchanged the note for the car keys on his father's bedside.

The sound of the engine igniting sounded horribly loud to his ears, but no one came rushing out of the house to stop him. He hoped Bella would be awake.

Unfortunately, when he got to the gas station it was dark. He contemplated what to do for a while, before deciding his best chance was to try and wake Bella. He searched around for some pebbles and aimed for the window he hoped was Bella's. After a few tries the window opened and a disheveled head popped out, scowling down at him. "What do you want?" she snapped.

"You're not Bella," he said stupidly.

"No shit," the girl said, rolling her eyes and moving as though to go back in.

"Wait!" he said "could you wake Bella? I wouldn't ask unless this was extremely important".

The girl stared at him; he stared back at her nervously, trying for his most earnest expression. Eventually she rolled her eyes again. "Wait here".

A minute or two later Bella popped her head out from a different window. She looked a lot angrier than her sister. "Go away, Hamilton," she snapped.

"Look, Bella, I'm really sorry about today," he said quickly "but I really need your help".

"What you need is a good kick up your ass," Bella answered.

"That too," he agreed "look, could you just get down here before we wake up the whole neighborhood?"

She looked as though she was debating with herself. Finally, after what seemed like forever, she nodded. "Stay there". She closed the window, and a minute later she came out of the house, wrapped in a big sweatshirt and clutching her arms around herself. She was wearing fuzzy slippers. He wisely didn't comment on it.

"Yes, what did you wake me up in the middle of the night for?" she demanded.

"I need Jake's address," he said, and she stared at him. Something flickered across her face, too quick for him to decipher.

"Why?" she asked. It felt like she was testing him.

"Why do you think?" he managed not to snap.

"You were a huge jerk this morning," she continued.

"I know that! Why do you think I'm here?"

"And you had to do this at half past two in the morning?"

"It's not like my parents would let me borrow the car to drive to New-York," he said defensively.

"You stole the car?" he thought she seemed a little impressed, but it was hard to be sure in the dark.

"I didn't really steal it, it belongs to my parents. I just – borrowed it. Look, are you going to give me the address or not?"

"Fine," she said, glaring at him "but only because Jake is a friend of mine and she deserves better than the way you treated her this morning".

"In my defense, I had a reason to be pissed off".

"Maybe," that was all the leeway she was going to give him at the moment. She went inside to retrieve a pen and a piece of paper and scribbled the address down. "Here. How are you going to get there?"

"We keep maps in the car," Hamilton answered.

"Right. Well, good luck, try not to have an accident. I'm going back to sleep".

"Wait!"

"What **now**?" she bit out.

"Could you, maybe, fuel up the car?" he tried the puppy eyes.

The look she gave him could've caused flowers to whither.

A little while later he was on the way to New-York, glancing at the map spread on the seat beside him every once in a while, nervous as a man driving to his own execution. He supposed that in a way he was. It all depended on Jake's answer.

By the time he entered New-York the sun was starting to rise, but the streets were still relatively empty, something for which he was grateful. He'd never had to drive for this long on his own, and it was hard enough to navigate the unfamiliar streets without getting panicked about all the hot-headed drivers, too. Finally he took the turn for Jake's street, looking at the numbers on the buildings until he reached the right one. He parked it at an empty place, hoping he wouldn't get a ticket. His parents would really kill him if he managed to get the car impounded or something.

The building had a doorman. He didn't remember Jake saying anything about that. He hoped the man wouldn't give him any trouble about going up. Bella said Jake and her mom lived in the penthouse.

"Can I help you?" the doorman asked. He was old, but Hamilton supposed that trying to get passed him without his consent would be quite a lot of trouble.

"Hi," he said, trying his best not to give any weird vibes. The last thing he needed was for the man to call the police. "I'm here to see – Miss Pratt". He totally forgot he didn't know Jake's real name. He didn't think to ask Bella, either.

"Aren't you here a little early?" the doorman asked suspiciously.

"I live a few hours away," Hamilton said awkwardly "and the drive went smoother than I expected".

"I don't know," the doorman said. "Who are you?"

"Hamilton. Flemming," he answered quickly. "I went to school with her this summer. At Rawley".

The man still looked suspicious, but he seemed to recognize the name of the school, at least. "Is Jacqueline expecting you?" he asked.

So that was her real name. He thought Jake suited her better. "Not really," he said, hesitating. "We – we had a fight, before she left. I wanted to make things right, but I didn't have her home number, and her cell phone got broken a while back". It sounded a little crazy when he said it out loud.

"And you couldn't wait for a more decent hour?"

"I was afraid I wouldn't manage to catch her," Hamilton answered.

The doorman stared at him a bit more, but eventually nodded. Hamilton let out a breath. "You can wait here until they wake up," he decided.

"Oh," Hamilton said, frowning. "I thought I'd just go up and wait by the door. I promise I won't make any problems," he added hurriedly, seeing the doorman's expression.

The man pinched the bridge of his nose, looking like he was having an inner debate. "Fine. But I have cameras in the corridor. One shifty move and I'm calling the cops".

"Deal," Hamilton said, going over to the elevators. He couldn't believe how well this was going so far. Of course, the hard part was just beginning.

"It's the –" "Penthouse, thanks, I got it".

This building had quite a few floors. The elevator was ridiculously fancy, too. He looked at himself in the mirror, and immediately tried to flatten his hair. He looked like crap.

The elevator dinged, and he stepped out, looking around. There was only one door, and not a lot of corridor. With a sigh, he sat down next to the door and settled to wait. He fell asleep for a while; he didn't sleep all night and the emotional strain was getting to him.

Hamilton was startled awake by a small scream. He scrambled to his feet awkwardly, looking at the woman standing in the door that just opened. She was around fifty, maybe more, of South American decent. She had a kind face, but right now she looked kind of startled.

"Hi," he said quickly, trying for a charming smile; he wasn't sure how well that worked. He was so nervous his palms were clammy. "You must be Consuela. I'm –"

"Consuela, is everything all right?" he froze as a familiar voice sounded from the apartment. He could feel his heartbeat speeding up, the blood rushing in his ears. He was feeling kind of faint.

Her steps were coming nearer. "What is it? Did something – Hamilton!"

Jake stood in front of him, clad in a clingy tank top and boxers. He felt his mouth go dry. She looked completely shocked. They just stood there, staring at each other for a few minutes, neither one able to get a word out. He just drank in the sight of her. Her hair was standing all over the place. She had toothpaste on the side of her chin.

"You're beautiful," he blurted, blushing horribly. She blushed too.

"I, what?" she stammered. "Hamilton, what are you doing here?"

"I drove here," he said, unable to take his eyes off here. "I took the car, for which I'm probably going to be grounded until graduation. Look –"

"How did you know where to find me?" Jake asked, eyes wide.

"I got your address from Bella. She wasn't too happy about being woken up. Look, I have something to say to you. And I know you probably don't give a damn about what I have to say, but please, hear me out".

She nodded, mouth open.

"The thing is – I was so angry, yesterday. I felt betrayed and I couldn't think straight. All I could think was about how I didn't know you, and that you tricked me, and I never stopped to think about the risk you took. You could've chosen to never tell me the truth. You did it knowing how I would react. I promised I wouldn't hurt you and then proceeded to do just that. I'm sorry – oh, don't cry, please," he said, as she wiped at her eyes. She gave him a watery smile.

"The thing is – I don't care that you lied to me. I don't care what the reason was. I don't care that I spent almost a month thinking I was gay," she let out a startled laugh at that, more out of nerves than anything else. "I know I reacted in the worst way possible. But I thought about it, and the only thing I care about is you. You make me feel like the ground just dropped beneath my feet. You make me feel like I'm about to fall apart at any moment. I've never been more scared – or hurt – by someone my entire life. But I've never felt more right than when I'm with you. The thought of never seeing you again – I don't think I could bear that. I don't want to wake up ten years from now and realize I've found the love of my life and let her go because of a mistake I was too childish to get past. I fell in love with you when you were my guy best friend, and I realized then that you were the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, if you'd let me. I don't feel any different now that you're a girl. You are who you are. Jake, Jacqueline, it doesn't matter. So I guess, what I'm saying is, I'm standing here on your doorstep, telling you I love you, and asking if you still love me, too".

He ended his speech, completely winded and drained. It was all in her hands now.

She stared at him, tears dripping down her cheeks, mouth in a wide 'o'. He couldn't breathe. Then she started to smile, one of her sunrise smiles, the ones that made him feel like the luckiest, most important person in the world. She was nodding.

"I love you, too," she said, laughing and crying at the same time. He found he was doing the same. He was feeling very overwhelmed at the moment, but in a good way. In a wonderful way. He had a sudden urge to shout that he was king of the world. Instead he took her in his arms, pulling her close to him, and kissed her.

He wasn't about to let her go ever again.

000000000000000

When they woke up, his parents found a note on their bedside table:

Mom, dad,

I went to throw caution to the wind.

Don't worry about me; I'll call you in the morning.

Love, Hamilton.

P.S. if everything goes well, I'm going to marry this girl someday. Just to let you know.

0000000000000000

So, yeah, that's the end of this story. Sorry it took so long, and thanks for bearing with me. I'm aware that I only wrote Ham's side of their reunion – it seemed to me that if I would repeat it I would ruin the flow of the story, and besides, I think you get Jake's reaction pretty well from his perspective too.

Hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. I'm not sure about the epilogue thing yet – if I'll write it, it'll be something very short. We'll see.

You've been great, guys, thanks for one hell of a ride.

See ya when I see ya!


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